| Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 2/18/2009 7:19:03 PM | | No offense, but women are extremely picky when it comes to men. The men they do pick tend to be ones that other women are likely to want as well. So, don't be surprised if an affair blooms at some point. | |
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| Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 2/18/2009 7:39:10 PM | Low self esteem and fear. They fear losing their virility, even in their twenties. Guys are no different than women in this sense. If a large part of their self esteem has been the conquest of females, then they have to continue to bolster their flagging ego's.
Women, on the other hand, who have been taught that their value and self esteem is based on their good looks, will do just about anything to stay beautiful.
You can't blame anyone. It happens because people are sick. That's why I look for a man who is alpha and knows himself, who is comfortable in his sexuality and who is crazy for me. | |
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| Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 2/18/2009 7:43:39 PM |
(Msg 597) Well tell that to Shania Twain. I mean, what man as homely as Mutt Lange would give up that beauty for Marie Ann Thiebaud?
Hey, Rose. How ya doing? I see you're still looking absolutely radiant! 
As for why a guy would leave Ms. Twain that is the great question. I imagine there must be a good answer, as well, but we'll probably never hear the truth.
(Msg 599) “The Truth About Cheating” (Gary Neuman). He's convinced and convinced me, that the cliche "it's about the sex" isn't the truth. It's also interesting that those he interviewed all agreed that often times the mistress wasn't as attractive or more attractive than their spouse.
If it was about feeling wanted and feeling important and all this other "emotional" stuff why do the "other women" (OW) say they feel used because the man never takes them anywhere? Why do they say he just drops by for sex?
If an affair is the emotional thing Mr. Neuman believes is the truth the men are telling him why aren't the men doing things with those OW besides bedding them? Movies, dinner, outings....why does the guy just drop by for sex?
Why do people constantly warn the OW that the guy will never leave his family if he is so emotionally attached to her? Why, when found out, the guy almost always wants to drop the OW and stay with his wife if the OW is such an emotional comfort?
Sorry but I don't believe it. The guy invariably says he felt shut out, not appreciated. The poor boy. What is he going to say to his wife if he has any hope of reconciliation; "Honey, your lousy in bed and our sex life stinks?" 
Why do guys not care if the OW is not as good looking as his wife? Because they are not going to be looking at them for any length of time.
After reading the full 11 pages of the Oprah link you posted Mr. Gary Neuman finally nails the point. (Pardon the pun.)
"In his research, Gary uncovered the number one complaint cheating husbands have about their home sex lives. "Believe it or not, the majority say it's frequency of sex," he says.
He says he finds this surprising because so much media targeted to women try to stoke other worries. "Women's magazines make women believe that they have to have a PhD in prostitution education or else the husband's going to cheat," he says. "It's just a matter of frequency." http://www.oprah.com/slideshow/oprahshow/20080827_tows_cheating/11
YES! YES! YES! It's a matter of frequency. It took him 11 pages to spit out those five words! That's the complaint and that's the reason for affairs.
That's why, as many here may be aware, I frequently state the importance of sex because, as Gary accurately states, it's all about frequency. It doesn't have to be a candle lit, romantic music, mind blowing occasion.
JUST DO IT! 
P.S. I just noticed my sweety headed to bed. In the words of Bugs Bunny, "That's all folks!" | |
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| Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 2/18/2009 8:01:31 PM | I know it takes a certain type of person to cheat, but who are these people......
my ex .....lol he cheated on the women he claimed to be the love of his life.....when with me he rejoined match.com and admitted, when i finished with him, he had considered having an affair but hadn't because he respected me to much.....bullshit...he just needed so much attention.. like me she had a life outside of his box she had children and a degree to do so he got less attention...i had family and masses of friends and a career...in our first few months he was fab whilst we were in that loved up stuck like glue stage but when i wanted time to keep fit or see my friends he could not stand not being the center of my universe so the chatting to other women was his first stage ...he would have i just know it had time been on his side....! | |
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| Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 2/18/2009 8:31:43 PM | | Speaking from experience......He was married, I was not. So, why did HE cheat?? Can't answer that. Why did I cheat with him---he was sexier than a crocheted bedpan!!! Maybe it was the thrill of not not getting caught/getting away with it/secret sin.....maybe because I convinced myself that of all the "not married" women he could have chosen to cheat with, he chose me, so that made me "special"......maybe all of the above -- or maybe none of the above. I can tell you it WASN'T because the grass was greener theory....because one thing I did learn....the grass may be greener on the other side of the fence......but you gotta mow that mf too! | |
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| Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 2/18/2009 8:35:45 PM |
I read a study that said, in the majority of extramarital affairs, the *other woman* was generally considered less attractive that the wife by other people (including the cheater.)
This may be true. But among the men I know that had cheated on their wife / girlfriend, the "other woman" was usually better looking. | |
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| Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 2/18/2009 8:44:06 PM | I personally am confused....so here's a senario for you all to comment on........true tho
Guy... good lucking, well endowed all the women fall for his charms marries local girl after he bedded all local girls...!! claims didn't love her and wanted to call wedding off but family talk him out of that and he goes ahead......two children later he claims he didn't want.." should of used a condom then m8 I say...!!" he's tied down and working hard then bang business takes of, long hrs pay off he's loaded...big country house , porsche, ferrari the works......
Wife has an affair with accountant ..he working long hrs to pay for all ,she feels neglected ...whoo hoo it happens...she's leaving taking kids with her, he begs her to stay doesn't want to now be laughing stock after being envied by all...........!!
months later whilst still realing from all this and wife agreed to stay and finally called her affair off he meets someone else falls in love starts his own affair....next 5yrs he spends alot a time abroad with this person and finally two years ago files for divorce but him and mistress go seperate ways because he wont commit till divorce deal done too much to loose....in this time of being single he meets girl two who he falls in love with more than anyone in his whole life but they only last few mths but remain close and sometimes very close when they both single.....
3-4 mths ago girl one turns up on doorstep day divorce is settled with 5yr old child...hi hun meet your son whom he never met or knew about.....within month they are happy and loved up again and all living like family...ex wife has new partner lifes great....................!!
plenty of money...loving all singing/ dancing /shagging /cooking/love of his life lady at home , kids all get on...perfect.......
so last week why go back to girl two and sleep with her....................................!!!
WHY WAS THERE NEED TO CHEAT ON GIRL ONE AFTER WAITING FOR FIVE YEARS TO BE TOGETHER......!! | |
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| Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 2/19/2009 12:42:51 PM | | I would think the reason ANYONE would have an affair is that there is something severely lacking in their relationship. | |
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| Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 2/19/2009 12:53:37 PM |
WHY WAS THERE NEED TO CHEAT ON GIRL ONE AFTER WAITING FOR FIVE YEARS TO BE TOGETHER......!! because some people just need strange. or, they have huge hearts that can hold a number of people in them at the same time. or, They are decendants of *King Solomon and God granted him the powers to satisfy them (he is, afterall the fruit of his decendant father's loins) ~ but society/law won't allow him to marry them all.
*According to 1 Kings 11:3 Solomon had seven hundred wives and three hundred concubines
~sounds as good as any other explanation of why men have affairs to me~ | |
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| Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 2/19/2009 2:37:27 PM | | i don't think this behavior relates to gender...i think in this day and age women are as likely as men to cheat...so "why"? there is no single why...but if i could offer a general proposition, it is because it is a loveless relationship, and occasionally the one who most wants out does it to sabotage the relationship, because he or she lacks the courage to say "i want out" | |
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| Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 2/19/2009 2:41:46 PM | Oprah had a Psychologist that explained that men and women have affairs not out of a sexual need but out of an emotional need.......
My thoughts always were that when you are missing something at home is why you go out and find it somewhere else.....and I dont know the stats but a good guess for me would be that most affairs start in the work place because I believe most of us spend more time with our coworkers then we do with our families........JMO  | |
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| Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 7/17/2009 8:45:35 AM | | Both men and women have affairs and the reason (I believe) is that the marriage lost its "luster" and one partner feels unappreciated of deprived. The neglected partner usually has an affair to feel appreciated emotionally and sexually. So if you do not want your partner to stray from you, keep the sex life alive, don't be a nag & try to work out your marital issues when they first appear. | |
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| Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 7/17/2009 10:48:45 AM | | They have affairs because in the affair they have a sexual relationship without any strings or responsibilities and that is very intriquing. They might be tired of the same old same old sex that they have had with a spouse for years, the new person might be different or better to them as far as sex is concerned. They are not attracted sexually or physically to the spouse and the person they have the affair with turns them on sexually ( I have been approached by two married men as far as them wanting to have affairs with me, and both said that my personality and appearance was nothing at all like their spouses, who of course were no good in bed and did not like sex..... I could be no good in bed and not like sex (not true), but they both said they knew I would be dynamite in bed since I have a strong personality and am busty and plump ( all women who do not have strong personalities who are small chested and average are bad in bed?)........flattery does not go far with me at times, especially coming from a married horn dog......all that wasted breath trying to manipulate me with dumb lines.....some people honestly fall in love with and marry the woman or man with whom they have an affair. I would possibly wonder if he would leave me for another woman, but then he could wonder the same thing about me if I was the fooling around with married men type. | |
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| Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 7/17/2009 11:09:54 AM | | I believe men have affairs because A. They are fundamentally immature and B. They are inherently GREEDY and want the cream cake, for sure, but they also want the chocolate cake too and can see no reason why they shouldnt have both. They lack any real feeling and have no dignity or self respect and certainly no respect for their original 'partner'. This kind of stunted growth and lack of morality is unfortunately rife in society today and the women have succumbed to the belief that if you cant beat them you might as well join them. But unfaithfulness by either men or women is harmful and is merely people looking for happiness in the wrong way. Some men see nothing wrong with having an affair or even countless affairs and thats fine as long as their partner accepts it and doesnt find its a betrayal but what really annoys me is when people pretend they are faithful and tell so many lies to cover their seedy needs and desires. They have no right to misrepresent who they are in such a way and it is not forgivable and nor should it be forgiven. They need to stand up and be men and if they want a different partner every week, month or year then they should have the balls to admit it and deal with the consequences. | |
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| Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 7/17/2009 11:13:38 AM | .
For the same reasons as women, well, this woman. Change the gender in this quote and it would apply equally to me.
What's the number one reason men cheat? Ninety-two percent of men said it wasn't primarily about the sex. "The majority said it was an emotional disconnection, specifically a sense of feeling underappreciated. A lack of thoughtful gestures," Gary says. "Men are very emotional beings. They just don't look like that. Or they don't seem like that. Or they don't tell you that."
Exactly!
I would think the reason ANYONE would have an affair is that there is something severely lacking in their relationship.
Namaste,
Ginny
 
My usual caviat; My quotes are because something said resonates with me, and in no way suggests that the quoted believes as or apporves of issues as I do.
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| Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 7/17/2009 1:14:18 PM | because his needs arent being met at home..he may be bored...or he just might like a little action on the side...not getting caught..is the tricky part.. | |
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Spyatu
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Joined: 6/22/2005
Msg: 617 | |
| Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 7/17/2009 1:15:30 PM | Affairs come into a relationship for only one reason, the "New" partner does what the "current partner" use to do. | |
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| Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 7/17/2009 2:01:29 PM | | Sad they do not have enough balls to end the relationship they are in before jumping into another one. Insecure and have to have a standby! | |
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| Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 7/17/2009 2:28:40 PM | 25 pages of the same crap.....men and women have a choice, bang anybody you want without "love" or get committed, recieve "love" and only have sex with the same person the rest of your life, and while you're at it, gouge your eyes out before you look at somebody else attractive, or get alternative desires, because "society" and "religion" disagrees with the way you naturally feel. Lets also throw into the mix, menopause or his medical condition, and er I guess we will abstain and be faithful to the rotten end.
Even if you disagree, isn't it cool how I didn't blame either sex! | |
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| Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 7/17/2009 2:40:35 PM | Why do WOMEN have affairs?
A number of different reasons...none of them worthwhile.
If you aren't happy in the relationship...fix it or end it.
If you ARE happy...but you are still cheating...go see a counselor.
You need help. | |
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| Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 7/17/2009 5:12:06 PM | | This guy once said to me ......"Every man would cheat, if he knew for sure he wouldn't get cought".....Don't know if I totally agree with "every" but I am sure a great deal of men would. | |
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| Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 7/17/2009 11:23:43 PM | | I am thinking happens for a couple of reasons. One is that we act on our feelings of attraction. We talk to someone mayhaps about personal things and we are not judged, put down or criticised. There is acceptance and attention being paid to us. Effectively, nurturing, I would suggest. An emotional bond is made. There are no real life issues getting in the way of the feeling of attraction. Our spirit is freed. Then if the partner is willing we choose to carry it further. It does boil down to a choice though. | |
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| Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 7/17/2009 11:26:23 PM | | Simple...their sex lives get boring and they get bored with their partner! | |
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