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 ladypagey
Joined: 5/28/2005
Msg: 26
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Beauty in the eye of the beholderPage 2 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
Ksue44...If I had even threatened to take him across my knee and try to spank him, he would have exploded in anger. He had a very explosive nature. He would have hit me in rage. He had a controlling nature.Awaitingyu.......Your post touched my heart and I burst into tears. Would that I had someone in my life to talk it out with but since I am alone and searching. I brought my reflections to here. Being hot, flirty and a firecracker... oh my..Fitcoop....Those words, feel good about yourself...Thanks.....To each that has posted so far... I am considering your words and reflecting. Take care each one of you....
 Classic Chassis
Joined: 8/18/2005
Msg: 27
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Beauty in the eye of the beholder
Posted: 9/9/2005 10:17:03 AM

If I had even threatened to take him across my knee and try to spank him, he would have exploded in anger. He had a very explosive nature. He would have hit me in rage. He had a controlling nature.Awaitingyu.......Your post touched my heart and I burst into tears. Would that I had someone in my life to talk it out with but since I am alone and searching. I brought my reflections to here.


Sweetie, you are a doll and don't let anybody tell you different. As for having an explosive, controlling nature - been there, got rid of him after he hit me once then threatened my sons.

If you want to talk or vent let me know and I'll send you my e-mail and IM addy.
 ladypagey
Joined: 5/28/2005
Msg: 28
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Beauty in the eye of the beholder
Posted: 9/9/2005 10:50:24 AM
I would like e-mail buddies to express my feelings on this. I will take off blocks to do that. Thanks classic chassis. I would like e-mails.
 ladypagey
Joined: 5/28/2005
Msg: 29
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Beauty in the eye of the beholder
Posted: 9/9/2005 11:02:32 PM
I really feel everone has so many good words and thoughts. Just reflecting and receiving posts is helping point me in the right direction. I think the major damage was becoming afraid of men and their motives. Why would the person become interested in me? Thus beauty in the eye of the beholder. You all are great....
 ONEHALFOFTHREE
Joined: 8/26/2005
Msg: 30
Beauty in the eye of the beholder
Posted: 9/9/2005 11:14:45 PM
i think what he was telling you YOU MISSED i think that what he was trying to explain to you was that you meant more to him than just a pretty face WOW! what a beautiful thing to say to you how could that ever make you feel bad sometimes men kinda suck at sayin EXACTLY what they mean and im positive this is what he meant.........so tonight when you lay in bed and think of him smile and tell him you wished youd realized what a compliment that reallly was so you coud have thanked him while he was still here......you are a lucky woman to have known a man was that in touch with his feelings to have felt that way (even if he did have a bit of troubke expressing it ).............
 ONEHALFOFTHREE
Joined: 8/26/2005
Msg: 31
Beauty in the eye of the beholder
Posted: 9/9/2005 11:21:43 PM
YOU ARE FREE..................dont be afraid of anything except leaving this planet BEFORE you actual live!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ................be the dancing banana................
 Northwind
Joined: 9/21/2004
Msg: 32
Beauty in the eye of the beholder
Posted: 9/10/2005 2:36:49 AM
This is a tricky question, so it may sound like I am going off-topic into the wild, blue yonder, stick with me - there is a point to my madness ;). Aside from the two easy and obvious, yet opposite responses:

A) Yeah, she's gotta be hott!
B) Beauty is within. I'm not a superficial person.

Because we are only human and we must communicate, we have to use these lil things called words. Regardless of how they sound (ie., what language we're speaking) it depends upon the meaning of the message for proper communication. Meaning can be symbollic, looking at the forest for the tree, the whole for the parts, in other words, just "getting the idea".
Or it can be literal, identifying the standard definitions of each individual word (which can then have symbollic meanings, etc.) We also have context. But more importantly is the WHO BEHIND the WORDS (damn, I hate all-caps, but don't have italics or bold), this is more than "context."

Just as a good speaker is told to "know the audience," so he can make slight adjustments to his speech, pitch, etc., so a good listener should "know the speaker."

Take the below phrase, without inflection, tone or context:
"Isn't that lovely?"
This could actually mean different things to different people, and coming from different people, and being in different situations.

Be Ye Hold Unto Your Heart This Image.

My friend dates and ends up marrying a girl whom I do not find physically attractive.
I do not see any "inner qualities of beauty" either. To me, she is rude, obnoxious, over-bearing, loud, pretentious, etc.

Here again, be ye hold.

So what is my point?

Perhaps when you ask your husband "Am I beautiful to you?"
He believes you are talking of only magazine-model beauty - as that is what the word means to him. So he responds openly and honestly.

Did he marry you, and did the two of you live a shared life together of joys and sorrows?

If so, then maybe there is a different kind of beauty that we don't even need to communicate with words.

And just to come back down and be a bit more normal-sounding - just looking at your smile in the photo next to your questioning post, gives warmth to my heart.
 seducemenow
Joined: 11/9/2004
Msg: 33
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Beauty in the eye of the beholder
Posted: 9/10/2005 6:27:52 AM
Wow!! well said hertz
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 34
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Beauty in the eye of the beholder
Posted: 9/10/2005 6:55:55 AM
I am happy that someone took the time to think this thread through and many have made comments that are meaningful in multiple directions.

For many of us, the initial attraction will be the looks of the outer body while we do our living and meet many over our lives. As we get to know them better, those looks will either enhance or decline by the inner body(soul).

How many of us have seen what we thought to be a beautiful person and within a few minutes to hours, find them unattractive and not for us? How many of us have met someone that we were not really attracted to, and by the end of the time together, found a wonderful attraction. That is the inner soul....the person and their personality, which either enhances those looks or takes away from them.

The journey through life is an interesting one, and how we view it and others will determine many times what we find to be beautiful or not. I do believe though, that there needs to be some initial attraction on some level....ie sparks, in order to want to explore more about that person, if your goal was to meet someone as a potential partner.

Just my opinion....
 Paradoxx
Joined: 7/2/2005
Msg: 35
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Beauty in the eye of the beholder
Posted: 9/10/2005 7:16:54 AM
One of the greated things I discovered here on POF-

Read the threads about what people find attractive. Almost every answer is different, especially in the over 30 crowd.

Beauty is an illusion- it changes quality and value in an individual equasion through the eyes of every observer.
 sammysalt
Joined: 9/7/2005
Msg: 36
Beauty in the eye of the beholder
Posted: 9/10/2005 10:00:10 AM
Yes because not everyone likes the same type of people. He married you, because you mattered to him. Noone is perfect. If someone didn't say the right thing to you about your looks, but was still in your bed of a night. I say actions sometimes speak louder than words. Don't worry about it. Must of hurt you to be thinking on it 15 years later. If your happy with your self, and he stayed there, good for you, now stop dewling on it. Hope you feel better soon.
 LadyBowie
Joined: 7/29/2005
Msg: 37
Beauty in the eye of the beholder
Posted: 9/10/2005 12:39:25 PM
I'm not really sure how to answer. I was the highschool geek and resident ugly girl. The only satisfaction I get now is that the guys that picked on me now ask me out. It feels so good to remind them who I am and to turn them down.

However, I also do not find myself attractive. I guess years of being teased really stick with you. The main reason I was picked on is because I have a different look. I am half Haitian half Romainian. Now men tend to think I look exotic. Go Figure.
 Kevin21TO
Joined: 7/24/2005
Msg: 38
Beauty in the eye of the beholder
Posted: 9/10/2005 5:02:35 PM
Everyone and everything is beautiful. Nature is beautiful. The universe is beautiful. I am beautiful. You are beautiful. We're all beautiful. In today's superficial media hype, it is easy for some of us to forget that.
 ladypagey
Joined: 5/28/2005
Msg: 39
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Beauty in the eye of the beholder
Posted: 9/10/2005 6:11:39 PM
To each that have posted so far. It is like a breath of fresh air. The gentle, reassuring words each of you have said have touched me and in some cases caused to whimper and cry over your stories.. Northwind... The warmth in your heart touched my heart also.....Sammy Salt...It hurt way below the surface and even I carried on it was there. I had forgotten it was there til recently..Pellakin..Thank you and you rate a 10 for being a caring person......To each of you who said beauty is in the eye of the beer holder, people do get tipsy and the person could be a very ugly person. Beer will make anything look good.
Kevin21TO....Everything has beauty to someone and I find each you knock down drag out gorgeous. Wow.......It shocks me if someone calls me hot..
 ONEHALFOFTHREE
Joined: 8/26/2005
Msg: 40
Beauty in the eye of the beholder
Posted: 9/10/2005 7:24:15 PM
but its undenyably what draws us into one another to learn of the true beauty inside........
 tantalizing
Joined: 7/31/2005
Msg: 41
Beauty in the eye of the beholder
Posted: 9/10/2005 7:51:29 PM
O my goodness madam...no disrespect to your husband,but he was very wrong in his word s to u..i just looked at your picture..and my dear..u have eyes that transend time..64 yrs old?I can only think that the words he said were to protect himself.The eyes tell the story and i can see the beauty that was there whe u were first married and at 64 still remains
 sleepless_in_Newmarket
Joined: 7/18/2005
Msg: 42
Beauty in the eye of the beholder
Posted: 9/10/2005 8:26:27 PM
Of course beauty is in the eye of the beholder. But your husband didn't care for your physical appearance but loved you anyway. He was honest enough to say that. Why let others knock him? He was your husband. You knew him best, not these strangers.
 tantalizing
Joined: 7/31/2005
Msg: 43
Beauty in the eye of the beholder
Posted: 9/10/2005 8:34:29 PM
a laverboy im no knocking him at all..im saying she is a beautiful woman. and it is always in the eyes of the one that loves you..but she also sd after that statement she did not feel beautiful..well its very clear that she is.
 sleepless_in_Newmarket
Joined: 7/18/2005
Msg: 44
Beauty in the eye of the beholder
Posted: 9/10/2005 9:02:51 PM
Was not referring to you, but to a couple of previous posters, that's all.
 ladypagey
Joined: 5/28/2005
Msg: 45
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Beauty in the eye of the beholder
Posted: 9/10/2005 9:38:04 PM
laverboy
 ladypagey
Joined: 5/28/2005
Msg: 46
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Beauty in the eye of the beholder
Posted: 9/10/2005 9:40:03 PM
laverboy have you read msg 33. He had a very explosive nature. None of us crossed him in any way, shape or form. If that was love. It was shown weird. That is not what this thread is about tho. You are right I knew him best and trust me when I say he was explosive. If and when I ever find someone I hope he is gentle with me. I hate anger.
 sleepless_in_Newmarket
Joined: 7/18/2005
Msg: 47
Beauty in the eye of the beholder
Posted: 9/11/2005 6:02:39 AM
Being explosive is not the same as not loving you. That was not the point of your thread, anyway. You asked a simple question, he gave a simple, honest answer - that may not have been to your liking. There is no crime in that. Forget about it, and let the guy rest in peace.
 ladypagey
Joined: 5/28/2005
Msg: 48
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Beauty in the eye of the beholder
Posted: 9/11/2005 10:10:25 AM
He loved a woman 20 years older than himself . He loved her through most of our marriage. Let him rest in peace. What I am asking is beauty in the eye of the beholder and if so how do I move onward with my life? So the healing in my own life can happen.
 Sparx1_1
Joined: 6/18/2005
Msg: 49
Beauty in the eye of the beholder
Posted: 9/11/2005 10:18:46 AM
There's a saying, "One mans trash is another mans treasure."

That same thing can be applied to looks. One may think of certain feature(s) or quality(s) as unattractive, but, there will always be another who thinks it is the best thing about you.
 ladypagey
Joined: 5/28/2005
Msg: 50
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Beauty in the eye of the beholder
Posted: 9/11/2005 9:40:50 PM
Each of you that have posted me so far have a place in my heart forever. I love each of you with a purity for caring enough to open up and share from deep within your thoughts and ideas about my issue. You are there for me and that is what counts. As Laverboy said maybe I did not like my husband's answer but it was his answer. Someone will consider attractive enough to be with and share my life. I will continue to read each post as it comes in.
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