| Disabilities and dating....
Posted: 1/13/2005 7:29:33 PM | Hey, Bmoose...you know, speaking for myself here, I always appreciated being treated as if I was like anyone else. I know that some disabilities are not easily concealed, but even then, a disabled person treasures being treated 'normally'...as much as possible.
They can embrace their disability / difference...but they really want to be treated normally. And a lot more of us encourage questions than people realize.
But to tell you the truth, when I'm in public shopping and I see another amputee, something keeps me from approaching them. I have the same 'thoughts' and 'fears' and 'should I' as the next person.
Go figure!
*shrugs*
But maybe I hold back from approaching them because I DO understand that they probably want to feel as 'normal' as they can. And maybe it would make them feel uncomfortable if I approached them. Who knows? Silly, huh?
I mean, what would I say?...it's not like we're in a secret club and we'd wink and do a special nod and handshake...
*snicker*
Back in my school days the thing that bothered me most was not the name-calling or being pushed down or even made fun of. It hurt me more to be 'left out'. It made me feel 'different', and to me I wasn't any different than anyone else.
I had the same feelings and hopes and aspirations. I had goals and loved to laugh and make plans and everything that everyone else was experiencing.
But, to be left out and forgotten made me feel like a huge spot light was cast on me...like I was a 'marked' person...branded as different and socially unacceptable.
I mean, I wanted to be invited to EVERYTHING, whether I could participate or not. It was the 'asking' that made me feel good. Then, if I wanted to decline for some reason, at least I was asked and felt included. They left the choice up to me, and that was so nice and refreshing.
I didn't want someone else to assume I wouldn't enjoying doing certain things, or that I couldn't. Perhaps they were right...I COULDN'T, but I wanted and needed the camaraderie. Sometimes the closeness and friendships and laughter STILL feels as great as actually doing certain activities, even if I can't do them.
And I actually DID go to roller skating rinks with some of my friends and had a ball watching everyone skate around. I didn't feel left out. I enjoyed myself. And as my friends took breaks we'd laugh and talk and have a great time.... I felt more 'included' by being asked to be there than if I weren't asked.
Besides, I left with fewer bruises than THEY did.
;-)
I experienced bad things for 9 years in the small town I grew up in.
In the 11th grade I moved to another town and everything was totally different. People treated me like everyone else. You can't believe how much that meant to me.
I never had a problem with dates or being invited anywhere. It was like another planet.
I didn't mind talking about my legs with anyone who asked. I WANTED people to feel at ease. I liked it better when people asked me questions. And believe me, no one has a better sense of humor about it than I do.
More than anything, I hated making someone uncomfortable about my legs. I wanted to go ahead and set their mind at ease and let them know it was okay to talk about things. It was 'okay' to look at me. It was 'okay' to mention the word LEG. I wasn't going to fall apart and cry.
The more comfortable I am with myself, the more comfortable THEY will be. I learned that from a very early age.
I honestly forget all the time that I'm 'different'. I've never known anything else but what I am. And if it's not in the front of MY mind all the time, it's not in the forefront of THEIRS.
Eventually it gets dealt with...explained, etc. Then things move on. And then there's times it comes up again, but it's a learning and explaining process. It never bothers me to talk about my legs.
I think it's this way with most disabled people. I come from a family of four of us amputees, so I can speak from experience with it.
:-)
And you know, one of my best friends is a dance instructor. That's right, a ballerina.
Imagine that...the unlikely friendship between the dancer and the amputee. But we both shared our worlds with one another.
One of a dancer's worst thoughts is to lose a leg. I think I helped her to not be as afraid of life as an amputee...
And in return she gave me my virtual dancing shoes.
In fact, she gave me a real pair of Pointe dancing shoes. As she taught me more and more about her world of dance, she decided to send me a very worn pair of dance shoes.
I was elated!
Now, who would have ever thought to send a double amputee a pair of ballet slippers!
:-) | |
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| Disabilities and dating....
Posted: 1/13/2005 8:19:09 PM | What a lot of people dont realize is there a whole diffrent way of looking at the world and most people don't want to slow dont for it. The trick is to play on peoples natural curiosity and then they just can't help themselves LOL I run a disabled modeling site and a websit that offers information and resources on sexuality, intimacy and the disabled.
I have a friend in California that teaches wheelchair dancing and it is beautiful. The stage is a place of imagination and art and it is one of the few places where both worlds can Intertwine
That feeling is the greatest
I have a friend that lost both legs in a car accident, she was a sports player with a shoe fettish now she is a sports player with a hat and purse fettish... ; ) | |
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| Disabilities and dating....
Posted: 1/14/2005 5:59:41 AM | Moose,
First of all, let me say you're the most handsome "moose" I've ever seen and second of all, I believe you're right on the mark about someone with a "dis"-ability having more character, determination, and appreciation for life!
So maybe the next time you see someone "dis"-abled who catches your eye, GO FOR IT!!
Lastly....
Thank you for a very thoughtful and insightful post . (btw, bullwinkle was always a fav of
mine....)
 Gentlespirit | |
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| Disabilities and dating....
Posted: 1/14/2005 6:01:58 AM | North,
Good post you're right on the money, and I take my hat off to you.
Gentlespirit | |
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| Disabilities and dating....
Posted: 1/14/2005 7:27:51 AM | Thank you so much for your sweet reply, Gentlespirit...your name definitely suits you! You're an angel!
{{{{{{{ Gentlespirit }}}}}}}
Catt... | |
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| Disabilities and dating....
Posted: 1/14/2005 8:03:39 AM | HI Gentlespirit
Thank's for posting your letter for i enjoyed reading it for i'm in a wheelchair and i have been posting letter's trying to find an honest,careing lady for your right some of the thing's in your letter is very true about being smart for i have owned and ran 4 business from a wheelchair but had to sell them for it's very hard to find an honest person today even the nurseing adies you have to hire but to answer your question about people letting you down politely they just never answer your letter's before when i didn't tell them i was in a wheelchair i got all kinds of mail or when your out spending money you find all kind of friends but i'm thankful for your intrest in this problem the intrest about the disabled you are haveing today for we are quite careing people too now as for me i'm so honest and a helpfull,careing guy who lives alone and quite independent and try not to ask anyone to do what i can do for myself but still i'm looking for that special lady to enjoy my life.
regis | |
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| Disabilities and dating....
Posted: 1/14/2005 8:29:38 AM | Regis,
Thank you so much for the compliment-it is very much appreciated. And to take it one step further, I will tell you that I now have a Multiple Sclerosis support group in the town where I live. I was pretty embarrassed to find out that my town doesn't have *ANY* support group, and now it does!!
Had I never met my friend with MS, I would not have thought about things such as those which everyone has posted about....so in reality, all credit goes to him for opening my eyes...
I didn't realize so many things about the *dis*abled till I met him...so now, as you will see in most of my posts here, I always spell dis-abled as *dis*abled...I believe in that in many ways, we ALL are disabled, and it seems unfair to call someone who may do things differently, *dis*abled-for they certainly are NOT! To me, it is a totally unfair "label", so no *dis'ing* allowed
I would like to thank also, everyone who has responded to this topic-I never thought it would get even one reply when I originally posted it-boy was I wrong!
And Regis, unfortunately, some people as you well know, just aren't "educated"-esp about *dis*abilities, so hopefully those who were unkind enough to not answer, will read the posts on here, and maybe gain some knowledge...if they only knew what they were missing...
Thank you again for the nice post, and btw, I can't imagine why someone wouldn't respond to you-you have the cutest grin! (now I'm really embarrassed,lol)
Gentlespirit | |
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| Disabilities and dating....
Posted: 1/17/2005 1:12:11 PM | i dont care if a girl is in a wheelchair! she is still a human!!
ok a relationship would have some restrictions but if i am in love with her i dont care....
im really not! | |
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| Disabilities and dating....
Posted: 1/18/2005 2:16:52 PM | Gentlespirit…your name truly fits you!
I would not have any problem dating someone with a disability. I have always thought of myself as pretty open-minded but never had to really think about the topic until it came close to home. I have a cousin who was paralyzed in an accident when he was in his twenties. He had just graduated fro college and was ready to take on the world. Needless to say, his plans were delayed a little. I am very proud to say that with a great deal of hard work and perseverance, he became independent, bought a house, went to law school, got a great job with a great firm and is living his life to the fullest. I have heard him talk about dating girls and the relationship never moving beyond dating. I have not broached the subject with him but suspect the problem might be the girls not being able to deal with his disability. It breaks my heart because he is such a wonderful person. Other than his ability to walk, nothing about him changed after his accident. He is still very charismatic, a smart*ss, handsome, intelligent and strong in his Faith. I know some day he will find the person who sees beyond his disability, just hope sooner rather than later.
As for people being knuckle heads, I have witnessed this, both while hanging out with my cousin and my best friend whose oldest child is autistic. I hate to say it but some people can be soooooo stupid! The stares, the whispered comments, or the reactions, like they are afraid they are going to “catch” the disability if they get too close. GRRRR! I just want to yell: educate yourselves, people!!!
Well…that’s my two cents. Best luck and wishes to all who have posted here. Those living with disabilities: you are all in my prayers! | |
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| Disabilities and dating....
Posted: 1/18/2005 2:27:17 PM | | There are all kinds of stereotypes to live down but that doesn't bother me I rather enjoy the lasting effects of shock value ; ) however I truley understand peoples apprehentions too. For example is this a progressive disability or how am I going to get her wheelchair in the car. What if I say or do something wrong or to offend? I think too many people in both worlds are too sensitive abou it. So I would like to encourage everyone to talk about the issues and the fears of being with someone who is disabled. That would give me some insight as well. | |
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| Disabilities and dating....
Posted: 1/30/2005 8:32:25 PM | I here you man listen I am a guy with a disability and I know where she is coming from its a hard path to travel (wether on foot or with wheels) and she just isnt in tun with herself, but to be totally honest neither am I. I have thought about dating alot but I don't want to put a girl in the position where she cant say no (to be nice) its a tough spot and I am just keeping my eye out to see what I can do. I ahve to say I have lots of experience being a good friend but when it comes to a physical relationship I want to make sure that whoever I am with can have as much fun as me because being a burden on my partner would be the worst. anyway I figuered I would toss in my two sense.
Ps- if anyone in the windsor ontario area wants to hang out, I would be glad to here from you. | |
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| Disabilities and dating....
Posted: 1/30/2005 8:50:01 PM | | Baldness, boobs, dear God man you are way out there! I have dated 3 men missing limbs and they were much better lovers and gentlemen than those missing brains. | |
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| Disabilities and dating....
Posted: 1/30/2005 8:52:22 PM | | PS: Had a friend who dated a quadroplegic (missing parts of all) who met him while nursing him and I dare quote....he was her best lover! | |
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| Disabilities and dating....
Posted: 1/30/2005 9:00:42 PM | | Am dating one man met on POF who is balding and I'm lovin him. No, boobs small or large are not a disability to the open minded soul and a true lover. I have been on both sides of the small / large thing as I've matured into a healthy size, but did feel incompetent next to cheerleaders in high school. Got my kicks with the older young men who appreciated me as I was. | |
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| Disabilities and dating....
Posted: 1/30/2005 9:06:00 PM | | Just FIY, am also dating a local who has that mid life crisis disability of thinking he needs younger women yet his fear lies in that his abilities sexually are impaired and needs to be supplied with pills for action. We all fear our imperfectness and experience freaky times in life. And no, I don't think his sweet cuddling on pill-less days is a disability. | |
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| Disabilities and dating....
Posted: 1/30/2005 9:39:38 PM | | PS: Yes, dating two...the one is not ready for a real relationship but at least he's local and up for movie rentals. The other lives 1 1/2 hours away. We have tripped back and forth. | |
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| Disabilities and dating....
Posted: 1/30/2005 9:42:33 PM | I'd be a hypocrite if I wouldn't date someone with a disability :-)
Read my profile and see why  | |
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| Disabilities and dating....
Posted: 1/30/2005 10:30:29 PM | | A really nice girl messaged me that is in a wheel chair. I messaged her back but she hasnt checked it for a while. I hope she will. I really want to talk with her. She seems so....interesting, among other things. | |
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| Disabilities and dating....
Posted: 2/1/2005 8:45:33 PM | | If your kidding, I dont understand the joke. If not, then read my message in the religious section on "the devil in me". | |
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| Disabilities and dating....
Posted: 2/1/2005 8:48:40 PM | | soulll take it to the religious boards this isn't the place to push your beliefs on others | |
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| Disabilities and dating....
Posted: 2/2/2005 8:37:09 AM | Gee Twenty2Libras - Me too? ;-) Dragons love attention
Just teasing... more or less... just remember, no good deed ever goes unpunished...
~~Dragon Rider~~ | |
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