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| depressed and lonely.....
Posted: 12/11/2004 11:19:18 AM | It is amassing we all have been through it.It will take some time i no from experience.At least you have had some dates,even if they did not work out for you.I have traveled to other countries to find that special one.I don't no what is wrong so i am done analyzing it.It seams like if you are a good looking hunk and have nothing on the ball you have a better chance than some one honest and successful.I feel like i will never find any one. I live in a large home on the lake ,no children and not even a cat lol So what do we do??
Work enjoy our friends and family..take care of your self and time will tell..hang in there | |
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| depressed and lonely.....
Posted: 12/11/2004 9:44:58 PM | Hang In There!!
We all have lived or will live in that "Blue" period, and its actually a good thing. Because it makes us stronger and gets us in touch with ourselves.
That something missing feeling is inside of you not outside, it wont be filled up by somebody else, give it time, hang on to those kids and have fun with them. They need you and you'll be laughing at it all one day soon. Worked for me :)
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| depressed and lonely.....
Posted: 2/10/2005 3:10:10 PM | | It's all part of living it seems. I moved to Iowa with my wife and step-son and she divorced me soon after leaving me stuck in the middle of corn cobb county knowing no-one hardly at all . I have been by myself ever since but i never stopped smiling. You have to become ok with yourself and not afraid to be alone i think.With children like you have i would think every day you woke up and seen their faces would bring a huge smile to your face and proof that life is good. And as for dating men,a guy who is willing to date you should be a real man who knows you come as a package deal and is willing to accept you and all that comes with you. I myself raised my step-son as my own and when my ex and i split up he remained with me till he graduated high school and got out on his own. He will always be my son in my eyes and and you should only date guys you feel are going to be that way with your kids too. Kids realy do grow up too fast and before you know it they're leaving you to go out in the world on their own so don't waste the time you have with them by being with some guy who isn't going to be a real man and take the responsability of caring for you and your kids. Best wishes. | |
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| depressed and lonely.....
Posted: 2/13/2005 8:20:42 AM | | I think most people get depressed at one time or another. What helps me when i,m feeling down is to remember that there,s people in this world that have it much worse then i do. Think about all the good things in your life. You mention you have kids and a bonkin buddy , lots of us don,t even have that much. | |
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| depressed and lonely.....
Posted: 5/18/2005 3:50:52 PM | | Hi, I went through a bad depression, I was going out with a guy that I loved and I thought he was cheating on me, I went to his place and that night he never came home, I took a overdose in his bed, I just had a good sleep, I still don't understand why I didn't die, then when he came home he told me to get out, still saying that he wasn't cheating, I ended up in a place to help me, they didn't do much, I needed someone to talk to, I was in there for a week, the night I got out I called my boyfriend and I heard her in the background, I almost tried it again, then I ended up in a mental hospital for another week, I was on depression pills, I could not sleep, they gave me sleeping pills, if anyone feels like they can't go on anymore please get you're self mental help, I have tried dating, I'm scared that if I fall in love again and get hurt I will do it again, I'm having a hard time giving a guy a chance, I get depressed a lot, I don't know how to help myself and I did allready try talking to someone, it didn't help. | |
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| depressed and lonely.....
Posted: 5/18/2005 6:42:41 PM | @angeleyes18220
I totally can relate. I have been seeing a doc about the depression and anxiety. He gave me prozac for it. My problem is related to being alone, without someone to love or be loved. I just don't want to go on living at all without someone. And yet I don't want to just settle or be settled for either. Even at my most desperate hour, I am not willing to just settle for anyone. This is a major problem for me. First of all, nobody likes to be with a depressed person, but if the depression is caused by being alone and lonely, then nobody will ever be with that person... right? Then some people say that you have to love yourself first before someone will love you... I hate myself, not love, not like, but hate. Even with drug therapy, it still doesn't change the self esteem, and just mildly addresses the depression. The bad thing is the drug prozac makes the anxiety worse, and the social phobia gets even more intense, which then causes the frustration to rise. And along with all that then depression gets worse, because it all seems hopeless. You feel powerless in trying to find an attractive mate... The hell some of us live with isn't fair... Life isn't fair... | |
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| depressed and lonely.....
Posted: 5/18/2005 7:52:24 PM | | do you know what a vow of faith is ? it will do what you need i was there where you are and i have been happy for two years and i know how to get it out of my life when it shows its ugly face to me................... | |
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| depressed and lonely.....
Posted: 5/19/2005 6:32:21 AM | @last-chance
If the Prozac is causing you anxiety, you should try another medication, in my humble opinion. When I suffered severe depression and anxiety, the first medicine they put me on made it worse, and they changed it. I took Effexor for depression and Buspar for anxiety.
That helped me get my sanity back, and after about a year, I was able to wean myself off of the meds. | |
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| depressed and lonely.....
Posted: 5/22/2005 6:13:41 PM | "I totally can relate. I have been seeing a doc about the depression and anxiety. He gave me prozac for it. My problem is related to being alone, without someone to love or be loved. I just don't want to go on living at all without someone. And yet I don't want to just settle or be settled for either. Even at my most desperate hour, I am not willing to just settle for anyone. This is a major problem for me. First of all, nobody likes to be with a depressed person, but if the depression is caused by being alone and lonely, then nobody will ever be with that person... right? Then some people say that you have to love yourself first before someone will love you... I hate myself, not love, not like, but hate. Even with drug therapy, it still doesn't change the self esteem, and just mildly addresses the depression. The bad thing is the drug prozac makes the anxiety worse, and the social phobia gets even more intense, which then causes the frustration to rise. And along with all that then depression gets worse, because it all seems hopeless. You feel powerless in trying to find an attractive mate... The hell some of us live with isn't fair... Life isn't fair..."
Ahhh...now I understand your position in the 'other post' about that guy who craved attention.
My question to you is are you also seeing a therapist and discussing these feelings that you are having? I understand your doctor put you on medications but is this the same doctor that you, IF you discuss your feelings with? A psychiatrist, or family doctor is what I am asking and are you seeking a psychologist/therapist for your emotional evaluations?
First of all, put aside your opinions on the other post about me....let me explain something to you...I DO help people. And I want to help you by telling you this:
Your depression is NOT caused by being alone, without someone to love or be loved. Those are symptoms of your depression, and 'side effects'. Your depression is due to lack of certain chemicals in the brain. You need to take your prescribed medications regularly AND you must see a therapist!! While a fam.dr can prescribe psychiatric medications it is best to have them prescribed by a psychiatrist as this is his/her field of expertise. Aside from that, you need to see a therapist!! This is NOT the psychiatrist; his job is to evaluate behaviors to prescribe, admister and adjust certain psychiatric drugs. The therapist is either a doctor like me, or a counselor who hasn't recieved their Ph.D but has either a bachelors or a masters in psychology, a pastoral counselor who may have neither but has a certificate in counseling, a licensed social worker also counsels....in anycase, You need on going counseling/therapy.
"Feeling powerless in trying to find an attractive mate"
This is NOT the time to be trying to find an "attractive mate" or otherwise. This is the time for YOU. This is the time to focus everything on YOURSELF and get yourself together NOT to be worried about finding that potential mate. From what you are saying right now you are a complete mess. That is one hell of a burden to put on someone else IF you were to find someone to be with. They can not be responsible for your happiness anymore than you can be responsible for theirs. So right now, you first goal should be to discuss with your fam dr. or your psychiatrist (if you have one, if not get one) HOW these drugs are making you feel
Second, you are to seek out a QUALIFIED therapist and do not, I repeat DO NOT try to get your advice from a forum board from friends, family and so forth. While they can be of great support in your trying time, the help you need is professional.
I hope to hear positive things from you in the future.
Lucky | |
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| depressed and lonely.....
Posted: 5/22/2005 7:20:40 PM | "Hi, I went through a bad depression, I was going out with a guy that I loved and I thought he was cheating on me, I went to his place and that night he never came home, I took a overdose in his bed, I just had a good sleep, I still don't understand why I didn't die, then when he came home he told me to get out, still saying that he wasn't cheating, I ended up in a place to help me, they didn't do much, I needed someone to talk to, I was in there for a week, the night I got out I called my boyfriend and I heard her in the background, I almost tried it again, then I ended up in a mental hospital for another week, I was on depression pills, I could not sleep, they gave me sleeping pills, if anyone feels like they can't go on anymore please get you're self mental help, I have tried dating, I'm scared that if I fall in love again and get hurt I will do it again, I'm having a hard time giving a guy a chance, I get depressed a lot, I don't know how to help myself and I did allready try talking to someone, it didn't help."
Help yourself by consulting a qualified therapist. Continue the therapy and with medications that are prescribed. If the medications are making your symptoms worse then inform your primary care physician or your psychiatrist and let them KNOW immediately. DO NOT HESITATE!! A moments delay can make the difference of a real life or death situatiations. Any chemical changes can cause particular negative reactions that we DO NOT want to happen.
This is not an EASY road but with support from family, and friends and continuous therapy you should be able to see there is a light at the end of that dark and lonley tunnel your in.
My heart goes out to all of you.
Lucky | |
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| depressed and lonely.....
Posted: 5/22/2005 9:04:45 PM | @Lucky
Thanks for the info. To answer your question, YES I am seeing both a psychologist and a psychiatrist at the Univerisity of Minnesota. I have been diagnosed with clinical depression , social phobia, obsessive-compulsive disorder. The problem with allot of the psych drugs is that it makes the tremors in my hands allot more worse. Somedays I can't even right my own name. I have been tested for MS, Parkinsons and a whole bunch of other terrible diseases. The lumbar puncter was a tramatic experience. The radiologist using a flouroscope and a very large needle, hit a nerve root in my spine. I can honestly say, that I have NEVER experienced that kind of pain before in my life. I have had dentists drill without novacaine, which did hurt allot, but wasn't anything like the needle hitting the nerve root in my spine. I think I used every curse word known to man. Then I wound up getting a spinal headache and had to go in once again for a blood patch... I have been through hell my whole life. It is time for ME! I want a wife, and I am stuborn enough and persistant enough to succeed. I just need a little bit of help with the social anxiety and panic attacks. I really think that the depression will go away on it's own, once I am with my mate. I have always been that way. When I get so obsessed with something and I can't have it for some reason, the depression sets in and becomes so incredibly intense. Yes I understand posting to a forum, isn't the best place for my personal lifes story. What the heck, I am 36 going on 37 years old, I just don't care who knows this stuff about me any more. Allot of these facts I have kept in the closet, hidden from everyone. some of my most deepest darkest secrets, I am revealing to everyone that wants to read it... | |
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| depressed and lonely.....
Posted: 5/22/2005 10:18:13 PM | @new-beginings....
you chose a user ID name "new beginings"...that's interesting. Why did you choose that name in particular?
Is that how you would hope to see your life? as a "new begining"?
Don't post those answers....just think about them. And then for every answer, ask yourself "why".....write it all down when you stop asking questions, after you have compiled a story read it back to yourself and tell me what you came up with. Only thing is...answer quickly as so as you ask yourself "why" ok?...THEN tell me what you came up with and what you thought about it.
" I really think that the depression will go away on it's own, once I am with my mate."
Guess what? I hate to tell you this but you are wrong. I am sorry. You may have to deal with depression for the rest of your life but it can be controlled OR it could possibly "go away" over time but ONLY if you continue to take your prescribed medication and work on your underlying issues:
" I have always been that way. When I get so obsessed with something and I can't have it for some reason, the depression sets in and becomes so incredibly intense..."
Codependency. That is your problem and it's a real problem. See, you are in a 'catch 22' because you 'want a wife" but you don't love yourself; you HATE yourself. Now, if you hate yourself you can not show your wife any love.
Codependency:
Groups who are at high risk for codependency are spouse of substance abusers, people who are recovering from substance abuse themselves, adult children of alcoholics, work addicted people and their families, and professionals who work with addicted persons. As a result of being raised in a dysfunctional family or having constant exposure to one, individuals in these high risk groups exhibit many codependent characteristics.
1. Low self-esteem and external referencing.
2. Clinging Relationships
3. Lack of Boundaries
4. Impression Management (Codependents may believe they can control others' impressions of them as "good people".
5. Mistrust of perceptions
6. Caretaking (they neglect themselves)
7. Addictions (they may become chemical addicts also or addicted to such things as food, power, or work, even relationships)
8. Feelings (they become to preoccupied in fulfilling the expectations of other that they lose touch with their own feelings.)
Stages of Recovery:
1. Denial Stage--this is where you are
2. Acceptance Stage
3. Core Issue Stage
4. Reintegration Stage
Self Care:
1. Detachment (from unhealthy relationships)
2. Removing the Victim Image
3. Independence (trust in yourself)
4. Living Your Own Life (focus on your goals)
5. Accepting Reality
6. Experiencing Feelings (getting in touch with the negative and positive feelings)
7. Setting Goals
8. Working a Twelve-Step Program
CoDependance Within Our Culture
1. Materialism (focusing on external factors such as money, possessions in order to determine our self-worth)
2. Perfection
3. Separation of Feeling from Rational Thought (thinking and not feeling)
Internal Focus is Critical:
To recover and become healthy, the codependent person must shift from an external focus (on other people, RELATIONSHIPS, work, food, or power) to an internal focus (on his own feelings, needs, goals, and desires). The codependent learns that healthy behavior and self-fulfillment can be achieved by knowing, accepting and trusting himself as an independent person, and not by becoming dependent on something of someone else.
It should be treated as an addiction because that IS what it is, just like drugs, just like over eating, just like whatever....
Those are your 'real issues" and you need to deal with those. Why don't you go to the the thread "For Women Only" in the Over 30 forum and read some of those posts. Yes, it says for women only but I that's because I primarily work with abused women, women who are in terrible relationships and etcetera BUT the principles apply to male or female...
IF a person truly wants help they will recieve it. There will be none of this excuse after excuse after excuse UNLESS you(general) like playing the victim. Unfortunately, there are many out there and it is difficult to discern via email, forum postings UNLESS they are just blatant attention seekers.
Bottom line is "NEW Beginings" this starts with you....the road to recovery is a long, hard and bumpy one so the question is are you willing to work hard to get yourself together so that you can for once be happy with YOURSELF??
Bottom line is it starts with YOU. There is NO EASY WAY OUT...I am sorry but "the answer is always NO".....
Think about it. What do you want to do?
Lucky | |
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| depressed and lonely.....
Posted: 5/23/2005 5:33:31 AM | @Lucky
First off, sorry for misjudging you. Lets hit the reset button, and start over fresh...
I would like to give you an example of what made me incrediblly depressed and frustrated, probably because of obsessing about, of all things, a three wheeler, when I was 14. I know it sounds wierd, but the next door neighbor who was around my age. He had a brand new 3-wheeler and drove it all the time. It looked like so much fun. I wanted one so badly, that I became so frustrated and depressed, that I would cry uncontrollably. It got so bad, that my father went out and bought me one. After doing so, then obviously the frustration went away and so did the depression. It seems to center around wanting things, or obsessing about things. Just like the last presidential election. I was a terrible person to be around, especially if you supported the other guy. It was almost like "life and death" to me if the other guy won the election... The same is true about a fetish that I have. I obsess about it so much, that frustration sets in and so does the depression. My mother told me once that when I was about 5 years old, she took me to a play, and after the play was over all I could do was cry, because I wanted this child actor. Now I remember bits and pieces of why I was crying, and I think that it wasn't really the actor, it was because of the garment that the actor wore. The garment has to do with the fetish that I have. So that must be the "co-dependancy" that you were talking about?
You are right on with the materialism part of it as well. Things that I valued growing up were toys, such as my three wheeler, boat, truck, snowmobiles etc... That was another part of it, and that was if things are not "perfect" I have a problem with them. Things have to be done my way, and I usually will want to do it myself, because I want it done right. It is true I also grew up in a dysfunctional family. My mother only wanted to have sex until she got her kids. Then she had nothing to do with my father, who took up his bedroom in the basement, while my mother still had the master bedroom. They would argue and scream all the time. Then they would tell my sister and I that the only reason they are still together at all is because of us. I was also physically abuse by my mother. She would beat me when I was little. She would start hitting and wouldn't stop, and at times I would take off running for my bedroom and she would be following close behind still hitting me even into my bedroom. I have been told by psychologists that is why I have problems with adult women, or at least being able to trust them to not hurt me??? They all said that I am still this child, socially anyways. I do find fault with allot of things, and it makes it sound like I am a perfectionist at times.
As for my profile name. I use to have "Last-Chance", until it was suggested by others up here on the forums that I change it to something more possitive like "New-Beginings". So I did change it.
For me, I needed a new change. So on Jan. 1st I made up my mind to change my life totally. It was shortly after that I called to schedule an appointment for therapy. I have never seen a psychologist or psychiatrist ever before this year. So it was kind of a scary thing for me. I am still going to a psychologist, who is still trying to fully diagnose my complex symptoms... Maybe he is just "slow" or likes my money allot... Hard to know what his motives really are. I am going to the University of Minnesota for therapy, which hasn't really started yet. It has been about 5 one hour visits so far, and he is still diagnosing me... Really wierd. Anyway, that is my story, and I am sticking to it...  Sorry too much seriousness warrants some humor... | |
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| depressed and lonely.....
Posted: 5/23/2005 5:55:43 AM | Awww...you know, we all feel that way sometimes, and this will pass for you too. In the meantime, what works for me is sometimes to just put on some cheerful music, and get out a pen and paper and write down my blessings, everything from a kiss goodnight from my daugther to the fact that I have a roof over my head when so many don't in our society. It's hard, as we all feel lonely, and sad at times, and it sounds moot, but it will honestly pass...but, if you are finding it doesn't pass in a few days, you may want to see a doctor as you could be suffering from a form of depression, which is treatable..
good luck, and if you need to vent or talk, feel free to email me :) | |
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| depressed and lonely.....
Posted: 5/23/2005 4:57:57 PM | | Thank you lucky for you're great advice, I will do what you said, that wasn't the first time that I tried to take an overdose, back then I got my stomache pumped, I tried to get my ex back, we went out for 12 yrs. It didn't get him back, but this time I didn't tell anyone and I wrote out goodbye letters, I guess since it didn't kill me, I'm here for a reason, I have to figure out what the reason is, I'm now going back for my GED, when I get that I'm going to school to be a massage therapist, I have to do something for myself, when I'm with a guy, he's my whole life, I'm taking a break right now. | |
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| depressed and lonely.....
Posted: 6/2/2005 11:00:16 PM | | I am coming out of depression and lonliness. Different reasons than for those feelings My mom passed away unexpectedly last July. I can say you need to force yourself to get out every day. walk a dog in the park. If in need of a pet adopt from your local SPCA, that is what I did. I see uncondtional love from my dog Molly everyday. you would be amazed. I even had thoughts of not going on, not killing myself just not existing anymore. I sought proffesional help after those thoughts. It is working, the one phrase I hate, it will get better. Suicide is the most SELFISH act a person could ever do. Seek head shrinks, I see one, my way was not working. Let me know how you are doing. I would like that. | |
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| depressed and lonely.....
Posted: 6/3/2005 12:02:14 AM | | I struggle with depressions. I became clinical (didn't seek clinic) and chronic...basically.. out of my control..its better with touch, friends, exercise, yoga, and maybe even pills and counseling..I guess consumer reports says you have to get many sessions of pills and counseling..your brain chemistry suppossedly really changes...feelings equals ..chemicals...imbalance....such maybe like minimum 6 weeks or 18 days of it. | |
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| depressed and lonely.....
Posted: 6/4/2005 5:37:54 AM | Hey all try looking into Cognitive Therapy....there is a book called "Feeling Good by David Burns...
Its a great book, | |
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| depressed and lonely.....
Posted: 6/4/2005 5:39:01 PM | | I'm sorry for your loss Reddog, what kind of dog did you get? I have a bischon, she looks something like a poodle, she's always there for me when I need her, dogs do help a lot, | |
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| depressed and lonely.....
Posted: 8/28/2005 7:16:47 AM | | just wanted to check in and see how you were doing, i have not been on here since my last post ..hope u are well | |
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Moshe
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Joined: 5/8/2005
Msg: 73 | |
| depressed and lonely.....
Posted: 9/20/2005 2:47:03 AM | | You my need to recharge your batteries. It looks like you are mentally exosted. | |
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