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| THIS GOES OUT TO ALL THE NICE GUYS!!! READ ME
Posted: 9/6/2005 2:34:56 PM | So many valid great points, and a great OP...Nice job. I'm a "nice" guy and I sure as hell haven't finished last. As a matter of fact I'm #1 these days so don't give up...there's a good man/woman for everyone. I wrote the following some years ago and thought it was relevant...........
The Friend
"One day when you least expect it she will be right in front of you"
Or so my friends are constantly leading me to believe. Well, I haven't really been looking for anyone, rather, I've been waiting. Waiting for the day when I will look around and say "Oh ya, there she is, right under my nose." However, I truly believe that I will grow old alone, "move down South and bury my head in the sand. Just another sad old man, all alone and dying of cancer." **
Shall I tell you why? (If you're interested at all in my babbling) You see, I'm the last of the hopeless romantics. I'm a man certainly! However, I'm a man with feelings, sensitivity, and compassion. A very rare beast indeed. A veritable breath of fresh air. Or so I've been told.
So what's the problem you may ask? Why is he still single and so lonely? Does he smell bad, is he deformed, broke, intellectually or morally bankrupt, a pervert, psycho, loser, fat, ugly, or maybe even gay? No no, he's much worse than that! He will be there when you need him the most. He will make you feel like the most important person in the world. He'll make you laugh and take away your pain. He will be honest with you and give you good advice. He will never strike you or intentionally hurt you. His is the shoulder to cry on. When you are sick he will be there to take care of you.
For you see ladies and gentlemen he is a GOOD FRIEND and nothing more. Ever.
me
1998
**Lyrics from Pink Floyd
Well she wasn't exactly right in front of me. But I found her..chin up lads/ladies!! And like the lady said
The dilemma of the sexes continues
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| THIS GOES OUT TO ALL THE NICE GUYS!!! READ ME
Posted: 9/6/2005 2:41:50 PM | I am soooooo confused? If all the 'nice guys' are taken, and all the 'nice women' are taken... who are all of us on these threads?
Perhaps the nice guy that hurt me so bad was just a nice guy and didn't know how to tell me that he had changed his mind and did a disappearing act because he was embarrassed and didn't want to see me hurt?
Maybe the 'nice guy' I hurt really was a nice guy and though I made sure from the very first introduction that he knew I wasn't attracted the same way he was and could only be friends and he thought he could handle that, he still got hurt because inside he kept hoping that I would change my mind and grow into the same type of relationship that he wanted. Maybe we wanted more than was possible?
Nice guys and girls please don't lose who you are. It is just timing, and life experiences. There are so many people in this world. There has to be a match......somewhere.:)
Good Luck....
Deb | |
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| THIS GOES OUT TO ALL THE NICE GUYS!!! READ ME
Posted: 9/6/2005 2:45:54 PM | | Amen to that!!! My ex is a perfect example, we were great friends for years, there was a mutual attraction, but it never panned out until she split from her abusive husband. All the while I was there for her to lean on, and we had a great relationship in the beginning. As soon as she sensed I was actually becoming seriously emotionally attached, she got scared and split. Women say they want a man to be their friend and lover at the same time, but it's not possible (at least from my experience). Women are most attracted to the guy they think would drop them in a NY minute, and therefore treat them like kings. | |
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| THIS GOES OUT TO ALL THE NICE GUYS!!! READ ME
Posted: 9/6/2005 5:01:51 PM | | I agree with gamjam. Nice guys don't really want nice girls. The girls that mortiis88 describes in his diatribe are not nice. Remember people: Nice is different from good. The girls that you hang out with and pine over may be goodpeople, but they certainly are notnice if they are manipulating you and passing you over for superficial reasons. Nice guys don't want nice girls, they want a very specific image, and the same can be said of most people, I think. Pelliken says all of the nice girls are taken. I think that's a very hypocritical statement. How you can applaud what mortiis88 says about how the women he refers to always complain to the nice guys in their lives that all the nice guys are taken, and then complain to the nice girls in this forum that we do not exist. I think I'm not out of line to speak for all of us and say that we are offended. This is the exact same over-generalization that women are accused of. | |
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| THIS GOES OUT TO ALL THE NICE GUYS!!! READ ME
Posted: 9/6/2005 5:50:41 PM | | Later I did tell my one friend that I "comforted" a few time what I was feeling and she looked at me like she had just heard the most terrible news ever. A look I relate to as pure shock and fear. Needless to say, it definately changed our friendship, for the worse. I hardly ever saw her again after that, maybe for the better I suppose. | |
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Jecull
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Joined: 7/10/2004
Msg: 63 | |
| THIS GOES OUT TO ALL THE NICE GUYS!!! READ ME
Posted: 9/6/2005 8:10:35 PM | | Well, I for one am one of those nice guy's, and motiis88 makes a whole lot of valid points. Except, i did get something when i carried my friend home drunk to her apartment. Puked on, puked on alot. And for an encore, laid off for a week because i didn't call in the next day for work. And the reason for that was because i spent the rest of the night cleaning her apartment of puke and making sure that she didn't fall asleep on her back and choke on her own vomit. So, yeah being a nice guy does suck. I've also tried using my legs and other resources to try to find myself a nice girl. That hasn't worked either. So being a nice guy, and knowing there are other nice guy's out there that are probly wondering the same thing that i am. If there are so many nice girls out there, where the hell are they. Like i hear alot about it, but i dont see them or hear from them on this site. It's starting to seem like a myth, the myth of the nice girl, ya know alot like the lochness monster. Hear alot about it but never see it. I believe there out there. But when a girl has said that she is nice to me, i've alway's gotten screwed around. So i guess it's just like the girls on here have said about the nice guy's being the ones who end up cheating, girls are just the same. So I say this, there are actual nice guy's out there who are actually nice guy's, who won't cheat. I'm one of them, so since i know that i am very comfotable in the belief that there are actual nice, good girls out there who feel the same as me. So, to everyone on here ****ing about nice guy's and nice girls. If you really were in the true sense nice, you would have faith that ONE DAY, you are going to find that nice girl/guy, or that nice girl/guy will find you. And quit wastin all yer life ****ing about it! | |
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| THIS GOES OUT TO ALL THE NICE GUYS!!! READ ME
Posted: 9/6/2005 8:23:43 PM | Lundah it is possible.......just that we live in a 'me' world that wants instant. Keep looking and you will find her.......really and truly. Now if you were only 15 years older | |
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| THIS GOES OUT TO ALL THE NICE GUYS!!! READ ME
Posted: 9/6/2005 8:45:30 PM | Women want nice guys, alright. But the problem for them is this: The guys that are nice, are usually not the ones that have the sexual attractiveness for them. So, in the choice between Nice & Sex, women will always choose Sex. Men will also. That is why a man will always choose a hot babe that may not be a very nice person over a fat babe that is a sweetheart. Basic biology. That basic biology works for women, too. And that bad boy character that us guys all loath, does appeal to them. Here's why:
I was msn-ing with a women a briefly dated last month. I was joking about shaving my head, getting tattoos, you know, all that jazz, as part of a badboy makeover. Much to my surprise, she actually said outright that the badboy look appeals to her. Why? Because in her words, "It shows character". What that means, I interpret, is that this look would be worn by a man who has an "edge", has "issues", has things on his mind other than getting a girl. That's the point. In fact, guys like that don't seem to care about getting a girl. You won't find them on POF looking for a girlfriend.
Those type of guys appear distant.
Hard to touch.
On their own.
Brooding.
And it is just those qualities that women, good looking women, find attractive. As one woman on POF here said, "A bad boy is a challenge. Nice guys are not."
And you know, she's right. Nice guys lack that quality. They aren't a challenge. Nice guys are too concerned about pleasing a woman. Nice guys are too concerned about getting a girl. Nice guys are too concerned about getting laid. Threads like this prove that. And I think that willingness to please, for women, is a turn off. And bash me for saying this, but I tend to understand that mindset. It does make sense. If a woman was always trying to please you, you wouldn't want her either. I wouldn't.
But nonetheless, to the OP, nice work. Good writing.
Laverboy | |
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| THIS GOES OUT TO ALL THE NICE GUYS!!! READ ME
Posted: 9/6/2005 9:29:21 PM | Amen to Molly42!!!
To the nice guys:
If she would reather have the ***hole, then let her have him! You are better than that and you deserve better than that... She isn't going to change any more than the jerk she is dating is going to change... Drop the divas and find your angel. That is what dating is all about.
cheers to the nice guys!!!
Kat | |
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| THIS GOES OUT TO ALL THE NICE GUYS!!! READ ME
Posted: 9/6/2005 10:08:14 PM | Majority of people that I have found to be generally "nice", seem to have some type
of defect that people in whole tend to stay a way from. Either they are overweight,
to skinny, to tall, to short, or in some way just physically unattractive. Now not ALL
nice people have they qualities but most of them do. Now in the way or weight,
its usually would be cause with some type of issue that is making them either over
eat or eat way to little. Our society has deemed that beauty is when the subject is
in peak condition with very little fat. Unfortuntly most become vain when they meet
those standards set by society, because they are put higher then the rest.
They get better jobs, better looking partners, etc. Which puts more pressure on the
rest to be better, causing more issues. Hence, this becomes a viscous cycle.
I also am not immune to society's force, I still enjoy looking at a beautiful women,
then an unattractive one. The unattractive ones become friends and nothing more.
If we as a society could get out of our rut and not base beauty on mere physical
condition, which can change at any moment, we would all benefit as we would
base each other from who they are, and not what they are. | |
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| THIS GOES OUT TO ALL THE NICE GUYS!!! READ ME
Posted: 9/6/2005 10:11:23 PM | Wow! This was the most refreshing thread I have ever read on here! Cheers to the OP
Also all those who shared your stories, and thoughts as to this whole "niceguy/badboy" phenomena. Me? I'm both, I'm nice when it's called for, but I know when to put my foot down at the same time. I think It's all about balance, or you'll lose touch with your true self. I open doors, lend an ear, treat women out and all that. But you also need to read between the lines as to what they want, because I've been caught a few times being led on from one date, to the next, to the next, and realized she didn't even have her purse. I don't mind treating once in a while, but I'm not about to go broke when all they want is money. Same goes for sex, and anything else you can be taken advantage of right away.
So now? A women comes up to me at a bar checking me out or whatever, I ask if she wants a drink, she says "yes, that's soooo sweet of you, thank you" I find out what she's drinking and order it. When the drink arrives I tell the woman, "Pay the bartender", as I leave with my drink (paid for by me). The woman actually followed me all over the bar! I thought it was funny, but I just left the bar after my drink though, i didn't care lol.
Just thought I would share that with you, why? I have no idea lol
So give it up to the nice guys!!!!!!!! You all have a voice and your not alone!!!!!!!!!!!!! | |
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| THIS GOES OUT TO ALL THE NICE GUYS!!! READ ME
Posted: 9/6/2005 11:51:18 PM |
Perhaps if the admission was made that his "friends" were really the subjects of unrequited love, then the nice guy would certainly be getting the short end of the stick, but if the seemingly unaware women are counting on him as their friend, they would certainly not call their actions into question.
I think this is the root of the issue here, whose roots are buried in the Age old When Harry met Sally question. "Can Men and Women really be Friends?" or more correctly Can any 2 people have a healthy friendship if one is more attracted/drawntoo the other friend, than that friend is attracted to them.
I think the Nice Guy scenario where he is hoping for a reward for his loyalty and feelings is being unrealistic. Lord knows i did that with a Gal I was madly in love with for almost 6 years and never had those feelings returned, even after i was straightup with her a year into the Friendship. In that case the Guy needs to cut his losses and come to the realization she just doesn't feel the same way about you. You can be friends, but don't invest yourself 100% in it cause your just setting youself up for a Fall. And Some people, Men or Women are very needy and will gobble up the affections and attention of anyone who will give them a spare minute or two.
But also some of the owness lies in the Womans lap. She must know the Guy is more than just a loyal friend. And its not fair to take advantage of that friendship and use it as your own personal Emotional Krutch, or Cel Phone Analist when the Analist is falling for you. I've had Ladies who I could tell felt that way about me, and I not that way about them. I felt like the biggest ass for not liking them back, but I had to confront the issue and bring it up in conversation between us. Sometimes the friendship lasted, sometimes not.
I guess my point is whenever there is a power imbalance in any relationship, One person will always be taking advantage of the other, and one is always setting themselves up for the fall. Both are to blame if the realize it buit bury there heads in the sand, or pretend its not really like that and wish it away like the Elephant in the Parlor. | |
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| THIS GOES OUT TO ALL THE NICE GUYS!!! READ ME
Posted: 9/7/2005 8:16:47 AM | Nice guys finish last eh?
Ha don't make me laugh! please. That is an insult to my intelligence. Nice guys are better than thugs, bullies or power drinking A_ _ _ _ _ _ _ s! We just chase women who think they are cool and come off with egg on our faces. Stop being victims nice guys stand up and prove you are nice but will fight hard for the weaker guy. Show these people who treat women with contempt and revulsion that they are a minority and not worth _ _ _ _ _ _ _ on if they were on fire.
Nice guys rule
The weak shall inherit the earth
Jester | |
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| THIS GOES OUT TO ALL THE NICE GUYS!!! READ ME
Posted: 9/7/2005 8:18:54 AM | | Its not society that places the emphasis on being beautifal its evolution. Guys are biologically preprogrammed to respond to a hot sexy woman of healthy and normal body weight with nice curves and big tits because they are usually the healthiest. I admit i dont date unattractive women. I dont expect gorgeous women dont get me wrong but there has to be at least some attraction there or i dont go for it. As for friends if a woman is good to be around i dont care what she looks like. I would like to say that personality does count for something though i wont go out with a total b i t c h no matter how hot she is. Women are preprogrammed to respond to confidence and masculinity more than looks. Thats why the bad boys get laid more than the nice guys because they are attracted to them no matter how bad they may treat them. so guys im not advocating women abuse or treating women like shit. anyone who beats a woman is a piece of shit. but guys stand your ground and dont put up with peoples shit. | |
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