| JOKES!!! Men vs. Women...Let The Bloodbath Begin!!!
Posted: 4/3/2006 9:31:42 PM | I've posted quite a few man bashing posts. I got this one about how men strike back!
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.
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Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine
will probably never be able to support you.
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Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows
them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
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How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..."
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How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
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Why do men fart more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to
build up the required pressure.
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If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is
yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
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What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told.
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I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
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Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes
a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
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Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
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Women will never be equal to men until they can
walk down the street with a bald head and a beer
gut, and still think they are sexy.
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In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
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| JOKES!!! Men vs. Women...Let The Bloodbath Begin!!!
Posted: 4/4/2006 6:01:12 PM | The Top 10 reasons why a handgun is better than a woman
#10 - You can trade an old .44 for two new .22s.
#9 - You can keep one handgun at home and have another for
when you're on the road.
#8 - If you admire a friend's handgun, and tell him so, he
will probably let you try it out a few times.
#7 - Your primary handgun doesn't mind if you have a
backup.
#6 - Your handgun will stay with you even if you're out of
ammo.
#5 - A handgun doesn't take up a lot of closet space.
#4 - Handguns function normally every day of the month.
#3 - A handgun doesn't ask "Do these new grips make me look
fat?"
#2 - A handgun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you
use it.
AND THE NUMBER ONE WAY THAT A HANDGUN IS BETTER THAN A
WOMAN . . . You can buy a silencer for a handgun. | |
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| JOKES!!! Men vs. Women...Let The Bloodbath Begin!!!
Posted: 4/4/2006 6:14:35 PM | When God made man,
he made him out of string.
He had a little left,
so he left a little thing.
When God made woman,
he made her out of lace.
He didn't have enough,
so he left a little space.
Why does the bride always wear white?
Because the dishwasher should match the stove and refrigerator.
** The last 10 things any woman would ever say
10. Could our relationship be more physical? I'm tired of just being friends.
9. Go ahead and leave the seat up, it's easier for me to douche that way.
8. I think hairy butts are really sexy
7. Hey, get a whiff of that one.
6. Please don't throw that old t-shirt away, the holes in the armpits are just too cute.
5. This diamond is way to big.
4. I don't even wanna put my lips on that thing unless I get to swallow.
3. Wow, it really is 14 inches!
2. Does this make my butt look too small?
1. I'm wrong, you must be right again. | |
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| JOKES!!! Men vs. Women...Let The Bloodbath Begin!!!
Posted: 4/5/2006 4:58:58 PM | Blonde lady was hired to paint dotted lanes on new road. Boss says to her to do as much as she can.
First day on job, she did 5 km of road. Boss's very impressed.
Second day on job, she only did 3.5 km of road. Boss figures she's tired from yesterday.
Third day on job, she does one km of road. Boss has enough and asks her why does she do less on each day?
Blonde replies, "each time, it gets further and further for me to dip the paintcan then go back to paint it"
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| JOKES!!! Men vs. Women...Let The Bloodbath Begin!!!
Posted: 4/5/2006 5:52:14 PM | Okay Ladies, this is just a joke, don't take it personally.
Q: Why do all Brides wear white?
A: So they match the rest of the appliances
Q: What is the difference between a Blonde and a mosquito?
A: The Mosquito stops sucking when you smack it.
Q: Why did the Woman cross the road?
A: Never mind that, what is she doing out of the kitchen?
If I ever get married again I want a woman who is a great cook, makes a lot of money, likes to clean, loves having sex and lastly I hope that these women never meet. | |
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| JOKES!!! Men vs. Women...Let The Bloodbath Begin!!!
Posted: 4/5/2006 7:57:18 PM | OK.... here's a couple good ones for ya...
Why do women have more hemorroids than men?
Cuz when God made man he made him a perfect ***hole.
Why do women wear black negligees to bed?
To mourn off the dead pricks beside them. | |
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| JOKES!!! Men vs. Women...Let The Bloodbath Begin!!!
Posted: 4/10/2006 12:26:41 AM | Guy story...
I got a phone call from a gorgeous ex-girlfriend the other day. We
lost track of time, chatting about the wild, romantic nights we used to
enjoy together. I couldn't believe it when she asked if I'd be
interested in meeting up and rekindling a little of that "magic."
Wow!" I said. "I don't know if I could keep pace with you now. I'm
a bit older and a bit balder than when you last saw me!"
She just giggled and said she was sure I'd "rise" to the
challenge.
"Yeah" I said, "just so long as you don't mind a man with a
waistline that's a few inches wider these days!"
She laughed and told me to stop being so silly. She teased me,
saying that tubby, bald men were cute, and she was sure I would still be a
great lover.
"Anyway," she giggled, "I've put on a few pounds myself!"
So I told her to f.uck off. | |
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| JOKES!!! Men vs. Women...Let The Bloodbath Begin!!!
Posted: 4/10/2006 3:04:38 AM | Ok here goes .....
A man enters the piano lounge in the lobby of the hotel he just checked into and accidentally rubs his elbow against a woman's breast on the way in.
She looks at him in shock and he states to her,
"I did not mean to bump into you my dear lady - if your heart is as soft as your breast you will forgive me the error"
The woman thinks for a split second and replies with a smile on her face,
"If your****is as hard as your elbow - meet me upstairs in 5 minutes"!!!
Ladies ... what do you do when your man staggers across the driveway at 4 am, holding his head and making inaudible noises?
SHOOT HIM AGAIN!!!!! | |
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| JOKES!!! Men vs. Women...Let The Bloodbath Begin!!!
Posted: 4/10/2006 9:26:05 PM | IF you have a closet just for shoes you might be a woman....
If anyone's had to plead with you to get out of the bathroom...you might be a woman.
if you can talk a cop out of giving you a ticket, you might be a woman.
sorry for the lame rip-off its the best I could come up with.
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Gremmy
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Joined: 5/28/2005
Msg: 94 | |
| JOKES!!! Men vs. Women...Let The Bloodbath Begin!!!
Posted: 4/11/2006 6:33:38 PM | CLASSES FOR MEN AT THE
LEARNING CENTER FOR MALE ADULTS
REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED BY Thursday, April 13, 2006 in order
to qualify as a candidate for the Good Friday, April 14, 2006 starting
classes.
NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL
OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS
MAXIMUM. ALL CLASSES ARE FREE IF AN ACCEPTABLE GRADE IS ACHIEVED AND
$1000 EACH IF NOT.
Class 1
How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays --- Step by Step, with Slide
Presentation.
Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.
Class 2
The Toilet Paper Roll --- Does It Change Itself?
Round Table Discussion.
Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours.
Class 3
Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and
Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub? --- Group Practice.
Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 4
Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor ---
Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.
Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.
Class 5
After Dinner Dishes --- Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?
Examples on Video.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning
at 7:00 PM
Class 6
Loss Of Identity --- Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.
Help Line Support and Support Groups.
Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM
Class 7
Learning! How To Find Things --- Starting With Looking In The Right
Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.
Open Forum .
Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.
Class 8
Health Watch --- Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.
Graphics and Audio Tapes.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 9
Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost --- Real Life Testimonials.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined.
Class 10
Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?
Driving Simulations.
4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours.
Class 11
Learning to Live --- Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.
Online Classes and role-playing .
Tuesdays at 7:00 P! M, location to be determined
Class 12
How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion
Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.
Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM
Class 13
How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy --- Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries
and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.
Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.
Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.
Class 14
The Stove/Oven --- What It Is and How It Is Used.
Live Demonstration.
Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.
Upon completion of any of the above courses,
diplomas will be issued to the survivors. | |
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toutou
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Joined: 4/15/2006
Msg: 96 | |
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| JOKES!!! Men vs. Women...Let The Bloodbath Begin!!!
Posted: 9/8/2006 2:19:49 PM | **THE TOP TEN REASONS GOD MADE WOMEN**
10. God worried that Adam would be lost in the Garden of Eden because he wouldn't ask for directions.
9. God knew that someday Adam would need someone to hand him the TV remote. (Parenthetically, it has been noted that men don't want to see what's ON TV; they want to see WHAT ELSE is on.)
8. God knew that Adam would never make a doctor's appointment.
7. God knew that when Adam's fig leaf wore out, he would never buy a new one for himself.
6. God knew that Adam would not remember to take out the garbage.
5. God wanted man to be fruitful and multiply, but he knew Adam would never be able to handle labor pains and childbirth.
4. As "keeper of the garden," Adam would need help in finding his tools.
3. Adam needed someone to blame for the Apple Incident, and for anything else that was really his fault.
2. As the Bible says: "It is not good for man to be alone."
And the No. 1 reason of all . . .
God stepped back, looked at Adam, and declared: "I can do better than that." | |
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| JOKES!!! Men vs. Women...Let The Bloodbath Begin!!!
Posted: 9/11/2006 10:41:15 PM | god said, Adam i can make you the perfect companion, she will cook, clean, pleasure you as you need pleasuring and make your life perfect she will be faithful and loving always.
However she will be costing you an arm a leg and your left testicle.
Adam considered for a moment, and asked God... 'what can i get for a rib?' | |
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