| Disabilities and dating....
Posted: 1/1/2005 7:14:01 PM | Gentle... You are welcome... but I cannot claim credit... I got that from one of my favorite authors... and when faced with the situation, that came to mind, so... I did... and had an abosolutely wonderful night.... Might have been disabled, but was NOT crippled... and I swear, I have never seen anyone laugh so hard... and everyone was very gracious, cleared a spot so we COULD dance... and we got applause at the end...
She was very appreciative... and thus... I have integrated that into my life...
Had a blast...
~~Dragon Rider~~
I know it is here somewhere...
Guess I will keep lookin' | |
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| Disabilities and dating....
Posted: 1/1/2005 8:33:20 PM | Dragon,
Would you mind telling me the author?? It seems I should know already....
Wishing you light, laughter, and love,
Gentlespirit | |
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| Disabilities and dating....
Posted: 1/1/2005 8:41:21 PM | Rober A Heilein... From his posthumus notes... but also from one of his characters and my personal Favorite Lazarus Long... If you are interested in some gentle humor and sound advice pick up a copy of "Notebooks of Lazarus Long" Very sage advice indeed...
~~Dragon Rider~~
I know it is here somewhere...
Guess I will keep lookin' | |
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| Disabilities and dating....
Posted: 1/1/2005 9:58:09 PM | Oh the book is entitled "Grumbles From the Grave" Sorry I forgot to add that, but you will find him a charming author...
~~Dragon Rider~~
I know it is here somewhere...
Guess I will keep lookin' | |
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| Disabilities and dating....
Posted: 1/1/2005 10:12:17 PM | First a hug for ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Gentle Spirit))))))))))))))))))))))))))
I wish I had seen this question sooner!
Fist let me introduce myself I am Elle and I am physically challenged I have cerebral palsy like symptoms that they thought was caused by a brain fever at ten months but an MRI in later years revealed no signs of a brain fever and any brain damage I have is so microscopic the MRI could not pick it up so they ruled it to be head trauma from an unknown source... Who knows maybe I was dropped on my head LOL
Anyway I use a scooter and a walker for mobility with all that said I want to say that my experience with men is I have noticed a pattern with men who are attracted to me they either have a low sex drive assuming that I have one too or are unable to have sex or they are controlling ((((((((((((((anyone who knows me I am way to stubborn for that)))))))) or they are homebodies who assume that I dont go out LOL
All of these are myths but as people who are "abled bodied" dating a disabled person is not for the faint of heart... it requires patience because they move a little slower... people will sometimes look at you as a deviant OR the oppisite Brave for taking on such a "responsibility"
It honestly doesn't occur to people that I have a job
I have a high sex drive (I know TMI)
or that I gave birth to two beautiful kids naturally without complications then proceeded to order a pizza :D
So let me be the website advisor any questions ask me it is what I do ; )
Elle | |
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| Disabilities and dating....
Posted: 1/1/2005 10:14:44 PM | Pepperoni or Sausage???
Good girl... excellent... High sex drive eh... hmmmm.... hmmmmmmmmm...
~~Dragon Rider~~
I know it is here somewhere...
Guess I will keep lookin' | |
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| Disabilities and dating....
Posted: 1/1/2005 10:18:21 PM | vegetarian beef with extra pineapples ; )
After all that you picked up high sex drive LOL
My kinda guy **wink wink** | |
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| Disabilities and dating....
Posted: 1/1/2005 10:21:27 PM | I noted the other... just not worth my notice save as a foot note... you obviously did not read my posts...
Okay, now, how the hell do you get vegetarian beef? Isn't that like fat free cookies?
Wink back at ya..
~~Dragon Rider~~
I know it is here somewhere...
Guess I will keep lookin' | |
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| Disabilities and dating....
Posted: 1/1/2005 10:24:21 PM | Vegitarian with beef extra cheese and pineapples to be more percise I'm shameless when it comes to eating
 | |
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| Disabilities and dating....
Posted: 1/1/2005 10:29:27 PM | No worries... just vegetarian beef sounded odd...
I am not fond of all those fruits on my za... I am old fashioned...
~~Dragon Rider~~
I know it is here somewhere...
Guess I will keep lookin' | |
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| Disabilities and dating....
Posted: 1/1/2005 11:36:49 PM | | yes I would go out with a person who was dis-abled I consider the attitudes of some to be much more of a dis-ability than any phisical differances you will encounter with people in wheel chairs or with dis-abilitys i am friends with a woman in a chair she is also mostly deaf and she has fought her way through university got her masters and helped start a job skill company for "dis-abled" people if she was interested in dating I would ask her out . she is nice ,smart, fun and a wonderfull person | |
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| Disabilities and dating....
Posted: 1/2/2005 12:07:23 AM | Are you sure she isn't interested in dating? I'd get interested real quick with you as a friend Maybe she is feeling awkward about that sort of thing. | |
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| Disabilities and dating....
Posted: 1/2/2005 12:11:56 AM | // cosmo blushes //
thanks for the compliment it is possible she feels awkward but I am not sure I dont think that she is interested in me right now as a datee?? but as you say worth looking into thanks | |
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| Disabilities and dating....
Posted: 1/2/2005 12:19:32 AM | I have been in a chair for 24 yrs I do very well with women but I seem to be a novalty to women something differant and for a long time I used it to my advantage I didn't get married untill I was 38 I was having way too much fun I could go out Just about any week end good looking young woman ( one thing that does help I dace incredabley well on 2 wheels I have competed in 12 dance competitions I won 10 of them including 2 national ones) on going dating was harder but honestly I like going from one to another I have worked very hard to
at my independence I live on my own now got divorced 2 yrs ago she was disabled also but it had nothing to do with eather of our disabilities I lift waights on a regular basis now I have 19inch biceps I wheel 2 to 3 miles 4 times weekly But getting back to dating I can still go mix it up on any given weekend but now that I am looking for something a little more steady I seem to be having more trouble with Its kind of like I am fun to dance the night away with but a relationship is another thing I think most are worried about SEX up until viagra I could not always get an erection how ever I am a very good lover with out it I was trained by bi sexual lover how to pleasure a women with out erection.
I could go on and on but I don't want to put anymore of you asleep lol
Tom | |
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| Disabilities and dating....
Posted: 1/2/2005 11:50:30 AM | I can imagine the questions that go through peoples mind when the go to approach someone with a disability.
Should I help them?
Are they able to have sex?
How much help do they need?
Is their condition progressive?
What will my family think?
I really wanted children is it really fair to put them through that?
I could go on and on it does provide many complications
Now that I am in my 30's I can usually tell when someone is attracted to me but wrestling with the questions rolling around in my head and I try to make people feel at ease joking around and just being friendly and very straight forward. I do the same in job interviews I always say "I am aware that my disability may raise some questions or conserns so please feel free to ask.
Being a "non-traditional student" in college it is better to find all these doors of opportunity because I am old enough to know what to do with them LOL
It doesnt make me feel bad to deal with questions or conserns with a life together they are just as important as
Is our life journeys taveling in the same direction?
Are they good with money?
What faith do they have?
Do they grit their teeth in their sleep?
Dating is complicated regardless LOL | |
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| Disabilities and dating....
Posted: 1/2/2005 12:15:23 PM | Thanks for that! I can't wait to read it....
Love, Light, and Laughter,
 Gentlespirit | |
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| Disabilities and dating....
Posted: 1/2/2005 1:03:25 PM | Soul,
Thank you so much for the hug...in my opinion, it's something DEFINITELY not used enough!
You bring up some excellent points!  I know I've not thought of guys being "catagorized"(except for the usual,lol) in such ways as you explained, however, kudos to you for giving some(such as myself) of us something to think about. And for what it's worth, I would never have thought someone could look at two ppl out enjoying themselves, as one being deviant! I am so sorry for that, and even more so, for the ones doing it...they have no idea....
Now....something I CAN relate to....natural childbirth....definitely NOT for the faint of heart, to say the least,lol....(btw, I only did it once, and my son is awesome!! not to mention grown,lol)
And YES, YES, YES to fruit on pizza!!! Pineapple is fantastic! (But then, pizza ANY way it's seved, is fantastic,lol)
And lastly.....sex....ummm, no comment
Thanks again for giving us some light on this-much needed.
Gentlespirit | |
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| Disabilities and dating....
Posted: 1/7/2005 8:09:37 PM | I was born with a very slight physical disability and I find that women are ok with it when I tell them on here but when I meet them in person its completely different.
Obviously they are not going to tell you to your face that its the reason why they dont find you physically attractive because that would make them sound very shallow and cold hearted and nobody wants to admit that they are shallow.
I for one know what it feels like to be judged on my physical appearnce so I would never do that to somebody else. | |
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| Disabilities and dating....
Posted: 1/7/2005 9:12:15 PM | | really? I thought disabled men would have it a little easier because women are nurturers by nature so that would be an attraction. | |
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| Disabilities and dating....
Posted: 1/13/2005 4:50:46 AM | Mikey,
Good post thanks...and btw, I'm sure you look great to all who know you...
I agree w/the judging on physical appearance, however human nature says otherwise, unfortunately :(. I truely feel sorry for those who fall into that catagory.
Gentlespirit | |
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| Disabilities and dating....
Posted: 1/13/2005 6:09:10 AM | I completely agree with you, Gentlespirit.
I'm also considered 'disabled', in fact, I come from a whole family of fellow amputees. There are four of us female amputees in my immediate family.
Both of my legs are gone from the knees down and I've walked on my own since I was 5 years old.
I've lived a very full life and often forget that I'm different from others. This is all I've ever known.
Anyway, the reason I'm commenting... when I built my first website I found out about the OTHER end of the spectrum....the devotees. I never even knew such people existed.
Who knew?
All I know is, I began getting lots of email from men who were 'attracted' to amputees....'preferred' them, no less.
And at first blush I thought it might be a good thing, especially for 'new' amputees who were struggling with their self-esteem...I had never heard of devotees before, so I knew nothing about them....but I quickly learned that it was NOT always a good thing.
I was married at the time and not in the least bit interested in writing to them. (I wouldn't have written even if I wasn't married)
They didn't see an amputee as a 'person'...they were an object of sexual attraction.
So, I did some homework...I began to research these devotees and what I found was appalling. The websites I saw were shocking.
Believe me, I could write all day about the things I learned.
And before anyone else tells me, I'm sure that not ALL are 'bad'.
But still, in my personal opinion, I want someone who sees 'me'...not just my legs.
I guess what I'm saying is that sometimes we can see the extremes in some of the reactions towards us.
Catt | |
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| Disabilities and dating....
Posted: 1/13/2005 7:15:28 AM | | Assuming that all other things clicked, I can't imagine not being willing to date someone with a disabilty. | |
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| Disabilities and dating....
Posted: 1/13/2005 5:51:32 PM | My disability is mental not physical, with no physical manifestations. I have had friends over the years who had different kinds of physical disabilities. The high school I attended had a fairly large group as part of a mainstreaming program, which was typical for the early 70's. I learned to watch my feet when my friend D. was around. She would reply to teasing by running over your foot with the closest wheel of her chair. Did I stop teasing her? No, I got quicker on my feet. She had been misdiagnosed and was on medication since childhood. Her senior year she was told of the misdiagnosis, taken off the medication, and it turns out the medication was what had been preventing her from walking. She was pretty pissed off, but glad, too. She got out of her chair, learned to walk, and dumped her boyfriend. When I first met her all I could see was a girl in a wheelchair but once I got to know her it was just like she spent a lot of time sitting down. I would have gone out with her in a heartbeat if she didn't already have a boyfriend.
Since high school when I've been drawn to someone with an obvious disability I have been reluctant to approach, and so, have not. This thread made me stop to wonder about it. What stops me? I don't want to seem like I think they should talk to me just because I have no disability, as if it was somehow their lucky day. I expect this to sound pretty stupid and it probably is. But my goal here is to learn something and starting out stupid is something I am used to. Yeah I know people are people are people, no matter what, but besides that, what should I know that I don't?
So my question is, and I just paranoid or are there some do's and don'ts for a so-called able bodied man to keep in mind when he hits on, I mean, says Hi to a woman with a disability? I don't have any special interest in women with disabilities, but then again I notice sometimes the ones who seem to have an extra helping of character or determination or appreciation for life, or is that just my imagination?
A few words to alleviate my confusion would be appreciated. Forget for now I'm a moose and talk to me like I was anyone else. | |
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| Disabilities and dating....
Posted: 1/13/2005 6:43:31 PM | Bmoose
Do's and Don'ts
Do's : Do be your self you are a good guy with great sense of humor she sounds like she has totally accepted being in awheelchair, you do the same.
Don'ts : Don't let this chance pass you by !!!
One last hint : Roller skating will probley not be a good firts date (but you never know Ummmmm)
Go for it :) | |
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