| what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 8/31/2005 4:29:11 PM | | Ksue-Are you reading ALL of these posts? I see quite a few men telling you there feelings, myself included. Don't try to read between the lines, just read the lines! Men are not secretive. WE LOVE SEX!! But, most of us will give up the meaningless sex if we can find a meaningful relationship..that involves plenty of sex!lol | |
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| what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 8/31/2005 4:32:27 PM | Ksue, we're men. We are far too shallow to have secrets.
OT Ksue, where is the mountain pic in your profile from, it is beautiful.
Back on topic. I don't think there are any secrets really. Most of us want the same things in life, love, acceptance etc. We all have to learn how to communicate our needs honestly and directly. | |
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| what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 8/31/2005 4:36:33 PM | KMOC1966
There has been such an emphasis on sex, that men want that more than anything. Sure it's great, but to be with that 1 person, know everything that makes her toes curl, thinks about her 24/7. I'm 31, it would be great to be with 1 woman and only one. | |
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| what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 8/31/2005 4:48:52 PM | OK. Despite their bravado, charades or masks men hide under, we would all (at least above 90%) welcome someone to happily spend our lives with. But the male ego is more fragile than women believe (notice all of the guys whining about being nice and nobody wanting them). So this front is put up to keep you at bay, until we are 100% sure that you really want us and that we really want you.
Now, with that being said, Darwinism comes into play (bear with me here). Since whenever life started, man has always been the hunter who brings home the goods. This is his gratification- his buddies hollar "Great kill there Umgh" "Biggest lion I ever saw Umgh". This makes Umgh proud, happy and feeling good about himself. The male needs to feel important and needed. Umgh is content and happy for a long time. Umgh continues to hunt, but never can equal what he has just accomplished. But he keeps trying because the tribe has forgotten about that big lion and about him and we do not like that feeling. Besides, we enjoy the thrill of the hunt- capturing is anticlimatic.
After being rejected, we are more slowly willing to enter into a relationship than women are. Women are much stronger in that aspect of life...you are more eager to jump in the water again, while we feel safer on shore watching the waves. But given the right circumstances, we are no different than you- you just need to be more patient with us. | |
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| what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 8/31/2005 5:46:19 PM | Rayl, thanks for your insights. I think it's true that women rebound more quickly than men. I have a hunch (not proven) that men actually get more "hooked" by sex than women do. Not that women don't like sex...we do, of course. And we also get somewhat addicted by it, if the guy's at all pleasing in other ways. But I think a guy can continue to want the sex even when he knows the rest is not right or good for him. And I think that tends to lead to the "short term until I find something better" phenomenon.
Of course, I'm generalizing, and some men just want sex. Some women do too. But I think, for by far the largest number of both men and women, we are all looking for true love. I think what we'd all like is to find that person who would make us feel that feeling you have when you are first together...the "first falling in love" feeling. I've never known that to last, and I've been told over and over that it doesn't last, but I've also been told that you can get to something even better. Anyone care to comment on that?
But in the end, really I think women and men are more similar than they are different. We all hurt, all are looking for validation and understanding. And we all get confused and make mistakes along the way. That's living. Ain't it grand? | |
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| what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 8/31/2005 6:47:05 PM | Kmoc,
I suspect that the comments (from the men) in this thread may be a bit biased. Why? Because the kind of men that are going to spend the time to read and respond in a "Relationships" forum are going to be the kind of men that are honestly and seriously looking for a long term relationship. If you were to take a broad, totally random, poll of men I'd guess about half of all men (+-15%? depending on age--younger fewer, older more) are looking for long term relationships. If the same poll were conducted outside of a popular night club, it wouldn't surprise me if it were less than 25%. (hmmm, if anyone knows of any such studies, please post the actual stats--I'm quite curious.)
I guess what I'm saying here is that your odds of finding what you want go up considerably if you're looking in the right locations.
Myself, I am definately looking for a long term relationship with the right woman. Someone I can laugh with, cuddle with while watching a movie, talk with--share my life, and share in her life. Sex is kind of tricky in this case, because it doesn't really matter how good (or how often) it is in absolute terms, it just feels very "right"--one clue that this is the right person.
Anyway, just my humble opinion.
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| what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 8/31/2005 8:23:20 PM | | @cuddlefreak: i agree with your comments.....i would love for a guy to hang around long enough to find out what makes my toes curl..... ; ) and i would love to know that some guy out there is thinking about me 24/7, as i would be of him......there is nothing like thinking about a special someone, having a smile on your face and your face glowing...then have your friends wondering what you are thinking about that makes you appear so happy....i miss that in my life!! i thought i had that again just recently, but he slipped right past me....darn! oh, well.....my problem is that i cannot find a really compatible, and i mean really compatible, man who wants to stick with me for the long haul......i am 39 and i am just wondering if i was meant to be single from here on out!??! i will accept it, if that is the way it is supposed to be, but what a shame - - i have so much to offer someone! | |
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| what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 8/31/2005 10:32:41 PM | onthebus you need a beer mug with a bell on it. LMAO
I think it goes both ways a relationship turns out longterm if you meet that special someone. Yes there are guys out there that just want sex bMen have feelings too they just don't express them as freely as women. | |
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| what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 8/31/2005 10:48:03 PM | One man's honest view:
I want long-term, period. However, just because I want that doesn't mean it happens. It does have to do with the perceived compatibility and that includes for me, physical attraction, mental attraction, sexual chemistry, and interests. For anything to last long term, you have to a nice blend of these things, otherwise it gets to be where if one of those is lacking severly, it will begin to manifest as a huge difference.
I know I have a tendency to be swept away by beauty, but sometimes beauty is just that, and lacking in intelligence or some other thing, such that my interest wanes because we can't be staring into each others' eyes the whole time, or having sex. I think anything long-term is hinging on your intelllectual compatibility. Sooner or later core views and differences in same will emerge, and if you've been on your best behavior for the first six months, one or the both of you may have a distorted view of the relationship. I've had g/f's with great sex, or ones with pretty good sex and great mental stimulation, or great attraction physically, but average mental attraction or intellectual interests... haven't yet found that total package.
So, it stands to reason that in our initial excitement with a new relationship that we minimize the differences we see right off the bat, or that they appear later on and then you decide that you and her would be better off not making a long-term commitment out of it, because you've come to learn more as time goes by.
We also have our 'idealistic' attitudes as well... which causes us to perhaps pass on someone that we may be long-term compatible with, because we're tired of being alone, we want to share life with someone too, even if it ends up being short-term... sometimes the thought process is, take what you can get rather than sitting around waiting for something that may never come.
My .02 pennies worth. | |
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| what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 8/31/2005 11:00:40 PM | @blakist, hmmm I see a bitterness here. Not to denigrate your opinion, you are entitled to it, a warm blooded human being is not a disposable sex object, this applies to both genders. Essentially it is important to develop a deep and abiding relationship with your self first. Everything else is transient, even your beloved will die one day. Soulmates, love at first sight etc. are rare phenonmena and often works of fiction. The deepest of love can be found among old couples, who tenderly feed each other porridge and stir it for the other, that is a rarity, it is seen in the light in their eyes. We are beings first, the inconvenience of gender is next, having never been a woman, my limited knowledge is useless if it is gender based, all I can try is to listen.
I wish you joy and healing as you correctly put it, and may the sweetness inherently in you wipe out the bitterness. The universe will then meet you half way with your beloved, who unfortunately will stilll be transient. As Gurdjieff says " if you do not change your present, your future will look like your past". | |
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| what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 8/31/2005 11:01:34 PM | That last paragraph didn't come out right.
We may pass on someone we are actually long-term compatible with because we haven't taken the time to explore the things we're going to look at down the road more closely.
We live in the I want it now world... we want it badly, but then we tend to gloss over the differences... sometimes telling ourselves that we can live with this or that... but again as time goes on we may come back to that initial differnce and it becomes impossible to ignore.
I myself have trouble with this from time to time... I'll be excited about things and even when I evaluate things objectively, I might also tell myself not to be so demanding of perfection, because I know that I'm not perfect... so I tell myself not to be so critical... but then, often times, that initial gut-feeling that I ignored/suppressed comes rising to the surface...
It can be hard to separate our sexual energies from our objective criticism of the overall compatibility. We all accept negatives initially because of a variety of factors... which is why as I've gotten older, I seek to actually relate more first intellectually, instead of worrying about how that sexual chemistry is going to be... some people take different approaches. Sometimes I forgo the intellectual part just to satisfy the physical longing... we're human...
So, if we're looking for long-term, we should probably take it slow, if you're looking for short term, let's throw caution to the wind and have one of those Harlequin Romance moments...  | |
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| what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 11/25/2006 8:19:30 AM | Since the question: "What do Men really Want" has never been asked in a Thread in the Relationship section, I will post this here. It has been asked in the South Carolina thread and other regional threads, but I'm not in South Carolina, nor am I confining my soulmate search to the local area.
What I, a man, am looking for.
There are popular misconceptions out there.....a common cynical materialistc phrase follows below.
"...a female that is always a polite lady in public...a perfect chef in the kitchen and....a whore in bed"
Not one bit, not at all. Yes she has to know how to cook a turkey, and not overcook vegetables. However, by no means would I ever want her to be a whore in bed, and certianly not a lady in public.
Women should know how to be political leaders in public, not Madeline Albright's, but good leaders, that means abrasive on the level of speaking your mind with a civil, yet unafraid tongue. Women that I seek should not be whores in bed. Women should have some of the same qualities of men so they can lead and take care of the family in public when the man is at work.
If women don't think educating their kids is not a public leadership task, then they need to advance their degrees at university before breeding a family with a loyal man.
Cooking and the female soulmate, requires that she be educated about nutrition and food and cooks from the perspective of vitamins, minerals, and the needs of the family on that day. She has to listen to the kids and decide what vitamins they need that day. Food is an important source of co-factors which help assimilate the vitamins in pill form. Good tasting food is vital to get the kids to eat it. An expert in cooking vegetables and presenting them with vinegar, butter, oil, garlic, and actual story myths, are vital for the kids to eat vegetables and develop strong, resilient brains.
For a woman to be a good cook all she has to do is outlaw sugar in the household. | |
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| what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 11/25/2006 9:51:36 AM | I want a friend that I can enjoy hanging out with and wake up with for the rest of my life with that’s it simple
it is not all about the sex because anyone can be taught how to be a great lover if they want to learn
What I have found out of the women in my life is they start out as above and then somewhere it turns to me being the one responsible for their emotional well being on any given day ergo drama overload then it becomes short term | |
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Smjle
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Joined: 9/19/2006
Msg: 45 | |
| what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 11/25/2006 9:58:40 AM | | I want sex until someone better or new comes along. However, if the girls is beautiful and good enough to marry, I want a long term relationship. Of course if the girl is not good enough to marry, I'm not going to hurt her feeling by telling her. That would be wrong because not only would it hurt her feelings but she would not allow me to reward her with sex. | |
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| what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 11/25/2006 10:03:59 AM | I personaly think (and i have to say this is MY personal impression) men have only had their masculinity, women on the other hand have quietly got on with everything. Now we as women want more, we are also to blame because when things go wrong we want the strong man? do we not? when things are cool we know best.
I think we give men a very hard time girls, remember we have been doing this for years, they only JUST began. | |
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Sh0t
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Joined: 9/27/2006
Msg: 47 | |
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