| Can you cheat on a person you are truly in love with?
Posted: 11/11/2007 9:26:27 AM | If they cheat once, forgive them, send them to a blood test, make them understand that that's their one get-outta-jail-free-card.
For me, there is no excuse for the betrayal of trust. I may in time forgive but the hurtful memory destroys the trust and respect that - again - for me, is the foundation of my ability to love. I have no options. That person ceases to be the one I fell in love with. Personally, love is not possible once trust and respect is lost.
My unconditional love was for the person I looked up to. The one I respected and trusted. Once that person makes the decision to cheat on me he becomes someone else... a stranger. By making the decision to cheat he is saying he no longer values my love or our relationship. For me, once trust is lost it's irretrievable. I'm incapable of loving without trust and respect.
I may in time forgive... however, I love myself too much to be in a relationship where I have to be suspicious every minute that person is away from me. Suspicion is a depressing emotion - I value my happiness too much to have to live that way.
There's no "Get Out of Jail Free" card... It's a life sentence. | |
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| Can you cheat on a person you are truly in love with?
Posted: 11/11/2007 9:29:47 AM | First time offense for me is a swift GTFO. No exceptions.
Should've thought about that before proving they weren't good enough for me. I won't allow myself to deal with such trash, much less talk to them/touch them/etc. | |
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| Can you cheat on a person you are truly in love with?
Posted: 11/11/2007 9:43:51 AM | I personally have not cheated on someone and I can't imagine that I ever would.
I think that if a person cheats because their needs aren't being met, thats a cowardly action and a poor excuse. If your needs are not being met, you should communicate that to your partner and allow them the chance to rectify that along with your support. If 2 people are no longer compatible they should separate, not use it as an excuse to be the unhappy victim of a bad marriage and therefore have no choice but to cheat.
I do however believe that someone can cheat and still love the one they cheated on. People do all sorts of things that betray trust or hurt their partners, yet this doesnt mean they do not love them. For example, drug addiction can be a secretive thing between partners and can devastate a relationship. I have seen a friend lose her house and savings due to her husbands addiction, yet he hid it and lied about it for months until it was too late. That was cheating in a nonsexual way. But he still loved her, years later, they worked it out, he recovered ..etc etc.
There are many ways to betray someones trust , just having sex or an emotional affair is not the only way. I might forgive the person who cheated, I might believe he still loves me but that doesnt mean I would remain in a relationship with him. | |
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| Can you cheat on a person you are truly in love with?
Posted: 11/11/2007 9:53:49 AM | "If you cheat, you're not TRULY in love"
I totally believe that 100%. And if your not happy in the relationship, you should confront you're partner and if things don't change and your still unhappy then leave. There is no way I could cheat on someone if I was in love with them  | |
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| Can you cheat on a person you are truly in love with?
Posted: 11/11/2007 10:45:23 AM | but thats just it.... referring to above post and post #2..
part of someones personality or not. But does that mean that someone who is capable of cheating is not capable of loving someone?
I equate cheating to some other undesirable behaviours. A sex addict cant control his(her) impulses until (s)he is treated but that doesnt mean (s)he doesnt love the person being cheated on.
In some cases, I believe that a person cheats because they lack a sense of conscience. But again, does that mean someone with a poor moral compass or lack of conscience is incapable of loving someone? | |
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| Can you cheat on a person you are truly in love with?
Posted: 11/11/2007 12:08:11 PM | Truly loving someone means self sacrifice. It means putting your partner's needs and desires first and foremost above your own. It means laying down your life to save theirs. When someone cheats whether it be sexually or in any other capacity, it means they don't value the love and devotion they have been receiving. That person may profess their love for you - and they probably do in a warped self-centered way - but they love themselves more.
Having drug/alcohol/gambling addictions do not happen out of the blue. Usually one is aware of another's addictions or their propensity for the addiction before going into a relationship if not soon after. Addictions like that are hard to hide for too long. It's a choice to involve yourself in a situation like that.
Sexual cheating, on the other hand is more of a personal affront. It is a coward's way of saying I love you but I'm not IN love with you anymore - Or - I don't love you enough to stay faithful to you . They don't have the fortitude or balls to say the words. The mentality of having your cake and eating it too, is not love in my world.
I have never cheated on someone I was in love with and would not allow it to happen if should I ever fall in love again. If I were to be tempted, my love for my significant would be strong enough to over come the temptation or I'd seek counsel with my partner. I don't know how to love any other way. I guess that's the reason it's so incomprehensible to me that anyone could have the capability to profess love yet be able to cheat. No, cheating would not - could not be an option for me if I was truly in love with someone. | |
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| Can you cheat on a person you are truly in love with?
Posted: 11/11/2007 12:17:44 PM | | I would say no off hand at first. But if you start adding variables like lonliness (If the person you love goes away for long periods of time). Impaired judgement from drugs or alchohol. It can happen. Were only human after all. | |
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| Can you cheat on a person you are truly in love with?
Posted: 11/11/2007 12:21:37 PM | | msg 756, What I’m trying to say is that if a person has in them to cheat is that they will do so regardless of whether they love the person they are with. I might be wrong, it’s just an opinion. | |
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| Can you cheat on a person you are truly in love with?
Posted: 11/11/2007 2:05:51 PM |
it's so incomprehensible to me that anyone could have the capability to profess love yet be able to cheat.
It's incomprehensible to me as well, on a personal level... but I've seen it. You speak of an ideal love that rarely occurs simply because most people aren't ideal people in the first place. You talk of self sacrifice but even among people who believe that and do it there are aspects about them that don't reflect that... at least not to their loved one. I'm sure you've been perceived by your own lovers as not behaving in a loving way at times.
Can you go golfing every Saturday, spending time away from someone you are truly in love with? - yes
Can you get angry at someone you are truly in love with? - yes
Can you feel lonely when you are truly in love with someone? - yes
Can you be an alcoholic and be truly in love with someone? - yes
Can you spend $150 on shoes for yourself when you know it impacts the family budget when you are in love with someone? - yes
Can you do something annoying to your loved one and still be truly in love? - yes
Can you...
The list goes on and on of things that we could probably agree on were things that don't really reflect expressing true love but we wouldn't say they were completely incompatible. People love as they can. It's not inconceivable that someone who doesn't truly understand the impact on their loved one, doesn't have a common understanding of the meaning and feelings attached to sex as their loved one, or a host of other reasons could cheat and still be in love.
I think it would be rare.
But why would you care anyway? A person like that would take a tremendous amount of effort to turn into a partner that can maintain fidelity. It's probably not worth the effort and risk. Even if you believe they are in love with you, the fact of cheating should be sufficient to leave. You needn't convince yourself their feelings aren't genuine. Why would you try? They don't matter.
Unless you're already married and you've uncovered a secret life then there's no point in trying to move past the cheating. Even then, once confronted, your partner genuinely must agree to be completely transparent** with you and take as many years as necessary to earn your trust back under constant scrutiny and suspicion. And you must willing to go through that as well. Otherwise dump the cheating jerk.
**"Completely transparent" means open about every second of their life, hiding nothing, no computer passwords, no voicemail passords, no late hours at work that are poorly accounted for, etc. Most people, cheaters or not, cannot do that. | |
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| Can you cheat on a person you are truly in love with?
Posted: 11/11/2007 2:30:52 PM | | A big fat no.....nope, nope, nope.....no cheating. I don't even understand one's inability to contain themselves enough not to cheat (or wrong) someone they claim to love. None of it has really ever made sane sense to me. .....I'm jus' sayin! | |
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| Can you cheat on a person you are truly in love with?
Posted: 11/16/2007 5:41:21 PM | Cheating takes many forms,not just sexual.
I was cheated on and I knew he loved me truly.I didn't understand his pain so he sought solace elsewhere.
I hope I'd never hurt my darling Ian like that.Few people plan on cheating but it happens. | |
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| Can you cheat on a person you are truly in love with?
Posted: 11/16/2007 6:17:13 PM | | No, never, ever. If the one I love ever accepts the love I have to give, it will be his forever. There are no other men for me. I only want the one man. I could never and would never cheat on him. It isn't even a possibility. | |
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| Can you cheat on a person you are truly in love with?
Posted: 11/16/2007 9:44:20 PM | I wouldn't cheat on anyone.... whether I was inlove with them or dating and we discussed exclusivity.
I do feel some people feel they are inlove.... or maybe just LOVE their partner... yet justify in some sick way that it's ok to cheat.
I'd rather be alone, lonely and happy.... then to become a cheater or be cheated on | |
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| Can you cheat on a person you are truly in love with?
Posted: 11/16/2007 10:56:27 PM | | I don't believe you can truly love a person and cheat on them. You can tell yourself that you love that person and it's your fault that they cheated but....people cheat because they're not happy in the relationship. I believe that before you cheat, leave the person your with before you hurt them deeply. | |
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| Can you cheat on a person you are truly in love with?
Posted: 11/19/2007 7:31:23 AM | True love does not happen often enough in ones lifetime to play around with!
Why would anybody ever even think of jeopordizing those feelings?
True love, is exactly what it says it is!
There is no way that I would ever risk losing those feelings, for a simple short ammount of temporary pleasure!
(Holy, that is probably the fewest ammount of words that i have ever typed on this site, but I like it, short, sweet, honest, and to the point!) | |
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| Can you cheat on a person you are truly in love with?
Posted: 11/19/2007 8:14:43 AM | | yes..love does not always mean happy endings and blissful orgasms..I loved my ex heart & soul..but there came a day I realized I loved me too..I did tell him though if a woman wants sex..and he wouldn't even try..some other man would..I did try and save it..but had to go..so call it cheating if you want..2 sides to every story.. | |
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| Can you cheat on a person you are truly in love with?
Posted: 12/4/2007 1:08:03 AM | If you TRULY love somebody you can talk to them about ANYTHING.
So when some nice piece of ass invites you into her bed for the night then the first thing you would do is to stroll over to your wife and ask her if she fancies a threesome. | |
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