| Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 8/8/2009 1:11:43 PM | | oops!.....affairs, sorry. : ) I wasn't paying close attention to the wording. | |
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| Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 8/8/2009 1:48:11 PM |
Because you ladies let them. Do not have affairs with attached males....Or maybe some are just lousy and boring in bed
So the cheating person, in your estimation, has no responsibility for their actions??? .... it is all because their partners "let them"???.... or because they are having an affair with an attached person???.... or because their partner is lousy and boring in bed???
PLEEEEZZZZZ.... get your head out of the sand... if someone cheats, whether they are male or female, it is not because their partner is "letting them".... or because they can find someone to have an affair with them.... or because their partner is lousy in bed.
It is because they chose to not fix what is wrong with their relationship... and if it is not repairable, you leave first, then find a new partner. Stop transferring the blame outside of the cheater.... we are all responsible for our own actions. | |
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| Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 8/8/2009 7:05:52 PM | Why men have affairs? They are not satisfied with their current relationship. I know that is not an excuse to have an affair. At least if a man is not content the least he could do is break off the relationship instead of cheating. But unfortunately, the wrong head is always thinking in this matter or merely they are just totally and completely a bunch of dishonest men. Most men are, there are still good ones out there....
Speaking from an experience is all. (my ex and best friend...go figure that) | |
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| Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 8/8/2009 8:42:22 PM | Most definitions of "cheating" within a relationship appear to be about whether the "other" is having sex outside of the marriage/exclusive relationship, ie an affair. I define "cheating" more broadly ... "To violate rules deliberately ... ".
Why do I define cheating in a relationship in this way? ... because I think each of us (male or female) is different. We each have different needs; we each have a different sense of what is "betrayal" and what is not; we each define a "relationship" (whether friends, spouses, exclusive, FWB, FB, etc) differently. In my mind, those differences are only bridged with communication and part of that communication is about the "rules of engagement" ... my expectations, my partner's expectations, my needs/wants, and my partner's needs/wants. I'm not much interested in society's rules for marriage, dating, friendships, etc.
Personally I might not care if my SO goes out and has sex with another woman, has female friends ... meets his "needs" with someone other than myself. The flip side to that is that I believe I have the same "rights". But, to me, there are responsibilities in exercising those rights and that's where the rules of engagement act as boundaries as well as offering both partners freedom of choice.
I want the right to information/communication about what my SO's needs are and which of those needs the relationship is not meeting or which of those needs I'm not meeting. I'd even appreciate information about how those needs could be better met outside of the relationship. But, most of all, I want the opportunity to determine whether I want to meet those needs, whether I can meet those needs, and how I feel about going outside the relationship to meet those needs.
Ultimately, I want a choice ... an informed choice ... a partner who can articulate needs and their personal relative value so I'm left in little doubt about what my partner wants, desires, and needs. I see that as necessary ... openness, honesty, responsibility resulting in a relationship that respects both partners.
... and ... I would agree people have affairs/cheat ... I don't think it's gender-specific! | |
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| Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 8/8/2009 8:51:31 PM | | ~4 years, 663 posts on 27 pages, countless other "cheating" threads, and we're still having this discussion? | |
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| Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 8/8/2009 9:34:13 PM | Emotional affairs are worse than sexual affairs.
Personally I think anyone that doesn't leave their spouse before they start hanging out with or screwing someone else, they are nuts. It hurts every aspect of their life and their is NEVER a good reason. | |
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| Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 8/8/2009 9:37:14 PM | | People have affairs because they aren't being fulfilled, love the challenge, they CAN and WANT to! | |
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| Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 8/8/2009 11:14:27 PM |
I am interested in the Psychology of why a man needs to have an affair?
Why the hell are you so sexist?
No one "needs" to have an affair, and women have affairs too. You're not an angel. | |
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| Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 8/8/2009 11:50:48 PM | LOL
The person above me is awesome. stole the words right out of my mouth.  | |
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| Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 8/9/2009 12:27:26 AM | Men & Women are much like bulls & cows. The grass is always greener on the other side.   | |
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| Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 8/9/2009 2:55:17 AM | Reckless: No one said anyone was "perfect". If you stopped sucking up to the women with the whole "white knight" routine and actually read you'd see that. Don't say you aren't doing it either becuase there was an entire article about men cheating and a lot of man bashing and I didn't read any posts where you were bothering to defend men AT ALL. You should grow a set because the whole "quote then make a ridiculous zinger" routine is getting old fast.
^^another Piss poor deflection as always, but a refreshing pleasure in your similar manner to see your spin on yet another one of your fairy tales. If you are going to flame me you need more lessons. as far as growing a set the only zinger here will be you when you end up in my bytch stall.
You were fanboying bandito pretty hard I was just taking notice. I do not need lessons from you to realize that men are pigs. | |
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| Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 8/9/2009 3:16:46 AM | | I tend to think women who have an affair with married men do for 2 reasons , one is forbidden fruit and the other is , no committment . And we thought it was men who were only committment phobics . But ye , it does take two to tango | |
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| Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 8/9/2009 3:37:07 AM | Men have affairs because they don't have the understanding in their relationship that they seek.
If they gain that understanding from another female they will lean on that woman for the fufillment they want from their girlfriend.
This then creates an affair as they do not want the woman they are sleeping with. However. The fact that they have found an understanding with this other woman gives the man some hope that a woman can understand him in the way he needs.
He then waits for the woman he loves to get to the level of the woman he is seeing who is giving him this missing 20%
If this 20% is not filled by the woman he loves and this other woman is giving him this... Eventually she will have the power to take him as she was not only his lover but his friend on their time spent regardless of the sex.
Men have affairs as they do not have a friend in their girlfriend. Which gives that man respect for the woman he is exclusive to...
If this friendship in the relationship breaks down and the talking stops alongside the understanding. Before long an affair with someone else well may be in the pipeline.
Men will always be men. They want to be respected and cared for and ultimately look after their woman....
A Woman that overdoses on their destiny's chils pill and acts overly independent, portraying that they do not need their man, judges and overly complains... Will eventually create a man to seek that feeling of being a man and all the traits that is part and parcel.
A smart girl will see this and if that's the man she wants. She will fill them holes and yes your man will be having an affair.
Its not about the sex.
This is what I think anyhow.... ;) | |
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| Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 8/9/2009 3:55:15 AM | | I wish I knew. My Ex would go over seas every year with another friend and they would hook up with thai girls for 2 days. Personally i think my boyfriend had a problem with intimacy. He just loved being naughty with other women. We didnt have a physical problem. Although he wasnt very romantic either. | |
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| Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 8/9/2009 4:55:01 AM | For the same reason women do.
Do affairs always mean there is sex involved? Lack of attention would be my number one reason why. | |
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| Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 8/9/2009 5:16:52 AM | yeah yeah yeah,
No one on here has ever cheated, we are all frikken saints, blah blah blah.
But people cheat when they are denied affection, sexual gratification and love from their partner many times. Sometimes in a relationship, you love her/him with all of your heart, but for some reason, they just can't or won't express themselves physically to you. They don't like it, or refuse to give you affection. You need it, crave it, and it makes you feel horrible that the one person in the world that you love the most doesn't want you physically.
So you walk around wondering what it is about you that makes you undesireanble.
Then some hot guy/girl happens along and tells you how nice you look. Tells you how good you smell. Tells you how sexy you are. And you don't feel so bad. It doesn't mean you don't love your wife or husband, it just means that this new person is boosting that part of you that has been neglected for so long...you are hungry, starving, and they are feeding you.
Almost without a will of your own, you are led down the path to infidelity. It takes a very strong person to say no to this. It is hard for a starving man or woman to say no to a home cooked gourmet meal.
So I tell you all this, as a warning. When your partner wants affection, even if you are not in the mood, or maybe you are a little grumpy, give a little, hold her, or him. Make love on that morning and be a little late to work, it's not going to end the world, but it may save your marriage. Because you never know who's coming around that corner with a sweet smile and swinging hips to take him away. And as for the men, a little romance goes a long way, kiss her and hold her when she comes to you, come up behind her when she's cooking and kiss the back of her neck and tell her she smells delicious. She'll carry that memory for days, and it will ward off any office romeo better than garlic to a vampire.
Just a little advice here.
Beth | |
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| Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 8/9/2009 8:29:03 AM | | Reckless: Yet another attempt by you to avoid the truth with an immature attempt at a humorous comment. If you could make your observations like an adult rather than a six year old they may be worth taking into account. As it stands now, almost every post I've seen just basically tries to ridicule someone with no real intelligent comments. At least if you're going to start something you could do it with a little more heart. If agreeing with one comment is "fanboying hard" (yet another childish term) then I guess everyone's a "fanboy" in here. Why are you calling men pigs? That's a really disgusting thing to say. Do you have some sort of self loathing problem? Pigs come in both sexes. I'm sure you'll have a very entertaining "look how clever I am" useless comeback to the points I've made. Don't forget the little sleepy emoticon to show how superior you are. Not quite superior enough to stay out of the forums making useless comments though. What a complete joke. | |
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| Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 8/9/2009 9:07:51 AM | Oh yeah, and if your husband or wife screams at you constantly, make sure you give them lots of attention because they might have an affair because you aren't giving them attention...what a crock of crap.
People have affairs because they are selfish. They can't see beyond their own needs and wants. They want it all and don't give a fart who they hurt, they are so stupid as to think that it won't hurt anyone else. They actually believe the other person's lies. They want to think that they are all that and the spouse is a jerk etc.
Get a freaking divorce and then screw around or have female/male friends. You are only fooling yourself if you mess around with someone married. You think you know what is going on in the relationship, you don't know the truth only what the other person tells you. They tell you that crap to get you to give them the attention they want and then they go home to abuse their mate. | |
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| Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 8/9/2009 3:21:10 PM | Bandito.
All I ment was I thought you were laying it on a little thick.
<div class='quote'> I'm sure you'll have a very entertaining "look how clever I am" useless comeback to the points I've made. Don't forget the little sleepy emoticon to show how superior you are. Not quite superior enough to stay out of the forums making useless comments though. What a complete joke.
CW I'd rather be a smart as.s........................than a dumb chit. | |
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| Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 8/9/2009 4:10:52 PM | | Wow. A childish name calling comeback. You really got me with that one. Woe is me. How will I ever live this one down? There is a bit of truth to it, though considering I keep responding to your posts. I seriously HATE phony jerks like you. The fact you're sucking up oxygen from people who could use it totally repulses me more than I can express. | |
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| Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 8/9/2009 10:12:02 PM | | The older I get, and the wider my circle of friends and acquaintances becomes, the more cheaters I meet. The female ones I know tend to cheat with one person and sometimes it lasts a long time. IMO, they seem to take more risks than the men do. Maybe they want to get caught and force a confrontation. The male cheaters I know seem to cheat with more partners than the women do. One guy at my work will **** anything that moves, and everybody but his wife seems to know it. I have never cheated, and as far as I know no-one has cheated on me since my first bf in high school, who cheated with one of my best friends. I think most people who cheat do it to numb the boredom of bad marriages. | |
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| Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 8/9/2009 10:41:05 PM | "I think most people who cheat do it to numb the boredom of bad marriages."
I don't condone itbut I sure agree with that statement, and will add a little more to it as well. Even though they may enjoy their spouse, something new is nice once in awhile as well, and if the opportunity knocks, the door will most definitely open | |
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| Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 8/9/2009 10:54:15 PM | | I have something to tell you thread. You've gotten too old and I'm leaving your for a younger thread, "Let's Get Naked," in the Over 45 section. I'm also buying a red sportscar and a new toupee. Sorry. Best of luck in your new life. | |
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| Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 8/10/2009 6:53:00 PM | Id say men cheat because they are sexually attracted to the other person.
Its that simple. We hate to regret if we didnt do it..so, like Nike, we just do it!
 <---LoL | |
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| Why do men have affairs?
Posted: 8/10/2009 9:43:46 PM | Alison,
I think for the following reasons:
(1) They've become complacent & somewhat bored
(2) They drift into it (assuming it's their 1st affair...always easier to cross that line if you've done it once). Anyway, they start getting to know someone & they rationalize it's "just getting to know someone...as friends," they grow closer & they rationalize again, "we're just close friends," pretty soon it's really close friends and lots of good times together (rationalizing again), then it's a little "innocent" flirting & touching (rationalized away again), then it leads to a kiss (rationalized as "it's only a kiss..."), then it...well, continues step by little step and rationalizing the whole time...eventually becomes a full-blown affair
(3) these people may think they have strong values & limts, but they really don't
Anyway, there have been studies on the subject...you should look them up on the net...it's usually a combination of the above.
HTH! | |
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