| | Do You Forgive?Page 3 of 5 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5) | | I'm a forgiving person, but cheating is something i'd never forgive and surely not something that would ever leave my mind..so it'd be back there hauntin me every time he was late or not home or whatever...the trust is gone...i'd probably be able to forgive enough to remain friends but he'd have to go .. | |
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| Do You Forgive?
Posted: 9/4/2005 10:55:55 AM | I forgave,,,, but I never forgot and she is gone, just like I told her she would be | |
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| Do You Forgive?
Posted: 9/5/2005 4:22:48 AM | virgoannow
She probly is really insecure - or just cares more about herself (the fact she was taking presents looks like that is more what it was).. Its hard to understand why the lies. Like I said I just dealt with this - with someone I thought I knew for 12 years (we were friends). He was talking about a future, having kids, etc - then my 'witchy sense
was tingling, and I phoned him - I knew I caught him in the act. He defended himself with a slight attack on me - because he is insecure. He knew his words made no sense, and he was on the attack because he knew what he lost.
Believe me - one day she will turn around find herself alone - truly alone (because no one will really put up with that - especially if she keeps doing it) - and its all going to be one night stands. And she will kick herself for treating you like that.
Its hard, and I know a lot of it has to do with broken trust, and even the lies can be worse than the fact that she cheated. Look at it as I do = time to move on - time to break free and venture into a new and better future. Better that this happend now than if you had put a ring on her finger.
"hugz" hang in there- you are not alone! | |
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| Do You Forgive?
Posted: 9/5/2005 6:24:30 AM | Absolute.
However, it is in my own opinion, I had to forgive myself first ( for giving permission for 'him' to impress harm upon my own being ) THEN, I was able to forgive.
I do feel; until one forgives, one cannot truly move on in life...
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| Do You Forgive?
Posted: 9/5/2005 11:17:52 AM | "How many of you forgave a cheating spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend, and were able to really honestly move on from this and have a successful relationship?" -- pinktreasures
No, and yes. Infidelity has reared it's ugly head in my world more than once, and I have walked away in every case. Immediately. However, I've been able to forgive because I recognized that, in some cases, I simply wasn't the right person for them, and in other cases, I needed to get past the betrayal and disillusionment in order to feel able to trust and love again. I don't think I've ever seriously blamed myself for them deciding to cheat, though.
Also, here's a possibly interesting additional question: Could you continue being with somebody who had admitted to you that they had cheated on their ex during that marriage?
I've been in that situation once, years ago, and it did negatively affect the relationship. | |
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| Do You Forgive?
Posted: 9/6/2005 4:50:19 AM | I have to agree with you..
IF I would have known that my ex had cheated on his ex, I wouldn't have been with him. Trust is more important to me than most anything else. I don't care about the persons job, and looks are not everything. But trust is huge with me.
I have had my heart broken more than once by cheating - and never again. No one gets second chances with me. My dad and mother have been together for 51 years, and they have been because of TRUST. I know thats rare in today's world - but it shouldn't be unheard of. | |
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| Do You Forgive?
Posted: 9/6/2005 7:58:50 AM |
Also, here's a possibly interesting additional question: Could you continue being with somebody who had admitted to you that they had cheated on their ex during that marriage?
An automatic disqualifier now in my book, and I wish that I had made that rule a long time ago. | |
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| Do You Forgive?
Posted: 9/6/2005 3:24:16 PM | | i wish i was big enough to forgive and give a second chance to those who have cheated on me......however, i could not do so. I would never be able to forget, let alone trust again. and yes, kids are smarter than given credit for...i have two kids, and my daughter knew her father was lying when he would come home really late at night and claim to have been shopping at the mall......puh-lease!! right now, my kids know i am happier now than when i was married to their father.....but they also know that i am lonely. i think they feel sorry for me, but they do understand the fact that i will never settle for just anyone!! the guy who wins my heart for good will have to be very special!! | |
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| Do You Forgive?
Posted: 9/6/2005 4:50:02 PM | Hmmmm............I Don't know. There's things Ive done in my life I wish I had a second chance at. I suppose "cheating on me" would depend on really taking a look at myself. " Did I push him into a corner? Was I totally un-responsive to him?" Whatever, It really depends on how I was acting and if I might have instigated it. .....If not, well, SEE ya! | |
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| Do You Forgive?
Posted: 9/6/2005 5:45:22 PM | Well I know guys (and women) have used those excuses 'I was pushed into it' -
But the thing is - why not sit down with the person and talk about the problem before it reaches to the point where cheating is done, if you really care about that persons feelings... | |
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| Do You Forgive?
Posted: 9/6/2005 7:01:26 PM | I forgave her...my wife that is...I am now divorced. I told her that everyone has one big screw up in there lives and I will just put this off as being just that. I could not talk to her
for 2 days or something ugly would have come out of me, but she then get mad at me for not talking to her. She was very lucky that I did not walk out right there and then and file papers that day. Knowing what I know how...if I ever have a relationship and marriage again and if it should ever happen again....I will put her out right away and file the papers ASAP! For trying to forgive I was made out to be that bad person.......funny how that works......I get cheated on and I am the bad person becouse of it. As a result of this I have become colder and harder and have very little room in my heart of someone that cheats. That is just the way it is......end of story. | |
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| Do You Forgive?
Posted: 9/6/2005 7:04:11 PM | From other posting...
I forgave,,,, but I never forgot and she is gone, just like I told her she would be
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Ya I know that all to well....same story here too. Its enough to drive a man to drink
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| Do You Forgive?
Posted: 9/6/2005 7:07:49 PM | Forgiveness doesn't necessarily mean continuing in a relationship. Forgive yes, because you can't move on if you hold on to all the pain and anger. But continue in the marriage. Not me, trust and respect are too important. Once that is gone, what have you got left?
Hmmmm, I am really going to have to consider that question about cheating on a former spouse. Obviously, I have not dated much or I would have thought of it already. I guess I did think if it was a long time ago, maybe the person has changed, plus it was about their relationship with the prior spouse, not with me. But, really, I guess it is a HUGE red flag. *DUH* Thanks for pointing that out guys! | |
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| Do You Forgive?
Posted: 9/6/2005 7:14:44 PM | From other posting...
Well I know guys (and women) have used those excuses 'I was pushed into it' -
But the thing is - why not sit down with the person and talk about the problem before it reaches to the point where cheating is done, if you really care about that persons feelings...
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Tryed that but did not work. My wife at the time was into the INTERNET so very much that she was on it 18 hours a day and you could not get her off. And if you pulled the plug on it she would go into a major melt down over it. She was in sex chatroom all the time and I could not stop her. In the end she brought home a 76 year old she was 38 years old at the time and so was I. We are the same age. Now she is with a 78 year old and has been living together this way now for about 5 years... What a kicker...her own mother is only 65 and my X wifes new husband is over 10 years older then her own mother. Hey Jerry Springer...do I have show for you...!
Never in my life would I have ever in my wildest dreams ever come up with dream as weird as this.....never mind having it play out in real life..... This is something one would think would happen in some remote place with a pack of inbread hill billies that have crap for brains.
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| Do You Forgive?
Posted: 9/6/2005 8:21:31 PM | I do, but it has gotten me into trouble a million times. No big whoop though, I'd rather be persistent and forgiving than a quitter with a grudge  | |
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| Do You Forgive?
Posted: 9/6/2005 9:36:03 PM | I can forgive a g/f 4 cheating, but we can't be a couple any longer. I guess its tough love in a sense
vk | |
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| Do You Forgive?
Posted: 9/7/2005 1:26:25 AM | | Its the whole trust thing - I have shed enough tears over unfaithfullness, and people who didn't think it was a big deal. | |
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| Do You Forgive?
Posted: 9/7/2005 6:26:49 AM | | cheating is not something i'd tolerate. forgive, yes... stay together... NEVER! i have far more respect for myself than to stay with a man that cheats. | |
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| Do You Forgive?
Posted: 9/7/2005 8:37:30 AM | whosyourkitty
good for you! I just wish most women (and some men) would clue into that. I did try and stay with someone years ago after finding out about his straying - but I did because he had me convinced i would never find anyone better (and I had lost almost all my self- respect by being with him, including going 40 pounds below my safe weight) - boy was he wrong!
That which doesn't kill us - makes us stronger and wiser! | |
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| Do You Forgive?
Posted: 9/7/2005 9:08:17 AM | I am tired of forgiving- I have forgave enough in my life and I am done- the next girl that I get serious with- she does anything that would require me to forgive her for- she is history...
no more drama- no more bs- no more forgiving..sick and tired of it...
"oh forgive me honey- I didn't mean to sleep with your brother/sister/aunt/unlce/bestfriend" ...please....give it a rest already...not the forgiving person anymore...
Yeah- just a little bitter about that.... | |
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| Do You Forgive?
Posted: 9/7/2005 9:19:30 AM | I think almost everyone on here is in agreement...
Hey - I didn't even get a sorry when i found out about one of my 'friends' and boyfriend. | |
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| Do You Forgive?
Posted: 9/7/2005 5:08:59 PM | "Hmmmm............I Don't know. There's things Ive done in my life I wish I had a second chance at. I suppose "cheating on me" would depend on really taking a look at myself. " Did I push him into a corner? Was I totally un-responsive to him?" Whatever, It really depends on how I was acting and if I might have instigated it. .....If not, well, SEE ya!" -- JustJeans
I suppose there also needs to be a qualifier taken into consideration, when talking about infidelity. That is, whether the relationship is considered monogamous or open. Open relationships afford the so-called luxury of being with other people while calling one person your spouse or girl/boyfriend. Then, cheating isn't considered cheating, per se. I was born in the mid-'60s, vaguely recall The Summer of Love and remember when wife swapping and such was fashionable in the '70s, so I can accept it as a plausible choice that some still make today. I figure that, if you're both okay with that type of relationship, hey, go for it.
It's not my game, though. I've been cheated on, and each time it's sucked. The Open Concept doesn't work within the boundaries that I personally consider makes a relationship healthy, trusting, complimentary, supportive and happy, mutually in the long run. Now, boundaries are normally considered bad things, but I'm not talking about being confining or controlling of the other person. I strongly believe that two people who become a couple should still be individuals unto themselves, who might not 100% agree on everything but who basically want to be together more than they want to be without each other or "just friends". I'm just talking about defining those aspects of a relationship that you both agree support your thoughts and comfort level on the subject. To my mind, fidelity is at the top of the list. | |
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| Do You Forgive?
Posted: 9/7/2005 8:28:25 PM | sometimes it takes going through that to realize who you are and what you deserve in a relationship queenrhiannon. ;) lucky for you, you learned and you lived through it and are probably a better person for having gone through what you did.  | |
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| Do You Forgive?
Posted: 9/7/2005 8:56:32 PM | | still have the bruises on my butt from kicking myself though :) | |
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| Do You Forgive?
Posted: 9/8/2005 7:14:22 PM | | that's ok doll... we all have those little butt bruises & they look good on some of us too ;) | |
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