|
|
|
|
|
| WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 8/26/2006 2:01:23 PM | | hes a coward or does not want to hurt you. I don,t know i had someone call me all the time every day and then he was not interested in meeting. I just come to the conclusion he was weird and no good. | |
|
| WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 8/26/2006 3:52:08 PM | Interesting post.
@dee (msg 21)
Your stepfather was a wise man. I, myself, am going to heed his advice. I wish my own father was still alive to help with the crap I have seen. His advice would have been similar, I know. May they both rest in peace. (when I read your post, his advice to you, it was almost as if I was hearing my own dad speak) My dad once told me, when I was crying over my 'first true love' and how he broke my heart and I was pleading with him (yes, I did lower myself to that behavior, but hey..I was only 21) to always walk away with the grace of a 'woman'. As I've gotten older, I have learned. Additionally, I am sorry for your loss. I know your pain. It will lessen with time. Trust me.
@lovestosmooch;
I read your posts..exhausting as the may be!! (I know mine are long too). Now, I'm not going to 'judge' you, cause I haven't walked a mile in your shoes, but it sounds to me as if you've got some deep issues of your own. You are, what appears to be, projecting your own values and morals onto all of society. To say we are NOT a monogamous society...is just a bunch of rhetoric to validate and justify your own need (and that of many men incapable of 'committing') to bang LOTS of women. IN or OUT of an exclusive relationship.
Men and women are no doubt, different. Not once in your posts did I see you 'get it' in that, women have a much harder time separating physical intimacy from emotional intimacy. Sure, some women like to just 'have sex' without strings. But not the majority. No way, no how!! And that is NOT to say we don't love sex. Or want it from a guy we've dated only 3 times. If we are not a monogamous society, then please tell me why people are STILL getting married in our "North American Society"..is it because the men just want to please women? OR be guaranteed a regular, steady piece of asss?? Or could it be possible that men do want lifelong committments with 1 woman? I really think your ideas of monogamy stem from possibly, your upbringing. For instance..my ex-fiance' has nothing but divorced or 'single' male friends. (Or unhappily married male buddies). I, on the other hand, have nothing but married, or attached girlfriends. We grew up in different neighborhoods (Philadelphia is called the city of neighborhoods and often it's broken down by race, religion, ethnic background, etc..) Demographically, that has to account for something! Now, a couple of my attached friend's husbands have strayed...yup, they've cheated..(maybe 1/3???) BUT several are happily married. I know their husbands may 'think' about other women (only 'cause a couple have hit on moi once or twice)..BUT I do know that these men, when it comes down to it, are not willing to cheat. Some actually hold those vows in high regard. And I think them thinking about 'cheating' or being with another woman is simply, just a thought. Part of the reason my ex fiance' and I split is because he holds the same values YOU do in that he believes we are not 'wired' to be monogamous. Funny though...he's been with one woman now for two yrs, and to my knowledge, although I know he'd like to fukkk other women, much of it is 'talk' and he likes to have the option. She allows him that option, whereas I couldn't accept it.
Most of the men who contributed to this post DID NOT say it's because they can't be monogamous. Most simply said, it's cause they're married..or they, for some reason, weren't that into her. Could be something as little as "You voted for BUSH????". And many said because they'd rather eat a can of worms, then confront a woman and tell her..I'm just not into you. Men don't like confrontation. They don't like it when we cry.
And yes, they are afraid of our reactions..especially if the 'honesty' we seek has been poorly received by a raving maniac woman spewing out words of hate and accusations.
Poshrat gave a great explanation of 'why men just disappear'. It makes sense and imho, explains human male behavior much more reasonably.
I have to agree with something the dude said. Women truly don't want the honesty they ask for. Even simple honesty. The famous 'do I look fat in these jeans' question. You ask us, but you don't really want to know. You want a lie. Women teach their men to lie I believe. By blowing up when we give an honest answer you don't want to hear. When we learn to tell you a lie that makes you feel good (and you KNOW it's a lie) you reward us in some manner. You gals DEFINITELY cannot handle the level of honesty men can hand out.
Ok. I understand your point. But you're talking about a woman who really wants to know more than just if her assss is too fat. She wants to know if you still love her despite the fact that her assss is fat. I've asked that question before full well knowing my assss isn't necessarily fat, but I'm feeling it in these pants and 'honey...I know it may not look great now, but do you still want/dig/love me???? And I get why you might feel that way considering what you've experienced. BUT since I too, have had multiple experience with men who pull the disappering act...I for one, can think of no reason WHY a guy can't simply say.."Listen..I had a really good time going out with you, but after thinking about it, I really don't see us as a match in the long run" Men don't have to say, "Oh, your ass is too fat, or when you wore that bikini, I saw cellulite and it turned me off"..there's no need to be BRUTALLY honest and tell the woman what the specifics are!! I've not liked someone after a few dates, for reasons as minor as his cologne made me sick and he laughed inappropriatedly at his own not funny jokes. Did I tell him THAT? Nope...I simply said, in a short and sweet email..."You know, I enjoyed our time out together, but I really don't think I feel it" or "We're not on the same page, romantically" or "I think we approach a relationship differently"..I've used tact and consideration when it comes to their feelings.
Am I being honest? Bottom line, yes. Am I being mean. Not at all.
We can 'blow off' people with tact and grace. It's all in how you approach people, and whether or not you can empathize. Honesty is possible when coupled with regard to someone's ego.
I definitely want to know if a guy isn't that into me. Do I need a lenghty detailed explanation of why...not unless we've been in a definite exclusive relationship. After 2-3 dates, a courteous email as I mentioned above will suffice and I think...WILL SUFFICE FOR MOST WOMEN. And that goes both ways. People deserve that much. Regardless of gender. It's the golden rule. If we all lived by that, then the world would be a much better place and you wouldn't hear about us women hanging men's balls out to dry!!!
Oh and FYI, if you do give a woman that short and sweet email explaining that 'you don't think the two of you are a match' and she can't accept it, wants more info, and won't leave you alone, and/or badmouths you.....then you have every right to tell her THE REAL TRUTH since she may very well be a nut/sociopath!!!
 | |
|
| WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 8/26/2006 4:41:01 PM | | It hurts doesnt it and you wonder what you done and you build your hopes up and feel let down. learn from it i think, not to build up hopes until you actually meet and get to know the person reasonably well. I don,t build up hopes anymore. Some men use lots of flattery and they are the worst. | |
|
| WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 8/26/2006 4:45:22 PM | | my brother once said to me, some guys will use alot of flattery to try to get a woman into bed. Some men have hidden agendas. | |
|
| WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 8/26/2006 7:12:05 PM | HE is married!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the simple truth.....ron
^^^sorry but thats not the case everytime..some men do run ...cause they get scared when their emotions starts to feel for someone....fear of any commitment...not realizing we commit everyday in our lives...like work...families...friends an etc. | |
|
| WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 8/26/2006 7:36:38 PM | Why he can't talk: He has a ****ing pacifier in his mouth! And his mama is still wiping his ass!
Moral of the story: We're not seventeen, he's immature, you're not. You want a real relationship with real communication, there's nothing wrong with that. You attempted to speak, he couldn't. You did the right thing for you, now move on to better ground. It has NOTHING to do with you, it's his baggage, and aren't you glad you see it now, not twenty-five years down the line?
You are worthy of the love your heart desires. Post it on your mirror where you'll see it everyday, and then don't accept anything but THE best.
A lot of men on these sites are looking for an ego stroke, quick sex, whatever, those aren't quality men, those are immature boys! (And lets' not forget about predators, married people, etc.) Be careful!
Let's be wise, ladies, keep talking, asking questions, but don't give up. Your soul mate is already doing his part to find you and will meet you half way. He would never compromise his own scruples, let alone yours!!! He would NEVER shut your heart down like that because it would hurt him first.
Don't work so hard, and don't worry when it doesn't turn out. You'll be grateful later on when someone far better comes along and your heart is open for something new and completely refreshing because you've healed from the babies...
I've seen a lot of folks on these sites trying to be celebs, they're so not. If you want a long-term relationship you better have something in the core of your potential mate you love forever because we all age! You want someone to stay with you if you develop Cancer, whatever. Don't give up until you find your best friend.
All my best,
Jen | |
|
| WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 8/27/2006 6:18:48 PM | | how many times do i have to say why a guy just disappears because he is getting caught up meaning one of his girl friends, lovers, etc, is getting suspicious of his not spending quality time so the guy have to rotate to make her happy and when she stop getting suspicious he does it again in a circle. so watch out girls . if u have a good man then u dont have too. thumbs up to u make him happy. but like i said men think they r so slick jus ask them a question and see them stutter. they r jokes most of them if u womens r married and have a husband and hes not a cheater dont cheat on him for a loser. I wouldnt i dont care how charmin they r . i know that its alot of fishes in the see but why catch a bad one. when u dont have too. they think they r having fun but in the end wat comes around goes around. | |
|
| WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 8/27/2006 6:31:40 PM | They disappear because they are gutless! It's always the ones that tell you they don't play games that do it. I was talking to a guy on here, exchanged pics.....wanted to get to know me etc etc. The emails started getting way to casual for wanting to get to know one another and after him not responding for two days to my last email I just flat out wrote him and told him it was obvious he had lost interest, no problem and good luck in your search. Well he wrote me back a long email apologizing, it was hectic at work, yada yada yada and yes he really wanted to get to know me etc etc. but the email other than that was still like saying nothing. So I decided to push the envelope and mentioned that we'd been writing for several weeks, did he have an interest in meeting and seeing if there was any chemistry.... he wrote back, now mind you the NEXT email after I basically was letting him out of the whole thing easy and said he just met someone and wanted to see where it was going.......
yeah right......total player.
There was a time I thought it was me....but with all these responses, obviously we all go through it. I think it's a combo of players and people who just get writing to someone else and you're not on the list anymore. Happened to me dating a guy for four months.......found out afterwards, even though HE was the one that said he doesn't date more than one person at time....that he was seeing someone else at the same time. When you get that gut feeling.......go with it, it's probably right! | |
|
| WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 8/27/2006 6:47:26 PM | Boy am I glad I read this thread!!!
I've had the same thing happen to me! I exchanged emails with a guy on here for about a week. That led to phone calls, which went very well. We talked for about a week and he told me he was going out of town for a long weekend, but couldn't wait to see me when he got back, and made sure to set up a date before he left on his trip. He said he'd call me Sunday night, so I waited and when I didn't hear from him I called him. No big deal, I thought, he's probably tired. But then nothing. I started getting worried because he'd been on a trip and he'd seemed so excited to talk to me when he got back. Never heard from him. I even left him a phone message asking him to please send me a note that he was ok...nada. Finally today I saw that he'd been online on here. I was relieved that he was alright, but what an a**.
I thought maybe it was me, and it made me scared to talk to anyone again. But I see that it happens to all of us. Not that that's a good thing, but it's nice knowing I'm not the only one. Thanks girls...these kinds of threads help me remember that we're on the same team! | |
|
| WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 8/27/2006 7:21:41 PM | I think men and women both suddenly "disappear" for different reasons. Most of it boils down to the fact that they don't wish to or can't continue to see someone and think that disappearing is easier than facing the truth or fearing a confrontation.
It's not easy always to try to gently turn someone down, but if it must be done, do it like tearing off a bandaid, quickly and simply. Don't let it drag out into a long discourse and often it's best NOT to say why. If you don't want to see someone just tell them so and end it at that. Often knowing the reason would only hurt their feelings more. | |
|
| WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 8/27/2006 7:32:23 PM | | Hey.....it has nothing to do with you...don't take it personally...they hardly know you! It just happened to me. He seemed like a nice guy and I am sure he is......MARTIMUS is his monicker...in case you were wondering. Anyway...there are probably several reasons; got back with his old girlfriend, was dating someone else at the same time and decided on that one, didn't like something about you...there are a million reasons but no use wondering. It is just too bad that some people, especially men, it seems are too immature to tell the other party why they are no longer interested. It takes a mature and courageous person to do this. So no worries. Life is too short. It always works out for the best! | |
|
| WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 8/27/2006 7:33:29 PM | Time2Scoot..............same applies to woman, the eventual lose interests applies to all, and no one likes to hear that you came in second and you're a nice person BUT.......
Time2KeepOnTruckin  | |
|
| WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 8/29/2006 11:55:40 PM | LADIES! You need to read "He's Just Not That Into You: The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys" by Greg Behrendt & Liz Tuccillo
It'll save you a lot of time & stress! | |
|
| WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 8/30/2006 5:02:20 AM | This is called Plenty of fish. Therefore there are many other fishies.
Thats where they go most of the time.
Other times we will never know. Men have never had the balls to tell me why.
Has happened to me three times and drives me nuts but never pursue it.
After all they are not worth a second thought.
Just keep on fishing. It's fun.  | |
|
| WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 3/22/2007 7:45:59 AM | I tend to agree with some of what your life lessons may have taught you, and im glad you are now happy..but to me it seems I read a similar articule to this in a book from the fifties/sixties on what a wife needs to do to ensure her husband is happy..darn I cant remember the title. " be sure you only ask how his day was & offer no information of your day as to not stress your husband out , as he has had a long hard day at work "..or something to that effect..havent we all evolved from then?
Im new to the forums, but I feel like you are letting them( both the men & women) off too easily!
HE TOLD ME TO LET A MAN ASK YOU THINGS HE WANTS TO KNOW, JUST DON'T VOLUNTEE INFORMATION, BE VAGUE BUT NICE. LET HIM GET THE INFORMATION HE WANTS FROM YOU. THE REASON BEING IS MEN FEEL AS THEY HAVE ACOMPLISHED SOMETHING WHEN THEY ASK YOU A QUESTION AND YOU ANSWER IT( go fetch that stick boy..good boy")
Im sorry are but are we meant to treat men as babies, should I really be that scared of showing any of my personality or sharing past experiences in fear it may scare him away? I tend to be an oversharer & I have noticed it does indeed scare the odd one off. But if we start of any type of relationship, friendship etc withholding our true thoughts & expressions, isnt that starting off with dishonesty, thus dooming any potenial of continueing before we can begin? | |
|
| WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 3/22/2007 1:15:28 PM | It sucks to be rejected-- sorry this happened to you. Its happened to me-- be glad it didnt happen when you were more emotionally involved-- of course if it happens regularly time doesnt really matter-- what matters is that you're tired of being hurt, used, misled and dumped in general!
I havent been hearing lately from someone I cared about-- last time I saw him was Christmas, and then the calls just got less and less... 3 weeks now, no call. I am finally just tired and worn from trying to reach him... almost considered calling his parents to see if he was ok-- he's military-- but he's a big boy... not overseas... probably just decided I wasnt the one after knowing someone since Aug 05, thats a hard thought to swallow--was it the 10 pds I gained? Was my hair not pretty enough-- is he seeing someone else... well I could drive myself nuts with all these thoughts/ideas... so I'm back online trying to remind myself that I am "dateable" and its his loss...
Hope that helps some! Good luck-- you're not alone-- it sucks out there, but sometimes even the losers win! *grin* ---- MJS | |
|
| WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 3/22/2007 1:59:22 PM | i am sorry i do not buy into this "maybe the person is no busy" if you was in their bedroom ready to go at it then i bet money they would have the time. Come on people it takes all of 5 Min. ou tof your day to let a person know what is going on and why. Do you not thnk you atleast owe them that much. It is alittle thing called respecting other people's feeling. unfortunately there are alot of people on here men and women alike who have no reguard for other's feeling. All they think about is there own. and if that is the kind of person they are consider yourself lucky to be out of it now while your emotional investment is little.  | |
|
| WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 4/8/2007 1:55:54 AM | I've had this happen to me twice actually. The first time it happened we ended up meeting off here as just friends but apparently both ended up really liking eachother. we spent the next weekend together. he refered to HIMSELF as my boyfriend that weekend, gave me a good feeling about things, mentioned things we should do together, then as you other girls have mentioned, completely cut contactwith not as much as an "I'm not interested" email.
Now what REALLY pisses me off is that the second time this happened was with a guy whom I told I was only interested in friendship because I really needed a break from men after the bullshit the previously mentioned fellow pulled, along with a few others that REALLY hurt me. No way, he wasn't like that, its bad guys like those that give the good guys a bad name, he was convinced he was going to show me he was a trustworthy guy blahblahblah... well guess what this "good guy" did? After many all night conversations on the phone and gaining my trust and affections I meet him briefly one day... and he apparently dropped off the face of the planet... | |
|
libbyv
|
Joined: 8/17/2005
Msg: 194 | |
| WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 4/8/2007 3:30:06 AM | | Men or women disappear because they weren't sincere in the first place. They obviously lack alot of maturity. | |
|
Liins
|
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 195 | |
| WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 4/9/2007 7:41:29 AM | | i wasn't really prepared for the level of man bashing on this thread...wow. i'm sure everyone has had someone just up and disappear on them, or pull away without giving a reason, etc. but unless they owe you that explanation, you can't really hold it against them. people are fickle, especially when they're on a site where at the clickof a button they have a complete menu of singles presented to them. what do you expect? | |
|
| WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 4/9/2007 7:55:35 AM | | I agree with you Liins, we shouldn't throw all the guys into one category. There are some decent ones out there, that still do communicate. | |
|
| WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 4/9/2007 9:01:56 AM | | They disappear-i think-because like someone else said-they werent being sincere and honest beforehand-or-they go on these sites and try to juggle too many women at a time (i.e.- even though youve told him a billion times before your divorced but they keep asking anyway?-because they forget)-or-they just want one thing-sex-or- he's just a real,sincere,genuine f#$7***hole! Actually- I was with a guy from this site for 2 months-(yes-i admit my faults) when we met he didnt look like his profile and WAS NOT as tall as he said(lovem tall) BUT he was very nice-brought me flowers ,ect.,things were also going way too fast for me AND i wasnt attracted to him (i was hoping all the nice things he did for me would evenually would be enough-because he was good to me)-i broke thing s off with him-immediatly-he was surprised-i didnt want to hurt his feelings by saying-"im not attracted to you"-but at least i did call and have a talk with him and not even a week later-he had a new girlfriend -already-23 years old(the younger-the less experience with ***holes-thereby-they can be fooled easier)-he's 33-already commenting that he loves her(within a weeks time)-so i figured i did my self a favor anyway!And no-i didnt tell him i loved him-ever. Tam | |
|
| WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 4/9/2007 9:44:43 AM | | wow,what a topic, im sure that we could have a site on why women disappear to but seeing as we are on this topic let me see if i can help you women out a bit.im sure that there is many different males out there with different temperments and characters, personalities.but for the majority of us we act this way for a reason, or reasons, i will try to explain.yes we have troble expressing to much emotion, its not that we dont have them its that its not very manly to show them, so dont make us look like wimps ok.secondly we dont like to hurt people, really , so the best thing for us to do is to disappear and not contact you again, its easier that way.we dont have to try and analize why, in front of you, we just do things like disappear.you see most of us have this god given ability to search for the right mate, dont take it personally its not about you .its about finding the right mate.somtimes we think ah yes this is the one so we do our dating thing and then we realize ,hey this is not the right one so we disappear again.its all about searching, its instinct for us.there is many aspects to finding a right mate, body soul and spirit.first of course for all of us is the initial sight thing,body,me personally i like a pretty face and a larger butt , with a thinner waist, the rest does not matter to me.someguys like other things, then there is the personality thing, do you see where im going with this.its hard to have this ideal woman in your head and search for her, and then have to go with somone who doesnt have these qualities. sometimes it takes a while to find them, maybe a month or more.and when we realize its not there .we just disappear.its easier than confronting,you emotional creatures.it would probably seem very awful if i said to you ,honey i like you but i really would like you to have a bigger butt, or you are not what im looking for right now,im looking for somone with a little softer personality.no no. we just dissapear, you see its easier than hurting you or trying to figure out why, its just is the way it is.i think the truth be know you ladies are the same way you just do things somewhat different and we are usually ok with that, so in closing, give us the ability to be men and let us act like we are searching for our woman and dont get all upidy if you are not picked yet, your turn will come, just like ours will .happy fishing, that is why its called fishing,the ones you dont want through them back, ya the hook will hurt a bit but ,give each of us the ability to fish. hope this helps some. | |
|
| WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 4/9/2007 12:36:55 PM | | OMG! LOL! This whole post is killing me! Look you have stated this whole thing out as a huge stereotype here. I keep hearing stuff about how men are afraid of emotions or commitment, or how they are afraid to state their feelings, etc., etc., etc. That is some men, and I dont even for a moment deny that, but you shouldnt put down all men the way you are. I am only 24 so naturally my dating experience is somewhat limited but in my dating I have never once done something to intentionally hurt the person I was seeing. I will tell the woman how I feel, but at the same time I tend to be pretty kind in the way that I do it. I dont want to see anyone hurting, especially because of me! I would rather a woman come out and tell me everything about her right off the bat too...it'll save a lot of trouble later in the relationship for both of us. Thats why I make it very clear that I will answer any and all questions that anyone has to ask. I am not ashamed of my past mistakes they are simply lessons learned. All I can say in terms of the question is that God only knows why a guy/girl either one would do this. I would at least have the common curtosy to tell the truth to them, because hopefully in the end I would be lucky enough to have the opportunity to still be friends with them. I dont think you can ever have too many friends. The only reason I am not friends with the last g/f I had and broke up with is that she lives too far away and we just lost contact...but we did break up on somewhat peaceful terms (and that is despite the fact that I found out that she was cheating on me). So please please please dont generalize all men in these conversations because not all men are power hungry, egotistical, horomone driven pigs who only use the head on the southern part of their body for thinking. I wish all you ladies the best of luck with the pursuing of one of the "good guys." Apparently we are dying breed. | |
|
| WHY do men just disappear??
Posted: 4/9/2007 12:50:02 PM | | Well, you have a Phone, you could always call him instead of expecting him to be the one to call all the time. | |
|
|
| Page 8 of 13
|
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13 |
|
Home
login 
