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| Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 1/14/2007 3:28:50 PM | Either is pulling your friend behind a mountain bike in a childs cart after they stooped laughing the police took us away for a nite on the city  | |
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| Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 1/14/2007 6:21:11 PM | Whatever you do.....DO NOT COOK. If Taco Bell is closed, swing by the supermarket for a microwaveable meal.
Many years ago, I decided to make some chicken after a night of boozing. My chosen method was to boil the chicken till it was cooked then season it and bake it to crispness. I consider myself quite the chef. Indeed I am on emerils speed dial....anyway... during the boil I fell asleep and all the water evaporated. Now it was just chicken on a dry pot. Emeril would frown on this type of thing. This must have gone on for quite a while. Next thing I know there is an anoying alarm ( thank god for smoke detectors ) and my chest seemed to be on fire. I woke up and my apartment was completely engulfed in smoke. Could not see even a few inches in fron of me. I quickly removed the pot and opened my windows. I covered myself with a blanket and fell back to sleep. In my boozed state I did not consider smoke inhalation a dangerous thing. Next thing I know someone is tapping my shoulder. I open my eyes and the first thing I see is an axe. I thought that a murderer was in my apartment ready to dismember me and add me to his shrine. I started looking for a way to defend myself then realized it was the fire department. One of my dastardly neighbours had called in the massive smoke coming out of my windows. I was ordered out without being alowed to put on anything ( I was in my underwear ). My apartment building had been evacuated and my lovely neighbours clapped and hoorayed seeing that I was alive. Some of them by their looks had been secretly hoping I had suffered the same fate as Lot's wife. It was middle of winter and there was massive shrinkage standing out there in my underwear. Some of my neighbours never forgave me for making them stand out there at 4 in the morning in the middle of a Nebraska Winter. | |
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| Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 1/14/2007 6:57:07 PM |
Next thing I know someone is tapping my shoulder. I open my eyes and the first thing I see is an axe. I thought that a murderer was in my apartment ready to dismember me and add me to his shrine. I started looking for a way to defend myself then realized it was the fire department.
I learned that you should never bring your bank card with you to a club...or give your friend some money "just in case". I also learned that the drunker you get, the cuter the skeezy guys look....shudder. | |
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| Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 1/14/2007 7:21:04 PM | if you cant dance to begin with.....you sure as hell cant dance drunk
I only broke 3 bottles when the table was knocked over :drinkijavascript:smilie(' ')
javascript:smilie('')ng: | |
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| Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 2/12/2007 12:21:37 PM | | Not to have a contest on how many beer bottles u can break over your head... passing out in your vehicule in sub zero tempertures is not a good idea either, | |
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| Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 4/30/2007 9:59:38 PM | Hmmm....
Never EVER fry chicken in the nude and it isn't really a good idea to hop up to the pan like it is a basketball hoop, the chicken is the ball...and do a slam dunk....two words...no 3...possible skin grafts...
After 12 beers you might get slightly hungry...after 23...a beer butt chicken sounds like a good idea...then you drink #24 and look around and all you have is a keg...now a chicken won't fit over that...however, the zoo does have some ostriches...boy those sob's run fast....
Two people can throw up in the same toliet...if you are holding up your S.O.'s hair while she pukes (a sign of true love ) and the aroma gets to be too much...yak in the tank, its going to be flushed with clean water anyway...just don't drop the tank lid on the S.O's head...at least not every time it ends up happening....and tank lids break into a bunch of big and many more little tiny ouchy pieces, so puke while you are still wearing shoes.
They call it whiskey d i c k for a reason...ya can't drive a railroad spike with a tack hammer and likewise when this happens all the praying in the world won't help. However, Viagra will....
At the bar at 3 a.m. when the lights come one...he or she is NOT as attractive as you think and it really isn't a good idea to go ANYWHERE with them.
One for the road is never a good idea.
It is possible to drink blue curaco from a super soaker...it is also quite possible your drunk a s s friend just put windex in the damn thing too....
First one who passes out...ALWAYS LOSES...everyone else is off limits.
Cheers! | |
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| Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 5/1/2007 10:03:49 AM | ...that, after a certain age, no matter how good they sound whilst soused at 3am...
WHITE CASTLES AND JAGERMIESTER ARE NOT A GOOD COMBO! | |
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rjb888
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Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 618 | |
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| Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 5/1/2007 1:34:29 PM | "Climbing" up a staircaise of about 15 steps on all fours and TRYING to be elegant while doing it... and having a bunch of people cheering you on...
I still remember that to this day... | |
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| Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 5/2/2007 9:34:51 AM | I am not as invisible or quiet as I think I am
You aren’t supposed to chug Scotch.
I’m more of a bulimic than an alcoholic since I spent more time throwing up than drinking .
I either went home with a very ugly girl or a very pretty monster.
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| Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 5/2/2007 10:10:32 AM | don't try and cross the main road whilst drunk the bus is bigger than you!!!
don't run forward whilst facing to the side you will always hit a lamppost,wall or some other person!
but all good fun if your watching a mate do it | |
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| Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 5/2/2007 4:45:59 PM | The words “flammable” and “inflammable” mean the same thing.
Tequila really is distilled by Satan.
They only give you free drinks in Las Vegas so that you’ll make stupid bets.
That bars have some pretty old-fashioned ideas about what’s acceptable behavior.
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| Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 5/4/2007 8:19:26 PM | ....that Jack Daniels really is the ultimate panty remover, (for both males and females)
....that Tequila makes your gay best friend straight....
....it's never a good idea to take eight people home in your Hyundai
Accent...eventhough three of them can fit in the trunk....
....that kaluah and malibu does not make a good coconut ice capptini...
....that if you can't beer bong....and you know you can't...do not try to show up your
best friend's little brother....(the "little brother" in question is of legal drinking
age...just soo much younger than me)
....that you can drink Tequila sunrises til sunrise....but don't add straight shots....
....that if your friend says, "Watch this! It's gonna be really funny...." and then giggles
maliciously...you should run....
....that very large girl who's foot you stepped on....really is going to try and kill you....
unless you buy her a drink.....
....standing behind your best friend shouting obscenities is not the definition of having
their back....especially if you started it....
....if you push a girl down the stairs and she cuts her head open...the cops don't care if
she started it.....
These are just a few things I've learned....
P.S. it was my friend behind me telling me she had my back!!! I was sober....she was not... | |
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| Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 5/5/2007 12:22:05 AM | -Dont get confortable when you lay on the floor because you will fall asleep.
-Dont tell someone to only let you drink x number of shots and then get pissed cuz they wont let you drink anymore, just as you said
-Swimming isnt a good idea. | |
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good one thanx fer the laugh
