| Advice for Nice Guys
Posted: 8/25/2005 5:14:23 PM | | all this talk about "nice guys" how come the guys need to be nice all the time... how about some nice girls. I mean I try to be nice, but it's hard to be nice to a girl when she's not that nice herself... I think I've met 3 women that are genuinly nice... my mom and my two grandmas. other than that never met a nice girl (especially not according to those guidlines) I am a bit cynical sometimes but that is because over the years i have slowly lost any faith i ever had in the women. | |
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| Advice for Nice Guys
Posted: 8/25/2005 5:42:04 PM | | Nice guys dont finish last, confident guys just finish first. Now whether confidence and being an a-hole are on the same gene in guys I dont know. But i'm tired of guys talking about how they turned into jerks and got dates but acted nice and didn't. Somethings not right about that formula if you're still posting here. Maybe its the confidence you're faking or somehow coming up with when youre playing the jerk thats attracting them, and the jerk thats keeping you still single. You know what they call confident nice guys? Boyfriend, fiancee, husband. | |
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| Advice for Nice Guys
Posted: 8/25/2005 5:52:45 PM | :o) Here's what I don't understand (was about to create a topic on the matter).
A. Why does one have to defend the fact that he/she is nice?
B. How is it possible to show online that he/she indeed is? (can't open doors or push cars)
C. Wouldn't it make one arrogant if he/she start to show off?
D. Why do girls write things they hate in guys as a description of their dream guy? | |
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| Advice for Nice Guys
Posted: 8/25/2005 6:11:44 PM | I'd like to add my 2 cents in too. People have always been rude in some way in our society. (Now more than ever.) I am a 20 year old guy, (about to turn 21, Sept. 2nd) I want to add in that MOST young people tend to act immature and irresponsable. The girls tend to fall for the guys who act rude and stupid because they feel that the bad guys have the "I don't care" attitude. This means the bad guys have a more exciting side that gets these younger girl going, but as most get older, (or the ones I've talked to anyway) have said that they wish they had stayed with that "one nice guy" they knew years ago, because the bad guy left them alone or alone with a child to take care of. Hmmmm....... Wonder why they are called, "Bad Guys."
Also remember nobody in this wolrd is nice all the time we all reach our boiling point at one time or another. | |
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| Advice for Nice Guys
Posted: 8/25/2005 8:59:51 PM | | Here is a little more advice for nice guys. Just being a nice guy doesn't cut it. Thats all you are is just a nice guy. To be a winner you also have to be strong confident funny a little bit naughty ( this doesn't mean trying to jump someones bones on the first date.) Then the most inportant thing is to know and like the person that you are. This takes a little self improvement. When you just jump from a nice guy to a bad boy you just go from loser to bigger loser. Just being a nice guy is not the end of the road. So you don't have to jump into being a bad boy. This is good advice please heed. Oh ya you also have to be secure in yourself. Then you will never finish last. | |
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xpxpk
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Joined: 7/4/2005
Msg: 81 | |
| Advice for Nice Guys
Posted: 8/25/2005 9:15:41 PM | jms brggs:
Couldn't have said it better myself. Doormats are always closest to the door. | |
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| Advice for Nice Guys
Posted: 8/26/2005 9:51:18 PM | Here's some advice for "nice guys" who have not had luck on this site. Perhaps you just need a brush up on some etiquette. After experiencing some similar things repetitively on here, I thought I'd share them so you don't make the same mistakes:
1. Have a photo of yourself without sunglasses that is clear, sharp and recent. Anything else, it looks like you're trying to hide something. I will not meet a guy without a photo. Period.
2. Change thre freaking subject line. If you cannot come up with a simple subject line for your email, how is it that anyone will expect you to come up with an idea for a date?
3. PLAN A FREAKING DATE already. No, not every one on here will want to meet you, but if you aren't a little bit assertive in this area, it will never happen. And don't be indirect. "What are you doing this weekend" does not cut it. That is NOT asking a girl out. That is fishing for the answer you want to hear, which puts the pressure on the woman, which is very unfair. Shy may already have plans. She may just share her plans with you, and you'll figure she won't change them for you, because she didn't say "Nothing, hun, why don't we meet?" Instead, ask her if she would be interested in getting together this weekend (or whatever day/evening). If she says "yes" have something already in mind! "Oh" you say in shock, "well, what would you like to do?" Don't make her decide when/where/what/ and be in charge of it all. Perhaps you'll want to have a couple of options ready. All it takes is looking in the arts and entertainment section of a newspaper or knowing where the coffee houses or restaurants/bars are. IT'S NOT THAT HARD BUT SOME MEN JUST CANNOT SEEM TO DO THIS.
4. When you send an email, don't quote some poet or romantic musings. Don't quote those chain mails that say crap like "Love means never making someone cry". If you believe that stuff, you're living in a fairy tale world where no one gets real with their feelings. Write from your heart. Write it in WORD and run a spell and punctuation check. Nothing turns me off quicker than bad spelling and punctuation; it makes you seem unintelligent. Lots about that in my other posts :).
So now that you all think I'm a cruel heartless female dog, go read some books by David Viscott. Your happiness and your life is your responsibility. Only you can change it. No one can change it for you. Be happy on your own, fulfill your dreams by your own effort, become the person you are, not that person your parents or anyone else expected you to be. Don't expect any other person to fulfill your happiness, or they will always let you down. Be the partner that someone would be happy to be with. | |
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| Advice for Nice Guys
Posted: 8/26/2005 11:16:06 PM | ShredBettie - No you are not a cruel heartless female dog (even if you did turn me donw ;-) What you say makes a lot of sense... THough I will admit that having ideas in mind does not always work either...
SICutie - I passed your "test"... I have done all on that list, up to and including consoling a lady over her past lover when he dumped her coldly and cruelly... I have never been needlessly cruel or abusive, I do understand the word NO... But I will say that I have met far too many ladies that don't know how to handle someone that is genuinely interested in what they want, wish and feel... I have my own opinions, I am quite capable of going to the corner market by myself, or to a movie that I wish to see but she does not care for(and no, I will NOT make her feel guilty about not going just cause I went to the ditzy ballet last week even though I was tired or uninterested... )
But in the end... I have been on the whole "Nice Guys Finish Last" routine, more than once... I am not loud, rude, obnoxious nor do I treat women like furniture or blow up dolls... I don't know... I am not shy, I have no fear of walking up and talking to a lady, I seem to have no problem making them smile, sometimes laugh... but... Here I sit, browsing the forums... I don't get very many "Read Deleted" but I do get quite a few "REad" with no response (which is a limbo of a mighty different smell... )
I have not given up... but it does get tiring...
Oh well... I am a NICE guy.. Too nice or not nice enough... who knows...
~~Dragon Rider~~ | |
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| Advice for Nice Guys
Posted: 1/16/2006 5:37:37 AM | I guess we all just have to keep our hopes up and keep being true to our own nature. Most of us don't think we're nice guys, as was said earlier, and I admit to that. Heck, I even thought I was a bit cruel sometimes, but apparantly not as much as I thought. It's funny how it goes sometimes. But the fact of the matter is, jusst be patient. We will all get our just desserts in the end. For all of the nice guys out there who think that I may be off my rocker, I finished a relationship with a lady last year that was most excellent indeed, and it was due to my "niceness" that she went out with me, instead of the next athlete. We left on mutual terms, due to both of us being extremely too busy for a relationship at the moment, and now we're the best of buddies. Moral of the story, who knows what the future will bring; just roll with the punches.
Later days,
Neal | |
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| Advice for Nice Guys
Posted: 5/13/2006 7:34:22 AM | | Nice guys always finish first in my books! It would seem that the *nice guys* who think they always finish last are either not very self-aware, or not in tune with women in general. Nice guys who are sensitive to women's needs or who, at the very least, make a concerted effort to understand women's needs, will always finish first..... ALWAYS. If they are also confident, secure, interesting, kind-hearted and fun to be with they will undoubtedly meet a nice woman when the time is right. I realize that some women are attracted to *bad boys*, just as some men are attracted to *bad girls*. However, let's define what a *bad boy* is, shall we? If we're referring to someone who is outgoing, confident, adventurous, fun, social, and lives on the edge at times, this is not someone I'd consider to be a *bad boy*. This is someone who lives life to the max and doesn't take life or time for granted. If we're referring to someone who is verbally/emotionally/physically abusive, then of course we'd all agree that this is someone considered to be a *bad boy*. For all you *nice guys* out there reading this thread, feel comforted in knowing that there are lots of *nice girls* out there looking to meet you. Keep doing what you're doing and most importantly just be yourself. What we *nice girls* are REALLY looking for is a *nice guy* who accepts, appreciates and understands us for who we are. We're seeking someone who is compassionate, emotionally available and understanding. Women are very different than men: different in their thoughts, emotions, perspectives, social interactions and needs in general. Once you understand and accept this, you'll be well on your way to meeting *Ms. Right*. There's someone for everyone out there - Keep the faith! | |
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| Advice for Nice Guys
Posted: 7/25/2006 9:52:53 AM | "Nice Guy Syndrome" demystified..... Enjoy!!!
http://isthis4real.wordpress.com/2006/06/08/nice-guy-syndrome/ | |
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| Advice for Nice Guys (locked)
Posted: 7/25/2006 10:45:11 AM | I think one needs to stop critically analyzing men. I would recommend a little less time watching Dr. Phil and realize that men as well as women are totally too picky and stressed out about who they want to have a relation with.
One only needs to walk into any Chapters and be overwelmed with the self help books.
People need to be just a little more understanding and a little less doubtful and get over their past baggage.
I hear this talk everyday.... Where are the nice guys... Well... they are right around the corner trying to fall into all the categories Dr. Phil wants to put us in...
I will tell you I dated a girl only a month ago and the converstation went something like this...
Do you get along with your parents? .... What is your average yearly income? ...
and to top it off she wanted to know if I had all my teeth... At this point I was considering opening my mouth and let her critique me like a horse trader ...or... head for the hills...
Instead.... I listened to her and came to the above conclusion.... too much over professional analyzing and not enough looking at people as human beings and accept a few shortcomings.
Good Lord... Dump the baggage... You will be alot more successful in your quest for a life partner.. | |
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| Advice for Nice Guys (locked)
Posted: 7/25/2006 11:51:10 AM | Hi LoneRider9,
Sorry to hear about your recent unpleasant dating experience - hopefully the next one will be much better. I agree that Dr. Phil/Self-Help Books/etc. are watched/read to excess in this day and age. However, I also think that *knowledge is power* and the more information you arm yourself with, the better off you'll be in finding the relationship that's right for you. In my humble opinion, *baggage* as you call it (aka experience) comes from NOT dealing with experiences, sensitive/unpleasant or otherwise. Food for thought.
Best of luck with your fishing! 
DWaP... | |
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| Advice for Nice Guys (locked)
Posted: 7/25/2006 5:06:04 PM | DWaP - I read your suggested article, and while I agree that there are quite a few that fall into that category.... However, I would add some additional insight...
There are nice guys out there that have the following:
1. Do we put ladies on a pedastal... probably, but this does not mean that we expect them to be perfect... perfection is perfectly boring... it is the flaws in which we find perfection, the flaws are what create an individual... and makes that person unique. The way I was raised, the lady indeed goes on the pedastal, but that only means that they are always treated with courtesy and respect and caring. WE (REAL MEN) are there to catch them when they fall or stumble, to help them over the rough sections... or share with them during the happy times.
2. Avoiding conflict... I admit to being guilty of this... to a point... The yelling, shouting screaming and other Bullsh*t is just pathetic... we should be a ble to discuss anything... compromise works too...
3. Pushover? No, I have my own opinions... and am unafraid to express them and discuss them... I will say though that I am flexible enough to enjoy nearly anything... and if it is something I object to, then... well... THe lady is welcome to pursue it with my support, yet without my company... as long as it does not conflict with our being a couple.
I speak slowly, I give thought to my words and meanings before uttering them. I can do my own thing... I certainly want to make my lady happy, as that will in turn make me happy. But I was brought up to believe that one should treat folk as one wishes to be treated... Even should I disagree with someone, I am an intelligent person that is capable of disagreeing with someone without making that person feel worthless. I do not need to yell and scream to make myself heard. I NEED not control a person and examine the minutae of their day to be their companion... I am equally capable of saying no as I am of saying yes. That I say yes more than no, is a personal choice... MOST things that people quibble over simple isn't worth the stress... As long as it isn't ofensive and does not look like poor trailer trash, the brown couch is fine, even if I like the Tan one better... in reality, the lady is probably going to be on that couch and around it far more often than I... what difference does it make?
Just my two cents worth... personally... my opinion.. .is that too many have gotten too used to too much abuse of one type or another and when presented with someone that cares about that person as a person, cares about their feelings, their desires and their needs, with out the verbal/mental/emotional/physical abuse... they have no clue what to do with it or how to handle it...
Have a great one, and thanks for the link, it was interesting...
Peace...
Dragon Rider... | |
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| Advice for Nice Guys
Posted: 4/17/2008 6:15:30 AM | Fellows....this is basic courtesy of not putting the onus on another for doing something you started. There is a difference between throwing a line and taking a lead. We are not going to catch a line where there is no one behind it holding onto it for us. Impressions of your character are in this, as is what you are looking for. A woman of character will not want to be what you are looking for and will not answer. A guy who asks "what are you doing this weekend" instead of asking for a date...well not much character here. Everyone likes confidence. Whoever starts should follow through.
It's a learning curve here for all....let's learn and not make it about misplaced egos. We are who we present ourselves to be; and when some try to fudge this it is a cost to all. | |
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| Advice for Nice Guys (locked)
Posted: 4/17/2008 1:48:21 PM | First of all who made you the nice police? I think your definition of nice is ridiculous. If others call you a doormat then blow them off? It's not healthy to be a doormat. If I'm taking my mom to the doctor, or late to work, or meeting an emergency, and I dont' help someone push a car I'm a jerk? I think you are not nice for judging others. What you are talking about is perfection; and no one is perfect. We all have bad days or are selfish at times; its human nature. Only God is perfect if you believe in God which I do. I don't have concern for all mankind. I think murderers should be put to death, and terrorists should be executed too. I think white collar crime is evil and corrupt men should go to prison. They are humankind too if you haven't noticed.
You are NEVER going to be happy with a man unless you have a doormat. I could imagine you judging men in so many instances saying, your really not nice. I think your view is self absorbed, bitter, and ridiculous. Being a doormat is dysfunctional. You don't want a nice guy, you want a mindless slave that you can control. I'm a nice guy, but sometimes I fail; just like everyone else; but I do my best. I totally disagree with you; thanks for the post. | |
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| Advice for Nice Guys
Posted: 8/18/2008 5:49:01 AM | | Very well said Woozoo, finally someone who gets it. | |
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| Advice for Nice Guys
Posted: 8/18/2008 5:59:04 AM | Dear Toronaga,
These girls you mention are insecure women who have yet to realize that they deserve a good man, someone who will treat them with respect. But respect must start within, in life you attract what you are, so if you`re a negative person then you`ll attract negative ppl and energies and visa versa.
I`m also a firm beleiver in karma, everything happens for a reason and when one door closes it`s so another can open.
cheers | |
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| Advice for Nice Guys
Posted: 9/15/2008 2:56:47 PM | Hi. I loved your post! I couldn't have said it any better. Since I don't like coffee, the Tim Horton's routine is tedious for me, I like to stretch my legs (wings) and those seats at Tim's are made for a quick turnover..not to sit and relax and chat. I do put on my profile what I would find interesting for a first encounter (I like to refer it to a blind date) in case some gentleman has brain-block. Good post, thank you.  | |
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| Advice for Nice Guys (locked)
Posted: 9/24/2008 5:45:54 AM | | SICutie.... you're definition of a "nice guy" is completely WRONG !!!!!!!!!!! sounds to me like you've been jaded by a guy who claimed to be "nice" and you FELL for it. if you put as much time into weeding out the fakes as you did writing this post, you would know a "real" nice guy when you met him. | |
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| Advice for Nice Guys (locked)
Posted: 9/24/2008 9:12:42 AM | The only question I would answer no to is the car one. I am 53 and disabled. Yes I do open doors for all strangers, when told ,"you're a nice guy" I respond with a modest thank you.
No I do not cheat, lie playhead games beat or hit women even when one hit me.
I have a frien on pof right now is is in a dilema and i am trying to help her. I am a nurturer by nature.
And yes I do seem to finish last, at least behind the bad boys who the girls swoon over then come to me and complain how crappy they are treated. This has happened since jr. high school.
So what is a nice guy to do? | |
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| Advice for Nice Guys (locked)
Posted: 9/24/2008 9:44:53 AM | well, jackster... what's a nice guy to do?? we just continue to finish last! while women continue to CLAIM they want a nice guy.... then turn and run back to thier abusive relationship when a nice guy comes along. I don't think a lady knows what to do with a genuine nice guy.
I know..... we (nice guys) can quit our jobs, move in with our mother, quit taking showers, wear ratty clothes, drive P.O.S. cars, & be lazy!! it must work because that's the kind of guys I see women hanging out with. | |
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