|
|
|
|
|
| |
| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 8/24/2005 7:55:30 PM | | Calgaryman 99: yes that sounds very wonderful in theory but the human relationship is much more complex then it's my way or the highway. They often involve sacrifices on both parts. Knowing that your partner the one you supposidly love is not understanding or hearing your wishes is hardly solid grounds for a lasting relationship. Communication break down is the major killer of relationships. Regardless of whether all of us think that this is right or wrong or if we are capable ourselves the point is that this leap 49 is not cool with it. We do not know this situation at all only by the info given to us. Using that info it is easy to see that leap49 already knows that this situation is not right for her. I sense that she is seeking confirmation on something that she knows is not right after all she knows the situation better than we do. She is with this guy. So who better to judge than her! Trusting your intuition is definatly one of the hardest things to do but when you learn to do it it rarely is wrong. Go with your instinct. | |
|
| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 8/24/2005 8:11:18 PM | @ jesiebunnies
Ok, I understand where you are coming from. And maybe I went a little off topic in regards to what the author was asking for.
I guess I was referring more to the way my ideal relationship would be, were things are completely open, can (and do) both discuss anything with each other, and yes, be able to have friends of the opposite sex without fear of your partner cheating on you with them.
Calgaryman99 | |
|
| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 8/24/2005 8:12:10 PM | | well in this case, I do believe men and wome can be friends. but if your in a relationship. You should at the very least introduce these women to the women your in a relationsip..instead of keeping it a seperate from there relationship ...and should be seeing them more that the women you in a relationship with...If you care enough to be in a relationship, shouldn't you want to be with that person more than your friends? | |
|
| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 8/24/2005 8:19:32 PM | all the male friends I have are gay, and I have tonnes of female friends, and other then one of them, I have not had sex with any of the girls, or even the guys, lol.
so yes, you can be friends without sex. | |
|
| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 8/24/2005 8:24:44 PM | ^^^good point. also, it's not that you must have sex but that the hope or the desire will almost always be there. Is that a true friendship? Someone like Heidi above makes me laugh, she's so young and beautiful and totallly believes that all her guy friends hang out with her because she's cool....next time you're out drinking, take your top off climb up onto a pool table and tell your "friends" that you want them all right now....you'll see the truth in what I'm saying.
I had a girlfriend come to me and tell me that her "friend" from the local coffeeshop, the one she'd been spending more and more time with, had just told her that he wanted to have sex with her. I was of the opinion that she either broke off that "friendship" or I'd break the guy. She was pissed off but after thinking about it she realised that it's true....a true friend isn't there waiting to fu ck you - that's a guy on the back burner, a snake in the grass. He isn't motivated to make her happy, he doesn't offer good advice when she's having problems in the relationship, he sits and waits for his chance, hammers little wedges in wherever and whenever he can, etc.
Sure it's possible that a man can genuinely enjoy a friendship with a woman but it's a lot rarer than people in here make it sound. I have lots of friends and I don't fu ck them.
Also, when I'm in a relationship I don't associate with women who want to get into bed with me, once I hear a single word said against my girlfriend from a woman with ulterior motives, that chick is done, she's gone...that ain't friendship. I dont' need to wait around for my gf to get upset about it and I would expect someone I care about to show me the same loyalty and respect. | |
|
| |
| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 8/24/2005 8:30:47 PM | T,D and H....I like your last post and mostly agree. I do have male friends that are married, happily so, and they have set me up on dates with their friends etc...and I feel I can talk to them about anything..and I have.....much to their chagrin sometimes.....  They go... wait...stop..no, don't tell me anymore... j/k
But I also know what you're talking about when you say that he's playing to be your friend and just waits for the moment to drive a wedge in between you and your dating friend...I've seen that happen...not to me... but to others.
I don't sleep with my friends...and they haven't asked me to sleep with them ...ever. | |
|
| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 8/24/2005 8:38:43 PM | | t d & h Ahh... no surprise here. But you introduced a new aspect to this already somewhat confusing scenario. I've also been subjected to that. Many male on their word and my trust platonic friends and real friends and these men would go to hell and back for me. That's wonderful, I appreciate that. And for some that's all well and good as long as I'm totally single and not connected in any way shape or form. But to my surprise and I do mean surprise, I've brought the "new" man around, introduced him to my friends and then gotten an almost ultimatum. Whaaa? Well, spank me and call me stupid, but some of my male "friends" not only were NOT happy to meet him, not happy for me, but did the WIld Kingdom animal stick your chest out jealous dance. I was surprised, appalled and shocked. I took care of it later, but it's like what the heck were you doing? And the he's not good enough for you or I didn't like him...HELLO not a true friend's answer. They showed their colors, however long I spent with the "new" man or not, if you do that to me, you're just not my friend or not my friend anymore. And some try to wedge themselves back in, like I need a "pity" screw? Sometimes I guess it takes being involved or in the new stages or trying to get there with someone that you enjoy or have fun with, but let me see my guy friends alone and I don't even ask but what are you doing with that turkey or what do you see in him, you're much better than that? Their ignorant grins and my shocked mouth dropped open face should tell it all. Be happy with a man/woman, and that's the litmus test of your true, real opposite sex friends. | |
|
| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 8/24/2005 8:45:10 PM | | Men and Women should be friends without sex first-I sure wouldn't want to sleep, live or marry with a stranger or someone I hardly knew. | |
|
| |
| |
| |
| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 8/24/2005 9:33:54 PM | well it doesn't have to be...... You were never friendly toward your one nighters? hehehe
do i have to want sex just because i am a friend? | |
|
| |
| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 8/24/2005 9:43:41 PM | Dragonred, I've found that the door usually hits me in the ass going out
^^^^DeadManWalking ....You Bring a New light to POF...So Good to See You here..
I respect Your wisdom........ | |
|
| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 8/24/2005 9:46:54 PM | @bambi75
do i have to want sex just because i am a friend?
I don't believe in one night stands....lol...maybe just because I've never had one...who knows...lol
and I think you have it backwards.....you don't have to want sex because you are a friend...I am saying that just because you are friends and members of the opposite sex doesn't mean you necessarily want to have sex with one another. | |
|
| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 8/24/2005 9:50:14 PM | Ok Bambi, when I ask you what a friend is you are likely to say things like...someone who will listen to my problems without judging me or trying to fix everything, someone I can rely on to help me in a time of need, someone to hang out with and do things with, who understands me and isn't too needy or critical, makes me laugh, can be trusted with my secrets and trusts me with theirs, whose opinions matter to me about important subjects...etc. Some or none of these may apply to you personally but they're just examples.
You are a sexy and attractive woman, a single guy is almost guaranteed to be wanting to see you naked every time you get together. Most people's definition of a friend doesn't include "he wants to get into my pants". If you think about it, the story I told in my post above or Bucs experiences will probably sound terribly familiar to you. People that use the guise of friendship to get closer to you in hopes that there might be some sexual payoff down the road are not your friends.
It doesn't mean that you can never have a friend that is a male, it does mean that many of the guys you consider your friends are something else altogether. It's all about how you define friendship....someone like Shadowgirl there has a totally different perspective all her lovers are friends first and therefore any friend must therefore be a potential lover. Personally, I would be uncomfortable being in a relationship with someone with friends like that.
IMO a woman who is loyal to her man would never spend time with guys that want to get her into bed and exactly the opposite is true. The hotter you are, the harder this will be to achieve but my unwritten rule (...ok, well it's written now) is as long as nothing is ever said or done, you don't have any control over it - what is in people's hearts and minds is not your responsibility but once it comes out in the open it's up to you to make a choice. | |
|
| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 8/24/2005 9:57:49 PM | t,d,and h.....
a single guy is almost guaranteed to be wanting to see you naked every time you get together
I have single guy friends and i have had them for years. They have never crossed the line with me nor would i have any reason to think they would. I have married male friends as well and we have gone out several times without their wives. Never has anything happened. For some reason i seem to have more male friends than female friends. It has always been that way. | |
|
| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 8/24/2005 10:03:43 PM | I agree wholeheartedly with Bambi75 here (reversed of course)
I have had single female friends and we never crossed certain lines. I was happy just to be their friend as they were truly great people to be around. To this day, one of my best friends is female she is going out with another of my best friends. We hang out together all the time, with or without her boyfriend.
I like to think that we are capable of relationships based on other things besides the need to breed. I think we are capable of overcoming our instincts/impulses in the search for higher things such as friendship.
If we are not capable of having relationships based on something other than sex, then we are still no different than any other animal running around on earth. | |
|
| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 8/24/2005 10:14:00 PM | | Of course, it's okay. I have way more female friends than male. Granted, some were intimate at one time or another, but now are just friends. My best friend is a woman I used to date and a woman has to trust that we are just friends. She comes with the package. It has been difficult for a few, but she is my best friend. I am not going to give that up. | |
|
| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 8/24/2005 10:37:53 PM | t,d and h, you've done a wonderful job of stating the reality of affairs when it comes to the friendship issues. The issue of guys with friend girls is a little more on the realistic side because in reality if the friend girls wanted that guy to get into their pants, the probability is very high that it would happen. A lot of women like to remain blind to the fact that most men are working away on the chinks waiting for a crack.
As for the OP, my SO does not need to run around with a bunch of male friends, nor would I be inclined to find female friends to go and hang with. If there are things wanting to be done, we should be doing them together.
Scuse me, I have to find a female post I can post an agreement to right after so I can hammer in some of my vast supply of wedges... | |
|
| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 8/24/2005 10:41:38 PM | ^^^I'm not surprised some women have a problem with that. If I met a woman who spent a good deal of her time with her best friend that is an ex and an on-again, off-again lover, I wouldn't let her get close to me. We'd be casual and that's it. That is what I would call serious "baggage" and it's a powder keg.
Some of my closest friends are women and women I've slept with. In one case my lover met a guy while away at sea, in her early letters he was a "friend", now they are married and are having their second child. She and her husband are very dear friends of mine and sex is not a part of the equation, at all. In another case, a woman I was dating hooked up with one of my buddies, the moment I dumped her she got together with him (aparently a little before that in fact), they are now married with children too. We're still friends and sex plays no part in those relationships either. In another case, I know a beautiful and brilliant woman who I fell in love with the moment I saw her, I played at being her "friend" for years and finally realised that I just can't be near her. I'm not her friend, as much as I'd like it to be it isn't a friendship and so I keep my distance out of respect to her husband....and her.
I've seen plenty of women who flirt with guys, encourage and trade sexual innuendos, laugh when guys tell them how they plan to steal them away from their boyfriends, go out and get drunk with them, etc. A lot of the time, they cheat on their bf's or husbands and if they do eventually leave their relationships they've already got the next one heated up to a roilling boil.
I travel a lot and I hate the idea of a woman I love carrying on like that while I'm away. It's about loyalty and respect. | |
|
| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 8/24/2005 10:43:45 PM | Yes,,I do beleive men and women can stil be friends,,WITHOUT sex,,,I have many males friends,,I work with a tonne of men ,,which I prefer, because women can be pretenious, petty, gossipy, ****es,,,,,sorry ladies,,,,,not all ,,but to work with them in the enviromnet I do,,they can be.
As from one of my dear friends,,he states that he could never sleep with one of his female friends because then they have seen him naked,,lol.
If you can be an adult,,you can have friends of the oppsite sex.
Plus maybe you should determine if they are actual friends OR acquaintences. | |
|
| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 8/24/2005 10:48:53 PM | | I think you can. I have a handful of guy friends. And yes, they are just friends! and I love hanging out with them. Im not going to give up my friends when I start to date someone. Hopefully he will become friends with them as well | |
|
|
| Page 2 of 51
|
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41 |
|
Home
login 
