| |
| |
| Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 9/8/2005 10:26:18 PM | I believe that dancing with my arms over my head and wiggling my butt while yelling WOO HOO is truly the sexiest dance move around!
I suddenly decide I want to kick someone's butt and honestly believe I could do it!
I've found a deeper/spiritual side to the geek sitting next to me!
My eyes just don't seem to want to stay open so I keep the half closed and think it looks exotically sexy!
I begin leaving the buttons open on my button fly pants to cut down on the time I'm in the bathroom away from my drink!
I take off my shoes because I believe it's their problem that I'm having problems walking straight!
  | |
|
| |
Garf
|
Joined: 4/4/2005
Msg: 30 | |
| |
| |
| Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 9/9/2005 5:17:15 AM | ^^^^You have definitely not drank enough then^^^^
You know someone is plastered when the first thing they say to you is "I'm not drunk".
JJ
| |
|
| |
| Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 9/9/2005 6:32:40 PM | I learnt that when you have to relieve yourself after leaving a house party....Someone's front lawn down the street is not a good place to go to the washroom!!!
When you walk to a Subway Station and enter through the place where the street buses drive in to drop people off, you don't have to pay your fare!
There are no washrooms in some of my City's subway platforms!!!
That if you push your friend in a shopping cart down a city street, the cops still get mad even though you stop at red lights!
In Morgantown West Virginia, it is not cool with a superior officer when you and your buddies pose drunk with a sober officer while one of your other drunk buddies snaps a pic! He got in trouble for letting himself be photographed!
State Troopers don't like it when your buddy rolls his pant leg up and shakes it like a woman trying to attract a passing motorist to give us a ride....and it ends up being a State Trooper he flagged down!
That 9 people fit in a ford taurus...with a designated sober driver of course!
That American money is all one colour and when you are trying to pay for drinks in a dark and crowded bar....you end up spending more money then you should have and the bartender is really happy to serve you!!! (I think that is one of the reasons why Canadians have coloured money!)
Oh!!! and bottle rockets are not the smartest thing to light off in a Ramada inn Hotelroom in Fayetteville, Arkansas! | |
|
| Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 9/9/2005 8:31:04 PM | ^^^^very funny guy here^^^^
After the bar closes one night, this guy jumps in his car, backs up into another car and then guns it out of the parking lot. He runs up over the curb, cuts off a car on the street and runs a stop sign. Next thing he sees is flashing lights in his rear view mirror. He pulls over and gets out of the car. The cop asks if he has been drinking and he replies "No Sir". The cop makes him walk the line, touch his nose and the whole nine yards. He passes all tests. The cop says to him "I can't believe you passed all these tests...you were driving like the biggest drunk I ever saw." The guy replies "That's because I am the designated decoy, officer"!!!!
JJ
 | |
|
| Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 9/10/2005 2:41:45 AM | Ive learned some things are difficult to say when drunk such as
co-ord-in-ation
as-phyx-iation
mixa-mo-tosis
Ive learned some things are downright impossible to say when drunk:
" Oh no thanks I couldnt possibly have another drink"
" What me on the dancefloor. Oh I couldnt"
" No I cant sing Karoake..I cant sing"
"I dont think its such a good idea for us to exchange phone numbers as I hardly know you" | |
|
| Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 9/10/2005 8:10:56 PM | never believe your buddies when they say that chic that just walked in is so hot man would i like to hook up with her.
its hard to get dressed when the lady you were just with wakes you up to say you had better move fast her husband just pulled in the drive way
cops dont' like it when you ask them to draw them with that chalk they have,blame that one on jeff foxworthy
sometimes the spirit is very willing but the flesh is snoozing big time
and the really big one never go skinny dipping in a cold river with a lady you are trying to impress | |
|
| Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 9/11/2005 12:36:31 AM | fireworks make burns
jumping off high places makes cuts
falling down makes briuses
tripping on barstools/chairs/other people/your own feet breaks toes and sprains ankles
gasoline and fires causes hair loss
walking down the center of the street is forbidden
one does not truly appreciate playgrounds until after learning of alcohol
that guy wasn't all that good looking and/or in love with me after all
And that it'll all hurt in the morning! | |
|
| Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 9/11/2005 2:13:57 AM | """one does not truly appreciate playgrounds until after learning of alcohol"""
-----------------------------------------------------------
LOVE IT..........
so true...
and..
shopping trolley races with friends down a major sidewalk is NOt a good idea when the person pushing you is as drunk as you are | |
|
| |
| |
| |
| Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 9/12/2005 4:11:15 AM | | To not talk to ex-ministers....I'msure I tried to convert him to hedonism or something ....he hasn't come back since...just wavesssssss from a distance | |
|
| Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 9/12/2005 6:34:21 AM | oh the things i have learned while drunk:
Puking does not mean the half way mark of the night... don't continue on drinking after vomiting madly....
Porcupines are extra scary, as are deer and any moving blade of grass while walking home by yourself in the valley....
Making out with some random guy and then going to the strippers is not a good first date...
Sex while drunk is more often sloppy than actually good but you're too drunk to realize this...
Ex bfs are still as*holes no matter how good the sex was...
and for me.. and i'm quite sure i'm the only person who is like this... the more drunk I am the higher my standards get, cause i'm afraid of a coyote ugly moment.... but i've never wanted to chew off my arm!
 | |
|
| Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 9/12/2005 9:30:53 AM | I've learned that tall trees are not your friend unless they are blocking sight for you to pee
table dancing on a table full of full drinks makes for sticky feet
Sitting in a box sliding down a circular stair case is not as fun as you thought it would be
you CON NOT drop a lighter in a margereta and expect it to light your next smoke
perple monkeys DO exist (and their kings name is PEZ)
do not jump off a table and expext you inaginary friends to catch you, and your real friend not to laugh
if a friend runs playfully out the front door and down the stairs youCANNOT catch them faster if you jump off the 2nd story balcony
eating a large supreme pizza by your self thinkg you'll be ok because you the designated driver for YOUR birth day you are soooooooo wrong
left over spaghtti is not the best munchy food
you cannot dance, even with 13 years of experience, on a wet sticky patched slippery patched tile floor
toasters are not your friend, especialy if your out of bread
rocks and windows don't mix
last but not least........
talking about how you truely fell can piss off your bother/sister and excete his/her wife/husband
AND PURPLE MONKEYS ARE REAL!!!!!  | |
|
| Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 9/12/2005 2:31:45 PM | The main thing I've learned is not to meet important people while intoxicated.
Idles of mine I've met and had horrible experiences with while drunk:
Mojo Nixon (almost punked on him after about 400 shots of Jager. I think I said something like "You need to get rid of that shirt!" and then I fell over.)
Sylvain Sylvain (I just introduced myself and thanked him for being an inspiration to me. Five minutes later I was trying to get away from him.)
The Violent Femmes (They were just****)
Staci Collins (I offered to sell her some songs and she and her band mates scurried away from me like scared mice) | |
|
| Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 9/12/2005 3:25:43 PM | No matter how dumb the cop is that they called to speak with you, it's a good idea to stop explaining and start listening before they pull out the cuffs. 
I was soooooo in the right though. | |
|
| Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 9/13/2005 8:23:35 AM | | if you've lost something dont look for it urself because u could pass it many times without seeing it but a sober person will find it no problem | |
|
| |
| Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 9/13/2005 6:03:58 PM | I've learned . . .
to never wear shoes with little buckles on the straps. You need coordination to get them off without busting them.
the phrase, "Oh, sure. One more then I definitely have to go home," doesn't get you home at a decent time--EVER.
that when you're too broke to afford the cabfare home, you should never yell, "Who wants to share a cab with us?" because ten guys will try to squeeze into the cab with you and your girlfriend.
that you can escape out the other door in the cab and make a run for another one before even one of the drunk guys from the first cab can catch up.
that if you tell the cab driver, "Take me as far as five bucks will go" you can get a free ride (that should have cost twenty) all the way home.
that you might have to take the driver's phone number to be polite.
that you can't use that cab company ever again in case you get the driver you never called. | |
|
Home
login 
