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| Why Is It Women Don't Seem To Know How To ROMANCE A Man?
Posted: 8/14/2005 6:04:12 PM | I am very romantic and giving. That will never change about me, no matter how many times I've been burned.
I don't live in 'soft focus', but I'm romantic.
I've seen more romance in one week from a man all the way in CA than I did from a guy I saw for four months who was only an hour and a half away.
Sometimes no matter what a person does, someone might not reciprocate or appreciate it. | |
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| Why Is It Women Don't Seem To Know How To ROMANCE A Man?
Posted: 8/14/2005 6:07:45 PM |
men do go all out...at times...with the flowers being sent to work...dinners...romantic walks...lots of hand holding...things that maybe they think the woman that they are trying to impress wants..
women...little things...to please her man...notes...sexy panties...or not...
I actually thought this stuff DID work!
hhmm
I'm lost.
I really suck.
i think the problem arises...when there is not a balance or communication...when the other feels unappreciated...
I really agree with this. | |
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| Why Is It Women Don't Seem To Know How To ROMANCE A Man?
Posted: 8/14/2005 6:15:17 PM |
so do you think, then, that men don't like these little things that we do, don't want them, or don't appreciate them? (Or all of the above LOL??) Or maybe, they just feel smothered or uncomfortable with it all then too?
I think oftentimes, we just don't notice them - or we notice them, and even appreciate them, but we don't often reciprocate in kind - over the long haul. Of course we are all extremely romantic at the beginning of a relationship, when we've just met and we're trying to impress someone, and in truth we are FEELING especially romantic.
But over the long haul - and I'm really NOT trying to get in trouble with my brethren on this site - but I truly believe that over the years - for the most part - a woman is much more likely to do these little things than is a man. She sees these as terrifically romantic gestures and she wants them in return. And we simply don't see it the same way that you do. I wish we all did - because I think this causes a lot of trouble between us.
of course - I, on the other hand, will shower my special one with romantic gestures... sigh.. someday... | |
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| Why Is It Women Don't Seem To Know How To ROMANCE A Man?
Posted: 8/14/2005 6:28:48 PM | | If you're involved in a long term relationship with someone then I honestly don't feel the romance should ever wane. In an ideal world, I know. But honestly why does anyone let the romance slide when that is something that helped you win this terrific partner that you're honored to have in your life? We let the outside world and the busyness of "life" creep in and take away what made us feel special. I really feel that the long term relationships that are successful where they're as in love as the day they met, have to be infused with romance and romance does not stop once the commitment is made and you've "landed" this great person that you may have romanced for months or years. Now you've got them, great but maybe to keep them or keep them and you happy, you have to keep the romance alive. | |
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| Why Is It Women Don't Seem To Know How To ROMANCE A Man?
Posted: 8/14/2005 7:04:38 PM |
If you're involved in a long term relationship with someone then I honestly don't feel the romance should ever wane
<--makes notes.
the busyness of "life
The first mistake.,...calling life..a "business"...ugh.
romance and romance does not stop once the commitment is made and you've "landed" this great person
You know it too.
but maybe to keep them or keep them and you happy, you have to keep the romance alive.
K.
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| Why Is It Women Don't Seem To Know How To ROMANCE A Man?
Posted: 8/14/2005 7:22:37 PM | | ffrosty Just so you know it wasn't a typo. I didn't call life a business, the busyness of life, meaning I'm just too busy, gotta shop for groceries, balance the checkbook, get the lawn mowed...busy...and ness. What I was referring to is people in a committed relationship who don't have "time" for romance because they're too "busy". Hope that clarified it for you. Everyone is busy, but you have to set your priorities and make them almost sacred. If you're life is too busy to take time to show the people you care about how you feel and don't let them know how "special" they are to you, then maybe a reevaulation of priorties is due. I'm not talking about YOU, just in generalities. I've broken up with men that were too busy to give me the time of day, because they're busy to where we're supposed to be "involved" but when I feel like a convenience or an "on call" girlfriend. Well that aint' happening. I am far from high maintenance, but I do need to think every now and then that I mean something to you or have some place in your list of priorities. Doesn't have to be the top one, but broke up with many men who were married to their job and shouldn't even be dating. | |
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| Why Is It Women Don't Seem To Know How To ROMANCE A Man?
Posted: 8/14/2005 7:55:09 PM | Oh, bucs...you are sooo correct! I, too, felt that when I was making romantic gestures, I got barely a nod and every so often would be told, "well, I was gonna do.....", but he never did! Then when he got too busy for me, that's when it ended. Not staying anywhere where I'm not wanted, even just a little...
I like to give cards for no reason, I find that some say just the perfect thing when I can't seem to. I have also done a "picnic" in the middle of my living room floor, complete with blanket, throw pillows for comfort and some good food/wine...just because! Again, I felt that I was the only one making the effort, and after a while, it did feel like an "effort", rather than a pleasure like it should be. Men keep talking about being romantic in their profiles, but when I asked about it in my forum (Nova Scotia), so far, I've only rec'd answers from women who had actual experiences in being romantic for their men...none from the fellas. *sigh*, do people just not bother anymore? I think that's half the problem with people trying to hook up, no one seems to want to make an effort or go the extra mile anymore. | |
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| Why Is It Women Don't Seem To Know How To ROMANCE A Man?
Posted: 8/14/2005 8:10:51 PM | ffrosty Thanks for understanding!! Hugs!! I know that busyness is not maybe a word, but it's a word I use. I know what I mean, I get it, doesn't mean everyone else does. I do have a few own words that are just mine. Thanks for being understanding and patient. One of the first men I encountered here, always had a soft spot for you, and that's not changed.
Edit Aww haligirl lovely lady yeah I know. The romantic gestures that go unappreciated, what a sad loss for the intended. But you know what? It's their loss, NOT yours. I've run across too many men that ardently pursue, then woops I'm "busy" heck I'm busy too...usually more busy than they are but I have my priorities are more in order. I'm personally over SO many single men, never married no kids, who can't manage their life well enough to have time for a special lady, and when business calls get swamped and totally forget about me? Yeah, haha write me later, I've already forgotten about you! Your job your career is that important, well I hope you're getting the love out of that. Because some day, you're gonna be retired voluntarily or involuntarily and what will you have? A nice care, maybe a nice house that you can come home to alone and your voice will echo, because there won't be anyone there. So, cool with me persue your career with all your passion, have your cars, your boats, your hottubs and your big EMPTY house. Because moi will be long gone and not answer your phone calls or answer your emails. I don't wait around for anyone, I'm not an on call and waiting for you type of woman. Never have been, never will be. | |
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| Why Is It Women Don't Seem To Know How To ROMANCE A Man?
Posted: 8/15/2005 12:33:11 AM | Geeeesh, " I " understood your word, and I'm a 'man'. Some have even called me a rather 'dense' man, as well :-)
All I can state is my own experience. As long as I was with my wife, from the time I met her, until her death, I romanced her. I bought her roses so many times, she started complaining about my spending the money. However, she never told me to take them back.
I'd buy her expensive candy, and she complained I was trying to fatten her up, but she'd eat it just the same :-) I sold my old Vette a few years ago to get the money to send her to Italy for the Biennial Festival of Arts in Florence, so she could go to Europe. I'd do it again. There are a ton of Christmas presents in a closet in the house from last year that were never opened. She had a massive seizure on Christmas morning. I really do not know what I'll do with them. Material things I gave as freely as I gave of my time with her. For the last six months of her life, I was never more than twenty minutes from her side. Usually, I was 'there' with her.
I do not think I'm unusual in that respect. I'd like to think most men are somewhat romantics at heart, and wish for a woman to spend their time and money upon.
If God made anything better than a woman, I truly believe he kept it for himself. They are wonderful creatures, and deserve the utmost respect, and love from their man. I'm truly envious of a man that has a good woman in their life. For a man to treat a woman poorly, is beyond my comprehension and understanding.
And yes, I do know what it is like to have material things, and no one to share them with. Nothing in life is a more hollow feeling. The only solace I can take in my particular situation is, I had nothing to do with it. Just life. Nothing is worse than being left behind. | |
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| Why Is It Women Don't Seem To Know How To ROMANCE A Man?
Posted: 8/15/2005 1:47:32 AM | | Romance and Passion keep a relationship alive. I am very romantic and passionate. I absolutely adore a man who is the same. In reality though its hard to do because in the real world so many men and women have been hurt and still live in the past. | |
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| Why Is It Women Don't Seem To Know How To ROMANCE A Man?
Posted: 8/15/2005 8:13:53 AM | I know its been said before in this thread, but it truely is the case. Its truely knowing your partner. It's listening to them on a daily basis, paying attention to the little things that happen in daily life. If you pay attention to them you will start to see what they think as Romantic. Look up the word Romance and its not what everyone thinks it is. There are several different definintions to the word Romance, so it truely is an individuals own definition. BUT that being said. One of Merriam-Websters definition of Romantic:
1. Imaginary 2. Visionary 3. having an imaginative or emotional appeal 4. of relating to, or having the characteristics of romanticism.
Enough of the school lesson, but its true. You have to be all of the above, but have to know how the person that your trying to romance looks at it. Some men I know think of romance for them as the simple things in life, things that as women we wouldnt think of as romance, such as cooking, cleaning, taking care of him on a daily basis. To others its the same for them, as us women. SO the only way to learn this is to listen!
I have done what I thought as romantic such as buying little things that I knew he needed or wanted, waking up in the middle of the night when he cant sleep and running my nails softly down his back to relax him, cleaning his place, to sending him roses at work. But all of these things he would say one time or another as what he thought as romantic. So to me Romance is listening to him first. | |
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| Why Is It Women Don't Seem To Know How To ROMANCE A Man?
Posted: 8/15/2005 8:42:57 AM | I have always spoiled my men too much..I can't seem to shake the ex's..
In a long term relationship people tend to get lazy and forget the little things
that's when you need the romance..Men need romancing too..even if they don't admit it!
they need emotional gifts from women
Pamper him ... Guys don't need much .You don't have to go overboard to prove to him that you care or that you are aware of his needs.
Keep the mystery... Do not let him see you bleach your mustache..ha!
Thrill him with a surprize in the bedroom... guys thrive on variety (they just seem to have shorter attention spans)
Acknowledge the little things he does ...It's important to thank him for the little things ..AND THE BIG THINGS | |
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| Why Is It Women Don't Seem To Know How To ROMANCE A Man?
Posted: 8/15/2005 9:03:12 AM | In girlish dreams and romantic movies, the woman is the object of desire. She is pursued by the man. His gestures and deeds express this as he tries to win her. Then once they are together he continues to show his appreciation with gestures and deeds, showing her he loves her and that she is special and beautiful to him. This is entirely one-way. Her role is to be the object of desire. Her job is to agonize over things, like whether he loves her, what to wear, which of her suitors to finally choose, and when to surrender. Once in a relationship, her job is to watch him for signs the honeymoon is over, and that he has turned out to be the wrong choice, which means, he is unable to sustain her happiness and continue on with the rest of her dream about how life should turn out.
You can see there is nothing romantic towards him in any of this. I guess it is supposed to be enough that she lets him see her naked. She will say "I love you" and otherwise have emotions about herself from being with him.
I doubt very much whether women even have the kind of feelings towards men that would result in romantic gestures, as they seem busy instead presenting themselves to be given such, or pouting because he does not. To show romance you would have to look over at someone, feel loving and giving and desirous, and imagine their happiness as the result of your gesture. Men are trained to see women this way, while women are trained to be seen by those men. Usually when a woman does offer something romantic beyond access to herself, it is still mostly an invitation for him to respond with a gesture of his own, which had better be worth it, and even bigger. I think it is genetic and there is no getting around it.
I would sometimes stop by the mall after work to pick something up. A couple of times on Valentine's Day I saw long lines of men at the candy shop, most already holding bunches of flowers. They looked sheepish and proud at the same time. Presumably their sweethearts were waiting at home, gleeful at the prospect of being showered with attention and tokens of love. I never saw a woman standing in line to buy candy or flowers for a man. | |
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| Why Is It Women Don't Seem To Know How To ROMANCE A Man?
Posted: 8/15/2005 9:06:05 AM | random
you know bigboy ..Valentines day is the ONLY day SOME men go out of their way to do something (they think is romantic) I will take the little things anyday..but flowers are always greatfully accepted !
When I was married my husband always got breakfast in bed on his day off..then he got dessert..we did that for thirteen years..If you love your man you go out of your way to make him happy ! | |
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| Why Is It Women Don't Seem To Know How To ROMANCE A Man?
Posted: 8/15/2005 10:03:55 AM | | I agree with you Indigo. Its the little things that we do to make our man happy. But I think we are in a minority. I have heard from many of my male friends who have said that their wifes/girlfriends dont do anything romantic for them. I just dont understand this. When I give it is not about what I get in return, other than the feeling it gives me when I see the smile on his face, the love that I see in his eyes. To me that is all the return that I need. Am I normal.. probably not.. (hmm now that I think about not sure I want to be normal) | |
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| Why Is It Women Don't Seem To Know How To ROMANCE A Man?
Posted: 8/15/2005 10:26:58 AM | I've done some things that I think are romantic?
I had a boyfriend that was going on vacation to see his parents... I wrote all kinds of little notes... and put them all over.. in his shoes, pant pockets, shaving kit.
I've given gifts that had to do with things they talked about.... like we went to the movies and they had horrible licorice... It wasn't redvine... he had a bedside table that he was upset he was putting rings on it..... He loved to cook on the grill....
So I gave him a basket that had REDVINE, Bught stone coasters, little sports corn doomahoogies... and a manly apron. He was very surprised when I explained why I gave him each indivdual thing.....
I also used to do fun romantic things.. We would go for a drive and I'd pull over... When He'd ask why I'd say so we can play catch! and I'd have a ball and gloves in the trunk.. or I'd pull out a frizbee on a walk.... pull over randomly at the beach and take the blanket down to watch the sunset.
I also think it is very romantical... to cook a lovely dinner together.. run upstairs and change then come back down and eat by candle light or put a blanket on the floor and eat.....
And then there is sexy romance.... buying things that you know would be visually appealing...
I answered this thread before reading... Ya'll may think none of this is romantic so I may need lots of help! :-) | |
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| Why Is It Women Don't Seem To Know How To ROMANCE A Man?
Posted: 8/15/2005 11:15:06 AM |
Pamper him ...
YA!! DO THAT!!
Acknowledge the little things he does ...It's important to thank him for the little things ..AND THE BIG THINGS
mm hmm; it is nice to be appreciated.
I got AAWESOME acknowledgment last night. I asked a girl what she would find very romantice. Her reply: "I cannot tell you because you will do it and you KNOW it"
(smart girl) Good thing she knows it too though hu?
I will find this out anyways though.....
she knows who the man is here.
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| Why Is It Women Don't Seem To Know How To ROMANCE A Man?
Posted: 8/15/2005 11:15:35 AM | The definition of "romance" is going to vary from man to man, just like it does from woman to woman.
Personally, I don't really care for flowers and chocolate, but my man knows this and romances me by doing household chores that I hate, so that when I get home from work, all I have to do is relax. He lets me sleep late and treats me like a princess for a whole day every weekend. Not to mention the spontaneous hugs and kisses for no reason at all.
Romancing him: He's a musician , so instead of flowers and candy for him, I'll pick up a new CD of his favorite for him, and insist that we put it in and listen right away...Guitar picks, sexy onstage clothes, and, of course, sexy clothes for me to wear when I go with him to his shows. He's also a softie for homecooked, big deal meals, which I try to do at least 3 or 4 times a week. Shoulder rubs and other physical "treats" do wonders as well!
Just find a personal way to say "I love you" without words at least once a day.
Blue | |
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| Why Is It Women Don't Seem To Know How To ROMANCE A Man?
Posted: 8/15/2005 11:20:32 AM | ^^^ COASTER!!! You sound like a blast!!! And you sound INCREDIBLY romantic!!
Small things can be very special...
My ex would go out on a week long busines trip. I would put together a little care package and slip it into your luggage. I have slipped flowers in, and even those little airline bottles of Scotch so she could have a drink to unwind when she go to the hotel.
I do not expect big tiems at all.. It is the SIMPLE things in life.....
One thing that I have heard of women doing (have never had it happen to me) is when you are out on the town, say at the symphony, and your woman slips her panties into your suit pocket and whispers in your ear......   
OK OK OK settle down...... | |
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| Why Is It Women Don't Seem To Know How To ROMANCE A Man?
Posted: 8/15/2005 11:23:09 AM | No it's romantic. The sublte things really matter a lot. I think watching a sunset on the coast of a beautiful beach gazing at the eyes of the one you love, kissing, caressing him/her as the sound of waves crashing against the beach can be pure ectasy. Time would feel as if it had stopped, and nothing else would matter for that moment of spiritual connecting.
I think romance can be a very powerful emotion and it can definately can create a powerful bond between you and your lover.
I also think that a night at home, gazing into a fireplace on a cold winter's night, cuddling one another, kissing, caressing one another, watching the fire flicker in your lovers eyes while you hold him/her tightly. Sounds amazing, eh? :P
What about a simple but sweet surprise? Maybe something like a rose petal trail leading to a bed lain with petals aswell. On the bed may lie a bed of roses, an essence of soft music, and dim lighting. Then the person you love approaches you. Would you feel your heart flutter? :P I'm pretty sure such a thing would set the mood for a lot of people.
Sensual touching can be real romantic. Gently running your finger from the back of the ear, down the neck and to the thing of your lover. A gentle blowing followed by a kiss on the back of your lovers neck, kissing down the neck to the shoulders. Maybe try running a finger gently along bare skin aswell as kissing sensitive parts of the body. It confuses the senses when you don't know what pleasure to concentrate upon :P
I hope any of this helps anyone, or at least gives some ideas. | |
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| Why Is It Women Don't Seem To Know How To ROMANCE A Man?
Posted: 8/15/2005 2:16:58 PM | BECAUSE
The ones you are talking about are used to being pandered to.
they use lines in their profile like "must entertain me" or "make me laugh"
and then they post threads like "why wont he commit" or "he doesnt seem interested"
And besides, why should they They get 10 times as many emails as most guys do simply because they are hot. So many dudes are willing to do the "romancing" like flowers and dates and all that other manipulative tripe that they get bored with it. | |
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