Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Date a separated or newly divorced person?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 blu_eyed_gal
Joined: 8/25/2005
Msg: 51
Date a separated or newly divorced person?Page 3 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
yeah what patootie said
 sweetiie
Joined: 2/25/2005
Msg: 52
Date a separated or newly divorced person?
Posted: 9/27/2005 10:14:42 AM
I am divorced...my choice,I left him............and I am so happy to say my ex- husband has remarried this year and thats what I had been waiting on... Is for him to be happy...
Now slowly I can proceed with my life....Anyone who leaves thier ex and is selfish...I have a problem with that...........
I have a HUGE HEART.. hate seeing people hurt............bothers me alot...
 angeldevil
Joined: 9/13/2005
Msg: 53
Date a separated or newly divorced person?
Posted: 9/27/2005 10:32:58 AM
Being separated myself of course I'll give someone going thru the same a chance.But if youre getting 12 text messages from the ex on the first date, its the last date.
 sweetiie
Joined: 2/25/2005
Msg: 54
Date a separated or newly divorced person?
Posted: 9/27/2005 10:45:55 AM
Well in honesty even if you do date a divorced or separated person.. if they have kids...and you choose to date the person... you should know full well, the ex spouse will always be a part of the life..its no big deal....THATS LIFE!!
 scarletsparrow
Joined: 9/22/2005
Msg: 55
Date a separated or newly divorced person?
Posted: 9/27/2005 11:16:59 AM
sorry drk horse
you seem to have dated the bad ones but dont judge by just a few gonewrongs thewhole!
generallyby the time a person is seperated mostare too glad to be outta the situation to concider ever going back!
scarletsparrow
 scarletsparrow
Joined: 9/22/2005
Msg: 56
Date a separated or newly divorced person?
Posted: 9/27/2005 11:18:51 AM
amen angel devil


a red flag forsure head for the door and keep on walking
 prolibertate
Joined: 9/11/2005
Msg: 57
view profile
History
Date a separated or newly divorced person?
Posted: 9/27/2005 3:39:34 PM

Well in honesty even if you do date a divorced or separated person.. if they have kids...and you choose to date the person... you should know full well, the ex spouse will always be a part of the life..its no big deal....THATS LIFE!!


True...and there's no problem at all with that for many nor should there be. Those kids are part of the person you're interested in, and should be the priority in their life. They're a huge part of their life and if you get together, they'll be a huge part of yours. If you plan on being with someone you care about, or marrying anyone, with kids, you have to care for/love those kids, too. And how can one not? They're a part of the person you care about/love.

I've never had a problem dating anyone who had kids; I love kids and get along with them well; never had a problem with their ex either, because they knew I cared about their kids. I've ended up liking the kids more than their father after a while sometimes ;) Also, the fact that I have no children of my own makes me see their having kids as a bonus to our relationship.

Sure, it's hard if there are really bad feelings still between the two exes, but then, you have to think do you want to get into a situation like that yourself. For example, if the person you're interested in can't stop bashing their ex, if they only have horrible things to say about them, if they can't let it go and get over it after years and years have passed, then you have to decide if this person is right for you. Their inability to move on may say much more about them than you think.

On the other hand, if the divorced/separated person you're with is a mature adult who doesn't let any anger/bad feelings/etc. between them and their ex get shown in front of their kids, doesn't say bad things to their kids about their ex, has gotten past the hurt/anger/etc., that also says a lot about them.
 boisegoodbadboy
Joined: 8/21/2005
Msg: 58
Date a separated or newly divorced person?
Posted: 9/27/2005 3:46:42 PM
been there...done it...wont do it anymore.
i want someone who is available between the ears
and not just between the legs...no bones about it....
 prolibertate
Joined: 9/11/2005
Msg: 59
view profile
History
Date a separated or newly divorced person?
Posted: 9/27/2005 4:09:13 PM
That's what makes people unique...we all react differently to an experience...and so does a separated/divorced person ;) Also, the older one gets, the less chance of finding someone who hasn't been married before. I feel it's how they handled the marriage and the breakup that defines who they are and depending on that, that's how I define if I want to spend time with them or not. But, to each his/her own ;)
 FeelsLikeHome
Joined: 11/15/2005
Msg: 60
Date a separated or newly divorced person?
Posted: 12/26/2005 11:57:04 PM
Hi Phil,
I'm dating a separated man right now, and it has its ups and downs, literally. It's a little like a roller coaster to tell you the truth. But I really care about this guy, and I'm waiting it out. He's a wonderful man with many if not all of the qualities I'm looking for. I'd hate to think I would have missed out just because he is separated. Who knows at this point if I'm his transitional girl, rebound girl or what have you. I'm taking each day as it comes, and appreciating him more and more in doing so. Hopefully he's doing the same. If it doesn't work out in the end, at least I'll know my life was enriched by having him in it.
Mindy
 justanormalguy68
Joined: 11/19/2005
Msg: 61
Date a separated or newly divorced person?
Posted: 12/27/2005 12:07:33 AM
Dating a woman who is newly separated, divorced, or even just recently broken up from a relationship equals one thing: TRANSITION GUY. Not saying anyone's to blame - just bad timing, and a recipe for disaster - especially for you.

I speak from experience, trust me. It happened a few times. Same thing each time. I get dumped 6-8 months into what initially seemed like a great relationship. I did it several times before I realized it was a bit of a pattern with me.

Now, I will not date someone unless they've been single for awhile - at least 6-8 months or so, maybe even a year.

Has it cost me a potential mate? Possibly. But I haven't been (unintentionally) used as a recovery tool, either.
 RosemaryH
Joined: 10/27/2005
Msg: 62
Date a separated or newly divorced person?
Posted: 12/27/2005 12:19:37 AM
I have a rule. If their profile says they are separated I won't contact them. If they contact me I tell them I don't date guys that are not divorced and to drop me a line one year after the divorce is final. If I meet a guy and he tells me he is recently divorced I know the realtionship is not going to go any further. Nice meeting you come back in a year.

To me, there is no point in dating either of these men. I have been divorced for 18 years and looking for a long term committment (marriage), a separated guy or recently divorced guy is so not on the same page as me. It's a waste of both of our times.
 GoodDay
Joined: 7/24/2005
Msg: 63
view profile
History
Date a separated or newly divorced person?
Posted: 12/27/2005 12:37:14 AM
I agree. Never date anyone separated. I use a two-year rule for divorced guys. The first year they're just dealing with the pain and newness of the situation, the second year they're dating everything that moves in an effort to make up for time lost while being in a relationship. After the second year, they're ready to start thinking logically and have calmed down a bit. Some people take a lot longer to get past the hurt, so you just have to play it by ear.

Good luck all!
 masterpiss
Joined: 4/23/2005
Msg: 64
Date a separated or newly divorced person?
Posted: 12/27/2005 1:01:37 AM
^^^^ gotta love these girls, they have principles! what happened to the open minds?
 bettyg471958
Joined: 12/2/2005
Msg: 65
Date a separated or newly divorced person?
Posted: 12/27/2005 3:45:06 AM
First of all I would never date a separated man, because you know he will end up going back to his wife and he is just looking for sex.Also its never a good idea to date a newly divorced man because all he is going to do is talk about his wife.
 harmony1969
Joined: 10/31/2005
Msg: 66
Date a separated or newly divorced person?
Posted: 12/27/2005 5:52:53 AM

Dating a woman who is newly separated, divorced, or even just recently broken up from a relationship equals one thing: TRANSITION GUY. Not saying anyone's to blame - just bad timing, and a recipe for disaster - especially for you.


Then what do you say about someone like me that's been separated for a while - and I guess I've already dated the "transition guy"? And a while ago too? Final divorce papers will be filed this summer, and let me tell you, I was already gone long before I finally split with the ex, however long ago we split. I just had to go see a therapist to give me the courage/confidence to end a 10 year marriage.

Everyone is different, every situation is different. Just because there are people that have jumped into the dating pool at the wrong time doesn't mean it's the case for all of us.
 Cindyme
Joined: 11/24/2005
Msg: 67
Date a separated or newly divorced person?
Posted: 12/27/2005 6:11:31 AM
From my experience with separated (so called separated) its not a good choice, I don't even believe in the word separated, only divorce and single..lol's..I wouldn't go that route, bad experience here with someone that was separated that turned out to be still living with his wife and separated when he left his home. OuCh!!
 wespauley
Joined: 12/18/2005
Msg: 68
Date a separated or newly divorced person?
Posted: 12/27/2005 6:26:57 AM
Unfortunately I have gained some experience in this area. It is almost unavoidable in my age group. Here are some of the problems you might have to deal with:

1. Their psycho ex who doesn't want them any more, but doesn't want them to have anybody else. Mainly a control issue.

2. Dealing with their psycho kids, who were normal before the psycho ex started playing games with their heads. I actually had a guy tell his 7 year old daughter her mommy was going to die of AIDS because she was sleeping with me. He did not know whether or not we were really sleeping together.

3. Dealing with the trust issues that come with a traumatic separation. (How can I ever trust anyone again after what he/she did to me?)

4. Trying to figure out if their ex really is the one who is psycho. Normally you will discover this rather quickly.

5. Getting dumped when they realize that you have caught them on the rebound and they have too many relationship issues to be resolved. It might be best just to be "good" friends and allow them all the space that they need.

I would strongly advise against getting too far beyond "dating" with someone just out of a bad relationship. It almost never works out in the long run.

On a more positive note, the sex can be very passionate if they have done without for a long time, which is usually the case...
 thatgirl_next_door
Joined: 10/22/2005
Msg: 69
Date a separated or newly divorced person?
Posted: 12/28/2005 2:49:49 PM
Wow... I have to say that it really saddens me to see so many people who are so ready to judge someone based on something so honest as their willingness to admit their status. I'd much rather date someone who was separated and honest about it, than someone who claims to be "single" and tells you later that they in fact are not. I can't believe so many people would make a blanket judgement about someone simply because of their status as separated or newly divorced. There was a previous thread in which someone made a very good point:

Situation #1: A couple lives together and has been in a committed monogamous long term relationship for 5 years and they decide to go their separate ways.

Situation #2: A couple marries and lives together and has been in the marraige for 5 years and decides to go their separate ways.

WHAT is the difference? Other than a clear legal entanglement, how are the two situations any different? The emotional ramifications of leaving a relationship are clearly the same, regardless of marital status!!! C'mon people!

I mostly hear you guys talking about the emotional damage, the "baggage"... all those nifty little buzz words people use to stereotype someone in a particular situation... which seems to me to be an excuse to make a snap judgement about someone and slap a label on their forehead in order to filter them out of your dating pool. If you ask me, anyone who would dismiss someone out of hand because they have the courage to be honest about their legal status is quite possibly missing out on some of the most amazing opportunities to get to know someone. Not everyone goes through some of the more nasty and horrific things that you hear people complain about... and not everyone copes with their situations in the same way. Ultimately if someone wants to dismiss me because I am one of those people who are separated... then I figure it is their loss, and I'd much rather spend my time getting to know someone who has a more profound interest in knowing me.
 hidden treasure
Joined: 11/14/2005
Msg: 70
Date a separated or newly divorced person?
Posted: 12/28/2005 5:52:45 PM
A seperated person is still technically married. Wouldn't touch that. Also, He has major issues with the ex to deal with still. Too many churned up feelings. Newly divorced, again still not over ex unless you want to be his therapist and listen to the rant and ravings. Been there done that . Married somebody on the rebound. He rebounded right back to her at the sight of her. Leaving me alone with a baby to raise. As a newly divorced person, you should give yourself at least a year to work out all your issues. If you get involved with somebody on the rebound its not fair to her. She will help you with your issues of the divorce. But chances are after you tell her all your secrets, you will feel vulnerable to her.
 yrsfrlve
Joined: 12/10/2005
Msg: 71
Date a separated or newly divorced person?
Posted: 12/28/2005 6:33:34 PM
I don't even wait for separation or divorce. A real man does not let little obstacles get in his way...
 Bandito
Joined: 11/9/2005
Msg: 72
Date a separated or newly divorced person?
Posted: 12/28/2005 6:40:02 PM
Oh here we go again...pounce on us seperated people as being dating lepers.

I think the issue is really dating someone exiting a LT relationship

Bana-dito
 GoodDay
Joined: 7/24/2005
Msg: 73
view profile
History
Date a separated or newly divorced person?
Posted: 12/28/2005 8:14:34 PM
thatgirl_next_door -

I'm sorry you took offense at the honesty of everyone who stated their dating preference and I'd like to clarify my position: I would avoid dating anyone separated or divorced for less than 2 years and that would also apply to anyone ending a relationship, whether that arrangement had been legalized or not.
 justanormalguy68
Joined: 11/19/2005
Msg: 74
Date a separated or newly divorced person?
Posted: 12/28/2005 8:43:37 PM

I think the issue is really dating someone exiting a LT relationship


I think that's a bit more accurate....

No one means to dump all over separated or divorced people....but you have to admit that dating someone who's fairly fresh off a separation, divorce, or breakup is risky business - like I said, I speak from experience. Every time - repeat, EVERY TIME I went down that road I got burned big-time.

You are incredibly naive if you believe that someone fresh off one of the above situations is not a bit of a crapshoot emotionally. No one's saying it's anyone's fault - but you can't blame people like me for being extra cautious, either.

Just my $0.02
 Mesnafugal
Joined: 7/12/2005
Msg: 75
view profile
History
Date a separated or newly divorced person?
Posted: 12/28/2005 8:53:06 PM
I agree... always keep your thoughts together on it. I just started dating someone recently divorced, even though he and I have had contact (just internet) over the last 5 years we've never done anything until he was divorced (his wife's deal not his)... I'm crazy about him, we get along really well but I know he needs to "date" around for his sake. I keep wanting to back off but it's hard because he is just wonderful to me. Oh well, I just might screw up but it wont' be the first and surely won't be the last. I'm just going to ride this one out til it stops because I'm having fun.
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Date a separated or newly divorced person?