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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/15/2005 7:11:15 PM | Loyalty and trust....how are you showing trust when you are basically ORDERING her to
dump all her friends? When you tell someone you trust them but secretly you are wanting her to dump all her friends because you're an insecure man - betray's your words.
You're best described as a hypocritical LIAR
You can't have loyalty when you don't have trust. The foundation of your relationship is
founded on quicksand - it's a matter of time before you sink!
I have an idea: move to Iraq and have her wear a hijab! ...I mean, you've demonstrated
exactly the same sense of trust as they do for their women in the middle-east. | |
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/15/2005 7:14:41 PM | Well, maybe if you were a little more trustworthy and not hanging out with so many men, when you are dating one, women around you would respect you and surprisingly, the drama would go away. I cant argue with drama queens, Please ladies, like Hillary Clinton said "it takes a village to raise a child" (she was talking about other females) not single guys who are hanging around you when your Hubby isnt looking. And I cant argue with guys who only hang around with chicks, people who still have the same circle of friends they had when they were 6, folks who smoke 2 packs cigarrettes a day (is that "normal"?). I'm kinda joking about that, but does anyone ever wonder what normal people do? What if I said my best friends were 6 wanna be rapists? Is that ok with you? Is it normal?
Ok So you didnt have sex with your guy friends. Good on you! And I didnt get in a Car Crash today, so I shouldnt be cautious and wear my seatbelt?
Guys who only hang around with chicks, and people who still have the same circle of friends they had when they were 6. I'm kinda joking about that, but does anyone ever wonder what normal people do?
This whole issue is about respect, not about how others can respect me, but how I can respect others, namely my lover and committed partner. I bet my female friends aren't loosing any sleeeeeeep. | |
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/15/2005 7:19:15 PM | Now you cant call anyone a liar, thats insulting, weakens your argument, and might get you suspended from POF.
I have no way of knowing how much my lover trusts me, so, I show her how much I respect her. I probably wouldnt be so serious about this, except this woman did have a date with her EX BF "just as friends" a few weeks after I met her, and now, he is in therapy grieving about the break up 5 years ago. Well how can that be you say? Men and women can be friends and not have sex. What do you guess the NUMBERS ARE on that? Since some of you are the rare exception.
And these two didn't cheat, they just weren't that deep on the "relationship rules" . I like having rules and discipline and commitment in my life. Recently, she told him "no more, I have a man in my life". I didnt order anyone to dump anyone, why did you say that? I said, I demonstrate my love, faithfulness, and trustworthyness by not hanging around alone with the opposite sex.
And since one lady mentioned not getting laid--- I'm getting laid a lot because of my good character and honesty (I dont try and convince her the weird things I do are normal either) | |
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/15/2005 7:22:38 PM | I'm sorry - the "liar" comment was generalizational. It was sort of like what YOU were suggesting about the rest of us earlier, but in sooooo many words.
If you're getting laid alot, I'm happy for you, just don't expect to
be involved in any long term relationships. That part I PERSONALLY believe is history
for you. ...but with the bad experience behind you, though....you may want to consider joining
your friend in therapy on learning how to trust again and to learn to appreciate the fact that
we are all different. Your friend didn't seem to grasp that fact and THUS its
head shrinking time.
....he forgot to check his baggage at the door. | |
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franke
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Joined: 9/8/2005
Msg: 159 | |
| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/15/2005 8:15:18 PM | lord, lord, lord,
I can't control the fact that I am sexually attracted to someone it's just a fact of life, I can't control the fact that I may also care about them as a friend. Perhaps I was attracted to them physically first and as a person second or perhaps I was attracted to them as a person and then came to be physically attracted them either way I am attached and always because I trust them and they trust me. I'm with tdh - denying it doesn't make it not true. I don't have sex with 90% of these people because the circumstances in our lives don't work or the time wasn't right..etc. But I would never quit being friends with someone because I think being more intimate was a possiblity, I just choose to not let those feelings lead my relationships with my friends. If I am thinking of what I want or need then that is not always easy, but if I am thinking of my friend then it is a lot easier. The only person responsible for my choice to have sex with whoever, friend, casual acquaintance or other is me. If I have to make certain rules for myself like aquarian, then that is what I have to do for myself but I don't expect that everyone else has to cope the same way as me. However, I do expect that my friends and lovers take responsibilty for their sexual desires too.  | |
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/15/2005 9:18:47 PM | | wow you were stupid to beleave that one ,i never thought women were stupid. i would have went out and paid for a few men to take me out, just as friends and had them pick me up in front of him. and tell him oh these guys are just friends like your girls are yours see, ya baby have a good night and do not wait up for me because i do not know what time i will be home. bye and get in the car with them ask them to take you around the corner and go to your girlfriends house for the night but do not tell him . and see what his reaction would be when you got home the next day.i bet it would stop him from going out . then tell him what you can go out with your friends and I cant go out with mine thats not fair. | |
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/15/2005 9:22:19 PM | | the best way is to ask her if she would like to go with you and take her once she see's that nothing is going on with anyof them then she might trust you women know if one or all of them want you so ask her to join you all next time you go out . | |
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/15/2005 9:41:22 PM | | But we are being told to trust each other, nothing bads gonna happen, life isnt all about procreation, is it? If a few people trust a few other people, then bring it on! Free for all! No more rules, no discipline, no respect for our partners feelings, even if they try to keep them hidden so we dont dump them if they say anything for not trusting us. I had a friend who had a friend who didnt have sex with someone. Isnt that proof enough? And I aint even Amish. | |
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/15/2005 9:52:54 PM | When my girlfriend/fiance returns to my city and moves in with me next June, the plan is to go to Whistler for a party/introduction to all my friends. My friends are her's too. She needs a few girlfriends to start her life in this city. And of course my friends husbands are welcome as well....the more the merryer.
Procreation: in a strictly Christian sense is about populating the earth, but God gave you a brain, gave you judgment, critical thinking, control - we are not animals that can't control ourselves. Yes, some people are not able to control anything about their lives, their libido, their anger....but I don't use them as a guide to how I conduct myself because simply them people are wacked. | |
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/15/2005 9:55:02 PM | Quote : But we are being told to trust each other, nothing bads gonna happen, life isnt all about procreation, is it?
Yes I agree, sometimes it is recreation.
OT -
Fact # 1 : Friends do become lovers sometimes.
Fact # 2 : Many lovers also have remained friends long after they ceased being lovers.
Fact # 3 : Many of the opposite gender also have perfectly platonic relationships.
If you cannot see a person as human first and gender 2nd....you have not evolved much. | |
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/15/2005 10:04:16 PM | @Franke.....wow, wisdom is soooo hot! 
I saw on your profile that you are 52. You don't have any daughters do you? I think what you wrote was so refreshingly honest and to the point. A woman with nothing to prove and nothing to hide who just says it like it is. I think you're magnificent. You finally got the point. So many people latch onto one word or a single phrase and completely lose the entire message.
@lazyboyz...... | |
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/15/2005 10:13:46 PM | TDH: Franke also talks about "choices." We make choices everyday. Choices are based on
judgement. If you lack judgement you will face consequences. If you make wrong choices
you have bad judgement - and if you can't trust your judgement, then how can you expect
anybody to trust you?
I trust myself....I don't EVER worry that tommorow morning I'm going to change into this
snake and start hitting on my friends. LOL
But I'm not here to judge you or anybody else. I know who I am and what I'm about
and I know my friends and they know me. I will lead my life without fear....as long as
I can keep my gf away from you. | |
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/15/2005 10:25:17 PM | Yes, some of them can.
OTOH, cheaters use this line a lot.
You don't trust him, obviously...so something's wrong in the relationship, even if he is being faithful. | |
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/15/2005 10:29:12 PM | @lazyboyz....do you even know what you are talking about?
This is something from another thread that is relevant in here:
"I totally agree, I can't imagine not liking the person I'm having sex with. I don't date women I don't like, I don't have sex with women I don't get along with well and I want every lover to be a friend. If it develops into something more serious the friendship is a given.
All my lovers are friends but not all my friends are lovers.
The problem is when someone gets into to the habit or the mindset that this friend may one day become a lover...you are already eroding the relationship you are in. Every bump in the road pushes you a little closer, every harsh word from your lover is transformed into comforting words of understanding and consoloation from the "friend". Why let it happen? Why do that to your relationships? When I'm in love or even in a fledgling LTR, sexual desires from women, especially ones I see often are like battery acid to me. I can't stand to have them fawning over me because I know that if I didn't have a gf they'd be drooling over some other woman's guy. I don't have time for that sort of crap and I don't consider someone who behaves like that to be a friend. I also wouldn't have much respect for a woman who did allow that crap to go on.
Having friends is fine and like a woman wrote in another thread, you can't control these things, matters of the heart are beyond your will but what you choose to DO is entirely within your control. When the "friend" makes thier feelings known it's time to move on." | |
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/15/2005 10:32:00 PM | Yep, I believe so....totally agree with her but only after you recognize a problem; you
deal with it then and there. You don't euthanize your friendships because you
predetermined their guilt before they've commited a sin.
Let me make this clear to you: I DO NOT HIT ON MY FRIENDS. Honestly,
she's right about keeping control of yourself. But through her own
experiences she's stated quiet clearly - once your friend betrays you
or your gf - your next action is clear....you end that friendship. How is this
conflicting with my arguement? I TOTALLY agree with her statement
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/15/2005 10:49:59 PM | some errors in my post - but the message is clear.
Just called my BUDDY (girl) asked her about what was said here. She said
she'd never do anything to jeopardize our friendship - I'm sure her husband
is relieved as well LOL - Her husband asked me if my GF had big breasts though LOL
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/15/2005 11:09:45 PM | | @lazyboyz....as best as I can tell, you've been arguing with yourself all along. Every single thing you accused me of was something you invented. At no point, have I ever said men and women cannot be friends without having sex I have said from the beginning that there is almost always a sexual element to it. Sex is used to sell motor oil for christ's sake and I'm supposed to believe that over the course of a lifetime a healthy man and woman who are close have never once had a sexual thought cross their mind? That is complete and utter garbage and I don't care if you are talking about Mother Theresa and the Pope...the sun catches her habit in just a certain way and - BOOM - there is an "impure thought" there. Franke is right, we can't control it, it's natural. Denying it is childish. | |
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/15/2005 11:18:47 PM | Sure, but if you're in it for a very very long time - for me with one it's been 8 years, it
doesn't cross the mind....if there was a fleating moment from the beginning, it's gone now.
I was actually having the battle with Aquarium, mostly.
Go read his posts. | |
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/15/2005 11:20:15 PM | I just cant get it out of my head, the 50% of the western world is getting divorced! Isnt that stunning, to think of the trust and promises 50% of the people made? FIFTY PERCENT! We aren't talking about few loosers and cheaters, we are talking about FIFTY PERCENT of the people you and I once "trusted" and "respected". Someone said 2/3 thats 66% of marriages end in divorce. At least, MY GF "thinks" I wont be hanging around other women if they are "my friends". She would hate it if I just came out and advertised I was hanging around "female friends" (but I could be part of the 50% of the planet, she just doesnt have to be "paranaoid" in the meantime) Anyone else? And She now knows why her "male friend" was doing her all those chores and fix it jobs. AT least I taught one person the meaning of committment (OK maybe I didnt teach her anything, but she's seen the light). FIFTY PERCENT!
So yes I agree with everyone, men and women can be friends. Some dont even need to have sex or think about. But, why take a chance. Be committed though. God didnot intend for men and women to hang around each other in private UNLESS....I dont think Buddhists even approve of women tempting men. But I love being tempted! | |
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| Can men and women be friends without sex?
Posted: 9/15/2005 11:59:54 PM | Let me just add this: many men and women who are getting married have no business getting married in the first place. Western culture has major issues....these people are in it for the glitz, pomp and trend....many of these people can't even raise a child right let alone keep their relationships together. After I broke up with my last girlfriend 15 YEARS ago, I met many different women - it took 15 YEARS to find someone worthy of calling my gf. The clincher was she was trustable!
Never trust anybody under 25 as a general rule | |
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