| People that don't have~nor EVER want kids..what do you think?
Posted: 9/3/2007 7:13:53 PM | There are so many answers to this, I could type for weeks.....
There are many really simple reasons why, but for the person who posted this in the first place, it's more a matter of trying to put yourself in the place of someone who does not want children. The 500 reasons do vary from person to person, so you may not get an answer that's objective enough to satisfy your curiosity on this.
My personal reasons are mostly sociological and biological. I don't think I have lived in the best environment to raise a child. Also, there is a history in my family of some genetic issues which I would probably chose not to perpetuate.
A good for instance happens to be my best friend....he was diagnosed with Parkinsons Disease at the age of 32. Since this is a genetic disease, he was immediately inclined to live out his life childless. Do you find this choice questionable, I wonder?
Also, not everyone is born to be a great parent - and what's worse, is no one has to take a test to be a satisfactory parent. I see mothers and fathers beating the living daylights out of their toddlers in retail stores. Should they be allowed to do this? Should they be encouraged to have more children while they live with this set of ethics? Of course, my opinion on the parenting of the children of others isn't my business, but if that parent were my mother, I'd need a helluva lot of counceling and physical treatment to consider that a good parent.
And lastly, on the whole procreation thing....in modern times, we are really not BORN to procreate. At least some of us aren't. Being childless and ending a bloodline is not a measure of success or failure. Brilliant scientists, artists and scholars have had children who vanished into obscurity and died, because children are not clones of their parents. Contrastingly, serial murderers have also had very charming and productive offspring. In an industrialized 21st century culture, it's not realistic to make a blanket statement that everyone should feel compelled to procreate. Then, we'd just be bunnies.
I find much more joy in the fact that my closest friends have wonderful children. For being good parent, they should be commended. But childless by choice or necessity is quite legitimate, and you hopefully can gain more insight by asking individuals whom you know well and will instead provide you with all the specifics that you can relate well to.
/I | |
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| People that don't have~nor EVER want kids..what do you think?
Posted: 9/3/2007 8:06:23 PM | | I think it's great that they are self aware enough to know that they either do not want or are not able to take on the lifetime responsibility that comes with being a parent. My buddy said that if she ever had a child that she would probably leave it in a pub in some foreign country. Both her and her husband love my child to bits but have no desire to have their own. The list of the places that they have both lived and visited is longer than the list of place they haven't. They are currently travel writing in Thailand, living in a one room flat and all there possession fit in to two back packs. It's a lifestyle choice and when they are old and grey they are more than welcome to visit mine. | |
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| People that don't have~nor EVER want kids..what do you think?
Posted: 9/6/2007 3:19:49 PM | "Insanity is choosing to have a baby"
In reply to xvr145 and all who agreed with his post: I think there are some double standards at work here. I mean fine, if others don't want kids then that is all fine and good. But equally, is it fair to "judge" those who do choose to have children? Especially when you do not want to be judged yourself for your life choice! I do not like to be referred to as "insane" any more than you want to be referred to as "selfish". Maybe you should rethink that post! | |
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| People that don't have~nor EVER want kids..what do you think?
Posted: 9/6/2007 4:24:58 PM | I don't have children...nor do I want them....
Child-rearing is not for everyone...Not everyone is geared for that responsibility...
I've done my soul searching on that subject twice in 20 years...and came up with more cons than pros BOTH TIMES...That's when I knew raising a family wasn't for me, and now I've long since accepted that...and have never looked back...I am very careful and take precautions when it comes to sex...
Why are people who choose not to have children... always made out to be the "bad people"? It seems to me that some of these individuals that call me "evil" for the decision I made...are often unsure of the scenarios they have picked for themselves...When it comes to making the proper decision...are these "indifferent people" trying to convince ME....or THEMSELVES?
I know...I'll hear, "Bah Bah Bah...you're selfish and irresponsible..." But to the ones whom point the condemmning finger first, here's something I leave you...
BEING SMACK IN THE MIDDLE OF A RELATIONSHIP INVOLVING CHILDREN...IS ONE B***H OF A TIME TO DISCOVER...THAT IT WASN'T WHAT YOU WANTED!!!
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| People that don't have~nor EVER want kids..what do you think?
Posted: 9/6/2007 5:52:33 PM | | This is a sensitive subject for me... I'm 28 and don't have a child yet. On one hand I'd love more than anything to have one, but I guess I'm still looking for the near-perfect mother. I just can't imagine losing my child because his/her mother and I didn't make it together and she end's up being the type who uses the child against the father out of spite. That sh*t gives me nightmares... | |
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| People that don't have~nor EVER want kids..what do you think?
Posted: 9/6/2007 6:31:54 PM | When I was 20 something, even 30 something, I never wanted to have children. Too expensive. too much responsibility, and too great a loss of freedom. I married in my early thirties and got upset when my wife got pregnant. When my son was born he didn't breathe right away and it put me into shock briefly until he did. I bonded right away and loved him with all my heart. 21 years later I found him dead on his bedroom floor and for the second time in my life had that same sense of shock. This time it didn't go way. I also have two daughters and they somehow make my life seem like it still has some purpose.
Children are not mandatory. They can break your heart and make you feel like your life has some relevance all at the same time. The years when the were young were wonderful. A joy. The teenage years sucked sometimes. It is a choice however and a very individual experience. It is one I'm glad i didn't miss though. | |
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| People that don't have~nor EVER want kids..what do you think?
Posted: 9/6/2007 8:37:49 PM | | i have had ladys that have no kids talking to me and some wanting a date , i have never and would never hide the fact i have kids , so why after weeks of talking sometimes they then come out with ...i have been thinking about it and and im not sure... YOU HAVE KIDS ...well its there on my profile in black and white. at this point i will no longer entertain ladys that have no kids , my kids are my flesh and blood and a huge part of me .. | |
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| People that don't have~nor EVER want kids..what do you think?
Posted: 9/6/2007 10:42:20 PM | It's a personal choice, pure & simple. In many respects, it's not even open for debate, as each will choose their own course, and there's nothing the rest of the world can do about it!
I knew early in life (around age 16) that I was going to AVOID the kid trip. There are WAY too many reasons to list here, but I'll cover the major points.
Even in today's "advanced" society, well OVER 95% of all pregnancies are accidents. I didn't want the terms of my life dictated by an accident... so I just didn't go there.
From the MOMENT that a child is born, that INDIVIDUAL very definitely IS going to wind up making it's OWN decisions, choosing it's OWN course in life, and perhaps end up living a lifestyle that the "parents" don't much care for. So much for the idea of raising... "my little angel". It's a cute delusion, but a LONG way from REALITY. Just ask the 3 MILLION 'parents' who visit their 'kids' every weekend... at the State Prisons. http://www.ojp.usdoj.gov/bjs/prisons.htm
My OWN life, I can control, and it continues to be a marvelous adventure. I'm glad to wake up every day KNOWING that my choices are solely my own, and that my day won't be ruled by something that... "just sort of happened" some twenty years ago. | |
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| People that don't have~nor EVER want kids..what do you think?
Posted: 9/7/2007 1:32:32 AM | Well i can see that the op is not here anymore , but i don't agree at all that the sole reason we are put here is to pop out some snot nosed little brats . The most selfish thing someone can do is to go out and make babies because everyone else around them wants them to and tells them they should want too have children. So no not wanting kids is not selfish at all . It is the most unselfish thing you can do .
As for carrying on the line well i now have 16 nieces and nephews so that is not even an issue . Besides knowing my luck if i ever did have kids i would probably end up with all boys .** Shudders** | |
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| People that don't have~nor EVER want kids..what do you think?
Posted: 9/7/2007 1:39:31 AM |
I say people need to put more thought into why they're having a bunch of kids rather than why I'm not having any.
well said
why should I have children because others think its the right thing to do or as a fashion accessory.
why should I father children "just for the sake of it "
If I am unable to find a woman that I want to have children with in a rock solid "death do us part relationship" -- I believe it is best not to have them.
In this day and age of relationships where they are viewed as disposable as old razor blades --- better to not have children | |
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| People that don't have~nor EVER want kids..what do you think?
Posted: 9/7/2007 1:57:29 AM |
but i don't agree at all that the sole reason we are put here is to pop out some snot nosed little brats
I can see why your not a mother  My two children are my world.... I always wanted children... I had 7 miscarriages and broke my heart everyone of them... children are Angels from God.... and I really do get angry from people who do not like children calling them names like above... you don't like them ... fine... but don't insult our babies who are cherished and loved... I have never understood people not wanting children personally but hey...we are all different... I do know,my Aunt who is now 56 regrets never having any... she always wanted her career and that was all she could see at the time... now her husband has died ... she has nothing and very lonely and cries all the time at the thought of not having children now... I made her god mother to my two and she adores them and thinks of them as her own... I feel very sad for her that she will never have the wonderful feeling of your kids giving you so much love and respect... no one to buy for at christmas,no grandchildren... I do feel for her.... on the other hand... my Uncle has never had any and has no regrets... he is not good with small children and would have been useless as a father.... each to their own I guess... Would I have another... I think I would... but it is not something I worry about as I have a wonderful loving Son and a beautiful long blonde haired blue eyed little Daughter who I am very proud of .What more could I ask for | |
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| People that don't have~nor EVER want kids..what do you think?
Posted: 9/7/2007 2:38:42 AM | I have only read the OP.
I personally respect people state they do not have children and do not wish to have any.
For one, they are honest. Two, there is nothing worse for a child than to be with a parent who does not want them. A responsible person does not have unwanted children.
I know a woman who has two beautiful daughters. This woman never wanted children and repeatedly tells her children that. I shudder when I think of how screwed up those daughters are going to be. | |
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| People that don't have~nor EVER want kids..what do you think?
Posted: 9/7/2007 2:53:39 AM | | what I find so sad is that when u r a woman who does not have kids , u r expected to have all the understanding in the world for children that you never even are introduced to because ...u could be harmful ...you might not last ...etc. what people seem to forget all those people who have no kids are someones children too ...we are ok to be hurt but the kids ...no way , where does this leave a genuine person ????Yes they are ur flesh and blood , does that make it right to treat everyone else around u as their enemy ???? | |
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| People that don't have~nor EVER want kids..what do you think?
Posted: 9/8/2007 5:29:20 AM | I used to be like that. Once I hit puberty, I thought the idea of making children was so cool, but it was important to be ready for it. Then when I saw how difficult some parents have raising children, I thought I better not have kids, because I feel like I won't be good enough. That changed AGAIN when I had a family reunion last year (long story made short) and decided that kids are an awesome opportunity to start a family and watch them blossom throughout their whole life. Now I am completely in favor but only when I'm ready.   | |
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| People that don't have~nor EVER want kids..what do you think?
Posted: 9/8/2007 5:48:15 AM | | I always thought that I would get married and have children, but it did not happen. I have grieved for the fact that my child bearing days are gone, and would still like to get married. I sometimes wish that I had adopted a child when I was younger, although I think that a mother and father being married is the best scenario for raising a child. People seem to assume that when someone has not gotten married or had children that they are selfish, etc. Some of us have just not found the right person and wanted marriage and children. | |
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| People that don't have~nor EVER want kids..what do you think?
Posted: 9/8/2007 5:57:20 AM | Sometimes it's not by choice.........I always wanted kids, but sometimes that's not how things work out..........I decided to end a bad relationship and just never worked out that way..........
Also, there are people out there just simply that are unable to have children! | |
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| People that don't have~nor EVER want kids..what do you think?
Posted: 9/8/2007 6:05:29 AM | i believe people who do not want kids have some warped belief that you cant have fun.
i think they are either self centered upon there looks,or are to selfish to have and love a child.
on the other hand there are alot of people who shudnt have kids for various reasons.
some of these people may have valid reasons if they no themselves they cant cope! | |
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| People that don't have~nor EVER want kids..what do you think?
Posted: 9/8/2007 6:30:43 AM | I can't imagine how shallow my life would be without my children.
I have three and I am done.
My fiance who is younger says she does not want children, and of course I respect that.
I look for her to change her mind some day, and we will cross that bridge when it comes.
Makes me think of my Great Grandfather. He had my Grandad when he was 72, lived to watch him graduate. I am no sure I could handle that...but the chaos sure keeps you young. | |
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| People that don't have~nor EVER want kids..what do you think?
Posted: 9/8/2007 6:44:07 AM | wolves - with all due respect, don't you think it's a bad idea to get involved with and marry someone who does not share your desire to have children? that's a pretty big issue.
people who decide no to have children are not selfish, self centered or shallow. i think that kind of short sighted thinking leads to bad parenting, myself. would you be that judgemental of your childrens choices? would you even let them make their own choices?
i decided not to have children and probably the biggest factor was that there are too many children in this world that have no one. i'm not going to pop out more when could adopt. i don't see why anyone does. arrogance? pride? who knows | |
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| People that don't have~nor EVER want kids..what do you think?
Posted: 9/8/2007 6:46:21 AM | (((i believe people who do not want kids have some warped belief that you cant have fun.
i think they are either self centered upon there looks,or are to selfish to have and love a child.))) WTF!!!
I don't want kids because i am annoyed by them . I don't find them fun or cute or interesting. Guess what not everyone thinks like you do . How selfish and self centered would it to be for me to run out and have a kid because people think i should ,or because they think i am unnatural or unwomanly because i don't want to pop out a brat to help overpopulate an already overpopulated world.
You may find kids fun , but not everyone else does . It does not make me wrong, selfish and self centered to think differently then you do . It just makes me different from you . Maybe some of us just don't have the desire and the patience to become parents .Not everyone does. It is EXTREMELY selfish to bring more children into this world when there are way too many already . If you have that much desire to be a parent them adopt one of the many children who have no home and parents of their own. | |
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B.Ann
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Joined: 5/23/2006
Msg: 298 | |
| People that don't have~nor EVER want kids..what do you think?
Posted: 9/8/2007 6:54:04 AM | | I,m not selfish,i never thought i would be unmarried and without children .Not something i planned,but i made the wrong choices with the men i had long relationships with.They already had children and didn,t want any more.I like other people,s children,and they like me usually,but i do feel like i missed out,because i don,t have grandchildren to look forward to.However,some people say i,m lucky,i don,t have the worries of a family around me. | |
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| People that don't have~nor EVER want kids..what do you think?
Posted: 9/8/2007 7:11:18 AM | I have no kids --- nor desire any. However, I'm the Auntie to a teenager, a pre-teen, and a 10 yr old. I love those kiddies something fierce.....and ya know what? They love me too. I'm one of those women that was meant to be an Auntie.
And for those that wonder who will take care of a childless person in their old age providing they aren't married or their spouse is deceased. Isn't it selfish, to have an adult child take care of you? Isn't part of being a parent to nurture and raise the child with a good foundation, then send him/her on her way in life? My parents for example have indicated they would refuse moving in with me or my siblings. They provided for their old age --- or long term care.
Also, just because a person has kids -- please don't think it automatically means you're going to be taken care of. I've known many elderly people with several adult kids, that sent them to a nursing home, and rarely visit. | |
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| People that don't have~nor EVER want kids..what do you think?
Posted: 9/8/2007 7:13:53 AM | For some reason I always knew that I didn't want to be a mom. I just don't have that feeling when it comes to kids. I don't get all gushy when I see a baby. Never have. As a teenager. if anyone called to ask me to babysit, I would ask them if they had already called everyone else they knew first. I didn't want to spend even an evening with babies or kids. As I've gotten older, I've learned how to relate and feel comfortable around them. Now I treat them with respect as I would an adult and it seems to be working out just fine with my friends kids and children of men I've dated. I've never regretted not having children. It just wasn't for me. I'm more an animal girl. I get all gushy when I see a puppy or kitten. That's why I run my own pet hotel and dog-sit instead.
Who knows why we prefer what we prefer. | |
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