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| Can you cheat on a person you are truly in love with?
Posted: 8/26/2005 3:44:59 PM | | If we're talking about "true love" here probably the answer is no. But realistically how often does true love really happen??? However If it's the 1-5 people you're probably compatible with and fell in love with the answer is a possible yes especially if you're male, it can and does happen. I've seen too much of it to believe otherwise. Men have a higher testerone level and need much less convincing them women, something many women fail to understand. If you're a women probably it's an easy no answer. | |
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| Can you cheat on a person you are truly in love with?
Posted: 8/26/2005 9:13:40 PM | Would I cheat on him ever? not as long as there is a place in his life for me, an answering beat in HIS chest when we kiss. He gives me bliss. Why drive a chevette when a spyder is in the driveway?
I LOVE someone from POF so much I would let him go if he wanted it, even if it tore my heart out. I would do that just to make him happy. I would also stay with him till the stars all fade if I could. Cheat? nope. | |
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| Can you cheat on a person you are truly in love with?
Posted: 8/26/2005 9:51:53 PM | | I am with you in the beliefs that if you love someone you would never do anything intentionally to hurt the person you love. Sex addiction is becoming one of the most common addictions and people who suffer from it do lie and cheat on people that they do truly love just as they are drug addicts that lie and steal from people they do truly love. | |
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| Can you cheat on a person you are truly in love with?
Posted: 8/29/2005 3:17:26 PM | Amazing how many people say no they wouldn't do it when most people ending up cheating sometime in their lifetime.
By nature humans are not completely monogamous. Most of us were raised with the notion that humans "must" be monogamous so there's a real Myth of Monogamy I suppose.
Not that I'm justifying cheating or anything, but these are just the realistic facts of life. | |
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Evalis
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Joined: 7/11/2005
Msg: 86 | |
| Can you cheat on a person you are truly in love with?
Posted: 8/29/2005 4:41:25 PM | Please dear god, let the close-mindedness stop.
There are so many things wrong with the responses to this thread it is difficult to even begin. Let's start with the fact that this is on a dating website where posts are NOT anonymous, and claiming you would cheat on someone you fell in love with is roughly the equivalent of declaring you have herpes at a sexual orgy.
Secondly, this idea of being surgically attached to your companion needs to go. Indeed if you love someone you should be prepared to ignore your own JEALOUSY and find JOY in their happiness. Additionally, for those of you that have stated in no uncertain terms that you are unable to love more than one person at a time, you have just insulted an ENTIRE CULTURE. Good for you. Oh, and your parents must have been damn unhappy that you couldn't love them.. Your dog too.
Third, and most important here.. what in the flying monkey vomit do you mean by 'cheating'? Some people think cheating is eating a greasy hamburger with another 'partially out of the closet' member of the opposite sex, after the first date. Other people wouldn't even consider it cheating unless you've tried at least 8 of the techniques in three varying positions from Kama Sutra with two other people, without telling them first!
Perhaps I missed the mind-controlling devices back in Kindergarten, but if you seriously believe that monogomous relationships are the only 'morale' form of engagement, then you you had better get started deleted more than half of your family tree, because I got news for you; most of them were biggots. D= | |
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| Can you cheat on a person you are truly in love with?
Posted: 8/29/2005 4:59:17 PM | Seems like in this day and age of mixed morals and mixed standards everyone has a different opinion as to what's right and what's wrong. You can have someone that cheated on their last 5 boyfriends/girlfriends saying that if you're taken you shouldn't be here talking to someone on the internet or having coffee with an opposite sex co-worker because that's a form of cheating.
I can list numerous more examples too. I guess whatever suits the person, then they can modify their views. God almighty, so many people are so hypocritical nowadays!
Makes it harder to talk to and understand people then it ever used to be! | |
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Sky999
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Joined: 2/16/2005
Msg: 88 | |
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| Can you cheat on a person you are truly in love with?
Posted: 8/29/2005 10:02:22 PM | I'm always amazed at the black and white approach that most have about questions like this or similar ones. Let me first say that I greatly admire anyone who stays loyal and especially over a lifetime. You are better than most individuals. No argument there at all. You folks are wonderful examples to follow.
However, I'm distrubed by the number of postings here that say things like "if love someone you wouldn't or couldn't cheat on him or her." That is like saying "if you love someone, you never hurt him or her." Is that possible? To NEVER hurt someone we love? We all do that in numerous ways both large and small. Now we all don't cheat, but to make that similar comparison is being overly simplistic and lacks a real understanding of relationships. It actually implies that relationships are perfect in a way and if someone cheats, then it wasn't a "real" relationship. NONSENSE! What a limited and self-righteous perspective.
NO, we shouldn't cheat on the one we love, but cheating doesn't mean we stopped loving that person. We all make mistakes due to a wide variety of factors, but to say if we cheat, we don't love demonstrates a poor understanding of who we are and what we are all capable of. Those who think this black and white often get one hell of a surprise handed to them later as they may falter or the one they love may falter. It's amazing how differently things look after a fall.
I'm in a 20 year marriage that is in trouble and my own wife has "hinted" to an affair, but won't completely fess up. Now call me an a$$ if you like, but I told her it doesn't matter to me. I still love her and understand that there is a difference between loving someone and being "in love" a feeling that over the course of a relationship has its coming and going. I don't want any one error in judgment in my relationship to define my relationship. Yes, cheating is wrong, but it doesn't equal no love.
We all make mistakes in a relationship and no one sin or error means we don't love someone. | |
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| Can you cheat on a person you are truly in love with?
Posted: 8/29/2005 10:09:40 PM | Love...this is not an attack...I feel for You sounds like Your going through a ,lot...
We all Love differently ................If I was to ever open such a Door as to cheating on a Loved One...I would end that realationship first and formost....If that is Where My thoughts are to begin with then the realationship is long over, If My Mind is straying and going else where.....we all Love in Many ways...I'm sure You will always Love Your Wife and If She has had an affair..there is Much healing to Be done...Best wishes to you good luck..DragonRed | |
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| Can you cheat on a person you are truly in love with?
Posted: 8/29/2005 10:15:36 PM | If you really and truly did love someone WHY WOULD YOU EVER WANT TO CHEAT????
If things are falling apart - true openness and honesty is of utmost importance - deception, lies and cheating are the most vicious way of hurting another person and destroying their self-confidence.
If it's not working anymore and the differences can't be resolved end it first.
That statistics (yes, them weird figures somebody work out - lol) show that at the utmost only one in 5 marriages survive adultery or an affair. Not nice. | |
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| Can you cheat on a person you are truly in love with?
Posted: 8/29/2005 10:18:58 PM | @ DragonRed:
No offense taken, in fact, you didn't really disagree with me. It's okay to draw a line in the sand and say "I won't accept this in a relationship" or "I have to leave as I can't trust you anymore" -- My point related to the thread is that no one error or sin should define the whole relationship and comments like "You can't cheat on the one you love" seems to not understand what love is.
Sure cheating may be a sin that breaks a marriage. No doubt about that, but that doesn't mean the people don't love each other. In fact, the old cliche line is so true that "we hurt the ones we love the most" whether intentionally or not. My own parents who are married 45 years absolutely love each other, but it was an unhealthy relationship in so many damaging ways to them and their kids that i honestly felt that they should have divorced even though they loved each other. Many may not understand what I mean here, but that's okay.
Thanks for your comments though. | |
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| Can you cheat on a person you are truly in love with?
Posted: 8/30/2005 6:09:34 AM | what a self-righteous, chest-pounding, hypocritical bunch of people there are in this forum!! they seem to pretend that they exist as if in some idyllic shangrila of morality. look around you, one in five of married couples in the western world is cheating on their spouses, starting from the leaders down, do you need examples? clinton, kennedy, charles and diana, the film stars, all the rich and powerful, the media, all promote a hedonistic lifestyle. when caught all they will admit to, is a momentary weakness...! lets be realistic, love is one thing, lust is another. euphoric love, like any another emotion, also loses its novelty and intensity after a while. a lot goes on under the surface and guise of so-called civilised social behaviour. and all of us except the very few, sincerely principled ones with high levels of integrity, do actually resist the temptation. true love on the other hand grows with time, so does respect.
if the issue is of ethics, then lets also talk about dirty politics, money, insider trading, nepotism, corruption, all these govt figures, industrialists, celebrities... its all dog eats dog... just to remain on top of the heap and to hell with morals.
history is chock full of examples that every powerful man, be it a ruler, merchant, industry leader or thinker, inventor, artist etc all wantonly indulged themselves in sex with a variety of women, although most of them were married in the true sense. such men rose to great heights and impacted upon human progress. today we make a huge noise about it, in the old days they just went about accepting it. nothing has changed since then.
just in case, someone wants to make personal comments about me... dont waste yr time, i am not interested. let me only leave with one telling comment; "morality is often the case of missed opportunities"..... bertrand russel.
btw, to all those morality-thumping singles ...pls dont blow yr trumpet here, it wont make you more attractive to any prospective seekers! | |
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| Can you cheat on a person you are truly in love with?
Posted: 8/30/2005 6:28:40 AM | let me also add.... for all this talk of 'never cheating on my partner if i truly love him/her', why then do so many marriages fail out here? because we are all too intolerant, too adamant about our views, have too many excuses not to adjust, not to understand or be sympathetic to our partners situation, their background, their thinking, their likes and dislikes. basically, we are not willing to work hard at making our marriages work and go that extra mile.
what does it all boil down to? there was not enough love!! so quit making all these grandiose statements out here...
wud love to see how many of those from the 'never will cheat, not in a gazillion years' brigade, if they ever get married, actually persevere through it and remain together for the next 5-10 yrs for starters. | |
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| Can you cheat on a person you are truly in love with?
Posted: 8/30/2005 6:39:32 AM |
That is like saying "if you love someone, you never hurt him or her."
I disagree, a person can unintentionally "hurt" someone's feelings,but cheating is never unintentional.It is a decision made.The amount of time or degree of planning will undoubtedly vary but it is a decision made.
Can/will couples decide to work through a dececison like this? Depends, nonetheless it is the DECISION of the couple and a VERY VERY difficult one at that.
This individual doesn't think he would try to work through a marraige with a cheat....love her or not.....I also love myself and do not desire negative drama nor those who will bring it to me,there seems to be enough negativity out there as it is. I don't believe I can trust someone who has shown themself to be untrustworthy. If I were to try the my partner would go through more("test") to acheive trust than most would/could endure I know that about myself.My point; cheating is about choice just as staying. | |
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| Can you cheat on a person you are truly in love with?
Posted: 8/30/2005 6:45:23 AM |
why then do so many marriages fail out here?
Statistically speaking ;money issues, character(lying,cheating,abuse) issues and personality issues(lack of communication)....actually lack of open and honest communication is a theme that runs through most things including some money and character issues....its NOT about love its about stupidity. Do I need to explain? | |
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