| Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 9/13/2005 8:02:48 PM | that I can bust up six cigarette butts in the urinal when my bladder is really full (it's a guy thing)
that the guy I picked a fight with was 5' 9" while he was sitting down.... nuff said
that "liquid muscle" never quite works as well as you think it's going to.
after that horrible night and chewing your arm off in the morning, the smell of fish gives you shivers for weeks afterward.
the barmaid I was flirting with went to school with my mother............ and I found her number in my pocket the next morning............... and a message on my answering machine wondering why I haven't called......................... back, again.
that the stripper wasn't really in love with me afterall.................... and my wallets empty................... and I just cashed my paycheck.
When you best friend shouts from across the bar "Hey Ya'll, watch this" it's time to hit the road............ fast.
and the scariest of all was...... I know what bar I was at........... and I know where I live................ what happened to the 50 miles in between I'll never know.
And that's why I don't drink anymore. and oh........... there are a lot more, fer shur'
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| Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 9/14/2005 3:40:50 AM | You can free up a busy bathroom when someone comments about the long wait to pee just yell pi** hell, I'm gonna puke all over this place!
Never pass out half in and half out of your front door on a snowy evening.
Your car can run for hours if placed against your house in first gear in the snow.
Damn it was fun to be young and dumb! | |
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| Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 9/14/2005 5:54:40 AM | | Thanks for the laughs. I know never to drink Jack Daniels again. Makes me a little too friendly and I wake up with brusies and don't know how I got them. But everyone else does and they can't wait to tell you what you did. | |
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nicoli
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Joined: 9/11/2005
Msg: 55 | |
| Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 9/14/2005 12:20:17 PM | not to walk into a fight that is about to go on in the parking lot of a club thinking its just a lot of happy people talking and end up getting the guys who's with you get his front teeth knocked in cuz he pulls you away just in time......
that fenced in outdoor pools have a strange magnetic power to drunk people
and also that i can climb a fence when im drunk but not when im sober.......
that it seems when im really drunk thats when my ex boyfriends show up at the bar where i am and want to hook up again and it seems like a really good idea | |
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| Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 9/14/2005 3:56:16 PM | | It's a bad idea to walk past the look out right into the shop that's being robbed just because you are VERY hungry and, well, maybe a little bit oblivious to your surroundings. | |
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| Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 9/14/2005 4:01:38 PM | LMAO...............o my drunken stories....cant beat 'em....ok i say when ur younger and not supposed to be drinking but u r and ur drunk...and then the cops get called bc the is awhole bunch of teens in the woods being loud....and the cops r like right behind u....ummmmmm dont turn around and run right into them.............roflmao.......omg y did i tell u guys that?
o cornfields and downhill~~~~thats a negative!!
also remember to fully pick ur feet up~~~~or else ur goin to fall on ur face!!!!!!! have fun *bottums up* | |
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| Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 9/15/2005 5:22:45 AM | Okay, I actually learned this while I was pregnant but it is relevant to the subject at hand. The durability of pantyhose is in direct proportion to the alcohol intake of the wearer!! They are not really disposable...had the same pair the whole time I was pregnant!!!
And my bro learned this one....Don't pee under a light pole and assume noone can see you because it's dark out!!!
JJ
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| Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 9/15/2005 5:32:02 PM | oh no, mom when I am rolling around drunk on the lawn DONT ASK ME IF I WANT A GLASS OF MILK...its not that I will accept it, its that my answer will wake up everyone on the lake lol goodtimes, thanks for the homebrew grandpa
forget about needing your friends to pull up your pants in the bathroom, worry about when it happens while sitting at the bar
looking after a friend in the middle of a fight, bouncers dont know that!!
oh bouncers are nice....until you puke on their back Bret!!!
Matt I have no idea how you confused Tori Amos tickets with John Stamos tickets lol entertaining to see your friend run around the bar yelling "IM GONNA GO SEE UNCLE JESSY" | |
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| Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 9/15/2005 8:32:08 PM |  Great stories guys. I don't get drunk enough to have a story to share ( thank god) but I do have a prayer....
THE BEER PRAYER
Our lager,
Which art in barrels,
hallowed be thy drink
Thy will be drunk, (I will be drunk)
At home as in the tavern.
Give us this day our foamy head,
and forgive us our spillages,
As we forgive those who spill against us.
And lead us not to incarceration,
but deliver us from hangovers.
For thine is the beer,
The bitter and The lager
Forever and ever,
Barmen
Cheers everbody  | |
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| Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 9/17/2005 3:23:33 PM | you learn who you're real friends are when you get drunk.
if you wake up in an alley or in jail you got some problems.
if you get arrested never say " hey, officer, remember me? you arrested me last week" | |
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| Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 9/18/2005 8:36:25 PM | If your buddy is going to puke outside the window of your car, make sure the window is open.
and
If your buddy starts to puke outside your JEEP with the top off reduce your speed or the puke ends up in your backseat.
Hard lessons to learn. | |
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| Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 9/18/2005 10:37:26 PM | This was just sent to me....lol, thought it was appropriate
Bartender's Psychology:
Before you order a drink in public, you should read this!
Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could nail a woman's personality based on what she drinks. Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts.
The results:
Drink: Beer
Personality: Casual, low-maintenance; down to earth.
Your Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.
Drink: Blender Drinks
Personality: Flakey, whiny, annoying; a pain in the ass.
Your Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabana boy.
Drink: Mixed Drinks
Personality: Older, more refined, high maintenance, has very picky taste; knows EXACTLY what she wants.
Your Approach: You won't have to approach her. If she's interested, she'll send YOU a drink...
Drink: Wine (does not include White Zinfandel)
Personality: Conservative and classy; sophisticated yet giggles.
Your Approach: Tell her you love to travel and spend quiet evenings with friends.
Drink: White Zinfandel
Personality: Easy; thinks she is classy and sophisticated, actually, she has NO clue.
Your Approach: Make her feel smarter than she is...this should be an easy target.
Drink: Shots
Personality: Likes to hang with frat-boy pals and looking to get totally drunk...and naked.
Your Approach: Easiest hit in the joint. You have been blessed. Nothing to do but wait; however, be careful not to make her mad!
Drink: Tequila
No explanations required -- everyone just KNOWS what happens there.
*****************************************************************
THEN, there is the MALE addendum ----
The deal with guys is, as always, very simple and clear cut:
Domestic Beer: He's poor and wants to get laid.
Imported Beer: He likes good beer and wants to get laid.
Wine: He is hoping that the wine will give him a sophisticated image to help him get laid.
Whiskey: He doesn't give a &=*= about anything, but getting laid!
Tequila: He is thinking he has a chance with the toothless waitress.
White Zinfandel: He's gay. | |
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| Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 9/19/2005 3:00:02 PM | Even after your friend sprained her wrist, riding a mechanical bull (while drunk), it is not a good idea to try it yourself, because it`s almost guaranteed that it is still as bad of an idea when she did it, as it is when you do it.....and the results turn out worse.
Being banned from smoking in a cab is possible.
Jello shooters are always a good idea, until the day after when you realize your friend has broken, fractured AND dislocated her wrist and she doesn`t remember doing it.
Slamming a full drink because a guy thinks you can`t, just to get a free one, works really well. | |
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| Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 9/19/2005 3:03:46 PM | | Oh yes, and another thing, you are only truly drunk when you throw up, hiccup or fall down. That we have figured out when we were sober. | |
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| Things I've learned while I was drunk....
Posted: 9/21/2005 12:18:32 AM | Yes, as a matter of fact that 5' 2" /86lb girl CAN drink you under the table
That yellow stripe on the nice Mounties leg is NOT a urinating target
When yr sober buddy tries to relieve you of the 7 beer ya have stashed in yr pockets as the nice Mountie is approaching, let 'im have them
Gettin' yr head slammed in the back door of a cop car really don't hurt that much....'til morning
When the nice Mountie asks you why yr walkin' such a crooked path, do NOT tell 'im yr tryin' to find a) yr stash of beer...b) yr stash of weed...or c) where ya left 'is daughter
Do not give the nice Mountie a fake name if his son went to school w/ you fer 7 years
When the conversation dies, do not try to get the ball rollin' again by askin' the 60 yr old bar manager lady "So M****...how's yr sex life?"
Attempting to belch the Lord's Prayer after shotgunning a 6-pack CAN lead to projectile vomiting....do NOT belch into the party host's face
A 7' fence CAN be cleared in a single bound, but there's a cop car on th'other side waitin' fer rowdies to leave the party
Cop cars are softer than gravel to land on (see above)
Shortcuts do not exist
Ahhhh...the joys of bein' young & stupid.....
I miss bein' ten feet tall & bulletproof. | |
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