| Guys is this true???
Posted: 11/6/2008 6:09:04 AM | How about us not blaming our kids for our lack of success in the romance dept.
Sound good? Does to me. | |
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| Guys is this true???
Posted: 11/6/2008 5:22:58 PM | who blamed the kids?kids are a factor that many men cannot overcome.that's not blaming the kids,although many moms tend to be a little weak in the discipline dept..now in that respect,the kids are very much a problem,but being kids,the blame goes straight to the mother.
the women do not seem to understand,its a bad place for many men to be in,like when that kid damn near busted my eye open i described in the other post.that was just plain disrespect,and look where he is at now!in jail.discipline,or lack of.she went on the next 16 or so years with the attitude he is her son,take him as he is,the man has no say.well,she is alone and look at where the kid ended up!
now that was a situation where the real dad was not in the picture.if she had let a man in,he would also have been allowed to be the daddy,and of course they would have had children too.i got angry when the child hit me,somehow,she thought i was wrong.and the boy used this tactic over and over,realizing he could keep his mommy to himself.
my point is,you have to let the man know you have children,but,she and he have to date for a while.they men and children have to ease into each other.understand what i am saying,you cannot toss eggs and milk and flour together and expect a cake!the ingredients have to be blended,same with kids and a potential mate.this is not a blame game,this is about peoples lives.i wonder how many child abuse cases could have been prevented had the women stepped back and made sure the guy she was with was ready for another mans children?this is a touchy subject,but the man has to have time,and so does the kids.
i dated many women with kids,just never seemed to work out.they women always expected everyone to hit it off right away,usually ended up with the kids raising he-- because they weren't ready to share mommy.it takes time.that's all i was stating. | |
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| Guys is this true???
Posted: 11/14/2008 1:32:42 AM | | Hi Sorry but i believe your mate is so wrong. He sounds to me he is young or he likes you himself.My last girl had 3 kids and that didnt worry me in the least..Im sure there is a decent man out there for you and your 2 kids. Stay Happy | |
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| Guys is this true???
Posted: 11/14/2008 6:51:42 AM | | Well this is why my profile says I'm not interested in dating single guys. | |
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| Guys is this true???
Posted: 11/14/2008 10:30:49 PM | | If you're worth it, then a man will stick by you no matter if you have 6 kids all from different men. If he just wants to get in bed, he will back off, cause kids complex a score. | |
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| Guys is this true???
Posted: 11/14/2008 11:29:12 PM | genetics mmmm are his eyes close together or maybe just maybe he wants yoummmm I bet. | |
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| Guys is this true???
Posted: 11/15/2008 2:38:12 PM | | If I met a great girl, we laughed, played and enjoyed each others company then there is no problem. I am looking for a LTR and the children grow up and fly away leaving us to enjoy the fun alone... | |
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| no its not true
Posted: 11/16/2008 6:45:41 PM | I am confused? Who said that the man you are dating has to take on the responsibility of your child? I wouldn't expect ANYONE other than myself and my child's father to take care of her! Just a cop out. So, who cares if they wont date you anyway? For every 1 that doesn't want to date you, there are 10 more waiting that do! By the way, your friend's an ass! | |
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| Guys is this true???
Posted: 11/16/2008 9:48:54 PM | | Men probably just dont want to deal with the kids..i dont know. i can only speak for myself that I would date someone if they had kids but at the same I would see how they interact with their kids as that makes a difference aswell. I have known woman that dont want to date a guy that has a child because if they ever had kids she didnt want them to have a blended family..like wtf??? | |
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| Guys is this true???
Posted: 11/16/2008 10:17:52 PM | Well, I am going to go against the grain here and say that yes, I have found that many men do not want to date a woman who already has children in part because they want to have children of their own and want to do it with someone who is also doing it for the first time.
Maybe it's my age range as well. In fact, I am sure the men who are still single and childless and in their mid to late 30s, early 40s are more in the family mindset and want a 'fresh slate' so to speak. 60-70% of the online profiles I see of men that I might like to contact have specified they do not want to date someone with children.
And you know what? I completely get it. Still sucks for me, but I get it. Before I met my ex-husband (I was 28), I did not want to date a single Dad as a preference. I too wanted to marry and have a family with someone who was doing it for the first time.
Probably sounds ridiculous now, but that is how I felt. And I can understand and respect that others may feel that way.
So I don't think it's as stupid as it may sound and there may be something in it. "Genetic programming"? Not sure. But the feeling is there I think. | |
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| Guys is this true???
Posted: 11/16/2008 10:21:11 PM | it can be true for some
we all have preferences in everything
i actually read in a guys profile on here that he didnt want to get involved with a woman that had kids strictly because he got attached to his ex gfs kids and now that they are broken up he couldnt see them anymore | |
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| Guys is thi.s true???
Posted: 11/16/2008 10:54:29 PM | I don't think this is true at all and I don't really know how the word "genetics" was even brought into the questions.
Look around...no one even knows what a commentment is or the the "terms" of marriage. That is why so many people are divorce or single parents (male or female).
One thing that I do know (kids or not). If you are a decent person then there is someone out there and if a guy or girl doesn't want to be with you because you have children, in my opinion and mine alone...THEY DO NOT DESERVE ANY PART OF ME /YOU, emotionally, mentally, or physically! Nor do they deserve the beautiful smiles of my/your children.
That will be the first thing I tell a person. Honestly, I partly do it for their reaction...I have found a lot of men that do not have a problem with it, and more that I am picky on bringing a man into my childrens life.
Like the very first person said...be picky, Don't let someone choose you...you choose them.
Good Luck...and there are "plenty of fish"....sorry I couldn't help but say that (he he he) | |
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| Guys is this true???
Posted: 11/16/2008 11:04:24 PM | You know Silvery, I don't think it's a genetic programming within us guys, I mean yes, we do want our own chilren, however (this may be just me) a woman with a child reveals alot about her character especially in how she acts and reacts to the child. Of course it's important for the guy to want to be with her, and naturally support (encourage) the child in her life, even if that child is not his own. I was adopting a little boy in NM when I lived there and the gal I was seeing down there was all supportive and just up and *poof* Of course because I have a daughter literally getting ready to be born within he next 12-24 hours (1200 miles away) I think that women look away in a sense from myself because I have a child on the way. So I dunno, I've experienced the same things myself.
-hope that helps! | |
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| Guys is this true???
Posted: 11/17/2008 1:37:25 PM | Well, let's look at it from a guys point of view now...
If a guy gets involved with a woman, in Canada, if the child perceives him as a 'father figure' the courts can go after him for support for the child, even if he didn't live with them!
If he does live with them, he's on the hook to pay for a child that is not his, even while the biological father also pays support!
Yep...
What's really fun is when you get told time after time how the male child is just like his father.... You know, the lazy, mouthy, good for nothing, unemployed, drug addicted guy who dumped her after knocking her up and leaving you to raise his lazy, mouthy, good for nothing, unemployable, drug addicted son....
Discipline:
Hmmm They may be your wonderful kids, but they're often doing their damndest to ruin your relationships... I've had the kids tell their mother lies about me... They'd call in the middle of a date complaining of needing a ride, stomach pains, flu, you name it... But whatever it was, semed to have fixed itself by the time we cancelled our date and got home...
Not allowing the guy to get involved in discipline, or always taking the kids side, leaves the guy effectivley defenceless to whatever the kids want to do...
Kids inherently cost more... I know women say they don't expect the man to pay for them....
Yet I've heard single mother's say "If he wants to take me out then he should pay for the babysitter too"...
So guys do end up paying out, especially if it becomes a live in relationship....
Costs:
Everything costs more... food, clothing, laundry...
A place to live... A couple can live comfy in a nice 1 bedroom apt. 2 kids different sexes, and you're up to a 3 bedroom...
Hmmm
A trip to another city with your girlfriend, $30 gas, dinner for 2 at a nice restaurant, $100, $150 for comfy hotel...
A trip to another city with your girlfriend AND her 3 kids..., $30 gas, dinner at McDonald's $50, but can't afford for 5 of us to go to hotel, so you don't bother going....
Convenience:
Without kids:
Come in the door, grab a shower, you and your G/F go dancing about 9pm, late night on the town, get home about 3AM jump into bed for some of the wild passion you've been building all night...
With kids:
Come in the door, wait for #1 daughter to get out of bathroom, grab shower, phone 3 to 5 babysitters, find out regular babysitter is still in therapy from last time.... Go and pick up second worst babysitter, Give her instructions etc... you and your G/F go dancing about 10pm , No passion building, babysitter has phoned twice, #2 kid is not feeling well...
Got to be home by 1AM to get babysitter home, take babysitter home. Come back, #2 kid is now up... stomach ache... #1 daughter is asleep on mommy's bed.... fall asleep in chair watching TV, while mommy and sick kid fall asleep on couch.
Baggage:
Ex shows up at odd hours to see the kids
or
Ex doesn't bring kids back on time...
or
Ex and your Girlfriend have big fight... She ****es about him all evening... you get tired of hearing it....
or
Ex shows up drunk, tries to get back with her...
or
Ex starts getting belligerent with you about HIS kids....
or
Hmm fun wow! Let's take the kids to your girlfriend's Ex's place because it's his birthday... too bad we had plans for today....
Extras:
Without kids:
A trip to the Bahamas for you and the G/F...
A 46" Sony plasma screen Tv
A nice house...
A nice car(s)
A nice dinner and dancing at least once a week...
With kids:
A trip to Chuckie Cheese 's with all of the kids and three random neighbourhood kids...
A 23" Emerson TV
An apartment overlooking a gas station and a parking lot
A transit pass, and an old beater....
McDonald's for all once a month...
Guys who don't want to raise other people's kids are not selfish, immature or insecure... They just did the MATH.... | |
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| Guys is this true???
Posted: 11/17/2008 3:52:41 PM | | The last woman I fell for had kids, and I fell for her kids as well because they were hers. So I'm not so sure if it's the kids, unless there are overwhelming numbers there. I think it may be your grammar that makes them run. If you can learn how to spell probably instead of prolly, you'll be off to a good start :-). I think men like intelligence just as much as they like a nice ass :-P | |
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| Guys is this true???
Posted: 11/21/2008 5:35:38 PM | | before my ex i dated women with children and enjoyed it. there was never any problem for me however im 54 with a ten year old son im either to old or my son is to young but i quess thats a new topic . | |
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| Guys is this true???
Posted: 7/17/2009 10:35:09 PM | | No some guys just as girls either don't want the responsibility, just don't want kids, are afraid of getting attached to the children but not the adult, or there are probably some guys/girls out there that just don't want anything to do with kids other than thier own. For some reason alot of people tend to look at kids as baggage which is exactly the wrong idea and some people also don't want to deal with the ex's either. | |
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| Guys is this true???
Posted: 7/17/2009 11:01:10 PM | M church....
I have no idea why I read this entire assinine post, but I did.
I guess a lot of the single guys (who did the math) eventually get married or cohabit. Kids do come into the relationship, their OWN kids...so all that math you just posted becomes THEIR life. You will get there at some point wheter it's someone else's child or your own. Not every single parent with children live the kind of life you described, some are very well off and educated that don't need the other peson's support. So, if the divorce rate is still at around 51-52%, that would place you at only half a chance of your marriage working out. Guess what? You just became a single parent! Congrats!
P.S. I guess all those less unfortunate kids that need to be adopted into good homes just lost that chance because of people like you! (an Adoption agency filed bankrupcy last week, wonder why?)
Or even worse, imagine finding the love of your life and settling and NEVER being able to have YOUR OWN children, oooh the horror!
$hit happens....open your eyes AND mind to every possibility. | |
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| Guys is this true???
Posted: 7/17/2009 11:31:53 PM |
So, if the divorce rate is still at around 51-52%, that would place you at only half a chance of your marriage working out. Guess what? You just became a single parent! Congrats!
Can you please do some research on divorce rates? When you marry, how long you've been married and your circumstance in life at the time of marriage has a lot to do with the statistical prediction of whether or not it will last. | |
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| Guys is this true???
Posted: 7/18/2009 3:03:17 AM | | Most men do not want a woman with children.They are not taught respect or discipline and are wild as hell.Women always spoil the children because of the break up and thats just down right wrong.Children in these types of situations control the mother and wind up keeping her single or if they find a man.He will stray in no time.So ladies,teach them children respect and honor.They need this to survive on their own.My experiances have seen this this many times and they always wonder why the new man cheats.I dont cheat by no means.I just end it quickly.Get a clue ladies and improve your chances of having a loyal and faithful mate.:) | |
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| Guys is this true???
Posted: 7/18/2009 9:16:24 AM | | seems interesting. i would bet the vast majority of guys disagreeing are single parents them self. i do believe instinctually as a guy you want to pass on your dna and father your own kids. it is a very primal thing. but like every other situation there are exceptions to the rule, and in this case thats what they are, exceptions not the rule. lastly again i see single parents pointing out their new found responsibility and ever since i had a kid im just more evolved than most, so any guy who doesnt want to date me is immature, or selfish, or an a$$hole. instead except it as a preference to single people with no kids of their own, afterall maybe their more mature than you, they were smart enough not to have a walking social security number from their immature days, or failed relationship. | |
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| Guys is this true???
Posted: 7/18/2009 9:21:45 AM |
I guess a lot of the single guys (who did the math) eventually get married or cohabit. Kids do come into the relationship, their OWN kids...so all that math you just posted becomes THEIR life. You will get there at some point wheter it's someone else's child or your own. Not every single parent with children live the kind of life you described, some are very well off and educated that don't need the other peson's support. So, if the divorce rate is still at around 51-52%, that would place you at only half a chance of your marriage working out. Guess what? You just became a single parent! Congrats!
*sigh*
A man's own children are not seen as the same type of an inconvenience as OTHER men's children are, | |
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| Guys is this true???
Posted: 7/18/2009 9:41:52 AM |
Kids do come into the relationship, their OWN kids...so all that math you just posted becomes THEIR life. You will get there at some point wheter it's someone else's child or your own.
Well, if it's MY OWN KID then yes, I agree... however, if it's someone else's kid(s) then I don't have the emotional tie or the genetic tie to them....
If the divorce rate is 50% roughly as you state, then people have a 50:50 chance either way... so they could just as easily remain together...
Not every single parent with children live the kind of life you described, some are very well off and educated that don't need the other peson's support.
I agree, but I tried to pick a middle of the road scenario... some are much better off, some are much worse off....
Or even worse, imagine finding the love of your life and settling and NEVER being able to have YOUR OWN children, oooh the horror!
$hit happens....open your eyes AND mind to every possibility.
The thing of it is, I HAVE OPENED MY EYES... I'm in a relationship with a single mom... (which was almost detroyed by her kids), I've also got my own kids, and I've also been in other relationships wth other single moms too...
So, yeah, I have given it a try... several times....
By the way, what I described, has happened to me... so I think I can reasonably offer it up as 'possible'..... certainly more so than all the single moms who offer vague nonsense about the 'benefits' of dating a single mom....
And finally, when a kid is YOURS it means a hell of a lot more than when it is THEIR kid.... | |
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| Guys is this true???
Posted: 7/18/2009 11:19:55 AM | I would rather immasculate myself with a dull butter knife than date a woman with kids.
Sorry. | |
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| Guys is this true???
Posted: 7/18/2009 12:16:30 PM | | I don't think that is true. I think it is because guys are worried that they may have to support anothers person children. I look at it though if you love the mother it is all part of the package.I don't think anyone plans on having children and the being left alone with them. I am having a hard time finding a woman on here because I am a single dad. | |
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