| How important is sex in a relationship?
Posted: 11/29/2005 8:01:31 AM | Love >= Sex in a relationship.
Frequency of sex can vary (and usually does with Life), but the thoughts and feelings of your love should stay pretty much the same, or grow.
Of course, YMMV.  | |
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| How important is sex in a relationship?
Posted: 11/29/2005 8:10:37 AM | | I'm still determining how "important" sex is. But I can say that since it's my number one hobby, I struggle with this "too much" notion. It's probably too much when it starts to hurt, granted. | |
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| How important is sex in a relationship?
Posted: 11/29/2005 8:17:33 AM | | The importance of sex depends on the relationship. I like a lot of sex (5 or 6 times a week at least), so I won't bother being in a relationship with a woman who doesn't view sex as important. It's also been my experience that many women who feel that sex isn't important have been sexually or emotionally abused. | |
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| How important is sex in a relationship?
Posted: 11/29/2005 8:21:41 AM | | A relationship without it wouldn't work for me, understanding that life gets in the way sometimes, but you have to make the time and effort to have that pleasure, it cements a relationship together. | |
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Joined: 11/3/2005
Msg: 56 | |
| How important is sex in a relationship? LOL HE SAYS NOT A BIG DEAL....
Posted: 11/29/2005 8:35:21 AM | | sorry he said its not a big deal and your what getting busy ''ha twicw a day? well honey it is part of a relationship when you care or love someone special.what is normal for one person maybe not for another ,everyone is different.How do you feel about it?each person has different sex drives. | |
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| How important is sex in a relationship?
Posted: 11/29/2005 9:02:32 AM | I have responded to this kind of thing so many times in so many different posts. As to your specific question, if you are having sex when you are both comfortable with having sex, and no one is feeling forced or pressured to do it, then that is the right amount. It is my belief, and some would disagree, that sex is the icing on the cake, not the cake. Its like this. If the other aspects of your relationship are good, especially communication, then sex is bound to be good, or get better if it is bad. It is my opinion that people concentrate too much on sex and wind up being uptight, or not relaxed enough to enjoy it when the time comes. It should be a natural thing, not a forced thing, and certainly not something you keep count of.
The other side of this is that if your partner is not interested in sex, it is usually because other aspects of the relationship are wrong for them. Its different in every relationship, but sex does not stop because it is "bad", not if communication is open. Besides that, in every long term relationship I have had, there have been days when my partner, or I was off a bit. And things seemed a little mechanical. It happens and it really is nothing to worry about. I think the mistake people make is worrying about it too much and therefore making it more of a chore than a pleasure. | |
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| How important is sex in a relationship?
Posted: 11/29/2005 9:07:23 AM | | In most cases, you are probably right, Crunch. But communication can be great, while the sex is still not there. There are MANY, MANY women who have been sexually or emotionally abused--and it affects sex. Even if the abuse is only emotional, it can create nasty trust issues for a women that affect her relationships with all men. And there are more abused women out there than we know. | |
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| How important is sex in a relationship?
Posted: 11/29/2005 9:18:50 AM | | sex in a relationship all depends on the person.. if you are comfortable with that person and "love" them sex will happen.. but if ur just foolin around u might be having sex.. but its not really sex.. it is lacking the emotions and feelings that sex should have involved in it.. | |
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| How important is sex in a relationship?
Posted: 11/29/2005 9:34:41 AM | Summer,
I don't disagree with anything you've expressed, it's all true. I lost and wasted over thirty years of my life because of sexual, (incest) emotional, and physical abuse. It does affect a person as a whole, not just sexually. From the time I started participating in sex (that wasn't forced on me) until just three years ago, not one aspect of my life was right, much less in sync. I could only have sex if I were able to "play a role" and I played it so well that it ended in moments, which was exactly what I wanted. I could not fully participate in relationships, though I mean in the sense of allowing myself to receive love. I'm very loving and I loved deeply, but I could not allow anyone to love me.
The abused aren't just "victims", there are many that are also survivors. I survived because I finally realized this was not the life my maker had in mind for me. I wanted my sexuality/ability to trust/coping skills back, and then some. The woman that has emerged, though so late in life, now embraces and values her sexuality, instead of just "feeling" it. In turn, because I've had to fight so very hard for it, it is extremely special and beautiful to me.
When I spoke of it as "being a hobby", I was stating it in a much less heavy manner than this because I don't like to get heavy. But rereading my post, I couldn't leave it hanging out there as it is. For me, a hobby is something that you enjoy and feel a passion for, maybe even love. I don't mean to state that it (sex) is something done lightly or casually. It's quite the opposite, for me. | |
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| How important is sex in a relationship?
Posted: 11/29/2005 9:44:33 AM | | I don’t view sex as something that is at all important. I think it’s a way men get themselves in trouble because we will do the dumbest things for sex. | |
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| How important is sex in a relationship?
Posted: 11/29/2005 9:44:40 AM | Thanks for sharing that, Funny. That may have been difficult to share and I appreciate the trust. And no! I didn't take the hobby comment in the wrong context. What I imagined when you mentioned that it could become a hobby is that this type of person (because I didn't know you were speaking of yourself) could finally give herself wholly to another person--and have a lot fun exploring each other sexually and emotionally--and hopefully be accepted wholly and, if lucky, with some grace.
Cheers to a strong woman! | |
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| How important is sex in a relationship?
Posted: 11/29/2005 10:08:46 AM | | It's definately not the most important thing, but you have to at least be attracted to one another and have fairly similar sex drives. If you don't want to sleep with your significant other then you are friends, not more than that. | |
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| How important is sex in a relationship?
Posted: 11/29/2005 10:24:50 AM | HI
I think sex is verry inportent , thats a way from hart feeling to
something great bethwhen a man and woman, but I think bouth has to be honest in the beginnig ask and anserw , do you need sex everyday day , more than one times a day or what
and bouth has to anserw honest and that is esy.
For me forex I like to have sex when my girl whant and I hope someday meet a woman ho like to tell from her hart what she whant.
Sex is something verry great bethwhen man and woman but only with her ouwn man and ouwn woman thrue honest nd respekt samething great
With al My respekt
Swedman | |
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Joined: 10/5/2005
Msg: 68 | |
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AI03™
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Joined: 5/3/2005
Msg: 69 | |
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| How important is sex in a relationship?
Posted: 11/29/2005 11:27:25 AM | There's probably a "honeymoon" period for me in my relationships. once or twice a day, with maybe 1 break a week. How long that much sex happens all dpends on who I'm with
No good sex=no relationship | |
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| How important is sex in a relationship?
Posted: 11/29/2005 11:45:33 AM | I think sex is important in a relationship. If you didn't have sex you would call it "friends".
I came across a problem in the past where I liked the girl and after we dated for a while we had sex,.... it was really bad. When we did it, it was painful for me but not for her. I don't think we fit together very well, in that way. I had to end the relationship because the sex was that bad. I'm not saying that I'm huge or anything. I'm just average, I think. I never had that happen before where it just didn't fit. In that case it was important. Some things are just not compatible. | |
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| How important is sex in a relationship?
Posted: 11/29/2005 12:30:44 PM | Depends on what kind of sex you are talking about. There is sex for physical gratification only and there is sex which is intended as an expression of love toward your partner. The former usually gets boring after a while...the latter gives birth to new possibilities all of the time.
Sex in itself is an act...and a part of being alive and human. It isn't a god and it won't fix anything. It has its purposes but most human beings (although driven too highly to give it up entirely) could live without it.
I think sex is an important form of expression in a relationship. I find it quite useless in any other sense. That is just my take on it. Been there, done that...bored me to tears. It does not leave me feeling fulfilled. Most of us grow beyond that shallow, one dimensional sex.
Contrary to popular belief, sex will NOT make you emotionally closer. It'll just demonstrate how emotionally close you already ARE! It is a symptom, not a cause. It has a tendency to reveal the truth rather than the lie. Some do not like intimacy whether it's emotional, verbal, communicative by touch and thought, or sexual. They prefer performance sex.
The more we identify with ourselves as being sexual by nature, the more important the act of sex is to us. Some don't need to identify themselves by their sex instinct, others are completely identified by it and have no other sense of "self" outside of it. Just imagine them in their senior years!
There are moments when I want and enjoy feeling sexy and expressing that to my partner. There are times when I'm feeling more of a need to express myself in others ways, be it verbally, intellectually or artistically...it doesn't all revolve around sex. | |
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| How important is sex in a relationship?
Posted: 11/29/2005 2:14:48 PM | | I can agree that abuse etc can affect someones sex life. But this also comes down to truly intimate communication. If a partner knows this going in, they should accept whatever comes from it. | |
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| So True... Sexuality Is Infinitely Important
Posted: 11/29/2005 8:10:12 PM | | We are sexual beings every day and minute of our lives, whether our sexuality is submerged below the surface or moving toward fuller expression..From a touch of the hand, an ankle caress, spooning first thing on gradual awakening, on through the day and into the night... the repertoire available to us with our partners is infinetessimal:)(: A smile shared across a room, a compliment offered, so often has an intimately sensual component...the opportunity to make sexual poetry with another is limitless and is in no way confined to the explicitly sexual moments of sharing...but can grace them and expand on them before, during and after full sexual sharing.. from how good is that? | |
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