| Number of sexual partners! At what point does this seem a lot?!
Posted: 9/7/2006 5:42:05 PM | The number of partners can be important for several reasons.
Reason number one is the upset factor.
Finding out that your lovers 'friends' all have had sex with her or him can be upsetting. Finding out months later can be even more upsetting.
Was he or she a cheater?
Was he or she a slut?
Was he or she a sex worker?
Next time you're with your girl's 'friends', ask yourself, have they slept together, had steamy sweaty sex. Does he have photos or videos of the two of 'em having sex.
Women worry about a man's past lovers because they commit emotionally to them. They worry that he still has feelings or longings for her.
Does he think of her?
Why did he have sex with her?
Yet in some ways, many women will tolerate a guy's past. Because they know that HE is with me now!
Men worry about visions of bodies sliding together in sweaty lovemaking, penetrations and visions of the mechanics of sex. Fluids and penis sizes and was he better or bigger or both?
Men see their lovers ex's as if in a porn movie in their heads. It's like watching a car accident aftermath, you can be repulsed, yet you have to go there.
Why did she f**k him?
Too many partners can be an indicator of low self-esteem for some people.
Too many partners can be an indicator of being in an abusive relationship.
Too many partners can be a sign of someone who may indulge in high risk behaviour.
Too many partners can be a sign of someone who makes bad choices in life
Too many partners can be a sign of someone who just has sex with who ever offers it.
Granted, many other reasons can be involved. His/her partners may have been the reason. A lot of guys make a habit of trying to get chicks just for sex. Every girl that you score with and dump is one more girl with yet another bad experience in her life. Down the road, some other guy will have to deal with the fall out. It goes around too, the girl you fall in love with eventually, will have fall out for you to deal with also.
Some say, "What's in the past is the past. He or she is with me now!" I think they used to call this in my parent's day as "locking the barn door after the horses are gone"
Realistically, what difference does it make if he or she had sex with them in the past or the future? THEY STILL HAVE HAD SEX WITH THEM!!!! Fluids were exchanged, body parts rubbed together. Intimcay was shared.
Hmmm There's a thought now. When you are intimate with your current or future lover,sharing that post sex glow and cosy feling. Think about all the others they have shared that warm intimate cosy sexy feeling with. Makes you feel pretty good about your being there too eh? Just you and her/him....
How many wet spots of other people's semen and other fluids has he or she slept in?
How cosy....
Hmmm a little easier to accept things if we don't think too much about them isn't it? hahaha
Some people say "My past is what made me the person I am today". As if to say, well, if you love me, you love me as I am. That I would be a different person if not for what I've experienced.
That all being said, some people would be better off NOT learning this way.
I've had a lot of partners, about twice as many as my girl. The girl I am with has had numerous partners, both male and female. She has a lot of issues resulting from it. A lot of her past involved group sex, swinging and bisexuality. Now, years later, she has realised that she made a lot of bad choices and that her active sexual past has done her a lot of damage both physically and pyshcologically. In spite of so called safe sex (100% use of condoms whilke swinging) she contracted several STD's. As a result, health problems and a possibilty of C of the cervix down the road as a lot of tests come back with problems.
As it is, I DO have problems with her past. The numbers are part of it, the activities are another part of it. But the biggest problem is that for the rest of her life and mine together, we have to deal with the results of it.
Some people say "I don't care how many partners he or she has had." Cool. I notice however that most of the people who say that are NOT CURRENTLY IN A RELATIONSHIP!!!! Hmmm
That implies that there was a reason or two that you didn't stay with those people then.
Some people say it because it's Politically Correct to be that way. After all, this is a dating forum for most, Why offend someone you might want to have sex with?
But then none of us would deliberately mislead anyone would we?
Sometimes, you meet the person who did it all, then grew up and matured. Then it's ok for them to have a past.
My total.... 38
Only 1 new one in the last 20 years. She's still with me. | |
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| Number of sexual partners! At what point does this seem a lot?!
Posted: 9/24/2006 12:58:37 PM | Personally, I've never even imagined asking anyone how many people they have been intimate with.First off.....if your gonna ask......be prepared to anwer the question.....honestly!
I think that in our ever changing society and lifestyles.We continue to grow and are not the same people we were 20 years ago.So what does it really matter? Besides .....what are ya gonna do when ya run into someone in triple digits?......talk about the weather? It's personal no matter what the number is.
Play safe and clean! | |
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| Number of sexual partners! At what point does this seem a lot?!
Posted: 9/26/2006 8:29:24 PM | | If she had sex with more than 2 people more than me, then I would probably lose interest in her. This is not just "hypothetical" as it has happened several times before. This may be politically incorrect, but just like honesty, loyalty, etc low number of sexual partners is something I look for in a woman. | |
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| Number of sexual partners! At what point does this seem a lot?!
Posted: 9/26/2006 8:35:58 PM | I don't want to know. I made that mistake in the past and...well...let's just say the number was atrocious and I was instantly turned off. Everything crumbled after that. I don't expect a man to practically be a virgin, but for a man of his age to have a number like that -- YUCK!!! We were clearly on different pages.
I'm not ashamed of my number at all. Heck, it's usually a shock for people to find out just how few men I've slept with. The reason? A) I'm picky as hell; and B) I wait until exclusivity is formed AND until I feel an emotional connection between us.
I'm not the casual sex type. Hell, not even close. | |
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| Number of sexual partners! At what point does this seem a lot?!
Posted: 9/26/2006 8:45:09 PM | How many???? Why would ya care? Sex and love can be 2 different things. And if ur partner has been with 60....(they r with u )so ur the best out of sixty!!! And what fun u will have...sharing all that knowledge!! lol Sometimes ya gotta buy a lot of lottery tickets to hit the jackpot!!!!! Every experience has made them who they r...and who u want.. | |
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| Number of sexual partners! At what point does this seem a lot?!
Posted: 9/27/2006 2:00:44 AM | Ya know, I don't really think it matters how many people someone has slept with before. So long as they don't haven't caught anything from those people.
So long as the past is in the past, and it isn't going to come back to haunt you. That's the only time you really need to talk about past relationships. There are only 2 outcomes from asking questions like this. You're either going to get pissed off, and hurt, or everything is going to remain normal.
I guess if it really bothers you personally to think that your significant other has been with a lot more people than you, and it's important, then go for it. I just really don't see why it should be. So long as they don't go back to any of those people :) | |
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| Number of sexual partners! At what point does this seem a lot?!
Posted: 9/27/2006 6:04:01 AM | | Ok, let's see where to begin on this one.....Everyone seems to think that men can have any amount of women and that's just another notch in their belt. However when a woman has a few they think she is a slut. In my personal opinion, as long as you are single and are using protection - scrump away, girls get horny too! | |
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| Number of sexual partners! At what point does this seem a lot?!
Posted: 9/27/2006 6:07:19 AM | Just a note to all of the people making lists as to terrible things a lot of partners might indicate. It can also indicate a lot of great things. You are viewing sexuality as a negative and so you create it as a negative and this thought manifests into your reality. Perhaps a person who has had many partners loves sex and is an amazing. loving people person whom people naturally want to be with. There are infinite negative possibilities and infinite positive ones...focus on the positive and transform your world.  | |
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| Number of sexual partners! At what point does this seem a lot?!
Posted: 9/28/2006 9:57:45 PM | I just found out that a girl that I dated for 2 years has been with over 200 people! She told me that she had been with only 25 or so. If the number had been only 50 or so, I may have overlooked it. To find out that she kept up that charade for over 2 years has really made me wonder about the whole concept of honesty. Sleeping with that many people is a sure sign that you're using sex to compensate for something else that's lacking in your life.
Just had to vent! The 2 years I spent with her are going to have to be re-evaluated... | |
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Dr. Me
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Joined: 4/6/2005
Msg: 239 | |
| Number of sexual partners! At what point does this seem a lot?!
Posted: 9/28/2006 10:21:44 PM | So lets be honest here people , nobody wants to be the teacher always and ocassionally being a student sucks for time purposes ... so very simply the number means jack shit between 1-40 ... Speaking for myself the stress and anguish associated with dealing with a virgin is not my ideal mate . I want to have sex with my girlfriend and truth be told I would like to meet a pleasure delayer ( I'll wait for it if it's worth it ) .But i don't want to need to tell my girl to take birth control , i don't need to coach through our sexual encourters ... She Should know her body well enough so that when i see her ..she wants things and can ask for them by name or infleunce me to the action. And Above all else I love when i woman get satisfaction out of knowledge that she can please her man ..... An extremely limited stream of sexual partners doesn't allow for the accumulated knowledge that she would need , And too many sexual partners would mean that sex lacks the intensity that a relationship ( in my opinion ) thrives on .... And if the numbers things is that much of a bother .... Ceteris Paribus ..... consider all things being equal ( ie don't ask , don't tell )
Love Life | |
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| Number of sexual partners! At what point does this seem a lot?!
Posted: 9/29/2006 12:44:01 AM | Why are women so fixated on this?
Every woman I ever dated in a "searching for long term" mode asks this question at one point or another...as one person posted..."who cares the past is the past"
A craftsman learns his/her trade after a great deal of experience. A doctor or a lawyer go to school for many many years to gain expertise. Shouldn't a high number mean that the person your with may be the most mind blowing lay you've had in your life?
I wouldn't get an electrician who only ever installed 8 light switches to wire up a house....
trev | |
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| Number of sexual partners! At what point does this seem a lot?!
Posted: 9/29/2006 6:01:22 AM | | Why the heck should it matter to anyone. The people I slept with were before you and had nothing to do with you. You don't know why I had sex with those people or the circumstances or anything else so who are you to just say it's too many. Besides, it's not a changeable number so get over it. | |
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jacq69
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Joined: 7/30/2006
Msg: 247 | |
| Number of sexual partners! At what point does this seem a lot?!
Posted: 10/2/2006 11:50:46 PM | | I don't really ask. If I'm with a new girl I ask her a little about her past, just to make sure she's clean. I'm 25 now, I started late at 18 and I've been with 9 women. Using unspoiled's logic, I've been in steady relationships for five of those years so 25-18=7 years active, 7-5=2 years of seeking, so 9/2 = 4.5 partners per year. The long and short of it is that they add up quickly and it doesn't really matter. I was with a girl for 3 years with whom I was number 39 and I look at it this way: If you learn to be a good lover or better yet strive to become the absolute best lover on the planet, you'll send this girl to the moon when you get your chance and there's no bigger ego boost than having a girl who's had 39 sex partners call you back simply because she wants to have sex with you again. Not to toot my own horn but that actually happened. That said it's definitely easier for women to rack up the numbers simply because they're all sitting on something every guy wants, but ultimately I think that makes it a bigger ego boost when they do pick you. | |
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| Number of sexual partners! At what point does this seem a lot?!
Posted: 10/2/2006 11:53:50 PM | To me it doesn't matter. Sure I've had plenty of sex with females, and I really don't want to answer that question in the first place.
It all sounds bad. If you calculate it up.
I had sex with 10 different girls. Each girl had sex with 10 different guys, and those guys so on and so on.
Forget that, let's just have sex now and you will see why those girls like the sex so much. | |
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