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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/15/2005 2:05:35 PM | Aquarium:
I understand your point of view but for me for one reason and another I ended up with only female friends. In the beginning for sure I would have dated them (no sh/t)- and I did want
to but it didn't work out that way. But we always have a good time together when we're together. What am I to do if the relationship initially fails to become romantic?...slink off into the night? Forget the good times?...was that all fake? Once you give it more and more time you do realize that it's a caring & fun relationship. With one; I've attended her brothers funeral, and her baby's, and her wedding.
I don't have anything agains guys - trust me. And I'm NOT gay!! | |
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/15/2005 3:56:05 PM | aquarium
if you said you were a straight male and had lots of gay friends, I would say you are not hung up by labels that people put on other people and that you have an open mind.
I don't care what people think about me having male friends, what matters is that me and my friends have respect for eachother.
I choose my friends wisely - and like I said they are like brothers and they treat me like a sister, and they are protective of me. Not because they want in my pants, but because they respect me. | |
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/15/2005 4:49:10 PM | All these women posting about how they prefer men as friends and either admitting that those "friends" are generally hoping to get it on with them and in several cases even made passes at them or at the other end of the spectrum, they adamantly deny that there is any sexual element to the relationships at all. It seems ridiculously obvious what the truth of the matter is and who is living in denial.
The reason you prefer the company of men and surround yourselves with these guys is because you love the attention and crave the power you wield over them. Perhaps you don't have that same degree of power over men you sleep with but the ones you know you could have any time but won't let them gives you all the power and you love it.
I don't think I'd want to date a woman who "prefers the company of men" after following this thread. I used to think such women were the coolest of the cool but I'm beginning to see a bit of a trend here and it isn't very pretty.
I can't really get on board with aquarium there and his never be alone with a member of the opposite sex stuff but I think part of me might like to date a woman who believed that.
When I think of it, I can't really see any reason why I'd have to have total privacy with a friend....there isn't anything I need to do with her that I couldn't do with other people around. Maybe he has a point there? I don't think any of the women I've dated would ever accept such a thing and then again...they're the ones fuc king thier "friends" behind my back....interesting. | |
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/15/2005 5:08:36 PM | | Okay, think I'm strange, it wouldn't be the first time. I personally make a sharp distinction between men I'd like to date or sleep with, whatever and men who I'd want to be just friends with. I will admit it's partly a physical thing, there has to be a physical attraction to stimulate a sexual interest. I didn't think that was weird, and let me add that it's not the Fabio male model type of physical attraction either. I'm not particularly drawn to male model looking types and pretty boys who are too into themselves really turn me off. Maybe you'll find this funny, imagine that, but I used to say I had a rule that I wouldn't date a man who was prettier than me. Call me insecure, but it sure made my friends laugh like crazy!! Alright, back to serious..ugh..well physical attraction is just that, usually it's not particularly one or several physical features, I do like a nice tight azz, but not a biggie. It's just men that their physical presence turns me on, often a sexy voice makes me melt and a man who really looks at you with piercing eyes...yeah that sort of thing. Face it, some men are just sexy, or sexy to me and some aren't. I've had very good close male friends, whether they wanted into my pants or not is not normally talked about although some have said so and it's just been taken care of and put out of the way. They still want to be friends, so if they're my friend to get another shot, well maybe I'm unaware of that. But they sure don't treat me like a "girl", they treat me more like one of the guys and I like that. Some of these men I've known a good many years and intellectually they'd be a great catch, hell I already love them to bits, but when I try to think of them as a romantic attachment, well it's just NOT there. I think it'd be strange and I'm thinking of one or two in particular I've known upwards of 8 years. They've had girlfriends, and wow to think they'd spend THAT much time with me and tell me all their personal private stuff just for a future chance of sleeping with me? Sorry, but I honestly don't think they want me THAT bad. I do think of them like brothers and they treat me more than like a sister, more like a good guy friend. Maybe this is where I'm strange or weird, but these distinctions between interested romantically or not tend to make themselves evident to me fairly soon after meeting them. I've never become sexually attracted later to someone who's been a friend for any length of time. I can't do the FWB, just can't but I don't criticize those who do or can. I'm very much a live and let live and to each their own type of person. As long as everyone's upfront and honest and not trying to hurt anyone, go do whatever makes you happy. I'm with t d & h, I don't need privacy with my male friends, unless it's to discuss something privately that they don't want anyone else to be privy to. My friends male and female know who they are and know I love them and they're very special and dear to me. Lovers, boyfriends and all come and go, but you always have your friends. I treat mine like gold, they're all treasures. | |
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/15/2005 5:18:04 PM | td and h
are you god? Do you know our lives? You are not - so don't post things you know nothing about..
I donot crave the attention, sorry - I don't have hang ups and need to surround myself with men to make myself feel better - there are women that can do that...
And I don't really give a you know what if you don't think we are cool - we don't live for your opinions.
Obviously you haven't had many friends, or have lived life well enough to know what is rea and what is not.
And I am not going to defend such trivial things to small minded people! | |
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/15/2005 5:21:47 PM | bucsgirl
But you read some of these posts - and we are supposed to be all gullible and dumb when it comes to males wanting to be our friends, see we have no control over our lives, but some on here know all!
Yet the fail to read the posts on how that sort of friendship can be (like with me) brothers and sisters - and that to think of sleeping with them (and them with me) would be incest. | |
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/15/2005 5:25:33 PM | Ummm...I have one male friend that I do things with that I am not going to be able to do with a bf/lover/fwb....
We occasionally train together, spend time discussing nutrition, training splits, periodization, supplements and posing routines...etc etc. Unless I am hooking up with another competitive bodybuilder I will still be hanging with my buddy now and then!! | |
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/15/2005 5:26:32 PM | TD&H: Apparently YOU are encapable of carrying on a mature relationship with the opposite sex on a friendship basis. We all have our handicaps I suppose. What makes you think
that sex is a constant in ANY relationship? | |
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/15/2005 5:28:39 PM | but remember - he is doing it because he doesn't respect you
he wants to get in his pants
according to a good portion of the posts here (notice they are almost all by males- who obviously don't have it in them to have that sort of respect for a woman
(some people cannot get the point we can be friends without sex) | |
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/15/2005 5:30:02 PM | lazyboyz
I think its the guys on here that are not getting enough and have sex on the brain 24 hours a day that have difficulty dealing with the fact it can work that way. | |
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/15/2005 5:40:49 PM | | queen I have an exboyfriend who was amused at all my male friends and said point blank, men and women cannot be friends, these guys all like you because they want to sleep with you. I'll make this brief, I no longer have him as a boyfriend, he was out in left field in many areas, and a serious alcoholic to boot, but I still have all my male friends. They are like my brothers, but we do share things in convo I would never tell my in the flesh brothers. hahah I know you get my drift. I love these guys to pieces, I'd do anything in the world for them and they've told me many times the same thing. | |
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/15/2005 5:48:34 PM | Every girl on POF i've ever chatted w/ or made a friendship with will tell you that I have
never made any sexual references to them. Before you can begin a friendship or even develop
romantic one's, you'd have to demonstrate that you are capable of
being a friend. Since when does sex come before friendship? Most would say meaningful and romantic relationships begin with a real friendship....hmmmm...is this even news?
The real question should be: why won't you have ANY opposite friendships? ....you just wrote off 50% of the population.
There are things in life that , as a man, I would never imagine discussing w/ a guy ....women are AWESOME....alot to learn from them. | |
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/15/2005 5:52:03 PM | | WHY DO SO MANY PEOPLE THINK THAT THEY CANT HAVE A FRIEND OF THE OTHER GENDER WITH OUT HAVING TO TAKE THEM TO BED. I HAVE MANY GUY FRIENDS I GREW UP WITH AND I HAVE NEVER WENT TO BED WITH ANY OF THEM. WHEN U HAVE KNOWN PEOPLE SO LONG THEY R NOT SOMEONE U THINK OF IN THAT WAY AT ALL. MY GUY FRIENDS AND I GO TO THE BAR AND HAVE DRINKS SOMETIMES THEY BRING THERE GIRLFRIENDS AND WIVES BUT NEVER DO I BRING A GUY WITH ME, SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO HAVE FRIENDS THAT R JUST YOUR FRIENDS. PEOPLE U CAN HONESTLY TALK TO ABOUT YOUR WORRIES WITH OUT HURT FEELINGS OF MISUNDERSTANDINGS | |
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/15/2005 6:12:55 PM | bucsgirl
Its amazing that there are narrow minded people out there that feel they cannot have a respectful relationship with someone without jumping into the sac. But I agree with you - they are more my brothers, and exactly would defend me to the death - as I them...
And good for you about your ex - everyone has to go through a couple of those I guess for 'growing experiences'
and lazyboyz - one word for you..
 (or should I say action lol)
Imjustintime...
I think its not worth us wasting our breath on these people who sadly will never experience a wonderful friendship that it could be due to either being oversexed, or under educated - in life. | |
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/15/2005 6:13:09 PM | Why don't people bother to actually read other posts?
Why do people insist on using Caps Lock when it is clearly against the rules (because it is annoying!)?
I'm completely unaware of any single person who has suggested that friends have to have sex with each other. No one has said or even implied as much. In fact, the vast majority of people who have written in here, on both sides say it is a factor in relationships. The point as I see it is whether that constitutes a friendship?
I don't think so. These guys who secretly harbour sexual desires are not the "friends" you think they are, regardless of how long it's been going on. How many times have you seen a couple break up and then thier "friends" suddenly start hitting on them, or they actually do hook up? These aren't friendships, they are back-up plans, they are worst case scenarios. I don't consider that friendship. Perhaps I put too much value in my friendships but honesty is a huge part of it and that's simply how I see it.
On another note, this whole notion of sharing intimate details of your relationship with other guys when you can't even bring yourself to tell the man you say you love just sounds totally messed up. Again, perhaps I'm in the minority here but I don't withold such things from someone I love and I wouldn't betray a woman's trust in me by divulging details of our relationship to other women....dating is entirely different. lol
@queen....wow! Read, then talk. | |
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/15/2005 6:18:12 PM | AGain - god has spoken - NOT
READ OUR POSTS
they are our 'brothers' and they are not secretly sexually wanting us...
some of them have been friends with for over 15 - 20 years -I think after that much time of no sexual contact - a man if thats all he wanted would leave don't you?
(oh yah - and the boys that I made friends with at the age of 6 really wanted to get my pants off and give it too me -wake up)
I really hope one day you would actually get to a point in your life where you can be in such a relationship - but as I said it sounds like you are very narrow minded on such things.
but I am tired of writing the same things over again to you - when you clearly do not read our posts (as you accuse us)... | |
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/15/2005 6:24:31 PM | These guys who secretly harbour sexual desires are not the "friends" you think they are, regardless of how long it's been going on. How many times have you seen a couple break up and then thier "friends" suddenly start hitting on them..."
It's trust issue that YOU have. It only confirms what we've been saying all along. YOU
simply can not appreciate a friendship from a woman because you are "harbouring sexual desires" with each and everyone of them. But also you don't appreciate that not everybody shares your perspective.
We are all different because of our experiences. I don't tell my gf to stop talking
with her male friends because I entered into her life one day. She's now suppose to send
a form e-mail to all her friends telling them good-bye? For what? A pre-emptive
strike?...just in case?
Dude....nevermind. | |
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/15/2005 6:38:03 PM | I don't agree with you tyric. If your relationship is strong enough, you should be able to have female friends and she should be able to have male friends, and if you want to go out for coffee, a drink occasionally, the trust should be there for you to be able to that. Whether or not they are an attractive male/female friend. It almost sounds like if you are in a relationship it should be just the two of you without being able to go out with a friend of the opposite sex.
However, the going out with 2-6 women at time is another story. | |
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/15/2005 6:42:22 PM | __I have been in a relation for near 10 years now with a lady who is my dearess friend, a soul mate true and true. She is my most wonderful "sister". I will never do anything to ruin this relationship and one of those things is sex.
Doc 
P.S. Why am I one to have a friend without sex and have FWB? Is it my character? Or the ease I am to be with? Is it that I respect others feelings and desires? I do not know. | |
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/15/2005 6:47:45 PM | I would say for me and most that are on here, that we have more friends then relationships, and I think that is the way it should be. Friends are very special and you take care of them and situations in one way; relationships are beyond friendship and into soulmates and sexual desires.
I truly believe that you can have a lover that is a friend, but I do not think you can have a friend be a lover.....if you understand what I mean.....   | |
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/15/2005 6:53:32 PM | | a man and woman can be friends without sex being envolved. my best friend, for the past 14 years, is a straight man. he is very attractive. but i could never see myself being intimate with him. we have talked about it several times over the years but always come to the agreement that our friendship is more important. we don't want to mess things up with sex. | |
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/15/2005 7:01:34 PM | I have read your posts, and yes you do repeat the same things over and over again. I can't be bothered to re write my posts over and over again to respond to your repetitive arguments. Just because you keep saying the same thing over and over won't make it true...I'd like to think this is more than YES YOU ARE, NO I'M NOT, YES YOU ARE....
You say you surround yourself with men who have loved you as a friend since the age of five...and then it was six....whatever. I'm quite sure you are the only person in here talking about relationships between children. I'm sorry I wasn't clear enough in all my previous posts but I should have specified that I am only referring to adult relationships here...sort of like the title of the thread would imply (Men and Women?)
You choose to believe that your friends aren't sexually attracted to you and I choose to believe that you see what you want to see. I don't believe it. You don't like my point of view so you attack me and humiliate me and try to badger me into going silent or agreeing with you but it isn't going to happen. I've been around the block, I've seen a lot of things and I've lived a lot of years in the 36 times that this rock has circled the sun since my birth. You believe what you want to I believe that I know different.
I have written quite a bit about how much I cherish and value friendships and have tried to explain numerous times how this is the case, the fact that you don't see it shows that there is a problem with reading comprehension or skills or that it's just plain old laziness but you aren't reading what I'm writing at all.
Try attacking my arguments and my opinions to prove me wrong.
@lonely...."you've talked about it several times over the years"? What's to talk about? After you had the discussion once you know what's going on....why would it come up again if you are being honest with yourself and with each other? This is the kind of thing I'm talking about. | |
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/15/2005 7:02:00 PM | I have huge circle of male friends who I haven't slept with or had any physical connection with! I get along with males better than MOST females....mainly because I hate the drama that comes along with most women...I mean I have my own problems, I don't need everyone elses....sheesh!!!
~ORG | |
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/15/2005 7:02:29 PM | Factually, FYI, the Original Poster (OP) was a female stating she thought it Odd her BF had a lot of female friends. So, although lots of us guys have actually thought through the ramifications and consequences of dubious behavior, the OP was a woman.
If I was her BF and Lover, and hopefully Best Friend too, I wouldnt want her to worry a snit about any possible indescretions. Its kinda like sending little love letters and putting those romantic notes on the toilet seat, its a sign of my love for her. Or should I ask her to "trust me" that I love her, why should I need to demonstrate it? Ya know , "all based on trust"? I wonder how many of these beaten women trusted the guy? Maybe not you....
Ya, see, I could come in here and say how faithful me and my female friends are, but unless I act like it, why should she trust me? I read some posts on the other forums ABOUT CHEATERS! Hmmm. Your partner wont need to even think about you cheating if you aren't hanging around with singles of the opposite sex. ETC | |
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