| Should salary determine relationships?
Posted: 9/21/2005 1:46:40 PM |
You raised a very good point here. We don’t get into relationships just because of the cute tush or that amazing intelligence. It has a lot to do with the type of lifestyle we live and I am sure everyone wants it to be complimented. I don't say money is important. However, ability to blend into another lifestyle might.
Again, only my opinion ;) but I think it's an individualistic thing...some people want to be able to do a lot of things with their partner, things that cost a lot; others are content to only do those types of things once in a while. As for me, I really wouldn't care if I lived in a shack (well, it would be nice to at least have a roof, lol), if I was with the right person...and by right person I mean someone I love who loves me back; where we each accept each other, with all our imperfections, for who we are.
I see people who make a decent salary and spend way out of it; I see others who don't make a lot and live pretty good. It all depends on what's important to that person and what sacrifices they're willing to make to get something important. Some people need the huge, expensive house or the Lexus that they can't easily afford; others don't; they'd rather have a smaller house and less expensive car and use any extra money to go on a great vacation. Even though I could afford more of a house, what I have suits me and my lifestyle; I'd rather spend my extra money on other things I also enjoy. I just can't see spending tons of money on an extravagant house when I could do so much more with the extra.
Just wondering...I've dated men who generally make less than me; some a lot less...most of them seem to have a problem with it. I still can't understand that; if we were married, it would be ours to enjoy, not just mine. Is it that caveman thing, the 'I will be the provider' mentality? | |
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| Should salary determine relationships?
Posted: 9/21/2005 2:24:58 PM | hey hotbush I believe that salary plays too much of a part in relationships.money should not be a harbinger for happiness.salary does not make a person.I don't have a great paying job,but so what who cares?I still like what I do and my co workers are wonderful and supportive and so are my bosses.I want someone who wants me for me not for what my salary is.That is bogus and stupid.KCS | |
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| Should salary determine relationships?
Posted: 9/21/2005 2:41:49 PM | | i was in a relationship for 12 yrs i made more money then she did I was 34 yrs old she was 19 I paid for every thing as time pasted she was going to collage things were great i never changed untill she got out and got a job I supported her in every thing she did told her go for the money make it now before you get to old and can't . she did the second yr in this job she blew me out of the water she was making 2 times more money then me i never made her feel bad and always got her what ever she wanted never complaned about how much things cost you want buy it .i told her never buy used or second best always buy the best money can buy .and she did , well now that she started to make more money then me she used to save it and buy what ever she wanted her money was her money my money was both after awhile i felt like i was nothing in this relastionship and she would rub it in my face time to time saying you could have done better in your life if you wanted to . i told her i could not I was paying for everything that we had for the past 12 yrs and then some . she finnely left me for a younger man I knew it was comming sooner or later just because of our age difference . I was turnning grey she was still young and beautiful and blond and single and making money to boot . I always wish her well and only hope that she really is hape in life . but yes I think money does determine a relationship sad isn't it what ever happen to loveing that one person that gave you his or her life when one of you had nothing . you can not measure love bye how much money you have , rich men always have some one on the side that there other never knows about or if she does cares less as long as she is number one in his life and keeps getting the money comming in . | |
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| Should salary determine relationships?
Posted: 9/21/2005 2:49:37 PM | In a perfect world money wouldn't influence relationships...but in our real world it does. We need to deal with reality when we choose a partner. And yes, it would be wonderful to believe in the ideal that money doesnt matter. But the reality is that money puts up as many barriers as it knocks down, and although people say money doesn't matter, that normally tends to be the people that do not have much to start off with. Yea I know I sound like a jerk...but I am just trying to be honest.
But also being honest...money doesnt make anything easier in regards to living and life. In fact it can complicate matters greatly.
Oz | |
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| Should salary determine relationships?
Posted: 9/21/2005 3:57:00 PM |
See like to me it's not about the money....it's about the dreams that two people can share together. The excitement of wanting and working together to make that dream come true! Don't we all want that dream to be something that comes true?
I want a partner that can look beyond what we have.....I want someone that can wake me up in the middle of the night and say hey Steve I have an idea! Hey if it works that would be cool and if it doesn't then at least we chased that dream......
It's all about not settling for second best. It's all about living and taking life for what's offered......Keeping the mind ticking....looking at a challenge and making it happen. Who cares how much money is made as money is just a number.
It's the success of what's been done together in the day and that's how two people can obtain what they want and deserve!
Bizie--nice to see someone else thinks the same way about these things as I do. you've about hit my feelings right directly on target. | |
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ksue44
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Joined: 6/20/2005
Msg: 257 | |
| Should salary determine relationships?
Posted: 9/21/2005 4:06:02 PM | Money and sex are the two major reasons, couples fight. Should salary be the sole rejection? No!
Find out how the person manages their money. There are little ol librarians out there that make $24K a year, and by the time they reach 65 yrs young, they have a million or two stashed in the bank. On the other hand, there may be a fella driving an $80,000 Porsche that is eyeballs in debt.
A salary is only half of the story. Check out their credit reports, their income tax returns, etc. if you are going down the path of engagement or marriage. Never, NEVER be afraid to ask questions when the relationship gets real serious! | |
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| Should salary determine relationships?
Posted: 9/21/2005 5:24:13 PM | I agree ksue. Being in love doesn't mean you have to be blind to their lack of responsibility. It is possible to love someone, and to decide against the relationship as a means of protecting your own interests. I dont see anything wrong with your head prevailing over your heart in such a matter.
Ozzie | |
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| Should salary determine relationships?
Posted: 9/23/2005 7:22:56 AM |  to you Sierra
but, now all women are like you, specially if you've haven't been on both sides of the fence.
All the girls that either do not make money are young etc, seem to only want some one that make good money.
Funny thing is in my work I have to leave everyday at breaks or I do not get them. So I go to the mall for lunch. I think every one thinks I do not work and am a mall bum.
Oh well
I will retire in 23 years 13 days with a gov pension and be able to spend it myself | |
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| Should salary determine relationships?
Posted: 2/12/2006 6:24:00 PM | | from a mans point of view no it shouldnt.infact i think a women should work only if she choses.in my case i make enough to support any one i want.the way i see it, is that if a women does not work she has more time to be with me and THAT IS PRICLESS. | |
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| Should salary determine relationships?
Posted: 2/16/2006 6:25:59 AM | | I DONT THINK IT SHOULD...... BUT IM SURE IT DOES.....SOME MEN WANT A WOMEN TO WORK...FULL TIME ...SOME SIMPLY DONT CARE....THE OLD FASHIONED GUYS WANT THEIR WOMAN AT HOME...WITH THE KIDS...KEEPING UP THE HOME.....SOME OF THE OTHER GUYS WANT A WOMAN TO WORK JUST AS HARD AS THEY DO......I THINK IF TWO PEOPLE REALLY LIKE EACH OTHER...WHAT THEY DO FOR A LIVING SHOULDNT EVEN MATTER... | |
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| Should salary determine relationships?
Posted: 2/20/2006 7:32:14 AM | Absolutely Ronnie! I would feel so very uncomfortable if I fell mutually, madly in love with a wonderfull, honest,hard working, caring,loving woman, if she were to be a couple of tax brackets below me.  | |
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| Should salary determine relationships?
Posted: 3/7/2006 11:52:43 PM | | In the real world of today it does take two people working somehow to get by and with careful budgets a couple can get by reasonable and comortable and stay debt free. It depends on the individual couple what salary range they choose to live in and how they choose to spend or save it.Salary should not determine a relationship. Only the individual couple should determine their relationship. | |
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| Should salary determine relationships?
Posted: 3/8/2006 12:00:03 AM | pros·ti·tute ( P ) Pronunciation Key (pros-ti-toot)
n.
1. One who solicits and accepts payment for sex acts.
2. One who sells one's abilities, talent, or name for an unworthy purpose.
I guess according to Webster's, a woman who marries for money is a prostitute. I can probably sleep with a prostitute for $50, but to marry one would cost me 50% of everything I make. I think I will stick to women who do not exist within the bounderies of the definitions listed above. | |
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| Should salary determine relationships?
Posted: 3/8/2006 12:49:31 AM | | We all have things that drive us. I say, she must be funny and wild in the sack, but I will take someone that makes me laugh in the sack LOL | |
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| Should salary determine relationships?
Posted: 3/8/2006 1:08:13 AM | I saw a profile that reads, "I'd like to get back into the yachting scene." Its simple. I won't contact this girl. Two reasons:(1) I can't provide that so I'm not her type. (2) She's a gold-digger because she wants into the yachting scene without having the financial ability herself. She had a great body, so she'll probably find someone that can do it for her.
I've seen many profiles that read, "I'm ambitious and a financial success. You will be too." Perfectly understandable. No feeling of inadequacy. Equal partners financially. And better likelihood of similar values and personality.
OTOH, I was having a great talk with a single woman who had a young baby. I scared myself off from making the pitch because she was a doctor and I thought I was reaching "beyond my station." Five minutes after she left I took off my boot and beat myself senseless with it. If I spot her again, I'm all over it. Not because she'sa doctor. Because she was nice.
Final word, I haven't the financial steam to take on any more responsibility than I have so I'll not be dating anyone that hasn't an income to at least take care of their share, more or less. | |
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| Should salary determine relationships?
Posted: 9/2/2006 5:26:31 PM | | ... duh... women are visual and material... even more so than they would like men to believe. They see something nice and their guy can buy it, they're happy, if they're happy they make their men happy. Same with good looks... they might think they have us fooled to believe that they're deeper and not as shallow as what they say us guys are, but honestly, they're as shallow as we are. | |
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| Should salary determine relationships?
Posted: 9/2/2006 5:48:07 PM | | Its all about what you value in life. If you need to have a large amount of security an materials to get you buy then you need someone that has the same ideals. If you are like me, I am a teacher on a minimal salary. But the intrinsic rewards, internal, greatly out weigh the monetary value of the job. Money doesn't determine your place in this world. If the potential others are looking for 50k plus partners then they are a more material person. Which I am not saying that is a bad thing. You need to decide what you value more in life. Monetary or intrinsic possessions. In our society some of toughest jobs are those that don't pay the most but are more rewarding. Ask yourself this question. If you won the lottery would you be better off or worse off for winning? Your answer to this question will give you your answer. Sure it would be great to have money, travel, party, whatever. But does that make you you. Money should never determine a relationship, but if they need that income then they might not be for you. Determine your values and what rewards you wnat in your life and then go from their. Good luck my friend. Oh ya can I borrow a grand, lol. Good luck. | |
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| Should salary determine relationships?
Posted: 9/2/2006 5:50:28 PM | Again this generalization of a gender! I can't believe how much men/women take that route. I may say that I make a pretty good salary and I don't expect the men I date to make more than I do! If they do, good for them. If not, there is nothing wrong with that. It all comes down to how you treat each other.
As for visual and material, well I can't tell you how many men didn't reply to my messages because I am not a size 4! | |
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| Should salary determine relationships?
Posted: 9/2/2006 5:59:20 PM | Has anyone here read "The Millionaire Next Door"? This book should be mandatory reading for anyone looking to into a relationship, as well as changing thier relationship with money. In a nutshell, the people who have taken themselves seriously will not have a lot of brand new shiny things around them. They will be more worried about value than image and that will also show in thier personal lives as well. And no they are not living in shacks, eating garbage and driving beaters.
I think the lesson here is that is that we still cant judge a book by its cover. A person can have a nice car and house and the appearance of doing well, but be a mess finanically. A person can have the appearance of not having a lot of "bling" but be very stable. A job title may not look like much at first, but sometimes it is shocking how what can be seen as a "good job" isint, or a job that doenst sound like much can give someone a lot more than what meets the eye!
In the end, if I'm rich or poor, why would I want a woman who is worried about how thick the wallet is? If I have my act together I will be looking after myself quite well, and that will show when we meet. I would hope she is more worried about me being a sucessful human being... | |
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| Should salary determine relationships?
Posted: 9/2/2006 6:38:16 PM | Salary shouldn’t determine relationships and as several other posters have already commented it’s not salary alone; but how the money one earns is managed. If both people have different viewpoints on spending vs. saving that can sometimes be a problem.
One’s occupation shouldn’t define who they are as a person; nor should the number of $$$$ in their checkbook. Last guy I dated was a broke-azz musician and I didn’t care because the time we spent together wasn’t about being wined and dined as is the case with some.
One thing that I have encountered a few times though is that some men are very uncomfortable when they find out I earn more then they did and I’ve wondered was that part of their reason for not taking the relationship to the next level. | |
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| Should salary determine relationships?
Posted: 9/2/2006 8:46:43 PM | Roughly 90 percent of all women date or marry upwards.
I care less about what women say and more about what most are doing.
Thinks about it guys, 9 out of 10 women. Take from that what you will. | |
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| Should salary determine relationships?
Posted: 9/3/2006 12:11:56 AM | Trick question. I would say no, but as an Accountant I know that people have a harder relationship when LACK of money is an issue. Now, if we are talking about the Gold Digging women on this site and other dating sites that say "I want a man making $100K +". They don't matter because they want to be taken care of and i am not here to take care of ANY woman. I pay child support for 3 teenagers, and that is about all I plan on supporting. But, I do want a partner and i always ask "What do you plan to bring to the table". Women always freak out with that question because I believe most women think a man is suppose to take care of EVERYTHING. I can take care of everything by myself, I don't need to bring another bill or debt into my life. This is my way of weeding out those type of women, I tell them if I bring in the salary they are asking for, then they have to match it (401K style) with a salary of at least half of mine. If you have nothing to bring to this relationship, then get the hell-out-of-here. | |
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| Should salary determine relationships?
Posted: 9/6/2006 12:29:21 PM | Depends upon what is important...
If large amounts of money and the many aspects of variety and instant gratification it can buy you is highly valued...then that's probably what you're geared for, and possibly you'd be happier with someone whom feels the same way...at least the both of you will have something in common...and no fighting...at least until finances decide to take a turn for the worst... | |
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