| what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 11/25/2006 12:32:58 PM | You know.........it IS entirely possible that a man DOES want a long term relationship,
but learns over a short term (which would usually include sex) that you're just not
"the one".......it may not be that he "played you" or wasn't looking for something long
term, or that he's a "commitment-phobe".......maybe he just learned enough about you
to know that the two of you are not a "match".
I would bet that EVERY woman here has broken up with someone at some point.......
does it mean that they "played" that guy.....or that they were afraid of or didn't
want something long term?
There are times when it seems IMPOSSIBLE to find someone who'll hold your interest....
so we may hold onto one a little too long in hopes that it will work out.....and then
there are those who don't even show their "true colors" till later in a relationship, and
that's when you know they're not "the one".
Yes....there are "players" and guys who don't want a relationship AT ALL....and there
are even guys who don't know what they want......and then there are those of us
who KNOW we want a long term relationship, but not with just anyone who's willing! | |
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| what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 11/25/2006 12:34:23 PM | | I think that there are some men here that are interested in long-term relationships. I for one am one of those men but it isn't easy finding the right one to have that relationship with. I'm sure that some day she'll come my way and I hope that she doesn't have to bite me in the a$$ to realize that she is here. | |
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| what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 11/25/2006 1:44:26 PM | I think Doug^^ said it very well. I know I personally want a long term relationship, eventually. That doesn't mean I want it tomorrow. To get to the long term, you have to survive the perils and pratfalls of dating, getting to know each other and seeing if there is a chance in hell of having something of substance. And that doesn't happen overnight.
In my past, I've had lots of first dates (not so many these days, since I live in the back of beyond!) where I could tell in short order that I had no connection at all with this person, and I didn't see the point in going out with them again. Its either there or its not; if you have to work too hard at it, you're better off being single. JMO | |
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jadyn
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Joined: 2/20/2006
Msg: 54 | |
| what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 11/26/2006 6:37:42 AM | | Never say never....Who knows? The short relationships teach you what your looking for or not looking for. There may be a day that you meet the perfect person that just fits with your personality and you decide you do want the long term. None of us really know.We women just think we want long or need it. If and when you find that person you'll know it.And they will too. | |
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| what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 11/26/2006 2:13:35 PM | I want it all: a lover, a friend, a co-conspirator. All in one person, and forever. I don't want to have to keep looking all the time. I don't like "the thrill of the chase." I like being in my comfort zone with somebody special.
But I can't speak for anybody else. | |
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| what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 11/26/2006 2:46:16 PM | Yep....Doug is right....
Plenty of men are out there looking for long term....
But as the saying goes.....there are those you can 'take home to momma'....and those you can't.....
And that statement actually has NOTHING to do with sex......
Men aren't 'playas' if somewhere along the line, a woman revealed something about herself that would stop a man from pursuing 'long term' with them......
It's more about values, character, and the ability to love.......and do they actually know what love is? Sadly, nowadays, a lot women are just as guilty of being as shallow and weak as the very men they always chastized for being so....in essence.....a lot of women became the very enemy they hated.....thinking it was the right thing to do....when all it did was lower the very standard by which most GOOD men were looking for in a GOOD woman....... And I for one....already lived through the lowered bell curve.....I'm not doing it again..... | |
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| what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 11/26/2006 3:06:03 PM |
became the very enemy they hated.
Saw this and the old saying came to mind...
Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.
I haven't read the entire thread, so can't comment intelligently nor even provide babble. Will return later and read. | |
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Posted: 11/26/2006 4:36:30 PM | sigh....
listen heres a thought....just becuase a relationship didnt work out..does not mean you can draw any lasting impressions of a "gender"
Lets say your dating a man for 6 months...(congrats..lol) but then you break up (oh sorry..) ....is the conclusion that men only want sex and that hes afraid of commitment?
Or simply that things didnt work out ...and that we both share some blame..
lets look at my life shall we? Okay I have had a number of long and short term relationships...longest being 7 years...shortest...well alot less than that..
I can honestly draw no conclusions about all women from those experiences. I could draw some conclusions (and porno graphic cartoons) of the women I was in relationships with but the whole gender? Not likely... I could draw conclusions about myself, but that might mean that I had some personal responsibilty in my relationships and that might not be as much fun as just blaming the female gender.
When the longest ended (by her incidently) I didnt immeadiatley conclude that women are all commitment phobes as well when the shortest one ended...I didnt conlcude that all women just wanted my body.....hmmm....
I think im ready to make a really big statement here that might help bridge the "gender" gap...
Are you ready?
......"humans are ****ed"......
I hope everyone understands this now and can apply this knowledge in your future realtionships and forum postings..
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Posted: 11/26/2006 4:55:47 PM | | Lots of good answers here, Many people are looking for long term and go into the reationship hoping for that, regardless of what exactly the relationship is based on. but like others have said,, if something happens and your not as compatable as you thought or hoped, it then becomes a short term relationship and its not nessisarly anyones fault and it doesn't meen either of the people had other plans. Really i suppose every relationship should start out with short term plans and hope it evolves into more. rather then hoping for more and ending up short term. | |
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| what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 11/26/2006 5:16:29 PM | If men told us what they wanted when they're after a short-term relationship would u stick around..,,If the man u are dating tells u "baby I'm here for the sex, a place to hang out,and someone to talk to now and then, but soon as I find the woman i want to settle down with i'm out of here", honestly how long would u be with him.
They can't tell us that,,,,and most of them dont know themselves what they want, or what they are looking for,,,,but they will know when they find her. | |
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mjrc
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Joined: 9/23/2006
Msg: 61 | |
| what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 11/26/2006 5:47:53 PM | To answer your question, I'm personally seeking long term. Your friend is right about disappointment, but its much easier said then done.
Do what I do, always look at happy couples, there are allot of them out there. I find it encouraging to see the young holding hands and smiling or the older laughing with their children. It’s a reminder that love does exist. | |
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| what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 11/26/2006 7:21:46 PM | I can't generalize about what all men want, but I can say that I am a long-term kinda guy.
Of course, as has already been stated, you have to find someone you think that you are compatible with first. Sometimes you know right away that you and another are not compatible, and sometimes it takes awhile. But here at the age of 35 I can count on one hand the number of times I've looked to a women just for sex and a few good times with no care or consideration for the long-term.
The reason I want a long-term relationship is simple. I don't like dating. I don't like searching. I want something more outta life other than what rests upon the surface. And I want someone to share life's experiences with, and to develope depth and intimacy with.
Quite simply, I'm not equipped, ie. lack the necessary disposition and consequent skills, for the short-term thing and see it has an obstacle to be surmounted and then left behind. Some people aren't equipped for the long-term thing. | |
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Posted: 11/26/2006 10:00:20 PM | reply to msg#61
Really i suppose every relationship should start out with short term plans and hope it evolves into more. rather then hoping for more and ending up short term.
This is the best 'bottom line' approach I have heard anyone comment yet. Some of my greatest friendships have occured over a brief moment whereby I thought I might never see them again. Specifically a dear friend comes to mind who I met last year...and we have been nearly inseperable in communication and travels since. I love him very much....and again, it wasn't a friendship I 'knew' would be this deep nor this intense. But the one single value we do both hold is....commitment to friendship. It's something both our father's ingrained in us early on and we talk about often. Friends are our chosen family...and therefore are blood by design. We never abandoned however rough the friendship might get (and when the Irish and Scotish disagree...THEY REALLY DISAGREE).
So, starting out short term should be the approach, but commitment must be an inherent value relationship spanning all types.
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Posted: 11/27/2006 2:28:36 AM | >>BlastKiss wrote - Give him the worst sex you can possibly give<<
I may be twisted but I'm thinking I'd like to try some of that. (jk) | |
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Posted: 11/27/2006 4:23:33 AM | | I know exactly what I want now. | |
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| what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 11/27/2006 4:27:37 AM | | Personally I think it depends on the person it works both ways not all guys want long or short term relationships same as girls. Me well I want something long term now I enjoy that feeling of knowing your coming home to a fantabulous girl as opposed to looking for a new date every week. | |
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~Joy~
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Joined: 10/6/2006
Msg: 68 | |
| what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 11/27/2006 4:56:15 AM |
as far as i feel about it, when your younger you just wanna go out an have fun, but as you get older an more settled you look for something more long term, i know thats pretty much how its happened to me anyway, of course everyone is different,an opinions are like butts we all have one, lol, but im looking for a serious one an tired of playing around, seems the older you get the harder it is to find someone, seems alot of ladies my has been married for years an just wants to party an have fun an thats ok, just not what im wanting..................
This may be true some of the time, but not all. Sometimes folks..(men and women) get a little jaded as they get older. The man I was in a relationship with was 6 years older than me, and he only wanted the company and activity...but when it was comfortable for him...he didn't want a wife. Anyway, since he is a nice guy...we have stayed friends, but don't see each other socially anymore. Some old men just want to go out and have fun also. | |
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| what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 11/27/2006 5:48:07 AM | It never ceases to amaze me with all these guys stating 'long term' on their profiles, and when you get chattin, what do they say? Oh I havn't got time for a relationship.....oh my last long term put me right off.....oh I'm only here for fun times.....oh iv'e got a huge penis wanna try it?.....hey do you have a cam?.....What are you wearing? Geez! Spare me.
Sorry guys don't mean to have a dig at you, there is probably 2 per cent of women that want the same thing as the guys do, in all fairness.  | |
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| what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 11/27/2006 8:47:07 AM | | I'll reply to the original posting by saying. For myself I am at a point in my life that I do want someting long term, to settle down, stay with one mate. I will also say that I agree with your co worker on 2 points. I know I'm looking for that perfect diamond and I'm willing to dig for it. The other point is I can't speak for other guys but I think I do well in the short term relationships. I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong for the long term. I guess this doesn't really help much. Sorry. | |
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| what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 12/24/2006 11:56:58 PM | | im cant speak for all men,but as for myself,yes it would be nice to find someone to settle down with someone to compliment me as i would them,maybe im nuts, but its the small stuff i miss being single,watching a show,curling up by the fire,dinner and smiles together, ect,call me a suck,whatever...im me and someone will appreciate who i am a much as do her | |
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