Landra
| | Joined: 9/10/2007
Msg: 301 | |
| | WHY do men just disappear??Page 13 of 14 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14) | I talked to someone from out of town for about a month before we met.
We had a fun, happy date that lasted about 7 hours.
He asked me to call him the next day, after I got back home.
I did-- he was "busy" and said he'd call back a little later.
I waited a couple of days and called again.
He was "busy" and said he'd call back a little later.
His tone of voice was clearly "brush off" and that was that.
Months later-- 10--12 months-- he emailed a "hey how are you?" note.
I was friendly, and after a couple of emails, I asked why he had disappeared.
He told me he had been "kind of seeing someone" when we met and decided to pursue her (and not me). That relationship had ended and he asked if we could get together again.
I said no-- I didn't want to start again with someone who already dumped me once.
He said how sorry he was for his behavior, and said he regretted letting me go, saying he remembered me as being very fun, sweet and pretty (thanks but.. like it mattered?).
If he had told me at the time... "I liked meeting you but to tell ya the truth, I'm more interested in someone else" I would have wished him well, and possibly been open to seeing him again when he got back in touch. But because he wasn't able to be upfront, I couldn't trust him.
Being honest is respectful. It's disappointing, yes, but it's a clean break. You can make sense of it. A 10-word email is all it would have taken.
Disappearing is hurtful. It's painful, confusing, and the questions can linger for a long time, and often, so does the pain.
The irony was, we got along well but I don't think we were a love-match. But his disappearing made our friendship and connection seem meaningless and I think that's what hurt the most. | |
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| WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 2/11/2009 6:57:54 PM | The last two paragraphs really touched me I feel exactly the same right now and it hurts. Why not an email well I guess old saying Men are like buses take them for a ride and get a transfer another is around in 15min hard but maybe I will take comfort cause now I hurt. | |
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| WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 2/15/2009 8:17:33 PM | | I think people dissapear because they have another pan in the fire and they don't wanna close the door completely in case the one there more interested in doesn't pan out. Or they've been in a relationship the whole time and just looking for fun and don't want to admit they are players. Or they are just rude and can't be bothered to be upfront. I just don't get why the games. A lot of us are on here because we want too find someone special. But I find there's more that are just wasteing time and like too play. It's just a shame those ones tend too focus on the serious ones. We've gotten so blazey in the dateing scene esp. online dateing that we just seem too keep passing through people without a thought or a care. | |
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| WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 2/15/2009 8:45:51 PM | | You got that right. I'm only keeping my profile up on the off chance that there might actually be someone here for me. | |
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| WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 2/15/2009 8:54:59 PM | WHY do men just disappear??
Because they don't like us.  Happens to us all at one time or another. I learned not to expect anything from anyone until you live in the very same house ~ then they have to appear to either help you pack or to pack their own stuff.  | |
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zapped
| | Joined: 12/19/2008
Msg: 307 | |
| WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 2/15/2009 9:50:03 PM | IF a man disappeared on me--i let him disappear.If he has NO BALLS to tell me that he no longer wants to see me--ill finish it ..i will send a short message like IM or an email telling him:I dont want to see you nor contact me anymore.
Ill end it ,what he have started.
From there Ill save my self from humilation.
oh **** men who disappear--lol | |
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| WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 3/7/2009 8:00:20 PM | Just send them a nice lil message and tell them to grow up and grow a set. After all when it boils right down to it...their loss. At least that is my theory on the couple that have done it to me.
I just wish that people who don't have the cajones to say that they are no longer interested for whatever reason, get a taste of their own medicine. They more than deserve it. | |
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| WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 4/5/2009 3:09:49 PM | Well, I just had a similar circumstance which really disappointed me, but I can at least take comfort in knowing that i'm not the only one who had to go through this.
He contacted me, we sent a couple of emails back and forth, progressed to the phone. He seemed most interested, called every day; very sweet, sounded like we had a lot in common - he said how much he wanted to meet me and how wonderful I sounded... We talked about meeting a couple of times but i had had a minor surgery, then supposedly he was in a car accident with his brother. After 2 weeks of knowing each other on the phone we were finally supposed to meet. I had spoken to him earler that day and he was supposed to call back an hour later and that was the last i ever heard from him. When I tried to contact him by phone/email...he never responded and ignored any further attempt at communication. I also just wanted to know why? I just wanted the truth but alas, I guess this is just another coward. | |
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| WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 4/6/2009 1:27:08 PM | Petebradd, I'm glad you joined in! Personally I was getting tired of trying to dodge all the tear soaked Kleenex! 
Now I'll speak to all you women who are ragging on guys for doing the same thing that some of us have done repeadedly. Not me, of course, I'm perfect...
Seriously, there might be a very good reason he isn't calling or emailing anymore. Maybe he lost his computer and cell phone in a devistating fire or flood. Maybe he realized you weren't right for him. Maybe it's the distance between you, in this economy, that's a very real possibility. Maybe he's really married and his wife found out he was cruising for other women. Maybe to him your voice is worse than fingernails on a chalkboard. Maybe he realized how clingy you are!
There are no guarantees in life. No one has promised to be your BFF. So what? Enjoy the people who are into you and don't worry about the rest! If they decided that they weren't right for you, maybe it's the best thing that could have happened to you. At least you found out before you had a chance to fall for the guy.
I know you think you would much rather know the truth, but think about it for a minute. If a guy did tell you that he doesn't date women who look like you, act like you or talk like you, would you believe him? We all know how precious we are, but even with that, some guys just aren't attracted to us, and that's ok!
Move on and find someone who can love you for the perky little ball of sunshine you really are. | |
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| WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 4/6/2009 5:35:53 PM | People, men and women, just disappear because they're afraid (barring catastrophic accident, of course). *What* are they afraid of? Only they know for sure. But I can tell you this: It takes more guts to come out and say how you're feeling, because it often means you have to deal with the other party's disappointment.
It reflects poorly on them, not you. | |
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| WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 4/6/2009 7:17:11 PM | They usually are talking to more women than just you . . . . I am not a stand out in the crowd kind of girl I like to know a man and him to get to know me. So usually fizzles when I refuse to be a pin cushion  | |
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| WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 4/6/2009 7:24:53 PM | I would like to know why they disappear when they say "they want to focus on only you" after one date (not a POF date). . . so I just went with it since nothing else is working and then I get told I am not swooning enough over a guy I dated one time!! ARGH!! Then he contacts me every 2 months asking to "hang out" . . .I am smart enough to know the possiblity does exist that this guy can't get laid and is trying to catch me in a weak moment . . . . idk what to think anymore
I think most men just say they want to see you again becuase hurts to be honest? I have no clue. I thought men liked a woman that did not stalk them  | |
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| WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 4/8/2009 3:54:26 AM | | I've had the same thing happen to me and I think it's just rude but apart from it being annoying especially when they are lovey dovey one night and then you never hear from them again. I just think it's their loss. | |
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| WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 4/8/2009 5:41:51 AM | Happened to me yesterday as a matter of fact.
When I looked in the mirror, I wasn't there. WTF? | |
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| WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 4/8/2009 7:44:07 AM | There are many reasons a man just disappears,
1) he just isn't into you
2) too busy and you are on hold
3) wants you to want him even more (absense makes the heart grow fonder)
4) he has a wife
5) he has many other chicks and you are on hold
6)he was caught by his wife playing on POF
7) he had a medical emergency
8) he died
9)......usually it's just the guys way of telling you he isn't interested. | |
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| WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 4/8/2009 7:52:38 AM | You forgot (10) He IS the Invisible Man 
I'm overtired I think.................LOL | |
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| WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 4/8/2009 9:09:54 AM | IF a man disappeared on me--i let him disappear.If he has NO BALLS to tell me that he no longer wants to see me--ill finish it ..i will send a short message like IM or an email telling him:I dont want to see you nor contact me anymore.
Ill end it ,what he have started.
From there Ill save my self from humilation.
oh **** men who disappear--lol
Amen! You are dead on with this reply!!! I went through this exact same thing recently with a person who told me he really liked me and then blew me off. He was soooo not worth it. I am better off losing him now than getting attached and being sorry later. | |
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| WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 4/8/2009 2:36:09 PM | | It's better to have them disappear after the first meet/date when there isn't much invested, than to have them do the poof thing after a dozen or so get togethers, it's a little harder to take it less personally at that point. | |
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| WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 4/8/2009 4:19:57 PM | better question...why do "people just disappear"? This problem is not gender specific!
 ...JMO | |
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| WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 4/13/2009 8:03:48 PM | Well said Judith, i have been on both sides of this situation and yes have been hurt and fear i may have hurt others but not once did i break a commitment or deceive anybody. Just didn't persue women who didn't seem keen or i didn't feel the right vibes for. The worst experience i have had was when i actually did sens a short email saying i didn't think we had a future as a couple. Both were agressive and judgemental in their replies and this from a few emails over a couple of weeks and no face to face. Its easier to avoid them than talk to some people but i'm sure their are plenty of players, liars and weirdos ( just not certain they are all male). Anyway the undertones od distrust and unrealistic expectations have put me off even trying to approach women who catch my eye or who i can relate to.
All i can say is don't sweat what you can't chaange and try to be nicer to people than is necessary and karma will repay you somehow ( not necessarily brad pitt delivered to your door) but maybe some nice ugly bloke will change your tyre for you !
Cheers, Andrew | |
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| WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 12/29/2010 11:45:51 AM | Thank you for your input, it is nice to hear from a guy's point of view. I agree with you that women do it also. So I don't think it is about being a guy or a gal, It is called "respect". I have had to end it with men.. I was not feeling a "connection" or " we did not have enough in common" not one got upset or chewed me out, actually they all thanked me for being a "lady" and showing respect. I have had my share of men doing the "houdini" act. and it is very disrespectful... some lame excuse that they don't want a psycho chick freaking out on them, so they think they are avoiding a scene. Everyone please think about having some class, and remember about Karma, it does come back to kick you in the butt. | |
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| WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 12/30/2010 5:01:21 AM | | Ya, pretty much in the "who cares" camp here too. Dang, don't have time to figure out someone else's neuroses. Have enough of my own. Next. | |
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