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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/17/2005 6:30:41 PM | You know what is really odd, and statistically impossible about POF: There are a few threads where everyone blames thier exes for the relationship ending : He was an alcoholic, she cheated with my friend, he beat me, she was into crack...etc....., NO ONE, ever looks in the mirror and says "we broke up because I was a crack slut" have you seen that here?
But what we do read on this string is: "I would never have sex with a friend"! I just think POF members could possible be the worlds cream of the crop of morality, how can else can you explain it. But if we are the cream of the crop here, why we hangin out with the opposite sex when we already have a lover? | |
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/17/2005 6:39:35 PM | | aquarium Okay, say I buy what you're saying. Me personally I don't have a lover, boyfriend, am not involved. So where did you come up with this interesting fact that "we're haning out with the opposite sex when we already have a lover?" Did you check every person's profile who posted here, or how do you know that? Please say you're not making an illogical leap of assumption. No, really i'm totally curious. | |
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/17/2005 9:09:18 PM | | aquarium... point one I don't have a lover or boyfriend. In other words not involved at present. The sort of friends I have are very committed to their other person in their life and we are all simply friends. You can have friends either male or female without sex. Frienship comes when someone is willing to care enough to share sorrows, laughter, and many other things without sex. | |
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/17/2005 9:15:40 PM | | ladypagey You're SO my kind of woman friend. Picked a good name for you dear...lady. It fits you it becomes you...you're a classic woman, through and through. Don't ever change!! It's heartening and refreshing for me to see a total lady. You epitomize the word, the definition and thanks for keeping the standard for a lady high...I appreciate that. | |
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/17/2005 9:19:24 PM | Of course...its about choice....but choose your friends wisely. Now if the question was. Can men and women be friends if chemistry exists and the other is in a relationship? This would be more tricky and may leave each vulnerable. Proceed with caution. Going out drinking and dancing may quickly lead to more.
Men seem to pose this question because most friends we choose of the opposite sex are physically attractive and some chemistry exists. Its a matter of being strong within and resisting such temptations. I think women are better at channeling such feelings into a brother/sister friendship. And once they do any other chemistry dies. | |
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/17/2005 9:32:51 PM | I wanted to transplant someone else's post into this thread because it exemplifies exactly what I have been saying all along. This post is the mantra of many of your guy "friends". It shows how and why they can appear to be your friends for many years at a time.....it is perfect.
"I've already posted here on this already and I realize some attempt to establish a relationship with one bent in mind and I understand that. You want and desire someone and he or she only wants you as a friend. That does sting and yes, you either decide because of my desire I feel totally rejected and walk away because you weren't looking for a friend in this person, or hope that if he or she sees you as a friend for awhile, he or she might change his or her mind. Either one is a personal preference.
However, another option is not to have bigger expectations and and enjoy what could be a great friendship. I don't whine a blame the other person for not only wanting me as something more than a friend. I don't huddle in the corner licking my wounds crying what is wrong with me. Not saying it doesn't sting and that it isn't a rejection of sorts, only that I'm the kind of person that appreciates having great friends.
When I first met my wife we hit it off as friends right away, but I quickly developed feelings for her. She turned me down romantically with the "friends" line. I didn't expect anything more and continued to be friends. As she saw more in me she liked, her romantic interest grew too. We may have our marital problems, but we've been together for 23 years now.
In the end, it seems wise to me to have accepted gracefully the friendship offer, but I understand that isn't everyone and it's either romance or friendship. To each his own, but I don't like letting go of a potentially great friendship, especially since many of the things you liked about the person are still there, like mutual interests."
The author is love269 and although I didnt' ask his permission to do this, I figured he couldn't really mind since it was posted publicly and this is a very similar thread..... | |
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/18/2005 2:04:35 PM | Umm, here is how my mind works: I read the "OP" then I read the "replies".
So when someone says to this string, "Yep, we sure can" and then other folks agree and say something like, "I like the way your mind works", I figure they are all talking about and agreeing about the same thing!
So for everyone who says men and women can be friends, I say we agree 100%. And if you did have sex I wouldnt care, who would? Except, thats not what the OP asked. She asked if her ex BF could hang around 4-6 women friends. and if that was "OK".
I guess we were comparing apples and oranges. Sorry to waste all your time. Hey TDH, we were all agreed all along! Its ok to have friends, as long as you arent in another intimate relationship! | |
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/18/2005 2:18:05 PM | The OP was 'suggesting' that her bf was "hanging out" with 6 'women', at first. She
did not say they were friends. She wouldn't elaborate on whether these women are
life-long friends or some girls he just met at a club....there's a significant
distinction there. Her failing to specify the destinction actually works against her
in that it suggests she has some misgivings about the thrust of her argument. | |
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ksue44
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Joined: 6/20/2005
Msg: 259 | |
| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/18/2005 2:30:10 PM | Yeppers - men and women can be friends without the "benefits". Doesn't matter if they are attractive, look like Wolfman, the Hunchback of Notre Dame, or Frankenstein's Bride. The key is if you are in a committed relationship is to communicate to your sweety that if you do have lunch with one of these friends (for example), is to let them know BEFORE the fact, not after the fact. Make sure to include your sweety in on these outings from time to time.
Also, the friends you have before you meet your special sweety, shouldn't be a threat to your loved one, if they are indeed secure with themselves. I think if your sweety knows that they are #1 Fiddler, can trust you, and know their needs are being met, it shouldn't bother your sweety.
My ex BF and I broke up in Dec 04 after 5 months of dating. I am so thankful that our breakup was friendly and done in a mature/loving way, we remain friends to this day. At one point there was a whole lotta love in the relationship, we acknowledged we were "mis-matched", but we were two good people that even tho there wasn't a "love" connection, we wanted to remain friends. | |
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/18/2005 3:22:28 PM | | For sure my gf is welcome - it's only a fun outing we go on. If my gf want's us to go off on our own, we will, but she knows she's always welcome....she's my GF no less. | |
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/18/2005 3:34:02 PM | ABSOLUTELY!!! I've been friends with men for years, never have done anything together, not to say its never crossed our minds. But we know it'd only be for the moment and respect always wins out in the end. We love each other too much to ever go that far.  | |
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/18/2005 3:37:48 PM | I have many guy friends and sometimes go mudding and such with them. But we don't do anything sexual. We are friends and that is all. I am like one of the guys, I like to do guy things, hunt and fish and mudding etc. They have never tried anything with me even while drinking. They protect me like a sister. | |
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/18/2005 4:38:57 PM | | I think it depends on how mature and understanding you both are to each other. I feel that your comments about the other women that he hangs around with shows your true and still lasting feelings for him. I would suggest that either you not ask who he's going out with or stop him from telling you. (Rememeber he's a ex) I would also ask you to sit and talk about it, maybe he doesn't know this bothers you; or at least be a little more sensitive to your needs as a friend..... In any case if you don't deal with your emotions on this, I think it will end up ending anyways. I hope for the best. | |
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/18/2005 6:09:59 PM | NO NO NO NO NO
WOMEN AND MEN CAN NOT BE FRIENDS WITHOUT SEX. or attraction
not long enough that is for sure, one is always attracted to the other...
it does not exist!
i havae had many mnay so called friends ...and they all at one point of another expressed their feeling to me,. feeling of attraction, love, whatver but none of those feeling were "just friends"
do basically yes, at one point inthat relationship- you will see not possible!!!!!! | |
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/18/2005 6:11:40 PM | @evelina:
Now go find some decent friends...don't be picking friends from the clubs.
I will see it's NOT possible???
You mean my girl of 8 years is working her way into my heart year by year?
Should I wait another 8 years to see if you're right?
Anyway, you are partly right in that with SOME people this will not work...
it hasn't for you, but for me it's working year after year. | |
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/18/2005 6:12:18 PM | iT IS POSSIBLE - many on this board have stated it is - especially when you see eachother as brother and sister...
But everyone has different views and experiences - lets all agree to disagree on this subject! | |
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/18/2005 6:21:54 PM | | queen You're so right we all have different experiences, so comparing individual experiences is never gonna match up perfectly. What you said rings true. | |
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/18/2005 6:24:13 PM | Thank you :) Its just human nature to disagree, especially when we all live our own lives and experiences...
(good god what did I take today - a 'deep' pill?) | |
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/18/2005 11:22:28 PM | | No queenie i think it was a "Logical Pill" you took,and wjat you said made great sense.take care,and Bucs i'm impressed 2-0 now,i'm telling you they're a playoff team this year.Go Cadilac Go.Bye.NY. | |
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/24/2005 9:54:56 AM | Maybe its cuz I'm young, but I honestly have never had a male friend who I didn't fool around with. (Besides the ones I wasn't attracted to) I'm a very sexual person, and if I'm attracrted to someone, why not... Mind you, when I'm in a relationship the same ruiles don't apply. I usuallydon't see those male friends as much.. lol
And in my last relationship it was HIS fault, didn't have enuf time for me. And the one before that was a joint effort at efffing it up..... | |
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/25/2005 7:51:52 PM | My ideas of "sex" include desire. I also believe that all human beings are hard-wired from over 2million years of evolution (or just over 5000 if you believe in the Bible) to be sexual creatures. Science and religion can agree on this subject, none of us is exempt (or born without the capacity to sin). This is why I believe friendship without sexual desires is so rare it basically doesn't exist.
If I posted a thread and asked "Who here has never stolen anything ever..." I'm sure a great many people would come in and swear that they are totally honest and have never stolen anything in their whole lives. I would call them liars and they would get steaming mad and make up all sorts of insults about me. If you actually could get the truth out of them you'd find out that sure, they take pens home from work, they pick up a newspaper at the coffee shop without permission, they are less than completely honest on their taxes, they pick flowers from the old lady's garden down the street, etc.
It is obvious to me that it upsets some people a great deal to think that their closest friends might have sexual thoughts about them from time to time but it's probably better to accept it and move on than to bury your head in the sand and hurl insults at the messenger.
Besides which, I'm saying it is very likely that your friends have had such desires.....no one can ever know what is in another person's heart or mind so screaming up and down that I am wrong is completely ridiculous....you don't know. | |
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franke
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Joined: 9/8/2005
Msg: 273 | |
| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/30/2005 1:03:32 PM | | Give it up - ask instead - Why shouldn't men and women who are good friends have sex? ( or women and brothers who aren't really brothers) For me, the men who are my close friends just aren't my brothers -I have 3 brothers-and I feel nothing sexual about them, but my close male friends...... I enjoy finding them attractive - it's a compliment to them and why should I be afraid of those feelings, they are healthy. | |
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/30/2005 1:34:28 PM | it is very true that men and women can be friends without having sex but if you are having a problem with the amount of women your ex-boyfriend goes out with maybe you should sit down and try to figure out why that is  | |
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