bl222b
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Joined: 4/23/2007
Msg: 651 | |
| Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 6/16/2007 8:24:06 AM | | This brought back a funny memory!!!! Had a friend with false teeth!!!! Checking on her while hugging the toilet>>>she looked up at mea and had no front teeth!!!!! Scared the shit out of me, didn't know they were fake!!! LOL Ended up with a soup laddle, fishing her teeth out of the toilet!!!!! Thank God she hadn't flushed it, would have been an expensive drunk! Moral of this tale, if your going to hug the tiolet....take the false teeth out first! LMAO | |
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bl222b
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Joined: 4/23/2007
Msg: 652 | |
| Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 6/16/2007 8:27:06 AM | | hey Matt, asking a drunk women for their number, you usually get one, but not one that is necessarily a working one!!!!! Have transposed a few in my day!! | |
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| Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 6/16/2007 9:27:17 AM | I've posted on here before, but have learned a couple more lessons since then! LOL
Do not go anywhere near the computer or telephone when you're drunk...The person who try to talk to is not going to be able to understand what you are talking about anyway and it's hard to type when you have to close one eye to do it!!
It not as easy to walk on your hands when you are old, out of shape, and drunk as it was when you were young, fit, and sober! | |
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| Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 6/16/2007 5:18:17 PM | Tha tPeterborough police dont find humour in a man standing in the of the street with his pants around his ankles , no matter how funny his buddies like the joke ( how a newfie pulls up his socks ) . The wife seen even less humour in it than the cops did and told them to keep me lol . Ahhhh good times lol  | |
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| Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 6/16/2007 5:24:44 PM | You should not attempt "Slam Dunks" with a basket ball while on a pogo stick when intoxicated
Well, duh, man every one knows that!!
The visual I got was absolutely priceless, Rock on, buddy. | |
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Otoño
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Joined: 11/11/2006
Msg: 657 | |
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| Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 6/16/2007 8:07:32 PM | Never take a lady you have just started dating to a college bar where they are having a catholic school girl costume night and try to have a conversation.To many ways to yourself in trouble with your eyes and comments about things around you.   | |
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| Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 6/16/2007 9:24:11 PM | Traffic cones are Fun to carry home They also make great birthday gifts.
Once when i was married and had a step son i woke up at home with a huge hangover.
I force myself to open my eyes, and the first thing i see is a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table.
I see my clothing in front of me all clean and ironed
I look around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotless, clean. So is the rest of the house. I take the aspirins and notice a note on the table. "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love You!"
So I go to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast and
the morning newspaper.
Her son is also at the table, eating.
I ask what happened last night?"
Her son says, "Well, you came home around 3 AM, drunk and delirious.
Broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave
yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door."
Confused, I asked, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me? I should expect a big quarrel with her!"
Her son replies, "Oh, that! Mom dragged you to the
bedroom, and when she tried to take your clothes n shoes off, you said,
"Lady leave me alone! I m married!
Moral of the story:-
Self-induced hangover - $94.00 ,
Broken furniture $ 500.00 ,
Breakfast $ 20.00
Saying the Right Things While Drunk - PRICELESS | |
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| Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 6/17/2007 11:32:50 AM | | I learnt that drunk sex and a hide-a-bed do not mix slipped off the top and landed face first on the bar at the top of the bed and broke my nose ..not fun at all, also learnt that Doctors really didn't want to hear about it in the ER either lol | |
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| Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 6/17/2007 4:41:38 PM | | HOW ABOUT ANY THING THAT REQUIRES AN AMBULANCE TO BE ON STAND-BY AND LATER A FRIEND THAT IS NOT AS SMART AS YOU SAYS WHAT THE H@LL WERE YOU THINKING IS NOT A GOOD IDEA. | |
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| Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 6/17/2007 8:46:18 PM | GOOD BY FOURMS...PAID MY TAB LEFT A TIP AND GOING HOME TO THE ONE I LOVE........IT WAS FUN....BUT ...LOVE RULES.......KINGOFAMAN PEACE OUT | |
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| Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 6/17/2007 10:21:18 PM | | Never stand outside a bar and ask the guys that walk out if they want to get married ... Thank goodness i didn't have any takers thats nite , My girlfriends were dying laughing at me ... | |
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| Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 6/18/2007 1:05:32 AM | It is a bad idea to check the beer level in the can by holding a lit match over the hole and looking in (burnt some of my hair off !! ) | |
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| Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 6/25/2007 7:35:17 AM | I'm not saying that any of these are me...:)
- Never ride a bike in the dark through backyards....you WILL find a clothesline.
- If you're going to mosh, head for the crowd instead of the band.
- If you're hiding from the police in a field at night, they will find you if you light a cigarette.
- If you're still drunk in the morning (and naked), do not grab a beer and a cigarette, then sit on your car hood to enjoy the sun. The neighbours WILL remember.
- If you stop on a highway to pee, remember to go to the side of the car NOT facing traffic.
- If you're walking down the road and see a car motor on the side of it, do not look away. You'll forget it's there and trip up over it.
- That a stop sign can actually resemble a tall muscular guy named Wayne.
- That 9 girls will not fit properly in a Chevette with the large male designated driver. And if you drive on the wrong side of the road to look for a spot to pee, you WILL attract police attention.
-That a bare butt suddenly engulfed in the glow of tail lights will look kinda pretty, and someone will have pictures to prove it.
-That if you're smoking a cigarette and try to throw it out a closed car window, it will go underneath the seat. It's also a bad idea to pour beer down there to make sure it's out ( it stank really really bad a week later).
- Going to a field full of underage drinkers and yelling "Oh sh*t, the cops!!!!" will get you free beer. It will also get you punched in the face.
- Walking down the street with a full pizza and yelling that no one is tough enough to steal your pizza will result in your getting beaten up and the loss of said pizza. | |
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| Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 1/27/2008 10:10:13 AM | It IS possible to fall out of one's wheelchair while being wheeled home by a less-drunk friend, who decides to duct tape you to your chair to hold you in.
Nurses can and will refuse to help you get to bed when you come back to the hospital tanked and reeking of petron.
Having a ride on your friend's lap (when he's equally drunk and in an electric wheelchair) and going 4X4'ing in construction sites at four AM gets messy
You get away with a HELL of a lot more being a woman in a wheelchair ;) | |
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| Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 2/21/2008 8:13:30 AM | When you walk into the broom closet at the bar instead of the bathroom it's time to go home.
When you're asked by the nice policeman if you have anything in your shoes, "just my socks" is NOT the proper answer!
Jager Bombs taste just like cough syrup, and no, they don't taste any better the more you have.
When your legs turn to jello after getting off the bar stool, you've had one too many Long Island Ice Teas.
Body surfing whitewater rapids is actually kinda fun! Stupid without a helmet... but fun!!!
Coors Light gives me gas the next day.
It's very hard to climb the steps up into a hot tub when they're wet and slippery and you can't see straight.
Calling you're married friends at 2am after they went home early (11pm) and asking "Are you f*&king?" is sure to earn you revenge in the future.
Demonstrating how you used to pitch a softball on a wooden deck after it's rained is not a smart idea, falling down hurts! | |
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| Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 3/9/2008 6:33:35 PM |
or when you actually manage to make it home and THEN use your cell phone to call your friends! Thank GAWD they truly are your friends, 'cause when you call them the next day to apologize they are laughing their A&# off at all the S*** you said! They are more than happy to repeat it word for word!
Also, never to go to the bar without my TRUE friends and designated driver! learned that one the hard and embarassing way!
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