| Can you be friends with a EX?
Posted: 10/2/2005 5:04:51 PM | I think that depends on how it ended.. if it was mutual and with understanding.. them yes..
If ya cheat and lie.. FUG no.. | |
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| Can you be friends with a EX?
Posted: 10/2/2005 5:28:57 PM | Is it really possible to be friends with a ex and still carry on with new relatiohsips and be honest about still being involved in their lives and not create jealously?
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I think so. I am friends with my ex LTR of 13 years and his gf. I value his friendship as he knows me better than anyone else and always gives me wonderful advice :). | |
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| Can you be friends with a EX?
Posted: 10/2/2005 5:35:13 PM | | Of course, my ex husband and I get along better now then when we were married, his current wife is one of my dearest friends now. We have something we all love very much to take into consideration, our children. What's the sense in fighting and hating each other, none as far as I can see. Of course we've had our differences but we try and talk them out rationally. We are adults after all. | |
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| Can you be friends with a EX?
Posted: 10/2/2005 5:40:22 PM | If the Ex was disrespectful to you during marriage...then "no". Friends don't do that to friends.
My Ex hits me up to go out for dinner every week. I thought we were getting along fine. Thanks to someone I met on this site (who knows him), I now know how he talks behind my back.
People don't change....they just can't afford to be shitty to your face anymore. | |
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| Can you be friends with a EX?
Posted: 10/2/2005 6:30:46 PM | My first ex husband hates my guts but he hates women anyway, so we were never friends...he was very abusive during our relationship and the world's biggest a**hole when he drank...so no, we can't be friends and never will be...he's been nursing his wounds since I left him and hangs onto resentment like the plague. His attitude is that I had the audacity to leave him when he is such a great guy LOL! He is very deluded about himself and his behaviour. Keep in mind that he still harbours that resentment after 15 years!!!He is remarried now and our two sons live with him...long story.
My second ex (common law of four years) and I get along fine and chat lightly about his life mostly. I don't share much about mine as he has a Jeckyll and Hyde personality and can turn on you if he feels jealous from time to time but we get along well for the sake of our daughter and he and I are civil with one another. That isn't what I would call a friendship though but a mutual understanding. He tells me about the women he is interested in dating...he's a "status whore" type of person and only tries to go out with women who are in upper positions in their careers or family social status...what he fails to see is that he doesn't have a lot to offer this type of woman but I wish him the best and I hope he finds her..currently he is trying to date a dentist.
My third ex husband (the one I'm currently separated from) has disappeared off the face of the earth, forgotten he has a child by marriage with me and hasn't sent any support...he will never be a friend...He lives in the States so the chances of us ever having contact other than to seal up the divorce package are minimal at best. I figure it's for the best...
While I think it is possible to have a real friendship with an ex, it takes a healthy ex to actually be friends with...and to date I don't have a healthy ex LOL! | |
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| Can you be friends with a EX?
Posted: 10/2/2005 6:43:09 PM | In my opinion, yes you can.... the question really is do you want to???
My last relationship ended in deceit, but yet I have forgiven and looked beyond that.... It was an unhealthy relationship and I am now glad that the deceit occurred if that is what is needed to happen to end the relationship.
Since then I have actually counseled my ex when she and her B/F temporarily broke up (this just happens to be the guy that the deceitful behavior occurred with) and gave her advice from a male’s perspective that helped them re-unite...
It took much time for me to come to the place that I am currently at, but for me it is a very good place.
For me, if you have ever occupied real estate in my heart, I will always have a spot for you.... the definition and terms of my feelings may change as it has with my ex, but I will not evict you!!!! | |
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| Can you be friends with a EX?
Posted: 10/2/2005 6:54:48 PM |
For me, if you have ever occupied real estate in my heart, I will always have a spot for you.... the definition and terms of my feelings may change as it has with my ex, but I will not evict you!!!
I agree, wholeheartedly, as long as we're not including ex-mates who were physically abusive and potentially dangerous.
I have NO contact with my first husband, and if he showed up at my door, I'd hold him at gunpoint and dial 911.
My last ex, however, is still one of my closest friends, on his emotionally-healthy days...he's the one with the issues over the end of our relationship, not me, and I think they're probably mostly guilt-related. | |
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| Can you be friends with a EX?
Posted: 10/2/2005 7:01:17 PM | | ^^^ I would agree, but then again - I would never in a million years imagine that I could have forgiven my ex for the things that occured....... and now I have and am at peace with the entire situation and view it as a gift that spared me from more years of unhappiness!!!! | |
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| Can you be friends with a EX?
Posted: 10/2/2005 7:11:19 PM | You can be friends but it takes time and effort.
It is worth it when there are kids involved. | |
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007Fan
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Joined: 2/19/2005
Msg: 61 | |
| Can you be friends with a EX?
Posted: 10/2/2005 7:16:50 PM | Sure it's possible.
but a break after the breakup is probably in order.
Well as long as you don't have kids together | |
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| Can you be friends with a EX?
Posted: 10/2/2005 7:26:30 PM | well, for us; we can, yes.
in fact, we just discussed this in a phone call last week (across the pond)...
we agreed it was ok, normal and healthy even, to continue with friendship.
after knowing each other for 24+ years, who knows us better than the other?!
in fact, it may seem strange, but honestly,
there are few people's opinion that i trust as i do his...
is that weird or what?!
never thought of it this way! | |
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| Can you be friends with a EX?
Posted: 10/2/2005 7:28:18 PM | | I have been friends with some ex's others i don't want anything to do with. the differance was how the break ended.. | |
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| Can you be friends with a EX?
Posted: 10/2/2005 7:43:57 PM | The difference for me is having kids......
Next the grandkids will come along and I can't bear the thought of making b'days, tec miserable for them | |
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| Can you be friends with a EX?
Posted: 10/2/2005 8:41:20 PM | | If there are children involved. . .I think it is great if you can get along. Jealously is a useless emotion. . . insecurity. | |
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| Can you be friends with a EX?
Posted: 10/2/2005 10:04:53 PM | | I think blastkist nailed it: if both are 'healthy'. My ex is terribly dysfunctional, but we have a kid together. Talk about challenging! | |
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| Can you be friends with a EX?
Posted: 10/3/2005 6:27:33 AM | | Alright, I understand the fact that it depends on the break-up, what I really want to know is how your friendship with your EX affects your new and current relationships, is there any fear from your new partner that your EX is still in your life? | |
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| Can you be friends with a EX?
Posted: 10/3/2005 6:47:54 AM | | i suppose it depends on how true the friendship was in the first place.. Yes i believe it is possible, as out of my last 6 relationships 4 of them are still friends, and 1 is still my best friend, and this was because we built our relationship on a roundation of true friendship (apart from one, as i was desperate and lonely, and well.. learnt a BIG lesson, haha long story) so yeah i believe you can, some ex's may get jealous, but thats life i guess. | |
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| Can you be friends with a EX?
Posted: 10/3/2005 6:53:40 AM | I watched the ex battle to see his son every year and the hell they both went through....
I determined to not allow that to happen with him and our kids.
Our oldest is emancipated and she chooses for herself when to see him.
Our youngest lives with him due to financial reasons and to keep her in the same school and her home (which is his family home)...
Not to mention she is a true daddy's girl.
There is complete freedom to communicate and see each other just as there was before she moved in with him.
Do we sometimes fight?
Yes...royally!
But we get through it for her sake!
Here's what she said when I dropped her off last night:
"Thanks mama...I have the best of both worlds!"
That has made it worth putting forth the effort! | |
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| Can you be friends with a EX?
Posted: 10/3/2005 6:57:47 AM | | my kids are grown, so i really have no desire to ever speak with my ex again. i see how she treats her new husband, so i see no sense in trying to stay friends with a person like that. | |
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| Can you be friends with a EX?
Posted: 10/3/2005 6:58:02 AM | | yes it is possible....i get along better with my ex now than we did before.......although that is just one that i get along with.....others are friends..just that we hold each other at arms-length if ya know what i mean. | |
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| Can you be friends with a EX?
Posted: 10/3/2005 6:58:58 AM | It all depend my 1st ex no way i could be friends with. I could never trust after what she put me through. My 2nd it would be hard to maintain a friendship and keep our relationship on the up and up with our others if we had them. I beleive we still have a hiden love for each other. So being friends with exes without kids is say is a no go. | |
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| Can you be friends with a EX?
Posted: 10/3/2005 7:02:46 AM | Guess we're just weird.....
I have continued to be invited to family functions and attend as I'm able.
My nieces and nephews have told me they will always consider me their Aunt T.
They've never known another with my ex.
Love like that is hard to find.
I cannot imagine breaking my great-nieces hearts by disappearing from their lives....
I was there when they came into the world, hid them from their abusive father when he shot their mother and will continue to be in their lives as long as I live. | |
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| Can you be friends with a EX?
Posted: 10/3/2005 8:04:54 AM | @ HB 
Very mature outlook, not to say that anyone that cannot be friends is immature.... I think bottom line is it all boils down to "do you want to be friends". | |
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