| what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 12/24/2006 11:56:58 PM | | im cant speak for all men,but as for myself,yes it would be nice to find someone to settle down with someone to compliment me as i would them,maybe im nuts, but its the small stuff i miss being single,watching a show,curling up by the fire,dinner and smiles together, ect,call me a suck,whatever...im me and someone will appreciate who i am a much as do her | |
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| what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 12/25/2006 1:05:06 PM | | Well I for one like something a little more long term. Now the hard part is finding someone that realizes that sometimes things get a little hard and are willing to deal with life in general to keep things going. This is why I'm a divorcee right now. Got into things too quick and din't want to take the time to find out if she was gonna dart as soon as things took a complicated turn. I try to keep things easy, but a human can only do so much. | |
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| what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 12/25/2006 4:42:14 PM | | c'mon c'mon c'mon, really? some want a one night stand, just like women, some want a **** buddy just like women, and some want a live in just like women, some want to get married and no kids just like women and some want to get married and have kids just like women,,,,is this really hard to figure out????????????duh, no brainer.... | |
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| what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 12/25/2006 5:23:26 PM |
I have to agree with some on here, most don`t know what they want!!
They want the love etc of a woman, but in the same breath some can`t handle the long term scenario!
I know what I want: a relationship that works. But it is not to going to work better just by labeling "long term" from the beginning. It is the other way around, if it works then it will eventually become long term. | |
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sddude
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Joined: 11/4/2004
Msg: 80 | |
| what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 12/25/2006 6:25:27 PM | I want a long term relationship just like alot of guys but I have found too many womeneither do not want it for fear of the guy not being the most upgraded option or the desperation to settle down becuse they think their prime has ended .
yup I want a long term loving relationship with alot of huh fu... hum... hu loving  | |
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| what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 2/28/2007 5:26:06 PM | Hey, it's been a long while since this was posted, but I need some advice on this same subject. I've been in a "friends with benefits" situation for about a year with someone who lives in another place, so we can only get together on certain 'occasions' and usually when we're both drinking. We interact via text and email and the occasional call. We don't always have relations, sometimes it's just a lunch date, but the last two times we met, he seemed distant and cold(ish). Last time he wanted to have 'benefits' with me, I suggested that there was no point because even though I do like him, he doesn't really like me; to which he replied 'it's not a question of liking you'. Not sure what that meant, but I do care for him and would welcome a 'relationship' with him, but he had told me very close to the beginning that we should just be 'friends'. I've never been in this kind of situation before and don't know how to take it all. Now I'm so nervous around him I can't even think straight and therefore can't talk openly like I normally would. Help!
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M2k7
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Joined: 1/18/2007
Msg: 84 | |
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| what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 2/28/2007 5:37:27 PM | Well I'm a man who really wants a long term relationship with a woman. First off, I get plenty of acquaintences short term. But to translate that into something long term, I have yet to figure out how to do it with someone I really think will be the right person for me to actually do it with. There is the getting to know period which you learn just how honest the person you are with is, and if they have any strings attached. So far, it seems everyone I meet does have strings attached, so I just remain friends with them. Trouble is, some won't tell you for a month or two whether or not they have strings attached. Then you've just wasted a couple months trying to get to know someone you hope to be the one and then find they aren't.
So watch out, if you let yourself have strings attached, you are less likely to run into a good long term relationship. Because sooner or later the other party will catch on that you do have strings attached. If you want it to develop into something long term, don't dwell on your friends of the past or the present, make yourself available more and more frequently as your job will allow. That way your friend will know you are serious. If you start going off on having a weekend with someone else, all bets are off if you meet someone who truly wants a monogamist relationship. We guys who want a truly long term relationship won't tolerate any infidelity. We want to hear that the other men in your life are just friends and nothing more. If you start talking extravagantly about them while the relationship is young, don't expect us to hang around for long. | |
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| what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 2/28/2007 5:53:00 PM | Hi there
I think that without further explanation from this guy of why he thinks it's ok to have "benefits" without his even committing to "liking" you, that you are completely right to say no....Unless of course you are just in it for the benefits, which you don't seem to be.
Be honest with him. If it's important to you that he like you (I know it would be mandatory for me) and he refuses to indicate whether he does, then, I hate to say this, I would dump him. | |
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| what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 2/28/2007 5:59:16 PM | Hi, thanks for the input.
Yes, I know he 'likes me', and he knows I 'like him'. I just wonder if he's being that way because he doesn't want to give the impression to others that he may like me. When we're alone together (say having lunch together), we can talk about anything, it's nice. I guess, I'd like to be with him, just not sure about him so much. I hope he's not playing me. | |
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| what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 2/28/2007 6:07:54 PM | I hope, too, that he's not playing you....Do you know much about him? Like why it would bother him if others knew that he does like you? If he's far from you, I take it that you don't work together....Is it possible that he's in another relationship?
I don't think that people normally play other people. I went to a seminar recently about the way men and women communicate. Apparently women communicate better with other women of different cultures than with men of their own culture. That's how different we are. However, the lecturer stressed that neither sex is right or wrong; we're just simply different.
It certainly seems to be trued in your case. You are probably both looking for something different out of the relationship. You'll need to clarify that with him and then make a decision...I wish you luck and hope that you get the end result that you desire | |
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| what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 2/28/2007 6:12:38 PM | No, he's not in another relationship, except for maybe with himself. He's been divorced for over 20 years. I think he doesn't want others to know we might be together because it would then appear that he might be "with" me, and he doesn't seem to want to appear to be held in any way. That's my take on it, but I could be way off base.
I understand women and men communicate differently, I've read all the books. Maybe that's the issue; we're not communicating anymore... | |
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| what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 2/28/2007 9:13:44 PM |
I understand women and men communicate differently, I've read all the books. Maybe that's the issue; we're not communicating anymore...
We may be communicating differently, but there are those of us who want to make the best effort to make sure there is enough communication there is at least an understanding. Confirm, check, and confirm again and eventually you'll reach an understanding. Half the fun is learning how to communicate. The other is realizing when it has happened. | |
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Smjle
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Joined: 9/19/2006
Msg: 92 | |
| what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 2/28/2007 9:26:59 PM |
...he had told me very close to the beginning that we should just be 'friends'. I've never been in this kind of situation before and don't know how to take it all.
My take is he is a nice guy, he is certainly treating you fair, but he is not going to marry you or commit to a long term relationship.
If you find the emotional and other costs, if any, are more than you value the benefits he is giving you, I suggest you call it off. If it is just that you want more than he is giving you and you value the benefits over whatever the cost is to you, then I suggest you continue the relationship with him and, at the same time, look for a relationship with a man that will marry you or form the type of relationship you need. | |
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| what do you men really want: short term or long term relationships?
Posted: 4/5/2007 3:51:35 PM | Wow. Just wow.
I hope that most of these opinions aren't global opinions, or I'm screwed. 
I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that I'm not like most guys. I don't go looking for sex. I go looking for someone I can connect and share with. Sex is just a bonus. ;) The better the sex, the bigger the bonus too.
I hope there are at least some women out there who haven't given up on finding a man that isn't all about sex. | |
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