| People that don't have~nor EVER want kids..what do you think?
Posted: 4/18/2008 11:52:18 PM | Two camps as usual, Yes and NO.
Yes: Well, I wouldn't mind having my own kids, and not someone elses.
No: Even if I had my own, I would probably want to sell them to stop the "I want Spongebob" whining. My brother has kids, that is enough for me at the moment.
At the current time, I believe people have kids because they can't factor in how to use condoms or birth control, or can't remember. Other than that, it has always been more of a question about whether I SHOULD, not whether I CAN. I find if you sit down and think about them instead of what YOU want, you come to whatever you think is right.
After all, a lot of people should stop breeding, and start thinking.
It is called "Parenting" then. | |
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| People that don't have~nor EVER want kids..what do you think?
Posted: 4/18/2008 11:54:24 PM | I am completely the opposite in my experiences having 3 children ages 18, 14 and 10 (all boys). I was married and stayed at home with them until I divorced anyway...and choose to work from home to catch every last second with my kids. I can honestly say that my kids gave me the strength to pursue some very insurmountable odds over the years. I never once regretted them or having them - and I have literally had them 365 and 24/7!!
Okay, well...maybe I am a wee bit on the crazy side.  I find my blessing in them as well as the whole family gig over everything else in life -including but not limited to dating, money or "my" wants. I have found the men I've dated (*note that* so nobody tells me I'm generalizing) and one I unfortunately married who was extremely abusive and concerned only about what he got or came to him when it was not first!
My days are not filled with dates by any means because I choose not to unless there is genuine interest there - and I definitely don't date anyone anymore that doesn't have kids because the "all about me" attitude in them certainly shows. I have to ask myself- if he thinks like this with kids in his life, what happens when I am old, feeble and childlike in my mind????
This isn't to slam people that don't have kids - there are those who simply cannot bare children and other situations as such. I envy the time they have when my days are 20 hours long and I can't cry because I have to be strong. I envy their having all the nice things in my house - knowing they won't get scuffed, broken or misused too - and the money I'd save? Phenominal amounts...OODLES even. BUT..in the end, I have actually LIVED every facet of life and know in my older years I will see all the world has to offer in new eyes with a man who does get to be first in so many ways and loved by a man I know will rock me just like he did his son/daughter all those years ago...very slowly and as long as needed.
What matters at the very end is that you have to have what YOU want in your life - what makes YOU happiest. If it isn't having kids then it isn't wrong it just isn't gonna be......YOU.  | |
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| People that don't have~nor EVER want kids..what do you think?
Posted: 4/19/2008 12:00:01 AM | Just an afterthought with this...
Having someone else's kids is totally....TOTALLY different than having your own.
Reading a posting by someone with as rude of a name as "kingdonglingus" simply can't figure out which head he should be using in the remarks he makes...It isn't so much about stop breeding and start thinking.... As a matter of fact, I would almost bet my last penny that if YOUR parents read such trash that you wrote? They would not be taking up the "right to choose" side of abortions - and you my friend, would not be here. Greed gets you nowhere! | |
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| People that don't have~nor EVER want kids..what do you think?
Posted: 4/19/2008 12:09:52 AM | I expected as much, and oddly as little.
You see, it isn't I, my fine dear, that has the problem with thinking with ANY head I own, nor, did I, like yourself, call you out on the carpet to make myself feel better.
It would seem as YOU have the overall major malfunction, but so be it.
I stand by me, myself and I, and all three of us think you are full of shit.
And, typically self-centered. I COULD do like you and say, "Me, Me" and "I, I", but oddly, I thought, "Hmmmmm.....maybe not such a great idea".
Hey, god forbid somebody disagree, after all, last time I looked, God didn't hire you as "Overlord of Kids & Postings". But I am betting he might hire you for "Planetary Controller of Uranus". A fitting post THAT would be. | |
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| People that don't have~nor EVER want kids..what do you think?
Posted: 4/19/2008 12:26:12 AM | I don't have a CAT or ever want a CAT.
Does this make me less of a person?
I find cats to be annoying critters and have no tolerance for them.
I love my kids, I loved my dog.
I love people in general... I have a high tolerance level here...lol
I am not a bad person or a mal-adjusted person because I don't like or want a cat ever.
so...how is this different from the person who don't do kids?
btw.. I have 3 kids... I love them more than life. Not everyone has to love them. | |
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| People that don't have~nor EVER want kids..what do you think?
Posted: 4/19/2008 12:31:49 AM | I have pets ... I can leave them for hours at a time without adult supervision and they don't arrest you if you crate your dog ...
As for the pesky primal maternal instinct ... I fed that beast buy by bottle feeding kittens at the animal shelter several years in a row and by being a super cool Auntie to my nephew (My sister loves the break and I can give him back when I've had my fill)
Plus I don't feel the need to add to our already over populated world ... if I want make myself responsible for the life of another human being I can adopt one or two or five ... I could argue that it's selfish desire to have you own children when there are so many out there that need someone to love them because their own parents can't or won't for some reason or another.
Cheers | |
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| People that don't have~nor EVER want kids..what do you think?
Posted: 4/19/2008 12:51:45 AM | cunnilingus and ms sunshine are in a power struggle that I can speak to.
I would have been a WONDERFUL mom to babies, and have dreamed/desired little tykes from newborn to college age--and I know (now) I would have been as entertaining as I would have been educational. So. What I've missed is a spouse, mate, project manager who c/would be there throughout the whole product lifecycle--a person who loved ME and US as much as he loved babies and himself.
I could not simply start breeding with the nearest sperm provider and hope for anything positive: I came from a family situation that preached (but was lacking in) grounded, brick-*-house pragmatism--emotionally and values-wise.
So, the cards I was dealt differ from those macho repro mentalities (the cunnie guy) and socio-conformist mentalities (sunshine, that's not quite you, but you're on the hook for providing cogent opposition) as much as I am repelled by the antidisestablishementarian folk. For some reason, I was exposed to spirituality AND to a social system...both of which were imperfect. This, together with special family characteristics (one of which is a severely mentally and physically handicapped sibling) gave me impetus to want to and try to understand "communication" outside one's ego.
Ergo, carrying on my genes...given that I know I have physical abuse, mental defects, and...other peculiarities...in my genetic makeup: I am as loathe to associate with "me first" mentalities as those who are sans personality. My dating experience has introduced men who are me-first (failure--from the Catholic/Lutheran sense of deny-any-errors mentality to the who-cares-about-morals-from-society mentality)
I have a mother whose mentality is that "everyone else" has more resources. I have a father whose mentality (albeit experiential Eagle Scout) involves a parent who attended church but who sexaually abused his own grandchildren. I wouldn't "sneak" into mating without sharing these facts.
...and so, I have not found a suitable mate for reproduction. But is all of this history supposed to deny me a right to family, to an understanding nature, to a nurturing relationship?
I must interject: all you Darwinists and all you Moralists: I would have been--and I remain--a fabulous mentor for babies who should not (need to) conform to anything except truth (and that, for me, is Jesus The Christ). I can only point in the right direction. A lot of what makes sense to me is Buddhist, but I am forever a Christian. Anyone who cannot embrace this attitude is not someone I c/would want to reproduce with: our values would never find agreement.
So. I'm single. Yet, I think agreeing to anything less is creating a problem. Does that preclude me from finding a mate?
And now, 40 years later, I find myself at the crux: is there someone to share my life with? I am not without spiritual valuations. I am not about entertainment. I am not stupid. I think, perhaps, children not of my seed are those I should be nurturing. | |
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| People that don't have~nor EVER want kids..what do you think?
Posted: 4/19/2008 12:39:15 PM | I love children, but I'm also firmly of the opinion that people shouldn't have unwanted children--it's bad for the kids to put them into that situation. So if they don't want children, they shouldn't have them. Pretty simple.
I think it's far more selfish to have unwanted kids because you're worried about others' opinions or societal approval, than it is not to have kids you don't want. | |
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Mar*a
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Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 435 | |
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| People that don't have~nor EVER want kids..what do you think?
Posted: 4/19/2008 12:53:43 PM | Well If others do not want kids it may be forbest they dont.For us it has been great.We have 3 grown kids and Adopted 3 more that are at home now.We would adopt more.We come from very big familys Me(11) wife from (12) siblings.So I guess it was just natural for us to want alot of kids.The more the merrier we say. , , , , , , | |
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PeterC
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Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 437 | |
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| People that don't have~nor EVER want kids..what do you think?
Posted: 4/19/2008 2:01:27 PM | My take. (was married for 4 years, been divorced for 1 year)
At the moment, I am in a town that is overrun with single moms. Not uncommon to see women 19-20 with 3-4 kids already. Unmarried, unplanned kids. They run wild in the stores, and will probably be popping out their own unplanned children in 13-14 years.
It is not uncommon to see a 13-16 year old girl walking in WalMart about to give birth. I see it about every time I go in there.
This town has scared me out of having kids. I used to be of the "Sure, lets have 2.3 kids" mentality when I was married and in my mid 20's. I was (still am) making good money, and have a stable career with good benefits. I was probably in better shape than most to support a family, complete with stay at home mom. Ex-wife was only able to conceive 2 times in 4 years, and had 1st trimester miscarriages both times. I was overseas both times, which did not help the situation.
She was of the camp of "If I can't have babies OF MY OWN my life is a failure" mentality.
I was of the "Okay, if we can't have kids, we can adopt down the road, or just be the cool aunt/uncle who take the neices/nephews on vacations and help them out with school" camp.
While that was not the wedge that drove us apart, it probably did not help.
Now looking at this from the other side of marriage, I am kind of scared shitless to ever have kids now. I got burned in the divorce. If we had kids, I would be subject to another 18 years of being over the barrel, and giving her money that I seriously doubt would be used for its intended purpose.
At my age, (29) I am still young enough where I feel I am not "too old" to have kids, but on the other hand, I don't see myself getting remarried (ever right now, would not be financially feasible until I am at least 33-34 due to alimony) while I am still young enough to have kids and get them thru college before I am retired. That, coupled with the lack of women in my age range without kids makes the chance of me reproducing on purpose slim.
But I don't feel the not wanting to have kids makes anything "wrong" with me. But I catch a lot of grief from women because I am not keen on making carbon copies as fast as they can pump them out. | |
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| People that don't have~nor EVER want kids..what do you think?
Posted: 4/19/2008 2:34:54 PM | Sure I thought Everyone will want Children someday if they can reponse for their kid, As mine Right now I don't want to have kids cause to much activities for my life I am not ready to have one. I think so people they think like that,I know the new birth is creating new life, But if you are not ready Should you have one and you can't reponse them ? Here in Thailand some time I have seen many poor kids they don't want of family, Their family leave them in the hospital it is the problem for Goverment, So that I don't want to bulid the problem if I am not ready, I don't mean your idea is wrong but if you are ready to have one why you not let to do  | |
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| People that don't have~nor EVER want kids..what do you think?
Posted: 4/20/2008 3:02:17 PM | Well, I never wanted to have children and I could well, well afford to financially.
I am now 55 and have never regretted my decision.
I don't mind other people's children, and have even helped some of my girlfriends raise theirs.
However, I don't want them, and wouldn't want an SO who has children unless they're already grown.
The fact that my SO doesn't have them was a plus when we met. | |
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| People that don't have~nor EVER want kids..what do you think?
Posted: 4/21/2008 2:06:16 AM | | I say to each their own. I admire someone who knows that he/she will not make a good parent. Better to admit it now than have a kid and neglect it. Look at our kids role models today, Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, etc. Umm, need I say more? | |
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| People that don't have~nor EVER want kids..what do you think?
Posted: 4/21/2008 3:46:01 PM |
I say to each their own. I admire someone who knows that he/she will not make a good parent. Better to admit it now than have a kid and neglect it.
I dare say that if I'd had a child I would have been a very good parent. I take all my responsibilities seriously.
Not wanting a child has nothing to do with being unable to parent. It just means you choose not to do so for personal reasons. | |
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| People that don't have~nor EVER want kids..what do you think?
Posted: 4/21/2008 4:01:40 PM | "I also believe that we were put on this earth for the sole purpose of pro-creation...so it puzzles me when someone says they don't want children."
There-in lies the crux of the problem. Too many starving little kids in the world and not enough mommies and daddies. I NEVER wanted a Sean clone...from early on.
I know I could love, nurture and care for a child as if it were "my own". What's "right" for you might not be "right" for me...and vice / versa.
I have no problem with women wanting to have kids....so why is it an issue if I choose not to pro-create? | |
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| People that don't have~nor EVER want kids..what do you think?
Posted: 4/21/2008 4:05:14 PM | | I love children. I just dont want to raise them. Mine or anyone else's. I know me and I know I am too selfish to sacrifice things I want to take care of a child. I would end up resenting the child and that'd be a horrible existence. I like my freedom, a LOT and while I adore my nephews, I like being able to send them home. | |
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| People that don't have~nor EVER want kids..what do you think?
Posted: 4/21/2008 4:15:48 PM | | This site (& most others) don't have an option to check that would indicate someone who has no children, is not able to have children or would want to birth one at their advanced age, but would welcome the children of a significant other, should they already have children. I don't have any, & I'm way too old to try even if I could. I would love to have had children! I'm not tortured about not having them, but I'm not thrilled that I missed that part of life either. | |
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| People that don't have~nor EVER want kids..what do you think?
Posted: 4/21/2008 4:20:04 PM | I don't mind them..quite like a few actually!
I just don't want them myself...never have.
They are good for ganging up with against their dad though!!
And they can be quite lovely too..when they are a little older..and can talk... | |
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| People that don't have~nor EVER want kids..what do you think?
Posted: 4/21/2008 5:56:02 PM | | I think people that don't want to have kids are focusing on the negative aspects of raising them like putting up with tantrums, the stresses of public figures (teachers, priests, etc.) who are sexual predators... I get discouraged about having children when I hear about the statistics of mental or physical disabilities. But I want to have children so I get the chance to be the father to them that my dad never was to me. His dad was a bad father, and probably my great grandpa too. I'm breaking the streak!! | |
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