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| sexist jokes (all in fun)
Posted: 9/9/2005 12:26:15 AM | Ok, this is a blonde joke:
A blonde and a red head were walking down the street when the red head seen her husband in the flower shop buying flowers. The red head says "OH God, he's buying me flowers again" the blonde asks "don't you like flowers" and the red head replies " I love flowers but he expects so much afterwards and I really don't feel like laying on my back with my legs up in the air for the next 3 days" and the blonde says "Don't you have a vase?" lmaoooooooo | |
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| sexist jokes (all in fun)
Posted: 9/9/2005 6:17:00 AM | what is the difference between a hooker and a wife
about 50 bucks
A housewife takes a lover during the day, while her husband is at work.
Unbeknownst to her, her 9 year old son was hiding in the closet. Her husband came home unexpectedly, so she hid her lover in the cloBoy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball."
Man: "That's nice."
Boy: "Want to buy it?"
Man: "No, thanks."
Boy: My dad's outside."
Man: "OK, how much?"
Boy: "$250."
The boy now has company.
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the mom's lover are in the closet together. Boy: "Dark in here."
Man: "Yes, it is."
Boy: "I have a baseball glove."
Man: "How much?"
Boy: "$750."
Man: "Fine." A few days later, the father says t the boy, "Grab your glove. Let's go outside and toss the baseball."
The boy says, "I can't ! I sold them."
The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
The son says,"$1,000."
The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess."
They go to church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here."
The priest says, "Don't start that shit again.
"At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down.
We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Men ARE NOT mind readers.
1. Sunday afternoon sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly Acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you think you're fat, you might be so don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. Belches are a sign of good digestion. It’s something we men do.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.
Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them a bigger laugh! | |
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| sexist jokes (all in fun)
Posted: 9/9/2005 6:25:14 AM | and now for the blonde ones
why do they not give blondes coffee breaks any more
to hard to retrain them
why do they not let blondes work on computors
too much white out on the screen\
what is a blondes mating call
I"m drunk i'm drunk
what is the brunnettes mating call
is that blonde b**** gone yet
how does a blonde turn on the lights after sex
opens the car door
how do you light up a blondes eyes
shine a a flash light in her ears
how do you turn on a blonde
turn on the headlights
some may find these next few a little disturbing
how do you get rita mcneal into a 2 piece bikinni
you take the "f" out of fat and the "f "out of way
answer: someone will say there is no f in way you say you got that right ..No f in way
rita mcneal was busted at the canadian/american border she was caught with 50 lbs of crack
rita got a tatoo on her ass ofthe map of canada and every time she bends over quebec seperates | |
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| sexist jokes (all in fun)
Posted: 9/12/2005 2:02:08 PM | What happens to a blondes a**ehole after sex?
He get's sent out for pizza.
Why did the blonde stare at the juice carton?
Because it said concentrate.
Why do blondes have more fun?
Because it doesn't take much to amuse them. | |
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| sexist jokes (all in fun)
Posted: 9/12/2005 3:35:11 PM | What does a stripper do with her a**hole before work?
Gives him $10 and drops him off at band practice. | |
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| sexist jokes (all in fun)
Posted: 9/12/2005 5:31:27 PM | A family is sitting around the supper table discussing anatomy.
Suddenly the son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of breasts are there?"
The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts.
In her twenties, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm.
In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit.
After fifty, they are like onions."
Onions?" "Yes, you see them and they make you cry."
This infuriated the wife and daughter so the daughter said,
"Mum, how many kind of penises are there?"
The mother, smiles, and looks at her husband and answers,
"Well, dear, a man goes through three phases.
In a man's twenties, his penis is like an oak, mighty and hard.
In his thirties and forties, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable.
After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree."
"A Christmas tree?" "Yes, dead from the root up & the balls are there for decoration only!
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| sexist jokes (all in fun)
Posted: 9/13/2005 1:49:38 PM | Another Blonde Joke...
What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever
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| sexist jokes (all in fun)
Posted: 9/14/2005 7:04:02 PM | Not all are sexist...but damn funny!!
A funeral service is being held for a woman who has just passed away. At the end of the service the pall bearers are carrying the casket out when they accidentally bump into a wall, jarring the casket. They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive! She lives for ten more years, and then finally dies. A ceremony is again held at the same place, and at the end of the ceremony the pallbearers are again carrying out the casket. As they are walking, the husband cries out, "WATCH OUT FOR THE DAMN WALL!!" 
The next time you are having a bad day, imagine this:
1) You... are a Siamese Twin.
2) Your brother, attached at your shoulder.... is gay.
3) You, are not.
4) He has a date coming over tonight.
5) You only have ONE ass!!
It was this guy's birthday. So, his wife decided to come home from work early and
surprise him with a great birthday present. She went out and bought some crotchless panties. When the husband got home, the wife was standing in the door-way provocatively and said "do you want some of this baby?" The husband replied, "Holy freakin' hell... NO!! Look at what it did to your panties!" | |
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| sexist jokes (all in fun)
Posted: 9/14/2005 10:23:53 PM | did you know i kept a girl from getting raped?? i quit chasing her
a woman comes home crying. she looks at her husband and says "while i was out shopping this horrible man lifted up my skirt and said mmmmm.... id like to fill that with beer and drink it." I wish youd been there to kick his ass. the man looked at his wife and replied "honey ive told you that if your going to wear a skirt you have to wear underwear, and besides theres no way id mess with any man that could drink that much beer!" | |
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| sexist jokes (all in fun)
Posted: 9/15/2005 7:46:29 AM | How can you tell if your wife is dead?
Sex is the same..but, the dishes are piling up!!
Why do they call it "premenstral syndrome or PMS?
Because the name "mad cow disease" was already taken!! | |
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| sexist jokes (all in fun)
Posted: 11/18/2005 7:06:52 PM | why are men smartest during sex?
because they are plugged into a genious! | |
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| sexist jokes (all in fun)
Posted: 11/19/2005 1:48:12 AM | What do you say to a women with 2 Black EyES ?
Nothing She's already been told Twice hahahahahaha 
man i know that ws sad but i heard it off a movie a few yrs back i couldn't resist
When i saw this forum hahah | |
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| sexist jokes (all in fun)
Posted: 11/23/2005 5:37:25 AM | Why was there lipstick on her steering wheel?
She was trying to blow the horn. | |
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| sexist jokes (all in fun)
Posted: 11/23/2005 6:21:37 PM | what do you tell a hoe with to black eyes ?
Nothing , you already told her twice ( pimp laugh).
What does a woman do when the comes home from batered women's shelter ?
The dishes if she know what's good for her ?
( All in fun folks , No blasting me pretty please .) | |
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| sexist jokes (all in fun)
Posted: 11/24/2005 6:09:06 PM | I read recently that there are 50 million battered wimmin in the world
Damn..........& here I been eatin' mine plain all these years | |
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| sexist jokes (all in fun)
Posted: 11/26/2005 12:39:19 PM | | Give me a woman like a good pair of kakis: Sexy and stylish at first glance, but most cheap and easy to slip into. | |
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| sexist jokes (all in fun)
Posted: 11/26/2005 12:42:46 PM | Why is it a mystery to most men what women want?
Women haven't figured it out to tell us yet. | |
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| sexist jokes (all in fun)
Posted: 12/6/2005 4:57:00 PM | I don't like chicken jokes. I like woman jokes they're more fun. And my friends, they keep me constantly supplied with material without even meaning to. Like the other day I asked this guy, "Hey, why'd the woman cross the road?"
He gives me this totally blank look and says, "What was she doing out of the kitchen?" | |
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| sexist jokes (all in fun)
Posted: 12/6/2005 5:20:35 PM | Marriage: The screwing you get for the screwing you got.
Wife: A device you screw on the bed to get the housework done.
Love: A feeling you feel when you feel you are feeling a feeling you've never felt before.
~W.S. | |
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| sexist jokes (all in fun)
Posted: 3/14/2006 1:08:23 PM | scientists have successfully crossed a chicken with a onion,
finally a****that brings tears to a womans eyes  | |
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| sexist jokes (all in fun)
Posted: 3/15/2006 3:08:00 AM | Why is a wife similar to a condom?
She'll be more likely found in your wallet
than on the end of your di(k. | |
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