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| JOKES!!! Men vs. Women...Let The Bloodbath Begin!!!
Posted: 10/1/2006 2:39:32 PM | Woman - A Chemical Analysis
Element: Woman
Symbol: Wo
Discoverer: Adam
Atomic Mass: Accepted at 53.6 kb, but known to vary from 40-200kg
Occurrences: Copious quantities in all urban areas.
Physical Properties:
1. Surface usually covered in painted film
2. Boils at nothing; freezes without known reason
3. Melts if given special treatment.
4. Bitter is incorrectly used.
5. Found in various states from virgin metal to common ore.
6. Yields if pressure applied in correct places.
Chemical Properties:
1. Has great affinity for gold, silver, and a range of precious stones.
2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
3. May explode spontaneously without prior warning and for no known reason.
4. Insoluble in liquids, but activity increase greatly by saturation in alcohol.
5. Most powerful money reducing agent known to man.
Common Uses:
1.. Highly Ornamental, especially in sports cars.
2.. Can be a great aid to relaxation.
3.. Very effective cleaning agent.
Tests:
1. Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in the natural state.
2. Turns green when placed beside a better specimen.
Hazards:
1. Highy dangerous except in experienced hands.
2. Illegal to possess more than one, although several can be maintained at different locations as long as specimens do not come into direct contact with each other.
3. Should you experience itching, burning or rash, discontinue use immediately and seek medical treatment. | |
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| JOKES!!! Men vs. Women...Let The Bloodbath Begin!!!
Posted: 10/1/2006 4:58:12 PM | How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when SHE brings it.
Why is a laundromat a bad place to pick up a woman?
because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me...".
How do you fix a womans watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
Why do men fart more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the required pressure.
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
What's worst than a Male Chauvanist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told.
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a wedding cake.
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy. | |
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