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| Men dating single mothers
Posted: 6/16/2008 7:37:53 PM | | Holy crap, Johne... do you have any other keys on your keyboard? Seriously. | |
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| Men dating single mothers
Posted: 6/16/2008 8:01:38 PM | ^^Now, now...you can't just say that...other people have posted in between his posts...I think I even commented on some of your comments earlier about selfishness etc, so be fair and reply to that as well.... | |
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| Men dating single mothers
Posted: 6/16/2008 9:03:53 PM | | HEEE'S BBAAACCKK!!!! Nice to see the players are all here. Johne that electro-shock didn't work out for you huh? Gentlemen and ladies for the fiftieth time. IF YOU DON'T WANT TO DATE SINGLE MOMS DON"T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! They don't want to date you. They want to meet a single man(he could be single,divorced,divorced with children) establish a meaningful relationship to take care of her needs. REPEAT FOR THE HANDICAPPED, BRAIN DEAD, NAME CALLING MORONS. HER NEEDS, she in all the cases being discussed(the women on this thread)has a job, pays for her kids. She wants to meet a man who will love her, respect her and care for her and give that same accepting respect to her children. I understand if you don't want to date them because you won't get enough attention, they understand that too. BUT there are men out there(I'm one) who will see that children are more important than short term needs. In exchange for this little sacrifice, you will establish a warm caring, loving relationship with a giving woman. If she takes proper care of her children, she CAN"T be anything else but a giver. Now for those of you in the 35+ bracket involved in this discussion, think about all the single women approaching 40 who have no children. How many of those are set in their ways? "I want this" I want that" I want to go there now" They don't have to give, they get to take all the time. If you don't believe me watch them for a while, try taking more than you give and see how fast they move on. Now in conclusion, Johne I think I'll spring for the next set of shock treatments, but I have to be able to pull the switch. Bob | |
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| Men dating single mothers
Posted: 6/16/2008 10:20:52 PM | Yep... so, if you had dumped your hubby solely because you didn't want to raise another woman's child, wouldn't you consider that selfish? I would. It's intrinsically selfish. I want to raise only *my* kids, and am willing to throw away an otherwise "perfect" relationship for that sole reason.
I'm curious... what would make that kid less deserving of your affection and direction than one that came from you? Right. Nothing. Nothing except ego-driven selfish desire to spend all our energy on our own offspring. Thank goodness there are others out there who are willing to do things like teach, adopt orphans and abandoned children, be Big Brothers, etc... Because really, that's what it comes down to.
Well, I suppose there's also the "virgin" aspect. That kid from the single parent has been tainted by the touch of another and you don't get to start fresh with them and raise them completely as your own. Still similar to the above, though. | |
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| Men dating single mothers
Posted: 6/16/2008 10:22:05 PM |
web identity: poor bob, what's your motive?
At least YOURS is quite clear.  | |
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| Men dating single mothers
Posted: 6/16/2008 10:29:14 PM | is it so wrong to want to give my own flesh and blood a better life-style by limiting the financial liability incurred by dating single moms without my ground-rules?
i appreciate the contrasting socialist views. | |
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| Men dating single mothers
Posted: 6/16/2008 10:58:42 PM | No, it's wrong to argue such a self-absorbed viewpoint while hiding behind the anonymity of a false or essentially blank persona on the internet.
Or is that just weak? I can never remember. | |
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| Men dating single mothers
Posted: 6/16/2008 11:30:21 PM | mr. rhino,
while i appreciate your feeble taunts, i'm still unclear as to what you would wish to know, it's my personal belief that discretion is the better part of valor.
try upping your contribution on the board discussion to the civilized mark and i suspect you may have responses more suited to your query. | |
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| Men dating single mothers
Posted: 6/17/2008 12:06:26 AM | "Single moms need to understand this...single moms need to understand that.."
Johne, you are sooo predictable! Nothing ever changes with you does it? | |
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| Men dating single mothers
Posted: 6/17/2008 1:50:11 AM |
Yep... so, if you had dumped your hubby solely because you didn't want to raise another woman's child, wouldn't you consider that selfish? I would. It's intrinsically selfish. I want to raise only *my* kids, and am willing to throw away an otherwise "perfect" relationship for that sole reason.
I'm curious... what would make that kid less deserving of your affection and direction than one that came from you? Right. Nothing. Nothing except ego-driven selfish desire to spend all our energy on our own offspring. Thank goodness there are others out there who are willing to do things like teach, adopt orphans and abandoned children, be Big Brothers, etc... Because really, that's what it comes down to.
Wow. I gotcha now. "Damned if you do, and damned if you don't" on this thread, eh? Even if you ARE a step-parent who tries to see both viewpoints...but silly me, why would any of the single parents on this thread actually WANT perhaps a logical answer to their question. Meh...I give up. You obviously can't read, Rhino. My point was just simply that, sometimes, if it's a question of taking on MANY children that we are talking about, then sometimes people (like myself, but obviously you're too f'in stupid to grasp that concept, even when I spell it out, silly me) just can't afford that. Christ, and we've even seen single-parent dads already admit on some of these threads, that they don't want to have any more kids if it might mean their previous family might suffer monetarily because of it. Not you I guess though, you're in the rare position to be able to take on 4 step-children in addition to the kids you already have, and provide for them all so that none are lacking?
Gawd....no wonder this thread keeps going....silly, selfish ME, eh? Gawd. 
Go back to attacking Johne then, because heaven forfend you should actually take into account anyone else's viewpoints or reasoning....it's so much easier to fall back on the same ridiculous rhetoric, isn't it. Gawd.
Now I can easily see why threads like this keep going. | |
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| Men dating single mothers
Posted: 6/17/2008 3:09:19 AM | Although I empathize with childless men/women not wanting to take on an instant family, I must take offense to the emphasis that certain individuals keep placing on only contributing to their own offspring and not to the offspring of another man/woman.
I spent 8 years raising my stepkids. Although my relationship with my ex was a degrading experience, if I had the opportunity to go back in time and decide whether I want to do it again, I would go through it again for my stepkids.
There is more than genetics that make a child yours. If you raise a child as if they were your own, they become yours. I look at my stepkids and even though there is no blood link, I still see lots of myself in them. I'd be the first to admit that raising stepchildren has its challenges, but it also has its rewards and its perks too. | |
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| Men dating single mothers
Posted: 6/17/2008 3:33:42 AM | This topic is like the Norwalk Virus, highly contagious and impossible to eliminate.
Some of the posts early in this thread were informative because I've been doing a lot of thinking on why a guy can't get past a 4th date with me, I always find something wrong with them. I pretty much only date single men without children, with the exception of one single father, and it hasn't been working for me. I'm starting to wonder if the problem is our core values are not in common. It's sort of like cats and dogs, we can coexist but we never really get each other because our instincts are different.
A 40 something guy who has never had children might not understand that I had to take my son to see HULK on Friday night, where as a single father might get it. If a person has never experienced the narcissistic joy that comes from parenthood, they won't understand the wild and weird things I go through to make my kids happy. Just why I can't understand how a weekend trip in the mountain with 12 guys and 10 000 paintballs causes euphoria.
Or it could just be that I'm intolerant or like being single. I need to do more research. What a pick up line, "Hey sugar lips wanna be my research project?" hahaha! | |
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| Men dating single mothers
Posted: 6/17/2008 6:42:15 AM | | Web ID, I don't have to have motivation. But if you were on the other thread you would know my history. I was raised by a single mom, I am dating one. My point is and has been, these women and the few single dads who post are still human beings. They have the same rights as anyone else on POF. To seek a relationship with a man/woman and no matter your opinion, my opnion or anyone elses. That does not remove that right. Now if in your mind or several others I'm sure I will be hearing from, you choose not to date them, that is your right. As far as I know, all the women I've communicated with on this or the other thread, are gainfully employed, take serious all their obligations and are good parents. If someone is not a good parent or a user then obviously they would be not be as good a dating partner. These women just seek what any other human being seeks, a relationship with a man. What is the issue? If they question, or have questions about dating men, just as you would, they seek answers. To ram home 182 times the same thought does not make a disussion, to call them names as on the other thread or to question their value does not make a discussion. As to my motives again before I get some rant about dating them. Most of these women are out of my dating range(age) they are my junior by anywhere from 14 years and younger, sorry I don't go there. Nor would I expect them too. Bob | |
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| Men dating single mothers
Posted: 6/17/2008 8:20:57 AM | Wow. I gotcha now. "Damned if you do, and damned if you don't" on this thread, eh? Even if you ARE a step-parent who tries to see both viewpoints...but silly me, why would any of the single parents on this thread actually WANT perhaps a logical answer to their question. Meh...I give up. You obviously can't read, Rhino.
Oh, I can read... I just disagree that aborting a relationship SOLELY for a possible financial impact based on a child (or 4 children or however many) is "just being realistic." It's selfish. Financial issues of that sort can almost always be worked around or solved by changes in lifestyle or level of commitment to income-earning. You say it's "just being realistic." It's "just being realistic" because you don't care to deal with the problem, so you avoid it entirely. That pretty much defines selfish. (and before you go orbital again, the "you" in the preceding sentences is the generic "you." I can, in fact, read... I even figured out you, specifically, DID take on a step-child... but you wouldn't take on 3 or 4.
My point was just simply that, sometimes, if it's a question of taking on MANY children that we are talking about, then sometimes people (like myself, but obviously you're too f'in stupid to grasp that concept, even when I spell it out, silly me) just can't afford that.
Oh look, here it is again. Yep, got it the first time. Thanks for the repeat, though. Sometimes I'm pretty slow.
Christ, and we've even seen single-parent dads already admit on some of these threads, that they don't want to have any more kids if it might mean their previous family might suffer monetarily because of it. Not you I guess though, you're in the rare position to be able to take on 4 step-children in addition to the kids you already have, and provide for them all so that none are lacking?
If that's the only concern, then using that as the sole motivation to sever a relationship is fairly selfish, yes. Just curious, how are these kids being supported up to this point? You really have to take the totality of the circumstances into consideration. However, with the online society we have here, it's very easy to dissect a single issue or concern and turn it into the sole factor that's under consideration.
Gawd....no wonder this thread keeps going....silly, selfish ME, eh? Gawd.
Nope... again, you took the "you" to mean specifically you. Obviously, you took on the additional responsibility, based on the totality of the circumstances. If you HAD bailed solely because you didn't want to take on the additional financial responsibility, THEN you WOULD HAVE BEEN pretty selfish. Is that clear this time? I'm afraid it didn't come through properly last time.
Go back to attacking Johne then, because heaven forfend you should actually take into account anyone else's viewpoints or reasoning....it's so much easier to fall back on the same ridiculous rhetoric, isn't it. Gawd.
I took your reasoning into account... I just disagree with your conclusions. The irony of defending Johne in the same sentence as "ridiculous rhetoric" is pretty damn funny, though.
Now I can easily see why threads like this keep going.
Yep, people take things personally and out of context, and feelings get smudged a bit. You're not surprised, are you? I'm also sorry I didn't give your first response appropriate consideration the first time around. I didn't mean to slight you.
Edited to add:
Take the other extreme: Someone who refuses to date anyone but a doctor, lawyer, or other high-income profession... would you say that person is selfish? Perhaps use the common pejorative "golddigger?" Just putting some of the rationale out there. :) | |
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| Men dating single mothers
Posted: 6/17/2008 8:23:33 AM |
while i appreciate your feeble taunts, i'm still unclear as to what you would wish to know, it's my personal belief that discretion is the better part of valor.
try upping your contribution on the board discussion to the civilized mark and i suspect you may have responses more suited to your query.
BWAHAHAHAHA!!! I enjoy the condescension, but my ex-wife pretty much made me immune. Taking it from someone hiding behind a blank profile is not exactly intimidating.
**ignore** | |
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| Men dating single mothers
Posted: 6/17/2008 10:04:36 AM |
I enjoy the condescension, but my ex-wife pretty much made me immune
LOL...Now that I can relate too! | |
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| Men dating single mothers
Posted: 6/17/2008 10:29:50 AM | "if you care about someone you don't care that you make more money than they do. You obviously did not care about the woman from Fortinos that much or her financial situation would not have bothered you."
Ok Chrysler girl, would you date and marry a man that made less than you? Judging from your entire response, you would not because you would consider the man to be "mooching off you".....yet you have the nerve to say that if you truly care about someone, then you don't care if you out earn them.
I actually agree with and have no problem with people setting standards (socially & financially) for the type of partner they want to be with ....so don't pass a negative judgment on guy for wanting to be with a woman who is also financial strong ...when you yourself are setting high financial standards for your potential partner..... | |
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| Men dating single mothers
Posted: 6/17/2008 11:01:59 AM | | I think Chrysler girl just left with that guy Henry Ford. If you hurry you can catch them??/// | |
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| Men dating single mothers
Posted: 6/17/2008 11:35:38 AM | If I was marriec had a child a widowed and thus a single oarent I would understand why someone would not want to datre me if they choose to protect what they have...it is their choice and fair.
I have had a few offers to live common law with a single mom but did not do it and I am glad that I did not....the next guy she asked took her up on it...guess who is paying child support for her child? That man..not me.
Dating a single parent can be complicated and I also prefer not to deal with some of that stuff like ex's children who may say to me "You are not my father I do not have to listen to you". I perfer my time and financial resources go to my own family...niot someone else's. | |
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| Men dating single mothers
Posted: 6/17/2008 11:49:09 AM | | Excellent point Johne. So why don't you leave this thread, since you won't date them. Use your time and resources to go have your own family. They won't be disappointed, I certainly won't be. God only knows what you'll be, but it will certainly be better than what we have now. I doubt any single mother would have asked you to live common law unless you hid your obvious disdain for them or they were completely deranged. This is just another fantasy of yours like all the lies you made up on the other thread. Like the one single mom on the fictious thread who you said would take the childs part over a marriage or relationship, remember those were your words not mine. But you never cited that thread now did you, more lies. Now just toddle off and take your meds. Bob | |
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| Men dating single mothers
Posted: 6/17/2008 12:44:05 PM | "I just disagree that aborting a relationship SOLELY for a possible financial impact based on a child (or 4 children or however many) is "just being realistic." It's selfish. Financial issues of that sort can almost always be worked around or solved by changes in lifestyle or level of commitment to income-earning"
I have to disagree with statement above in the context of Canadian law regarding child support, in particular with regards to step parents. The reason is that right in the legislation it states that the child's right to child support from either a bio or step parent cannot be bargained away in any shape or form. So, in Canada, there is no work around with regards to child support, the child's right to it, whether they are you bio or step child is embedded in the legislation.
I agree with sweetness because this is something I have address when considering dating a single parent. Basically, can I afford for this relationship to not work and what would be the resulting impact on my child's standard living. In some cases, it does come back to "I just cannot afford it" since it will have detrimental effect on her standard of living, what I want to provide for her and would financially hamper me for a great number of years due to having to pay child support to two families.
If I read your response correctly, you see the above as being selfish. To me it is not selfish, that is taking care of my original family and responsibility I have to my child.
Does this mean that I do not date single mothers, nope, it just means that I am more cautious as all responsible parents should be. | |
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| Men dating single mothers
Posted: 6/17/2008 3:46:48 PM | If I read your response correctly, you see the above as being selfish. To me it is not selfish, that is taking care of my original family and responsibility I have to my child.
No, I think you've missed a critical nuance. The selfish part would be to take the drastic action of severing a relationship completely because of purely financial concerns, particularly if those are predicated on the assumption that the relationship will end within a few years.
Does this mean that I do not date single mothers, nope, it just means that I am more cautious as all responsible parents should be.
Precisely. You don't use that (impact on your financial situation) as the SOLE criterion. Which is what I said was selfish (see the all-caps "SOLELY" in the bit you quoted). Multiple times.
Good for you, though! | |
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| Men dating single mothers
Posted: 6/17/2008 3:51:11 PM | Wow I'm fierce naive!!
Here I am sitting at home thinking - I don't get out much it would be great to meet someone to share a life with - I'll hit the sites and meet some new people.
Now I realise to actually contemplate getting together with someone, I will have prepare a general statement of accounts as well as projected profit and losses based on the outcome of how we get on. And here was me thinking I would have to worry about to wear heels or not wear heels - I'm tall this it also something that causes sensitivity in uys - though not as much as cash it appears
So I have a question for you all, at what point do you decide get in or get out - when do you speak up about your values? Are you up front or do you string it out for other reason.
What worries me the most about some of the post above is not your views - everyone is entitled to have their values - I may think some are a bit narrow minded and judgemental but I respect that all people are different - we won't all be going for coffee :)
What Im interested in is how many of you are truly honest in sharing your views up front? Be a man so to speak - some women's comments are equally strong.
Because the scenario that crosses my mind is maybe I meet a guy ,I like him, he grows on me and it seems to go both ways and next it's all over cos I'm not financially viable. I'd be pretty unhappy. | |
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| Men dating single mothers
Posted: 6/17/2008 5:18:47 PM |
What Im interested in is how many of you are truly honest in sharing your views up front?
Speaking as a women, I am very upfront right off the bat about my values in terms of being a single mom, etc and what he can and cannot expect from me in regards to that. | |
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