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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > WHY do men just disappear??      Home login  
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 redmamma
Joined: 7/2/2005
Msg: 26
WHY do men just disappear??Page 2 of 14    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)
wow Dee... what a wise man...
You know I have to say something because I did put my foot in my mouth earlier with my friend... Things are not always as they seem... And sometimes we all see things the way we want to see them.. I have had crappy things done to me in the past so therefore I look for them now... I assumed what I was feeling was accurate... I did not fathom all the things that could have been going on in someone else's world, because no matter how well you know someone, or not... you can never fully contemplate what is really going on in someone else's head or heart...
Feelings put people at a disadvantage sometimes... because they make us do stupid things... Both men and women yes are guilty of just disappearing, but I do say that men are guilty of fading out more than women... They just don't wanna deal with the confrontation...
I've said it before, I'll say it again... Assumptions are bad stuff... But for the jerks who do just walk out without a word or a clue... it does hurt and it does suck... and it is mean...Just my 2 "sense" for whatever it's worth...
 jennyve25
Joined: 2/26/2005
Msg: 27
WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 9/12/2005 7:14:59 PM
Mabye he got busy with things where he lives. I know that long distance relationships can be hard and even harder when something appealing comes up where he lives already. Or mabye hes just scared.
 SPARKYtheTOWNmarshal
Joined: 9/11/2005
Msg: 28
WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 9/12/2005 7:28:24 PM
Sometimes men disappear as some men cannot tell a female that he is only interested in being friends with the female, and not in a relationship with her...as an easier route, some men will just ignore the female, not return their calls etc. as it easier then the face to face "I still want to be friends, but no relationship" speech...
 ramcharger
Joined: 6/5/2004
Msg: 29
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History
WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 9/12/2005 7:40:42 PM
Usually the guy is a chicken sh-t, the survival thing kicks in and its flight or die. Not all men are created equal some actully know how to express thier feelings with intelligent conversation without trying to bash someone into an argument so they can point the finger and snicker as they walk away.
Then you have the "Notch" guy who is out for one thing, gets the one thing and drifts off silently into the night.
Then of course is Randy Rantandrave, he wants to make a dramatic production out of it bringing in as many extras as possible and past stars of your screen play so he can walk out in a huff holding his head up high.
Sad truth is a lot of folks on line are looking to "get off" not get off line.

The above statement does not reflect any others opinion or resemble an opinion is only a reamrk and should not be taken as advice, if this had been actual advice the "Click" of the nails would have been heard resulting in an exodus in a timeley manner like leemee the heck outta here
 Patch364
Joined: 7/1/2005
Msg: 30
WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 9/12/2005 7:40:44 PM
yes I agree with you GUYinK-W

It seems to be common with lots of men and also a lot of women. I personally don't think it is the best approach. It isn't very easy for a lot of people to admit to someone face to face or over the phone that they arn't interested in them that way. But I also think that they should learn how to just say it instead of leaving that person hanging. Some of the nicest men are being known as a$$holes because they couldn't find the nerve to be honest. Then when the female finally confronts them and asks what the problem is the man makes it sound like we are psychotic and crazy. Really, most of us arn't lol We just feel that we deserve an explanation for their absence all of a sudden. None of us woman want to be lead on that way. A lot of people have been hurt in the past. Peoples feelings change all the time but if you know that someone is interested in you, then please be honest with them if you arn't feeling the same. By doing something as simple as not returning phone calls or suddenly disappearing for no reason you are really hurting someone and confusing them. Its not fair. Honesty seems to be a rare thing these days and its sad. Letting someone know that you arn't interested or letting them know what they did so wrong is the best thing. Some people just need to learn to SPEAK UP and say what they are thinking instead of running and hiding. Stop being cowards people, it hurts more when you arn't honest!!
 redmamma
Joined: 7/2/2005
Msg: 31
WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 9/12/2005 8:16:19 PM

Usually the guy is a chicken sh-t, the survival thing kicks in and its flight or die. Not all men are created equal some actully know how to express thier feelings with intelligent conversation without trying to bash someone into an argument so they can point the finger and snicker as they walk away.
Then you have the "Notch" guy who is out for one thing, gets the one thing and drifts off silently into the night.
Then of course is Randy Rantandrave, he wants to make a dramatic production out of it bringing in as many extras as possible and past stars of your screen play so he can walk out in a huff holding his head up high.
Sad truth is a lot of folks on line are looking to "get off" not get off line.

The above statement does not reflect any others opinion or resemble an opinion is only a reamrk and should not be taken as advice, if this had been actual advice the "Click" of the nails would have been heard resulting in an exodus in a timeley manner like leemee the heck outta here


LOL Ram.... to the point as usual.... but you are correct I think in the "not all men are created equal" remark.. I could have very easily done some very stupid things by not remembering that.. You cannot punish all for the mistakes and sins of some.. even if "some" does seem like many. For I learned a valuble lesson... In the face of hurt I almost did not reach out to something new and special... Had I not I would have only been denying myself... That would have been sadder than the original acts that were perpertrated against me..
Sooo yes some men are bloodsucking creatins that deserve to have there flesh whipped off of them by nasty alien men who have an anal fetish...but not alllll are :) ya know strangely.. I feel better now.....
 ramcharger
Joined: 6/5/2004
Msg: 32
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WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 9/12/2005 10:15:56 PM
Ohhh yowsa Red

You paint the most awesome visuals sweet thang but leave the anal probing out, I'm exit only
Dont ever deny yourself unless its yourself who will be hurt

 T,D and H
Joined: 4/6/2005
Msg: 33
WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 9/12/2005 11:03:49 PM
Actually, it is very hard for me to accept that men run off with nothing to say more than women because I have seen it my entire life. I've come to believe it is because young girls are socialized to be "nice" and nice girls don't say "sorry I'm not interested" or whatever the case may be. Instead they often pretend that everything is fine and no, there isn't a problem and sure, we'll get together really soon. Meanwhile they are fuc king a guy from work or have just lost interest altogether, then the calls stop getting answered and she just hopes the problem goes away without ever having to deal with it like an adult. It happens constantly in here, so much so it is almost enough to make me give up contacting women at all online. My favs list is full of them.
I always try to keep an open mind and imagine all the possibilities of how and why and often there is an explanation: for example, I knew a woman who stopped answering her phone or emails and two months later I learned she was in a horrible car accident and had been hospitalized all that time, her brother went to water her plants but couldn't figure out how to use the answering machine? There are even more bizarre tales and some more mundane ones too, the point is...you just cannot know.
IMO it's one of the most cowardly and shitty things you can do to a person.

I'm willing to accept that men could be equally useless in this regard but don't try to tell me women are somehow better with it because I know for a fact that this sort of cowardice is rampant!
 Ownsherown
Joined: 1/11/2005
Msg: 34
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WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 9/12/2005 11:04:38 PM
Good god I think we have all encounter the same guy, boy does he get around.
I personally just dont get it, I treat people like I expect to be treated which I guess means I have a higher expectation than some men can comprehend.
Funny thing is when I told things aren't working out on their end my response is ok fine, thanks for the honesty, sometimes we still end up being friends.
But when I do the same I usually get a tirade of name calling and accused of nasty things.
Not all the time but it does happen more often than not.
And what about the one that is all hot and heavy to meet, several emails aday before the appointed time then on the day in question disappears? Turns his phone off, doesnt return mail etc. Why go though all the BS?
I think I'll make another drink now.
 49er
Joined: 9/12/2005
Msg: 35
WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 9/12/2005 11:41:21 PM
MEN DO NOT JUST DISAPEAR, POINT NUMBER ONE, IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT, GET OFF THE GUILT TRIP. i AM A MAN AND I WOULD LIKE TO THINK THERE IS A LOGICAL EXPLANATION OR AN EMOTIONAL ONE ON HIS PART. WHEN YOU FIRST MEET ON THE NET IT IS A LITTLE DIFFERENT THAN MEETING FACE TO FACE, THE CHASE IS ON. THINK ABOUT IT, YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT THIS PERSON LOOKS LIKE, YOU START BUILDING A FANTACY PICTURE OF WHO YOU WANT IT TO BE, BOYS AND GIRLS DO THE SAME THING BUT FOR DIFFERENT REASONS, AND DIFFERENT EXPECTATIONS.
DID YOU THINK ABOUT ACCIDENTS, AND HE CANNOT GET BACK TO YOU, ( WORST CASE CENARIO), IS HE ENGAGED, MARRIED, AND GOT SPRUNG, HE WAS ALREADY DATEING OR CONTACTING SEVERAL OTHERS, WAS HE SENT OVERSEAS INTERSTATE ON A FAMILY EMERGENCY. OR HE JUST CHANGED HIS MIND MEN AS WELL AS WOMEN DO THAT YOU KNOW.


There are plenty of fish in the sea( at the moment)there are all sorts of guys and galls out there all trying to make a connection for a mirriad of reasons, I am no different, but I like to think that if I had been the man you are talking about I would have found a way of contacting you to truthfully explain myself, and my reasons for not contacting you further. Kind Regards, keep the faith.
 T,D and H
Joined: 4/6/2005
Msg: 36
WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 9/12/2005 11:47:05 PM
That reminds me of a very good point^^^^

MEN do not ever just dissappear. Cowardly sacks of shit just disappear.

You probably couldn't get yourself into a situation where it was impossible to contact someone by phone if you tried....you'd have to crash your plane in the amazon and even then some missionaries would probably find you and let you use their blackberry.
 riech1968
Joined: 6/30/2005
Msg: 37
WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 9/13/2005 7:18:43 AM
I think that women would respect a man much more if he would just tell her that there is nothing there. I for one appreciate that. You don't have to be mean and say that we stink or anything, just tell us that you are just not feeling it. Or if we said something to scare you off, just tell us. Like I said, you don't have to be mean about it, but if we say we want kids and you don't, just tell us that. Believe it or not, most of us are mature enough to realize that every man that we meet or go out with, is not for us. When you lie and say that you are into us and then just stop calling, that is just plain rude. I am speaking from experience. I dated a guy for about a month and he told me that he just wasn't really into me. We keep in touch and even get our daughters together to play. We all went to Magic Mountain last weekend and had a great time. If he had blown me off or stopped calling, obviously we would not be friends and our daughters would not be able to maintain their friendship. It is just a matter of respect and consideration for your fellow humans. You know what they say, treat others the way you want to be treated.
 joejoe007
Joined: 8/26/2005
Msg: 38
WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 9/13/2005 8:08:22 AM
Sweety this happens to guys too. I dont know why this happens but I do know it doesnt feel good when that much time, effort, and hope just falls away in a moments notice...But man to have a ticket and everything. Maybe he wasnt the person he claimed to be and had a wife or live in....Its hard to telll. Have a great day.
 Sindee
Joined: 8/15/2005
Msg: 39
WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 9/13/2005 11:47:11 AM

MEN do not ever just dissappear. Cowardly sacks of shit just disappear


ohhh then I have been dating and/or connecting with the later of the two lol that's why they disappear! I thought I was just an "idiot magnet".

Seems like there is an abundance of these guys from this thread and to think I thought is was just happening to me. It is a cowardly way to do things for sure and these fellas do not warrant the title "man" this also goes for the females who choose to disappear rather than to face up to it.
 Jordannne
Joined: 6/10/2005
Msg: 40
WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 9/13/2005 1:22:51 PM
Seems like a common thing... I think the best thing is to not analyze it... men seem to do this often.. they are capable of telling you they like you when they don't... therefore, I've simply stopped taking any of them too seriously. Sucks for the good guys though...

Cheers!
 kmoc1966
Joined: 5/22/2005
Msg: 41
WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 9/13/2005 1:59:43 PM
there are many reasons why they disappear: they realize their 'gig' is up, they get scared and retreat into a 'shell', they found someone else more compatible, or they are just not interested.......it is different for each guy, i am sure. if they do disappear, the best bet is for the gal to accept it and move on.......do not waste time and effort on something that is just not worth it in the long run! just keep in mind that there are some really good guys still out there!!
 Jordannne
Joined: 6/10/2005
Msg: 42
WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 9/13/2005 6:38:50 PM
I hear you Kmoc, but I think the biggest peeve is not the fact that men disappear, its the fact that they disappear without warning... its the most terrible feeling in the world to have no closure. To go from hot to cold without warning... its maddening! I would even appreciate an email saying that a person's simply not interested and wants to close contact. At least you aren't wondering if the bloke is dead....

Regardless, we always move on; but it never makes it better... just makes us all more cynical.

Cheers!
 qtpie_in_luv
Joined: 6/18/2005
Msg: 43
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WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 9/13/2005 7:08:03 PM
Ooooo have I got a gooder

I met one guy on here and we talked for quite awhile then we went out and he fed me all the "I really like you, etc." crap. The next day a group of his friends and a group of my friends all went out and he spent the night trying to get with my best friend while she gave me 'help me' looks and tried to make him leave her alone. He disappeared after I told him where to put it and how fast.

I, too, have had guys either talk to me for a bit and then just stop talking or just out-and-out not reply to me when I send them a message. Both scenarios are just rude and childish. I mean, my pic and quite a bit about me is on my profile, so that couldn't be any valid excuse. And what's the problem with a quick message back when someone says something to you? It's not like I expect freaking commitment out of one little message.

ARGH. Guys. It's times like these I'm kind of glad I'm single
 ksue44
Joined: 6/20/2005
Msg: 44
WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 9/13/2005 8:14:30 PM
He's going to work for David Copperfield?

Seems like Mr. Disappearing Act became uncertain of himself, he's not sure if you are Ms. Right Now, so he's hiding. Will he resurface - who knows? He could have other things going on in his life (work, family, money, etc), that he has to focus on. Don't beat yourself up over this guy. The best treat you can do for yourself is move on with your life, go out and have fun with your friends. Put this guy behind you. If he wants you bad enough, he'll come knocking on your doorstep.
 Jordannne
Joined: 6/10/2005
Msg: 45
WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 9/13/2005 8:30:45 PM
Usually the other thing going on in his life is a wife or a girlfriend... uggh...
 ????? ??????
Joined: 6/13/2005
Msg: 46
WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 9/13/2005 9:16:07 PM
well i dont know why men like to dissapear, but im pretty sure if i think this way, others must too,
so when I dissapear after lots of chatting online/phone whatever and meet for the first time he was ugly, that about sums it up
i know im shallow.
 Mr. Peanut Butter Cup
Joined: 9/10/2004
Msg: 47
WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 9/13/2005 10:18:29 PM
Well, I have superpowers but disappearing isn't one of them.........
 atta_dude777
Joined: 5/27/2005
Msg: 48
WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 9/13/2005 11:01:38 PM


Any thoughts would be helpful, thanks so much.... suggestions as to whats going on with him, and how I should handle it... I made one phone call since and one e mail, thats it.


One phone call and your giving up maybe you should try getting hold of him and asking straight out whether he wants to have a relationship and what kind of relationship, if his answer is not what you want then move on. Maybe he is busy you just don't know for sure whats going on until you talk to him. Good luck...

Dude.....
 LANGA
Joined: 8/28/2005
Msg: 49
WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 9/13/2005 11:44:50 PM
Well the bedroom has been called the "Burmuda triangle of a relationship" lol, don't ask .,..lol:


These things happen. As I have stated before men have ways of handling difficult situations and they know when and where to take the "time out". So they do have a prodecure that they do soemtimes for various reasons to ensure the best of both people in the relationship.
 buzzingbee
Joined: 3/25/2005
Msg: 50
WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 9/14/2005 4:14:32 AM
Well, whatever the reason he is silent & distant, YOU just stay YOURSELF. If a man likes you the way you are then he would stay in touch. Otherwise there must be some other issues - his issues, so leave him to it on his own, in his own space.
You did your bit - mail, phone. Do not make yourself reproaches.
It takes two to make friendship ~ dating ~ relationship going. Communication both ways.
Keep head up & keep smiling. There is more to life than just this one man.

buzzzzzzzzzzzz
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