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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 6/6/2006 6:50:09 AM | | So bookworm how do I fix it. I liked having him as a friend, I would never have hurt him for anything. I just don't want him to feel like I am keeping him around in case things don't work out with the present man I am seeing. I have read several posts where men feel like that is what we are doing. I guess you are right about us getting defensive but honestly the thought hadn't crossed my mind, maybe when I first met him but then after all this time of being friends just don't feel that way about him or any of my male friends. | |
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 6/6/2006 5:12:25 PM | | men and women can definately be friends without sex.... my best friends are guys and believe me there is zero sexual attraction between us... | |
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valjas
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Joined: 6/4/2006
Msg: 453 | |
| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 6/6/2006 5:26:32 PM | | I totally agree, men and women can definetly be friends without sex. However if u are in a serioius relationship with someone that significant other should know about it. Otherwise it is like u have something to hide. U should not have to hide ur friends. If ur sigificant other is that jealous I would consider talking about a compromise or something... Not saying anymore don't want to make enemies....lol | |
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 6/6/2006 8:48:13 PM | @texastori41
That's a really good question. I wish I had a simple answer that worked 100% of the time. Some guys will think they "have a shot" no matter how clear you are that they don't; hope springs eternal, I guess.
I don't know your situation or how you two interact with each other. But generally speaking, I would say that if you want to make it clear that you want a friend, then I would suggest that you be careful not to do or say anything, even jokingly, that would make him think otherwise. I'm talking about "harmless" flirting, sexual innuendoes, etc. It doesn't matter that you only mean them as jokes; for many guys it will be taken as a signal that you are implying that you are sexually available. It's been my experience, some of it very recent, that some girls don't like to be reminded that they're not "one of the guys", and never will be. And I wasn't trying to imply that you were on of those people who gets defensive. If you look at a few other posters in this thread, you will see one or two people actually start to personally insult others when those others try to point out that guys generally see things differently.
You can also try making pointed comments; something like, "I'm glad you're my friend. It's nice knowing I can get a guy's perspective if/when I find somebody I want to date and I have a question".
The bottom line is that this is fairly common; much more so than many girls want to believe. It's up to you to make clear boundaries so that there's no confusion that you want a friendship, and nothing more. This also has the added benefit of hopefully preventing it from becoming a point of contention between you and whoever you eventually do start dating.
If that doesn't work, I'm not sure what else to tell you. :) | |
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 6/6/2006 11:37:55 PM | I have a female friend that I have known since 8th grade and we are very good friends. Even spend the holidays with eachother sometimes. We hangout, rent a movie, eat pizza, etc...
And we haven't had sex or discussed it. We don't really joke about it or make little remarks to suggest any interest in doing something more. We are just really good friends. And, whoever i were to date would be told this upfront too.
And, if they couldn't handle it, Bye-bye. | |
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 6/7/2006 12:37:11 AM | | Thank you bookworm, I do joke around around quite a bit so I guess it can be taken out of context if I think aout it. i will be more careful in the future. I have been accused more often than not about being naive rather than defensive and i in no way took your comment about that personally. Was just thinking purely "real" life. | |
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 6/8/2006 4:47:05 PM | | you notice all the girls says you can ,,and the guys say no,,,lol,,all the women i am friendly with i would have sex with,,whether they want to believe it or not,, | |
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 6/8/2006 7:18:33 PM | | No question about it. I have lots of friends who are women and I have never slept with and never would. That's why they're my FRIENDS... | |
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 6/8/2006 8:42:35 PM | | I don't see why men and women being friends would be a problem. I have always mainly had male friends, and never once thought about having sex with them. I really haven't had any female friends since I have been an adult. However if one of them was married or had a girlfriend, and we went out, their wife or girlfriend was along too. Usually with a group of people. I can see where it might cause problems if it were any other way. | |
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 6/8/2006 9:12:49 PM | | Sure. I have a few female friends that I don't think of that way. Nothing against them, I just can't see them as anything else. Personally I think guys should have platonic female friends. Gives them insight into the female mind lol | |
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 6/8/2006 9:32:04 PM | | Absolutely! I have one male friend imparticular that I have been friends with for several years and have never had a sexual relationship with him. Sure, he brings up the topic on occasion, but the interest isn't there. I feel like the friendship would be ruined by going there with him. Sex is a very important part of my life, but it is also something that I value. I have male friends that I have had a sexual relationship with in the past, but still remain friends with them without any sort of sexual contact involved. I moved on, they moved on and you can never have too many friends! | |
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 6/9/2006 12:40:46 AM | NO they cannot be.
Sexual tension between a man and a women is completely normal and natural. SEX IS NATURAL. You cannot turn off instincts. You can lie to yourself and another about what you desire.
Anytime a man and a women are "just friends" at least one of them would be more than willing and HAS thought about sex between them. Most likely this would be the man who has thought about it.
After you have thought about it then their is sexual tension that will someday see some sort of fruition even if the results of such pent up lust is a breaking of the friendship.
So no. Men and women cannot be friends the same way men can be friends with men and vise versa. It goes against human nature. | |
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 6/9/2006 3:53:56 AM | @ placename here.
Soooooooooooooooooooo............ What you are telling me then, if I hear you correctly, and correct me if I'm wrong on this. YOU would CHOOSE not to have female friends with out sex involved. As it is a choice my friend. You choose to do what you do. Sure there may be a sexual air. You choose to either expand on it or not. Agree or disagree? | |
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 6/9/2006 5:57:08 AM | Wontplay,
I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this but if you're guy friend has brought up the subject of sex guess what he's thinking about. Now he may be feeling you out waiting for the right oppurtunity but I can promise you he's thinking about having sex with you; even if you don't see him in that light.
I'm beginning to see a pattern here; notice most women actually think they can be friends without being the object of desire. Goes back to the propaganda they've been inundated with since birth; that mantra that they want a man to like them for their mind. And if they're having sex with a person how can they truly know if the guy they're banging loves them for their mind? So they turn to the "male friend" to prove to themselves that they have substance beyond the physical.
knoxjbp | |
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 6/9/2006 6:45:49 AM |
So they turn to the "male friend" to prove to themselves that they have substance beyond the physical.
I know who I am, I know what I am, I know what I have. I do not have a need to prove anything to anyone. Every person male or female has substance beyond the physical.
I think those of you, that say males and females can't be friends without having sex, should really say it how it is. You can't be friends with the opposite sex without thinking about sex. Sorry for you as you are missing out. | |
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 6/9/2006 7:26:42 AM | Justme,
I know who I am, I know what I am, I know what I have. I do not have a need to prove anything to anyone. Every person male or female has substance beyond the physical.
Glad you cleared that up. Just a thought but why do you feel the need to assert that you know who you are?
I think those of you, that say males and females can't be friends without having sex, should really say it how it is. You can't be friends with the opposite sex without thinking about sex. Sorry for you as you are missing out.
Humans are sexual beings; that's how the species propagates. Men think about sex; all the time. To think you're the woman that men you're aquainted with, and hang around regularly, for some reason doesn't think about sexually is nothing more than a delusion. This isn't to say that sex is at the forefront of every topic of discussion, or thought; but it is most definitly on their mind.
knoxjbp | |
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 6/9/2006 3:42:36 PM | | Absolutely....I have many male friends that I have not had sex with. My best friend is a guy. We've been best of friends for about 10yrs now. I tell him everything! He even helped me out when I was having problems with my marriage. I guess you can say I relate better to men than I do with women. I dunno....but, for sure you can have friends from the opposite sex and not have sex.... | |
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 6/9/2006 6:55:42 PM | i had the sma equestion im my head a months ago..and the words that came from a guy i like was...why not? i dont see any problem to it.
after a few weeks i asked him if he wanted to go out for a movie guess what he said.."we both know as friends isnt possible"...hmm after a few weeks it changes...
to my experience, men and women cant be friends unless one is gay!!! | |
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 6/9/2006 7:42:27 PM | Yes men and women can be friends without sex. But you have to have boundaries. My one friend gets kinda crazy and touchy/feely when he drinks. It's annoying, but I let him know. If I had a boyfriend at that time and he knew, he would get a kick in the nads. We tease each other and have fun while we are both single. We flirt and have a good time, but if I am in a relationship, he knows what is acceptable and what is not. Same with him. I would not knowingly flirt and tease if he was in a relationship. If he or I am in a relationship, it doesn't happen. We respect each other. But you usually have to spell out your boundaries to your friends, and if they are a true friend they will respect that. I ask myself one question. Would I feel comfortable with my boyfriend doing this with a friend? If not, then I don't engage in that kind of behavior.  | |
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 6/9/2006 8:50:40 PM | How do you categorized this thing?
First, I know that I can be friends with a woman, I like women, each one is different and wonderful. But, that doesn't say much. I don't mean that offensively, I just mean to say that knowing women in a general way and being generally friendly is easy to do. If you like women.
How about this, could I be friends with a beautiful woman, while in a meaningful relationship with my soulmate, sure I can. Why, because you make boundries out of self respect and out of love respect for your soulmate. Far as I am concerned that beautiful woman would be just a buddy.
Now here is the tough one, could I be friends with an attractive woman who finds me attractive and we both are not in a relationship. Look. lets be honest here, if she is good enough to be a friend, there is only a thin line between a woman who is a good friend and a good woman friend being my lover.
So bottom line, guess I would have to say that like everything else in life there is no easy answer, and just depends. | |
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 6/9/2006 10:36:42 PM | all through high school, I was just friends with all the girls
I'm sure most thought I was gay because I never seriously hit on any of them, (only in jest)
I was attracted to a lot of them...
but too insecure to ask any of them out on a date | |
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 6/9/2006 11:42:37 PM | Absolutely!!
I have plenty of female friends. In the past a few had hints. They went both ways, Me on them and They on I. But they were accepted as a compliment and that was that.
I got one better. I have 6 old girlfriends in my cell phone and talk/see/email an average of once a month or so. Newest from 93...oldest 1983.
As they remained friends, I've told the new ones about them. Upon parting you might need a "space " time before you are friends (shorter as you get older). But opposite sex can be friends with no sex...even when there was romance in the past. All about honesty...with others as with yourself.
As for your current serious relationship being in the "trust area"... OMG...Hope by 40 thats not a problem..But hey....look for the signs, they are there...You are either faithfull or not. If they are "friends" your partner doesn't need to check in the mirror before or extra prep time to go out with their "friend", and will have no problem with you all going out or being together.
BDJ | |
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 6/10/2006 8:25:19 PM | Absolutely! My best friend is male and we actually met on an Internet dating site in 1999. I thought he was funny as heck and we hit it off....I am totally not into him for a relationship though, as he was not what I was looking for in a partner! We have never had sex, we are never going to either. I am totally not interested and neither is he! Oh, and as a bonus - he gives me insight to the "guys point of view" when I date!
If I have a partner (or when I have a partner), there will be no secrets between us and my friend won't be a surprise or hidden from my partner. In fact, it would be cool if they could be friends too!
So yeah, it can be done and I think it is healthy to have friends of both sexes. It gives you a balanced perspective. | |
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 6/13/2006 11:31:23 AM | Women and men can be friends. However, there are many female friends I've have or have had that if they had wanted to start a relationship, I would have strongly considered it.
Why? Good relationships are grounded in good solid friendships. You can't base a relationship on just sex and expect it to be everlasting. | |
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