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 sambucadawg
Joined: 10/2/2005
Msg: 76
Date a separated or newly divorced person?Page 4 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
dating them is easy.....pretty much show them interest , make them feel special and wanted and they are yours.......till they figure out what they really want. Which probably won't be you! For the most part they pretty much feel alone and insecure, as this happens usually following a major split.No offence as I was separated and divorced myself once, I just think it's a trainwreck waiting to happen. Getting too attached is a big mistake!


clink clink........my 2 cents
 thatgirl_next_door
Joined: 10/22/2005
Msg: 77
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Date a separated or newly divorced person?
Posted: 12/28/2005 9:19:18 PM
Just to clarify, y'all... I'm not offended. I've accepted that there are people who have opinions that differ from mine... just sharing mine as well! Mostly I wanted to point out that people are pointing the finger at separated/divorced individuals only... which seemed unfair... and since you guys get your 2 cents, I get mine too!



That's what the forums are for, right? Can't blame people for being cautious in the least, especially if they've been burned... but there are always exceptions to the rule!
 Mesnafugal
Joined: 7/12/2005
Msg: 78
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Date a separated or newly divorced person?
Posted: 12/28/2005 9:22:32 PM
Well, but that is what the thread is asking about. He doesn't want to know about others, only recently divorced/serparated people you date.

I think you do have to be careful and not be the "rebound" person. I think I'm going to start backing off from this guy I'm seeing. I had a brain fart and listened to my heart more than my head lately... my bad.. duh...
 boisegoodbadboy
Joined: 8/21/2005
Msg: 79
Date a separated or newly divorced person?
Posted: 12/28/2005 9:34:18 PM
when i was not looking for a long term gig..i dated separated and newly divorced women.
it didnt matter if they were on the rebound or not (of which most were anyway).

when i decided to find someone for a long term relationship...i would not date anyone who is separated at all..and i also came to find out that it wasnt worth it to tie up with someone who wasnt divorced for at least a year.
 Saturday Night Rocks
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 80
Date a separated or newly divorced person?
Posted: 12/29/2005 8:56:52 PM
Generally, it is wise to avoid dating a person who is newly divorced. I wouldn't even bother dating someone who is separated.
 varmstrong54
Joined: 3/11/2006
Msg: 81
Date a separated or newly divorced person?
Posted: 3/22/2006 11:57:13 PM
I totally agree with O-T-B
I thought we were supposed to be having fun, dating, making friends, not trying to find a chapel. I also think that people who have been married and/ or divorced have learned alot about life, that those who haven't been through a split may not have learned (about relationships.)
All I can say is be careful you might loose a really precious one by lumping everyone into the same catagory.
 wildfire1950
Joined: 1/10/2006
Msg: 82
Date a separated or newly divorced person?
Posted: 4/6/2006 9:36:02 AM


Hi V !!

I admire you for your fine thoughts. You sound like you've got yourself together real well and you deserve to find an equal. Hope you have already done it or will soon do it.

CK
 dinopro
Joined: 9/26/2005
Msg: 83
Date a separated or newly divorced person?
Posted: 4/6/2006 3:37:47 PM
I DATED SOMEBODY WHO WAS SEPERATED AND HE WAS AT THE HOUSE M ORE THAN ME TO SEE HIS KIDS. AFTER AWHILE I WOKE UP AND RELIZED SHE WAS DOING BOTH OF US
GOT OUT OF RELATIONSHIP
WOULD NOT DATE ANYBODY SEPERATED AND SHOULD BE DIVORCED FOR A WHILE AT LEAST A YEAR.
 Ph0enixF1re
Joined: 5/27/2006
Msg: 84
Date a separated or newly divorced person?
Posted: 6/2/2006 5:02:39 PM
It seems somewhat shortsighted to me that anyone would exclude a potential date based on an arbitrary time period, i.e. won't date them unless they are divorced at least 1-2 years. If you add the mandatory separation in Virginia (1 year) then you are excluding someone from your pool for up to 3 years.

I certainly understand the hesitation, but then everyone seems to complain about the lack of potential dates. As an example, take a look at the thread that deals with how long you have been here and how many dates you've been on. Seems to me that every contact carries risk, from lies in the profile, to psycos, to emotional baggage no matter what the source. The key should be to find out where they are emotionally and judge from there.

And yes, to save the search, I am separated.
 Ahhh!
Joined: 3/11/2006
Msg: 85
Date a separated or newly divorced person?
Posted: 6/2/2006 5:27:43 PM
I recently was dating a guy who was separated from his wife...except it was obvious he was not 'over' her yet. He later told me (after I had a few things to say to him about his behaviour) that he agreed, he was basically looking for 'fun' and not really a commitment (really?!?!?). I said, that is fine..but, his profile stated otherwise, and it was misleading and unfair to me. I never gave it much thought before, but I will be wary of separted/divorced people in the future.
Live and learn, I guess.
 Splinter
Joined: 1/6/2006
Msg: 86
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Date a separated or newly divorced person?
Posted: 6/2/2006 5:35:23 PM
Well I wouldn't rule out separated or divorced people but I was seeing someone that I met on this site for 4 months and he had only been separated for 3 months when we met. He still had things to work out. He wasn't ready to move on. He thought he was when we started seeing each other but as it turns out he wasn't. We are now ready good friends. He will be a life long friend. Everyone warned me but I didn't listen. But with that being said I still don't regret any of it. I wouldn't rule out anyone because of one experience.
 Blue Fish
Joined: 12/27/2005
Msg: 87
Date a separated or newly divorced person?
Posted: 6/3/2006 9:57:00 AM
Wow yes me too, probably including myself. I think for the most part bad idea although I am sure a very few depending on the circumstances are ready. I personally stay away but if you want to you know that they will constantly talk about there ex and be somewhat messed up. If you are prepared to deal with that go for it. Some recover quick, some never.
 Feeniks
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 88
Date a separated or newly divorced person?
Posted: 6/4/2006 11:36:33 AM
you know that they will constantly talk about there ex


Most of the dates that I've booked from here have wanted to talk to me about why I have the kids and where their mom is. That was their choice to raise the subject of "talking about the ex." And I find now that "I don't want to talk about that." is my best response.

@Dinopro
AFTER AWHILE I WOKE UP AND RELIZED SHE WAS DOING BOTH OF US

I'd suggest that you find someone with better morals who understands the concept of monogamy rather than tar everyone with the same brush.

@justanoramlguy
You are incredibly naive if you believe that someone fresh off one of the above situations is not a bit of a crapshoot emotionally.

Everyone is a bit of an emotional crapshoot! But someone who has taken, say, 18 years to recover from a divorce is a bigger red flag for me. I prefer the company of those who remember how to share a home and a life. There is another thread asking how long is too long single. So don't be too sanctimonious, y'all!
 arri
Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 89
Date a separated or newly divorced person?
Posted: 6/5/2006 1:47:46 PM
I think .. everyone needs an interim guy/girl Best way to get your feet wet.
 ctrydancer
Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 90
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Date a separated or newly divorced person?
Posted: 6/5/2006 1:55:53 PM

Dr. Phil, Ms. De Angelis, etc. say to wait a year after a divorce to begin dating.
ouch! well I've been legally separated over a year now because he's fighting for every little bit of money I make. He's the one who left me because he cheated. Why should I keep suffering for his indescretions?
 who_the_fox
Joined: 4/29/2005
Msg: 91
Date a separated or newly divorced person?
Posted: 6/5/2006 3:07:12 PM
A year after DIVORCE?

I have been seperated almost 5 years...and the husband was "dating" well before that!
 LenaAngel
Joined: 4/6/2006
Msg: 92
Date a separated or newly divorced person?
Posted: 6/5/2006 3:12:29 PM
I have to agree with you on this one, me and my husband have been through for years, and the past 6 months sleeping in different rooms and then I finally threw him out last week, but there has been NO love there at all in years and the issue's are gone and I'm ready to move on, you just have to know what the circumstances of the seperation before you can actually judge. I am sooooooooooooo happy now and sooooooo ready to move on, wasted far to much time on the wrong guy!
 ktodd1969
Joined: 3/17/2006
Msg: 93
Date a separated or newly divorced person?
Posted: 6/5/2006 3:25:56 PM
If you don't mind being somone's "rebound" then by all means..........Like someone else said, you are usually the one that helps the newly-divorced/separated (take your pick) person get over that proverbial "hump".......then they decide they "aren't ready" to "jump in" to another relationship. So, because they aren't "ready" you let them go (my experience) & then lo and behold all of a sudden they "become ready" that is, when they find SOMEONE ELSE. I have had several bad experiences with this sort of thing and I swore to myself that I wouldn't let myself get suckered back into that trap again, but yet I have done it again and again, but I have finally resolved not to do it anymore. What is the point in getting attached to someone who isn't emotionally ready? All it does is set you up for heartache. I started dating when I was newly separated and maybe that was a mistake, but some good times were had, and at that stage that is all that I really needed anyway. As time went on I started looking for something serious/long-term but it hasn't panned-out yet. For some reason I mostly attract separated/newly-divorced women to this day. So help me God though I am not going to let my guard or my walls down only to get hurt anymore by them.
 ctrydancer
Joined: 5/29/2005
Msg: 94
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Date a separated or newly divorced person?
Posted: 6/5/2006 3:36:42 PM
hello!!...I thought POF was a site where you signed up to meet people. Many are on here because they found themselves tired of being alone. Each person is different in how they handled their loss, in their relationship.

If you don't date people at least 2 years from divorce than that gives the ones that DO want relationships to find someone at least. I'm trying to rationalize why the limits? what does having a divorce and require the person you look for, get two years of dating, be healthier? unless you are ready to run to the alter...

I myself want somebody that has been in a long term relationship and has been married. Why you ask? I feel you learn the social skills needed, communication and have the experience of what is important for two people to get along.



It seems somewhat shortsighted to me that anyone would exclude a potential date based on an arbitrary time period, i.e. won't date them unless they are divorced at least 1-2 years. If you add the mandatory separation in Virginia (1 year) then you are excluding someone from your pool for up to 3 years.


I have to agree....
 sparticuss
Joined: 5/9/2006
Msg: 95
Date a separated or newly divorced person?
Posted: 6/5/2006 5:36:06 PM
I go on the over a year divorced, and that depends how many times they refer to there ex...You have no idea how many times guys bring up there ex, in every story they tell...

Guys, please realize you can tell a story and leave the ex out. I do it all the time.
===============================================

On the contary firebird. You may leave the ex out when dating a new bf. But the rest of the time you are ceaselessly earbashing the family and friends about the ex. You just arent aware of it.
 sparticuss
Joined: 5/9/2006
Msg: 96
Date a separated or newly divorced person?
Posted: 6/5/2006 5:41:14 PM
My experience has been that men who say they are "separated" mean that they are still married and probably still living with their wives but they separated in their brains........just haven't told the wife yet!
=====================================
My experience has been that women like shedossie get their "knowledge" of seperated men from gfs with even less knowledge of men than she has.


This is why she doesn't know that, if he fails to show up for a date theres a one in thirteen chance that he's put a bullet through his own head.

This is why she doesn't know that my brother only called himself seperated after his wife moved out. But his wife hasnt' actually slept with him for ten years.
 sparticuss
Joined: 5/9/2006
Msg: 97
Date a separated or newly divorced person?
Posted: 6/5/2006 5:49:10 PM
Well I wouldn't rule out separated or divorced people but I was seeing someone that I met on this site for 4 months and he had only been separated for 3 months when we met. He still had things to work out. He wasn't ready to move on. He thought he was when we started seeing each other but as it turns out he wasn't. We are now ready good friends. He will be a life long friend. Everyone warned me but I didn't listen. But with that being said I still don't regret any of it. I wouldn't rule out anyone because of one experience.
====================================
Good for you Splinter

But you fail to realise that you arre a lot deeper than the average woman.

Most women are so shallow that, if the guy hasn't worked out his divorce issues then they throw him back on the scrap heap, for a few months, (your pigs are clear for take off) untill he has.
That back fires in spectacular fashion because therese guys rarely, if ever actually sort out their problems without help. Same as divorce women dont.

You Splinter, have been prepared to work through these problems with him. And you are now reaping the rewards.

Here's something interesting. Take a photo of the group of friends who warned you not to listen to him and pop it on the mantlepiece. Next to a photo of the guy. Leave them there. Every time you go for over a year, without any contact from one of these girlfriends black her face out on the photo.
See how many of them are still around in thirty years, if you lose contact with this man.
 spacemanspiffter
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 98
Date a separated or newly divorced person?
Posted: 6/5/2006 6:52:38 PM
Ya know............I am seeing alot of bitter, scared, yes scared of your own shadow thoughts come across this thread. All you have to do is talk. Yep open your yap and let da words roll out peoples. Hi how ya doing. Got your attention? Oh goody.

Here's my two cents. Well OK 1.82 cents American. :P I'm separated. Yep sure am. I have been separated 6 years. Yup you heard it right. Who the hell cares about a piece of friggin paper. Yea thats right. Remember the piece of paper that signified for better or for worse??? Yup right again. Not worth the paper it was written on is it? This is why we are here. HELLO. To meet new people. To find a connection. Limit yourself and remain frightened little kiddies. Do your little background check. Pull the blanky up to your chin while you do it for all I care. First though. Take the time to chat with alot of people. Ask the fair question, why not divorced? You may be surprised as to the answers you get. OR instead play the frightened immobilized child saying to yourself oh oh danger, danger. This person honestly put the dreaded SEPARATED word in their profile. I'm scaredddddddddddd. Sounds silly doesn't it? WELL IT IS. Wake up. Limit yourself in life and live life just this way. Oh and don't even get me started on this institute says this and Joe blow with nine zillion letters after his/her name says that. Puppy pucky I say.

Now on another note. :P I'm an emotional misfit at the moment. I recently had a rockem sockem mind game played on sweet lil ole me. Soooooooooooooooo I have HONESTLY put in my profile. STAY AWAY. Yup sure did. I admit it. Bona fide nut bar. I'm alot of fun though. A great real buddy too. Just ask me. :P Hmmmmmmmmmmmm, I think I changed my profile back to SINGLE. Cause I am.

Can you say...............I see narrow minded people. :P
 who_the_fox
Joined: 4/29/2005
Msg: 99
Date a separated or newly divorced person?
Posted: 6/5/2006 7:55:22 PM
But at least you have a very adorable ferret
 spacemanspiffter
Joined: 11/20/2005
Msg: 100
Date a separated or newly divorced person?
Posted: 6/6/2006 3:38:20 AM
LOL @ the fox. Why yes, yes I do. Two actually. Brother and sister. Funny. OMG.
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