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Posted: 4/21/2009 2:53:45 PM | LOL Trekker...and all this while I thought *I* was the coolest chick you know!
It all sounds great NOW...romantic and adventuresome....but I think settling down sounds kinda romantic and adventuresome, as well. Finding things in every day life that is wild to you both...knowing that someone is your forever is kinda wild in itself! ;) | |
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Posted: 5/1/2009 12:34:55 PM | I've been giving this whole idea of "How does one know?" a lot of thought lately. I think when you're reached a certain age and comfort level, that NONE of us want to make another mistake. But the criteria that we used to "judge" someone when we were younger was so much different than it is now - at least for me! There are things that I would not have even THOUGHT about as a 20-something that are now inportant to me in a potential mate. In fact, I shared one of them with a potential mate and we had a good laugh about it. It's going to sound DUMB, perhaps, but it's true - they have to have a good credit rating! We're going to want to sell our homes and buy a home together, right, so I have to know that we're going to get financing. Other things that are important:
1. How he makes me feel - is he considerate of my feelings?
2. Does he do nice things for me (without my asking) just to make me happy?
3. Is he trustworthy, in terms of fidelity?
4. Is he in control of himself and behaviors - i.e. no ADDICTIONS?
5. Would I trust this man to act on my behalf as a thoughtful, loving step parent to my child?
6. Is he a good communicator?
7. Is he a good listener?
8. Is he a problem solver or does he have to "win" a fight?
9. Is he..um...affectionate? 
10. Does he have a faith in God?
Lack of any of those would be a deal breaker in terms of a long term relationship, as far as I'm concerned.
Noticeably absent from the list? What he might look like or how much money he makes! The things I used to find important don't matter as much as I've gotten older. I make my own money and looks fade. We're both going to be old and gray one day. It's about the way we relate to one another. Of course you have to be physically attracted to someone but it's NOT the most important thing to me anymore like it was when I was young.
What ultimately matters MOST to me is - DOES HE HAVE INTEGRITY, A GOOD HEART and DOES HE TREAT ME WELL?
What does YOUR laundry list of desirable traits look like?  | |
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Posted: 5/1/2009 12:57:48 PM | Sue De...you hit it pretty well on the head with that one...there are many men out there who have those exact traits, but who for some reason or another, are not coming out of their shells to meet people. Whether it be from a bad relationship, a lack of self confidence, being shy or whatever. I think they are there in spades. The problem I am finding is the guys who HAVE been hurt are not seeing it from the same vantage point. I somehow think guys almost take break-ups worse than women do. Does anyone else agree with this? I have so many good male friends, but they have been so "abused" (for lack of a better word) they do not trust women who say they do not look for money or good looks. It's a pretty sharp double edge sword for them. I also look for traits like someone who still feels they have life left in them...something more to give. many men turn "old" way before their time. Life affects us all very differently, but sometimes I think men take it harder... | |
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Posted: 5/1/2009 1:22:43 PM | | Many "people" turn "old" before their time. The problem is, I think, that many people in our situation have already done the bar scene, the chase/hunt... etc, they don't feel up to it again. The ones that have the energy level to pursue find activities like church, volunteering, even the "red hat" society, men's clubs, etc to keep themselves active. Some of these things they are not meeting new single people of the opposite sex. They still feel content. They are not looking, but not running away either. The ones that have turned "old" before their time, so to speak, may be sitting at home complaining how lonely they are to their families and friends over the phone. Unfortunately there are those that either by fate or genetics suffer from accident and/or illness that slows them down and it ends up being a habit or they just have to stay put! | |
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Posted: 5/1/2009 1:41:35 PM | | What I said was not meant to be taken in a negative light. It also has nothing to do with being sick or disabled. I guess I just have a different read on men. I have listened to their stories of all that they have had to endure in this crazy dating world. I don't think women are going to have it any easier if the men aren't allowed some of their dignity...we all know them too! We are the same as well. It just takes two people who have faith and trust in the other and therein lies a sad problem. I know many good men who have been totally wiped out by their ex wives, ex girlfriends. Many of us (women) are so vindictive -- and I don't mean all--that we leave these men with nothin to move forward with. I bet if we took a poll, many women live much better than do the men. I don't know. I guess I am trying to make too many excuses. All I know is I have met them and they have big hearts and souls but have been lost in the shuffle... | |
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Posted: 5/1/2009 2:10:01 PM | Whtchadoin, I hear exactly what you're saying! My ex was always walking around as if he had one foot in the grave already and he was only 8 years older than me! It drove me nuts and he was a COMPLETE bummer to be around most of the time (which is one of the reasons I am no longer married to him).  He also had been married before and had a vindicitive PITA ex wife who lived to make his life as miserable as possible. In fact - add that one to my list! MY GUY MUST GET ALONG WITH HIS EX SPOUSE!  We're all adults - there's no reason to try to be as hostile and mean as possible to the ex. I get along just fine with mine now that we're no longer under the same roof. We loved one another enough to be married at one time so we owe it to each other, ourselves, our child and our future partners to be civil and mature about our relationship. 
I think men look at divorce much more harshly when it comes to the loss of their personal possessions and money. For me, I l left much of that stuff when I moved out and bought everything again, just to avoid the arguments about it. I won't die with millions of dollars in the bank but I'll be comfortable and happy while I'm here. I've never seen a hearse pulling a U-Haul anyway so I don't suspect it will much matter what possessions I gather while I'm here. We all only have a finite amount of time on this planet - may as well make every minute count and not worry about what we own (or owe).
As an aside, I did not mean to imply that the guy I'm seeing is not attractive - he IS (waving at him  ). It's just not THE most important thing to me anymore when I'm evaluating a relationship...just a small part of what I'm looking for...
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Posted: 5/1/2009 6:19:08 PM | cute face,big tittes, and big ass <<< how to win friends and influence people NOT
please use some manners | |
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Posted: 5/5/2009 6:12:07 AM | cute face,big tittes, and big ass <<< how to win friends and influence people NOT
please use some manners
Hey I was being honest
She has the main 3 things a guy goes for
last them my best manners  | |
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Posted: 5/5/2009 7:43:47 AM | Then after you find one with 3 body parts... what do you do if they don't have anything between the ears? It is one thing to have those things attract you, do you care?
I do care, if you meet someone and they are on a totally differnt level than you it isn't fair to either to use people. | |
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Posted: 5/5/2009 8:00:40 AM | previouslyme
Let's be honest and real with each other
I am a person that see the black and white side of the pic
Nobody don't care if you are a nice person and sweet
if you love your mom and dad.
On website like this people care in how you look.
Your looks get you dates and people to write you
not if you a wonderful person.
Do you think I read every profile on POF (hell no)
I pick the women that I think are cute to me to talk
by they pic first. Because anybody can write B.S in their profile to sound good.
If we hang out the real you will come out. That's why
I look for if she cute, has a nice body (with big titties)
and if she has a booty ( i am in heaven)
I don't care if she nice, a ****, evil, ( I hope and pray,but I don't count on it)
I can't have sex with your personally
That's how real men think in the real world and women
In my profile I am honest with myself and come and tell you
I know if you write me back you are going off the fact I look good to you
not what I wrote in my profile that come later to find out | |
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Posted: 5/5/2009 8:25:55 AM | YOU may think that way, along with some others, MLT...but there ARE people here who are seriously seeking a partner in the crime of life.
It's NOT just another tool or avenue for you to get your kicks, thank you. And it is most definitely not a freaking porn site to go seeking tits, ass, and pvssy.
And for fvck's sake....do not insult the REAL MEN OF THIS SITE, by insinuating that is how they all think! | |
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Posted: 5/5/2009 8:46:03 AM | It is no secret we all see what is on the outside first and that is what initially atracts us and in some cases I am sure distracts us or turns us off!
Many a person has gotten into a relationship based on good sex to find after a period of time that good sex is not enough to hold them in place and keep them satisfied. I think there is something to say in building a home on a solid foundation, rock is prefered over sand!
So when searching for a good relationship that will not go bad, remember it was once said, " Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades." from one father to his son.
And remember the following:
"You can buy an hour with a whore for a loaf of bread, but a wanton woman may well eat you alive. Can you build a fire in your lap and not burn your pants? Can you walk barefoot on hot coals and not get blisters? It's the same when you have sex with your neighbor's wife: Touch her and you'll pay for it..." | |
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Posted: 5/5/2009 9:02:14 AM | You know....its not true that everyone goes by looks alone. I really READ a person's profile. If they put no thought into it, I don't care how "cute" they are..I'm not interested. It takes WAY more than looks to hook this fish.
True...attraction has to be there...but I find if you can get to my brain..then that's half the battle. I have met some very nice, attractive men..but they didn't "get " me. thus..no attraction.
On the flip side...I have guys skim my profile..not even read it..go straight to the pics..and decide I'm for them. NOT SO. like I said...you have to "get" me, to get me. | |
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Posted: 5/5/2009 9:15:33 AM | EXACTLY, Kelli!!! ^^^ 
YES...physical attraction is a neccessity...but as I always say...there is body sex and there is brain sex. :O)
I have shot down some of the most gorgeous men...cause they did NADA for me intellectually. And I have LEARNED TO LOVE men who were seemingly unattractive, but their personality, wit, intellect, etc...made them beautiful people!
Wow Skip...are we talking in analogies today, or what?? | |
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Posted: 5/5/2009 10:38:10 AM | | When just 3 body parts or 2 or 1... whatever it takes for body parts... you really could care less if she has a functioning brain or lungs? Just a piece of meat is what you make a woman sound like dude! Just sedate your date? Don't care if she has a passionate or boring personality? More power to you. As long as you let them know I am gonna use u like a piece of meat. If they go for it, knock yourself out. | |
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Posted: 5/5/2009 12:17:14 PM | | For most of us, I think it does begin with the physical attraction as Kat mentioned and it certainly does for me, then hopefully all the more important things will fall into place after the attraction is out of the way | |
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Posted: 5/5/2009 3:58:24 PM | Can you build a fire in your lap and not burn your pants?
What does that even mean? It sounds like an ad for fireproof condoms..
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Posted: 5/5/2009 9:05:28 PM |
I pick the women that I think are cute to me to talk
by they pic first. Because anybody can write B.S in their profile to sound good.
If we hang out the real you will come out.
I agree 100%. And whether guys on here want to admit it or not, the majority of men look at the pics first and base a large part of their decision on that. We are visual creatures. I'm not saying that I pay no attention whatsoever to their profiles (of course I take that into account also) but anybody can write anything in their profile and most stuff that is written is relative anyways. It takes time to truly get to know a person.......
........but it takes no time at all to look at a hot pic and say "Yes I would....in a heartbeat"
And I've been around enough women in my lifetime to know they can look at a hot pic and say "Yes I would.....in a (amount of time differing anywhere from "in a heartbeat" to "after the wedding") LOL | |
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Posted: 5/5/2009 9:10:26 PM | LOL Trekker...and all this while I thought *I* was the coolest chick you know!
Hey, I said she was a VERY COOL chic......that doesn't necessarily mean the COOLEST.....
Now, having said that instead of calming ONE woman down I probably have TWO women pissed off at me now......... LOL | |
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Posted: 5/5/2009 9:38:03 PM |
........but it takes no time at all to look at a hot pic and say "Yes I would....in a heartbeat"
About time we find some guys who are honest!  Now why can't guys just learn that if that is all that you are after, then just say so from the begining. | |
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Posted: 5/5/2009 9:53:19 PM |
why can't guys just learn that if that is all that you are after, then just say so from the begining.
Because when guys want more the gals do not believe them because they are used to all the players out there who say one thing and want or do another.  | |
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Posted: 5/5/2009 9:54:55 PM | Thank you trekker013 for understanding where I am coming from.
When I sit here at work and the guys sit around me we look at the women pics on this website.
We look look for the fine women profile. I have not in 5 months heard anybody say hey let's look at her profile. Guys don't care. Some guys do.
Like I said i look for a cute face, Nice breast, and a big booty
I don't care if the girl made 1600 on her ACT test, I don't care if she help out at her church
I don't care if she a B.i.t.c.h as long she has what I like I can deal with her for a while. Have my fun.
You get ask to go to the prom on how you look not by if you a nice person | |
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Posted: 5/5/2009 10:02:14 PM | me
........but it takes no time at all to look at a hot pic and say "Yes I would....in a heartbeat"
About time we find some guys who are honest! Now why can't guys just learn that if that is all that you are after, then just say so from the begining.
You took my quote [partial] completely out of context..........
Thanx...... | |
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