| I'm a little worried....Opinions please?
Posted: 8/17/2005 9:39:41 AM | Two things Purity:
1) he is a swinger he will not change this for you or anyone...he might reform his lifestyle for a "while"for a woman he likes but will not abandon the idea. The only way you are going to be happy with this man is if you end up going against your own wishes just to please him. You might even convince yourself that you can get into the lifestyle too just to please him and in the end you will be very unhappy for doing something you don't want to do just to keep a man. He will crave more once the novelty wares off it happens in monogamous rels imagine with someone who has tried that option and enjoys it, he will crave it and you alone will not be enough for him. I know that sounds harsh but you have to be realistic here.
2) I would take caution to men who describe their Xs as "psychos", I am a firm believer that it takes one to know one. A lot of men describe their X's as psycho and you find out they were together for years...what does that say about the men?
Be true to who you are. You should not have to change your lifestyle choices and go against your own inclinations to please another human being no matter how in love you are. You will love again and it will be with someone who is better suited for you. We are not talking about a couple of people where one is extroverted and social butterfly and the other quiet and reserved we are talking about a sexual preference and lifestyle choice. It's a huge difference that would prove too hard to overcome in the longrun. | |
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| I'm a little worried....Opinions please?
Posted: 8/17/2005 10:23:12 AM | Purity- it sounds like he is grooming you for Fun and Games. I am going to wonder if he went after you because you ARE innocent. You would believe almost anything he says..
find someone else who loves you for you, and won't play with you. It may take time and many more tears but do it!! | |
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SANDE1
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Joined: 2/11/2005
Msg: 26 | |
| I'm a little worried....Opinions please?
Posted: 8/17/2005 3:51:10 PM | Purity, I think the bottom line here is that we have told you our opinions with many examples. You love hime? Figure out what your payoff is with him cause its apparent that your not listening.
Do what you want, its your choice. Im a Private Investigator and in my experience, you have no idea if he's fooling around on you or not. You wont know until your seeing a doctor for those symptoms that we shall not mention on here.
take your chances, go ahead, Im done with discussing this or trying to convince you when all you want is confirmation that he's an okay kind of guy. Your a mother, think of them first, you second. What are the ramifications to them with your choices.
I will say, good luck to you. Im done with this thread. | |
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| I'm a little worried....Opinions please?
Posted: 8/17/2005 3:58:39 PM | | if you absolutely love him that much.......then just accept him 4 who he is and what he may end up doing......if you can accept that then you'll be at peace with it! | |
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| I'm a little worried....Opinions please?
Posted: 8/18/2005 4:47:12 AM | | Another post on here hit it on the head. These people can disasscociate sex from love in a relationship...[Im not talking about single people doing that] some people can accept it others cant. If you cant, get out....and if you are both so in love with each other as you say, then why the heck havent you discussed this yet? Intimacy and communication is a huge thing in any relationship for it be successful. This is not a good sign that you dont where you stand with him in the intimacy stakes...so better start bringing it up with him... | |
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| I'm a little worried....Opinions please?
Posted: 10/27/2005 6:43:21 PM | | If you think you might want to experiment a little to save the man you love then you should! Just say a couple of "hail merrys" like most people are doing today and the lord will for give you for your sins. | |
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| I'm a little worried....Opinions please?
Posted: 10/27/2005 6:55:30 PM | too bad you didnt think this out better before you became so involved
with him...
seems you have gotten yourself into a situation where your
only options are:
take it or leave it.
I'd ask his ex wife what happened.. maybe between the two... a clear
picture of the situation would form.
good luck with it | |
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| I'm a little worried....Opinions please?
Posted: 10/27/2005 6:59:52 PM | | I know a guy who is like this. He also got a divorced recently. What he does is take, not his girlfriend, but another friend that is a girl and does the swap. I would just stay away from that. | |
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| I'm a little worried....Opinions please?
Posted: 10/27/2005 7:11:02 PM | | You would be better off leaving him. you may be facing problems later love and sex goes hand and hand. If you are worried that should be a red light to you. | |
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| I'm a little worried....Opinions please?
Posted: 10/27/2005 9:49:45 PM | Purity555:
I'm going to have to go against the tide here. I think you need to talk to him about this. Don't just assume he can't be happy with only you. Guys who aren't swingers give up sex with other women. I see no reason why he couldn't. If you love each other, I assume you trust him to be honest with you. The biggest problem I see is whether or not he'll be honest with himself. You're going to have to be the judge of that. You're going to have to live with the consequences if you're wrong, whichever choice you make. | |
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| I'm a little worried....Opinions please?
Posted: 10/28/2005 5:52:41 AM | ^^^ Why bother changing him?
So when you meet your non-swinger, you won't ask him to stop dating other women? He was dating other women before you met him. Why bother to change him?
To me, it's pretty much the same thing. Her guy was just dating other women while he was married. He did it with his wife's permission. Swinging is a LONG way from cheating. Cheating is a whole other level of betrayal.
Don't get me wrong. I think it's something she should be concerned about. For all we know, he may have a problem with sexual addiction or something. I just don't think she should assume he's not capable of being happy in a monogomous relationship. | |
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| I'm a little worried....Opinions please?
Posted: 10/28/2005 6:20:14 AM | Purity - I dated a man last winter who was apparently into swinging. Unknown to me, some of his friends (who became my friends) were swingers. I found out 4 months into the relationship - he had invited them over for the evening, and about an hour before they got there, he dropped the bomb. I was absolutely floored.
So we "talked about things", and I told him I wasn't comfortable with this sort of lifestyle, and didn't think that would change in the future. He was "fine" with it then. But that's when things changed in the relationship. He became moody, started making all sorts of stupid demands. Was never happy. Was never satisfied. Always blamed me. Then he told me one day that he couldn't live without having sex with other women. It had been part of his life, and was according to him, what kept him close to his significant other (gee, then why did he cheat on his wife who allowed this for 15 years throughout his marriage?).
Things just got uglier and uglier until they came undone. I don't know how I fell so deeply in love with him in such a short time. I stuck around till the bitter end - trying to find a way to make things work - only to realize that unless he had things the way he wanted - that he would never be happy. Don't do this to yourself.
People can change - but they have to want to change. Chances are that if he doesn't have a problem with swinging, then he's not going to want to change... And if he hasn't acknowledged your feelings about the issue, then he's expecting those feelings to change with time...
Good luck with your decision, I know it's a hard one...  | |
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| I'm a little worried....Opinions please?
Posted: 10/28/2005 6:40:11 AM | | I'm afraid you have to get this man out of your life, and NOW! He hasn't exactly been on his knees professing his undying love and devotion has he? He is just using you for his own personal gratification, in my opinion. Later on, guaranteed infidelity. | |
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