| People that don't have~nor EVER want kids..what do you think?
Posted: 12/21/2007 9:37:54 AM | I have a little boy (as I am sure you can see) ... but I totally agree ... if a person doesn't WANT children, do not PUSH IT!!! Some people are just not cracked up to be parents, for whatever reson, but it is to be respected.
My best friend doesn't have kids, and she is the God Mama to my son. In fact she is fabulous with him!! He's an Auntie's boy!! I am saying this about a woman who in no way shape or form has the instinct (at 32 years of age, so it's pretty much done for by that point) to have a baby of her own. She has her hound and her boyfriend and that is what makes her happy ... how am I to shove down her throat "well you only have a few more good years ...?" - not gonna happen.
However, I guess the devils advocate on that would be that I used to be an non-breeder ... i was WAY too selfish and immature to have a kid (and I am talking into my late 20's already) - then I oops, and found out I was pregnant. During my entire pregnancy I was positive I was going to give them up for adoption (I found out in my second month and made the option to at least contribute to a family that would take care of them, I was having twins, and I was a single parent and was quite happy with my life as is, traveling and doing what I love to do - work with racehorses ... not very family orienting atmosphere - no my little ponies y'know?), I even worked throughout my entire pregnancy as I believed that there was no way I was going to change my life over one little mistake and that it would be over soon and I could go back to normal. It wasn't until I had a freak accident and delivered the twins early, lost my little girl during the delivery and saw my son (all 3 pounds of him - they were three months early) laying there in his basinet fighting for his life and all alone in this world (and even lost the only person that he had ever known right then, his sister) ... and I was to walk away from him too? Abandon him to be alone and leave perfect strangers to direct my own flesh and bloods fate? I have a heart - I couldn't do it.
A year and a half later, I know this was all for the best. Carl is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I am not half as selfish as I once was (as I share everything with him) ... though still as immature  - he brings out things in me that I didn't EVER know i had ... but I wouldn't have ever known unless I took the step. A child is supposed to be a blessing, so if you are a TRUE non-breeder, PLEASE make sure that you do take the proper precautions, as you will be effecting two others lives through your recreational habits ... and it isn't so easy to walk away ... have fun!!
Btw, the grass really IS greener on the other side ... but that's just my opinion   | |
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| People that don't have~nor EVER want kids..what do you think?
Posted: 12/21/2007 9:45:50 AM | Nature is beautiful - offspring to each kind keeps this world beautiful and diverse.
How good would you feel if you learned that you are a failed abortion or the accident of your mom not packing enough condoms. I know this is a bit harsh but we as "civilized society" have messed up things on this earth way too much.
Nature is beautiful - have kids (I don't mean an entire army), raise them to the best of your abilities making some sacrifices along the way and hoping that your efforts will be valued someday. What better lesson of selflessness can we think...  | |
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| People that don't have~nor EVER want kids..what do you think?
Posted: 12/21/2007 10:06:50 AM | I was so sure I didn't want kids I had a vasectomy in my early forties.
At fifty I was approached to help raise an as yet unborn child.
At fifty five I can't imagine my life without my son. He has brought joy, love and a different outlook on the world into my life.
Before him, I was secure in myself. My house was almost paid off. My time was my own. I had a number of outlets for my creative side. Travelled the world.
Now I'm lonely (his mother left), in debt up to my eyeballs, drive a twelve year old car, and my social life is POF.
But I wouldn't change a thing. | |
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| People that don't have~nor EVER want kids..what do you think?
Posted: 12/21/2007 10:42:35 AM | Having children isn't for everyone. Some people that have children are horrible parents. Some who never had the opportunity to have them would have made great parents.
I have known quite a few women that were abused when they were young and decided early on that being a parent was not for them. Two of which said they did not have the patience and therefore did not want to bring an unwanted child into the world. And it was a wise choice for them. One of them seriously had no patience what so ever. She really would have abused a child. I am glad she recognized this.
It's all about choice. We shouldn't judge others soley based on the fact they don't want children. | |
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| People that don't have~nor EVER want kids..what do you think?
Posted: 12/26/2007 8:07:33 PM | I couldn't imagine bringing a new life into this world. Just look at what they will have to face in the future. And all the problems arising are due to overpopulation, so why add to the population that is already rediculous? WW3 isin't something I want my child or any other to experience, to suffer and starve to death in a ditch somewhere, or be vaporized from an a-bomb. Global warming, Bigger storms, Less food. It's only a matter of time before some super virus gets loose and wipes out a few million. The Avian Flu was a close call, and Sars.
Fight for land, resources, health care will all be overwhelming.. more than now in an exponential rate. More people are born than who die.
The only reason North America hasn't put a cap on the amount of children one can have is because of Economy and War. It's all about money and not the environment. Zero emission vehicles could be everywhere, but that costs money, so we'll drag it out for another 30 years.
More people = More War, Hunger, Desease, Polution, Disasters
I'll pass on having Children, I'm not selfish. I'll sacrifice my parenthood and bloodline for the good. There's so many single mothers anyways, I have no problems becoming a fill in dad. | |
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| People that don't have~nor EVER want kids..what do you think?
Posted: 12/27/2007 7:03:26 AM | | I just turned 40 and still don't have kids. Neither ex-wife or I wanted kids when I was married. We enjoyed out DINK lifestyle. Early on we felt that we didn't have the money to do it. We both believed (and I still do) that one parent needs to be home with the child, but at our income at the time we couldn't afford that. As time went on, I think we saw our friends have kids and most turned miserable. Many openly said it was a mistake and were jealous that we were still enjoying our lives. But now I'm seeing someone with a 14 year old daughter and my views have softened. Maybe if we end up together we might, but then we might be too old for that. In the end I think having kids needs to be a more thought out decision then most of the time it is. I see way too many people stuggling with not one, but two or three kids...and way too young. | |
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| People that don't have~nor EVER want kids..what do you think?
Posted: 4/11/2008 7:27:34 AM | | I love my son more than anything. But- if I knew back then what I know today, no..I wouldn't have had any children myself. I don't believe it's being selfish at all. I look at today's society, diseases, finacial strains, economy...and think why would I put a child through the stress? If I had my choice I would've never had children just for those reasons. | |
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| People that don't have~nor EVER want kids..what do you think?
Posted: 4/11/2008 10:09:53 AM | Babies are stupid!
Have you seen them? They don't know anything, and you gotta feed them like... at least Once a day.
Resist these beautiful little creatures? How can people even stand these little fleshnuggets. They cry constantly, and the smell like vomit and poo.
I like traveling and spending money on stuff for me. You know how expensive raising kids are? | |
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| People that don't have~nor EVER want kids..what do you think?
Posted: 4/11/2008 10:17:34 AM | You know, I have three children. If the person I'd married hadn't wanted children, right now I'd have none. It wasn't on my to do list when I was young. In part I was convinced by my husband because he absolutely needed children to feel complete. (Had I known he wouldn't stick around to raise them, perhaps I'd have thought differently back then.)
Pregnancy sucks....parasites invading your body. You can't eat or do what you want, they kick you in the guts. You can't sleep. Nothing works right.
Babies....more sleep deprivation. They come first, its all need need need.
The money they cost. They suck every last penny into their lives. Even on a budget kids are expensive, and the more money you have the more they can use up.
I dearly love my children...but I must say I don't love children in general and I totally understand people who don't want to have them. You are put on this earth to be yourself and live up to your potential. If you choose to have kids and that's part of your game great, if not, I don't think anyone should judge you poorly. Parenting is a huge responsibility, it isn't just something you do to fit in. | |
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| People that don't have~nor EVER want kids..what do you think?
Posted: 4/11/2008 10:19:49 AM | Oh sam, you are so right. Indeed the little ones often need to be fed 8 or 10 times a day and do diaper deposits with the same frequency. And they can't transport themselves, no levitation here...you get to carry them around (oh my aching back) till they are 2 or 3 or 4 or so....
Yup...best to travel and have what you want. | |
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| People that don't have~nor EVER want kids..what do you think?
Posted: 4/11/2008 10:21:18 AM | I dont want to ever have children.
I love kids with ever little fiber of my beoing, I just dont want to make any. I intend to be a foster mom, I will probably adopt children, but no birthing for me.
I have never had any desire to see a little me running around. I much prefer the idea of doing my little piece in this world to help, to love. Foster Amy to the rescue! | |
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| People that don't have~nor EVER want kids..what do you think?
Posted: 4/11/2008 10:40:24 AM | m-azing wrote:
i believe my children are my small piece of immortality...threw them and their children i hope to to live on for a long time
Now THAT'S selfish.
You dont bare children....you never existed
-Chinese Proverb
Consider the source.... the world's most populace nation, that now has a one child per family law! I guess they learned the consequences of this foolish opinion. Too bad someone apparently hasn't and is still citing it as wisdom.
Many openly said it was a mistake and were jealous that we were still enjoying our lives.
That is the real reason so many people try to pressure childfree people into having kids. Misery loves company.
This is what I say when people ask me why I don't want to have children:
"Why would I want to have children? Do you think I'm that selfish? Why do you want to have children? Hasn't your life been one of great suffering? Yet right now your unborn children are not suffering. They are completely at peace right now. But you want to bring them into this world so they can endure 80 years of suffering even worse than yours has been, just so you can suck the joy out of them during their first few innocent years? How can you be such a parasite? I could never do that. But to each their own."
I know; it's a bit over the top, but I get tired of hearing that question so want to make it less likely they'll dare ask the next person.
much prefer the idea of doing my little piece in this world to help, to love. Foster Amy to the rescue!
Ahhh. The voice of true selflessness. Cheers to Amy. | |
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| People that don't have~nor EVER want kids..what do you think?
Posted: 4/11/2008 11:07:58 AM | I don't have kids yet but I would love to have them someday. Isn't procreation the purpose of life? Parents are lucky people. However I don't think people who don't want them are selfish.
With alot of people, it's just timing. They aren't ready so they express no desire. But with those strictly not interested in parenting, I'm sure they have their reasons', some are dying, some are sick with genetic/passable diseases; these seem reason enough not to want to leave a kid alone in the world or have it born sick.
What about the people who aren't confident in their parenting skills or who were abused and afraid they will have the same traits of their parents? Or people who have no hope for this world and would rather not chance their kid being hurt in it? Parenting is a lifetime thing. Even those commitment-phobes that just don't feel like being attached to another person for life, everybody has a reason.
But you know, I dated a businessman before who said he didn't have them and didn't want them at all. His choice. So I never tried to change his mind. But one day I got gutsy and asked him why. His reason?
He said that he had made a few foes getting to 'the top' and was afraid that someday someone would hurt them to hurt him. That shut me up. | |
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| People that don't have~nor EVER want kids..what do you think?
Posted: 4/11/2008 11:17:16 AM |
Anyone that has made this choice..can you shed some light on this matter for me..care to share as to why you have chosen not to carry on your blood-line?
i don't want children because i'm selfish. there, i said it. i want to be able to pick up and go when i like... i want to be able to work on the career that i have without having to worry about 'the kids'. i'd like to share my life with my SO without the worries and what not that kids bring into one's life. i realize for some they are a blessing and i have the utmost respect for people that have children and spend the time raising them.
i wouldn't be a good parent and i know that. i'd be one of those career mothers that passes their kids off to a nanny while going off and living life so really... why have them? it's not fair to the children and it's not fair to me knowing that i wouldn't be a good mother. there's too much life to live and in my schedule there just isn't the time or place for children. | |
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| People that don't have~nor EVER want kids..what do you think?
Posted: 4/11/2008 12:21:59 PM | i don't understand why you don't get it...everyone for there own reason...i don't want kids cause there a pain in the ass and annoying!!!
yes i adore kids in a sense but would never want one of my own cause i have no patience for them and i'm not giving up my freedom cause i popped one out of me....
i see them as a hassle and taking all my free time away!!!
i don't want to deal with all that crap!!!
you can't have a life with baggage...and i see kids as baggage
keep in mind i do have a god daughter and nieces and a nephew who i adore but can only tolerate them for so long...i know if i was a parent i kill or abuse the kid and ignore it for the most part | |
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| People that don't have~nor EVER want kids..what do you think?
Posted: 4/11/2008 3:41:53 PM | | I knew when I was about 6 years old that I NEVER wanted to be a mommy. I still have no desire to have kids. It has nothing to do with being selfish. It is a conscience decision. Some people just don't want children....simple. | |
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| People that don't have~nor EVER want kids..what do you think?
Posted: 4/11/2008 6:23:55 PM |
I knew when I was about 6 years old that I NEVER wanted to be a mommy. I still have no desire to have kids. It has nothing to do with being selfish. It is a conscience decision. Some people just don't want children....simple.
I think I knew even earlier...I didn't even like playing with baby dolls...
Thought about it a lot..not sure why I have no apparent maternal instinct..and I don't hate kids...I'm very close to my nieces and nephews..I just never wanted any of my own. And babies still scare me..lol..
Something about pregnancy terrified me even at a young age..this may have something to do with my mom having several miscarriages and lots of problems, and being in the hospital a lot. I really don't know. It can't be selfish because I knew it from a very early age, before I would have even understood that dynamic. I just always knew I didn't want to have children..and though my mother and others insisted that would change, it never did.
An interesting side note, if you are a believer in God...at thirty I had to have an emergency hysterectomy, and it was likely I never could have had children even before that because of the situation, and sometimes I think God had something to do with my feelings on motherhood, as a way of sparing me that pain? Because, I have had plenty of other kinds that were more than enough to handle.
But, I can say with certainty that it's not because I am selfish...or because I don't like children..it was just never a desire. | |
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| People that don't have~nor EVER want kids..what do you think?
Posted: 4/11/2008 8:51:47 PM |
as i am catholic...it is what i have been taught.
That explains it :D. When it comes to sex being only for the purpose of raising children, that's obviously religious dogma. It's nonsense. That's saying that having sex simply for the purpose of having sex and enjoying it is somehow wrong, sinful. What rubbish. No wonder this country is so screwed up when it comes to sex. | |
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| People that don't have~nor EVER want kids..what do you think?
Posted: 4/11/2008 9:09:49 PM | | there are a lot of factors. I am 50 and i have no children buti love children. I was never blessed with children and my 1st marrage was 28 years. i don't know for sure what all went wrong so i can say all situatons are differnt. I MADE SOME MISTAKES IN MY LIFE AND NOW BEING 50 SOON TO BE 51 I CAME TO THINK THAT I AM TOO OLD TO HAVE CHILDREN EVEN THOUGH THEY ARE OUR FUTURE. I NOW FIGURE THAT THE UNITED STATES IS MY CHILDREN AND SINCE I HAVE NO CHILDREN OF MY OWN I WILL PROTECT MY COUNTRY LIKE A PARENT WILL PROTECT THEIR CHILDREN. I MAY RETIRE FROM THE GUARD THIS YEAR OR NEXT YEAR IF I GO TO IRAQ. Yes i am divoriced but my only child is my Nation. Let the others keep the bloodlines going. you may not understand this. | |
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| People that don't have~nor EVER want kids..what do you think?
Posted: 4/11/2008 10:28:15 PM | My best friend never wanted children. Her friends and family have kids. But she never wanted the responisbility of children. Her blood line is carried on in her brother's kids. If a person feels being a parent isn't right for them, it's a valid choice. But if you want to have children, you should definitely only date people who also want them.
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| People that don't have~nor EVER want kids..what do you think?
Posted: 4/11/2008 10:52:23 PM | I am almost 30 years old. I do not have children and I have made a decision that I do not ever want to have children. If others want to have kids that is great for them and I would never try to talk them out of it. I think this respect should be given to people who do not want kids. I am not a freak, I am not selfish and there is nothing 'wrong' with me because I have chosen to not have kids. I have my own personal reasons for not wanting kids. Just because society thinks it is the norm to have kids does not mean that is right for all of us. Further, there are many people who have kids and are awful parents. I just think it is a personal choice and we can only know what is right for us and do what is right for us.
~Carrie | |
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| People that don't have~nor EVER want kids..what do you think?
Posted: 4/11/2008 11:35:34 PM | Well... as far as what you believe our SOLE purpose is in life I'm gonna have to disagree. But then we'd start getting into a philosophical/religious discussion. So I guess it really boils down to beliefs. However, outside of that fact this is why I've gone from the girl who grew up only EVER wanting to be a mom & wife to being the single girl... still wanting to be a WIFE... but don't heart broken about maybe never being a mom: I'm a teacher so I've pretty much got 20 children right now. The last thing I'm DYING to do these days is leave 20 children who drain me every day & come home to my own children with NOTHING left to give them. I pour my life into my kids in my class, partially the reason I'm probably still single (I spent aprx. 16 hours straight at school yesterday & 18 hours straight at school today), and I don't want to short change my children. A lot of my friends are having children or have young children and I see how it limits their freedom to travel & make spontaneous decisions even as a couple. Right now I'm enjoying doing what I want when I want. Selfish? Maybe. But I see kids everyday who have parents or ONE parent who don't have time to put clean clothes on their bodies because they weren't ready to have kids themselves but gave into their PRIMAL instinct to procreate anyhow. That to me seems a little selfish. I totally understand being a single parent or even parents as a couple isn't easy and so I'm choosing not to do it yet because I'm not ready at this point in my life and not sure I ever will be. That's gonna be a decision left up to whoever I marry. If he's dreaming of being a daddy... I'll be MORE THAN HAPPY to oblige him and fulfill my dream as a little girl of being a mommy. But I think that'll be the day when I pass my pencils & apple on to another teacher... but those are just MY thoughts.  | |
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