| Why Can't Men Be Friends First??
Posted: 9/9/2005 3:05:25 PM | men can't be friends first simply because all they think about it
SEX
Not to say that we dont think about sex, its just not the only thing we are thinking.
Men think in the NOW and we think in the LATER | |
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| Why Can't Men Be Friends First??
Posted: 9/9/2005 3:29:47 PM | I'd have to say this happens 9 times of of 10 with me. It gets annoying. All I want is to have a nice dinner, or a few drinks with nice conversation and a few laughs (I can be funny sometimes, but a lot of men don't know this about me because they're too busy playing tonsil hockey with me.)
.....LMAO!!!
 ...oh Picky You slay Me........I'm no where near what your looking for But We would a lot of Fun...ahahahahhaha............TONSIL HOCKEY........!!!.. | |
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vp2
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Joined: 8/29/2005
Msg: 29 | |
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| Why Can't Men Be Friends First??
Posted: 9/9/2005 4:51:22 PM | | IM ALL ABOUT THE FRIENDS FIRST! thats the only way to know if you really wanna spend any form of time with another person. you gotta feel them out. i mean yeah sex and all that but really id i like to have something thats more than screwing cause after you screw then what? you sit there thinking "man i wish i had something to say to this girl" | |
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| Why Can't Men Be Friends First??
Posted: 9/9/2005 8:10:20 PM | | CB, get to know all these male turkies well for awhile in the open forum. In time, you may find some like this old goat, who is married, and aint worth a damned for much of anything. Nearly everything about me is broke. Who wants to even be friends with a broke old man? I can tell you,,nada. I do get a few e-mails from some nice folks, and we find sometimes there are some feelings or opinions that we can share together only as friend talk,,nothing more. Take the dating scene slow, get to know more men over time, and hopefully somebody worthwhile will come into the scene who you want to be closer to. It's impossible to predict, and you should always be up front, and ignore the numerous cheaters and ugly types who are little more than Neanderthals who can't hit their ass with both hands. You can develop friends over this period,and some good ones right here in this forum. Best wishes, and keep on looking for the friends/only guys to have a civil nice communication with, and it he turns out bad, you can always ignore and block one who is out of line, | |
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| Why Can't Men Be Friends First??
Posted: 9/9/2005 8:20:56 PM | MsPicky-
There is nothing more annoying than going on a first date, and being groped, fondled, and getting your face drenched in saliva from sloppy kisses that only he is enjoying.
There's actually a not so well known country song entitled, "Get your tongue outa my mouth unless you're kissin' me goodbye"
You might want to buy the CD and keep it handy..... -oops I didn't mean to try slipping you any tongue, let me try this  | |
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| Why Can't Men Be Friends First??
Posted: 9/9/2005 9:05:45 PM |
men can't be friends first simply because all they think about it
SEX
Women fall under this spell too you know. IT seems, at times, that I can ask a woman about herself and she will seem bored as heck..but..as soon as any innuendo slips in..
she is all over me with her eyes and smile.
um...
crap. | |
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| Why Can't Men Be Friends First??
Posted: 9/9/2005 9:45:52 PM | " men can't be friends first simply because all they think about it /"
" SEX /"
Could it be that you can not be a friend in the first place becouse of the way you think and guys just do not want to be around you becouse of it...? And when a nice guy come along and just says HI to you...what do you do...rip his face off | |
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| Why Can't Men Be Friends First??
Posted: 9/9/2005 9:57:46 PM | Now if we really want to get down to brass tax, lets talk about some of you females and your profiles...!!! I have lost count on how many had photos posted that have there BOOBS hanging out just about fully and it was a photo with nothing but boobs. Then there were so many with pants down so far that again just about everything was showing. So then WHO is really bringing this on...you females post photos that are very clearly all about the sex and when you have some guy offer you that...then what do you do...come on...what do you do...??? You act all insulted and call him a pig and so on...well there sweet heart you get what you peddle...so you post photo like that...well then it looks good on you for getting such offer...its purely your own bloody fault and no one elses so don't even try to blame anyone else for what you did. It is that simple.!!! And if any female drops me a note that has photos like that on there profile I will not reply to her...that simple as I know what she is all to well.
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| Why Can't Men Be Friends First??
Posted: 9/9/2005 9:59:44 PM | | BS i have had male friends since i was in my 20's not 44 and we are closer than ever and not friends with benes............... sorry for you that that is what happened to you but not all women feel that a male friend is gay.................your problem not ours........... | |
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| Why Can't Men Be Friends First??
Posted: 9/9/2005 10:01:49 PM | Men can and are friends first if we, as women, make it clear that is what we are interested in.
How do we do that?
1 - put up a picture that is attractive without displaying T&A or cleavage (do not lead them on with images.. males are visual creatures... gosh I LOVE that about them  )
2 - be up-front about your interests in your profile (be DIRECT)  | |
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| Why Can't Men Be Friends First??
Posted: 9/10/2005 8:18:56 PM | Here's why: I have enough friends. And some of my best friends are women. I tried dating one of my female friends once, and it was a train wreck. It was like kissing a sister. I take my friendships very seriously, and guard each of them deeply. I would NOT date any of my friends. I also wouldn't take any of them out five or six times on my treat, lol.
I think women are more comfortable with the transition from friendship to relationship in general.
It has NOTHING, at least with me, to do with expectations. Read over theose ads, and the majority of women say they aren't interested in "players." But these same women are expecting men to become their friends first, and maybe casually date while they become friends. Thats basically a direct contradiction.
Neither gender seems to know what the hell they want, and certainly what the other wants. | |
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| Why Can't Men Be Friends First??
Posted: 9/10/2005 11:38:35 PM | Let's get this clear once and for all... men and women can be friends, but they just aren't wired to be. It's a primal urge. When men and women look at one another, our primal urges tell us we should copulate and propagate the species. That's nature and it's very hard to deny it.
As rational as we can be, if we befriend each other, it's really just with the hopes that someday, someway, one of us will be desperate enough to make a move on the other. Nothing less.
With that said, I am friends with several women and I can have a really good time with them without ever thinking about jumping them before the evening's through.
Confused yet? I know I am. | |
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| Why Can't Men Be Friends First??
Posted: 9/12/2005 11:08:38 AM | | We can. There is more to a good relationship than just bone jumping, but bone jumping can be a great way to learn what a person is really like. It shows: whether they give, as well as take; are they hurried, or do they take their time?; are they gentle, or violent?; etc. Bone jumping tells a lot. Bone jumping is not the only thing I want, but it is part of the package. Why should I spend time developing a friendship with a woman who just wants to be friends, when I can develope a friendship with a woman who wants to be a friend and a lover both? Time is short. Why waste it? | |
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| Why Can't Men Be Friends First??
Posted: 8/17/2008 10:38:42 AM | Your thread says more about "friends first" than I've heard before. Thanks for opening up like that.
"Friends first" just isn't a likely scenario. Sure, there's the possibility that two people who have been friends for a while or even a long while suddenly cross into intimacy. I'm sure it happens -- heck, it's happened to me. But that's somewhat rare.
If you prefer a man who acts like a gentleman, who isn't sexually obvious, who is polite, has a a few more things on his mind than sexual innuendo, and isn't rushing things, then that's fine. Keep looking.
But, when you think about what "friends first" means it is patently feminine and, a purely mixed message.
The point is, if you want a friendship, say that and act like that. If it takes you a long while to get to know someone before thinking he may be good choice for intimacy and sexual relations, then you have to take responsibility for that. Don't make some hapless dude responsible for it.
Saying "friends first" in so many words is saying... 1) Let's be friends and 2) it implies we'll jump into bed at some point in the future...
Why would you say that? You're just setting people up. Sure, it's real, but you've just implied "we'll jump into bed sometime in the future" in your introduction, because "first" implies there's something coming around the corner.
It's a sexist approach -- and you don't find many female examples of sexism. But this is certainly one of them.
That is to say, it would be considered fairly sexist for a man to walk up to a woman and say...let's get to know each other and maybe sometime in the future I'll let you stroke my****
It's sexist, unnecessary and it's just teasing.
You say you're sick of dating, given the way men behave on dates. What? What are you doing going on dates in the first place??? I'll date you, then I'll stop dating you, then later after we become friends, we'll become intimate is a REALLY unlikely scenario and likely to piss alot of men off -- or put them off balance, at which point they'll start proposing marriage on the phone. (Because you're holding your sexuality off at a distance and they're trying to figure out what the right answer is for getting it now. Those dang hormones and all that.)
If you want male friends, given the confusion in the air already, say and act like it. If it takes you a long time to get to know someone for a while before moving to other levels, then don't make that the man's problem.
Is it a problem? Sure. You know you risk getting to know a guy for six months or a year, becoming great pals and...and...ironically two seconds before you're about to tear his clothes off, he's off dating someone else. But, it's pretty unfair to say ... "I'm going to give it to you later....I'm going to give it to you later....I'm going to give it to you later..." and just keep going on like that until someone passes the friendship test. It just looks bad. It seems cold. It seems controlling.
Dating is generally accepted as a courtship ritual. If you don't want a pecks on the cheek and marriage proposals, don't go on dates. It's that simple. | |
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aka61
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Joined: 8/11/2008
Msg: 43 | |
| Why Can't Men Be Friends First??
Posted: 8/17/2008 10:47:31 AM | brill, I relate totally! I also have a very similar forum running on this very point!
nice to know that I am not alone | |
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| Why Can't Men Be Friends First??
Posted: 8/17/2008 10:49:24 AM | | No I feel the same. I pretty much have given up on finding a good relationship on here also. They all want to jump bones but noone wants to be there when I need them emotionaly and after all I could get boned anytime I want. It is the other deeper stuff I can't find in a one nighter | |
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| Why Can't Men Be Friends First??
Posted: 8/17/2008 2:35:32 PM |
I've usually tried to move slow... be friends... and a lot the girls I tried that with got pretty frustrated.
The fact that I WASN'T making overtly sexual moves and comments seemed to be insulting to them.
That's not always the way it has gone... but about half the time...
... and if I did manage to become friends... a lot of times it turned on the 'I'll never get involved with a friend' rule (this from a person who had been coming on to ME a couple months earlier).
i used to go through that exact scenario ALL THE TIME! if you try to take it slow, women tend to get offended and/or lose interest. i have had many situations where a girl would tell me that she was into me. i used to wait to show that i had actual interest in trying to get to know a girl (as well as make sure she wasn't loony) and in the process would miss the window of opportunity. if you wait to long without making a move, you end up in the dreaded "Friend Zone". in some cases, they never even wanted to be friends after that.
now if i'm even remotely interested in being more than friends, i just go for it and let the chips fall where they may. i've found that it's relatively easy being friends after hooking up once or twice (or even just attempting to) but getting out of the Friend Zone is almost impossible. | |
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| Why Can't Men Be Friends First??
Posted: 8/17/2008 3:00:14 PM | | Too many men have been stuck in the 'friend zone' with a woman we wanted to be more involved with. I've been there. Like Chris Rock says, women like to keep a guy a friend, like 'a d!ck in a glass case; break in case of emergency'. You want us as potential lovers, but only when you want, not when we want. And why would we want that? Nobody wants to be kept on a string. | |
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| Why Can't Men Be Friends First??
Posted: 8/17/2008 4:53:33 PM | I often have a suspicion that the person who is saying "Friends First' has a corollary to that of: 'Married Second'.
I think it would be great if we were 'Friends First' and 'Friends Last'.... | |
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| Why Can't Men Be Friends First??
Posted: 8/17/2008 5:50:35 PM | | Women make a mistake when they say to us"friends".if you are interested in a man sexually in the near future you should say "let get better acquaintedy" instead. The man becomes an acquaintance of imterest! "friend" usually translate to "friend zone" | |
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| Why Can't Men Be Friends First??
Posted: 8/17/2008 8:28:34 PM | I am upfront that no sex will be occuring on the first date. I actually say that, most men get quiet and so ok, wasn't really expecting it. Some men bounce-either way, I saved us both some wasted time.
I am very particular about what I place in my body and that triply applies to p*nis. | |
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