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| Men dating single mothers
Posted: 6/18/2008 5:21:13 PM |
So, yes a single woman can ruin a man financially but he can protect himself, but the law is absolute when it comes to child support. You live them and meet the criteria, you pay.
The arguement in that is that it is based on fear and ASSUMPTION that every women you date with kids is going to stiff you with the child support once you break up. So, doesn't it come back to not trusting your own judgement to get involved with a women that would NOT utilize the stupid law to begin with?
Wait, tbat might be too novel an idea for the lot of you..... Taking personal responsibility for something you choose, instead of blaming it solely on others. | |
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| Men dating single mothers
Posted: 6/18/2008 5:56:22 PM | The argument is not based on fear or an assumption that every woman is going to stiff me for child support.
The courts in Canada unfortunately have had to hammer it into too many guys that prior to getting into any new relationship make sure you can afford your previous one. With that in mind one, but obviously not my only one, of my criteria going into relationship is can I afford this relationship. You see I already pay support for my first child and I know what I want standard of living I can give her. So, entering into a relationship with a single parent I am more cautious since I cannot afford for the relationship to fail since it would have a detrimental effect on the standard of living for my first child.
As I said before, its not about stiffing me with child support, it is a recognition of the reality that the child has a right to the support, if a relationship fails I will most likely have to pay and what sort of effect would this have on myself and my daughter. Its just prudent.
As for a novel idea, try not to reading too much into statements. Love your assumptions though they make amusing reading. | |
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| Men dating single mothers
Posted: 6/18/2008 6:02:34 PM |
The argument is not based on fear or an assumption that every woman is going to stiff me for child support.
I was not directing that towards you, specifically. See how assumptions are made easily. Just as assumptions about ME have been made, just because I carry the status of single mother.
Your position is admirable. I get that. Some here are never going to really see clearly what *I* am trying to say... | |
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| Men dating single mothers
Posted: 6/18/2008 6:15:02 PM | | I would sooner date a women with a child than one without children. I'm a single father. I would want someone that understands my situation and, I would hope, has gotten most of the, single with no kids, life out of there system. That doesn't mean I wouldn't date a women with no children, but the odds of success there are probably slimmer. | |
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| Men dating single mothers
Posted: 6/26/2008 11:52:43 PM | Just listen to the lyrics of "Honeymoon Suite" The Big Prize
Song #4...what does it take! | |
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| Men dating single mothers
Posted: 7/1/2008 10:09:19 PM | | ya it is hard... just recently all i have is guys that sit there and can't understand what a single mother has to go threw... and then try and change a situation so a mother can be happy... just recently i found a nice guy or i thought was nice... he broke iy off just cuz she gave a little additude...i don't know what to do anymore | |
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| Men dating single mothers
Posted: 7/1/2008 10:12:56 PM | | ya i get dinged and i get no child support and it's not only one person that pays for a child it's two... and to stiff people is just pfft who cares about what i say just make the child happy... finances can place happieness but it is for the child .. not who owes what | |
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| Men dating single mothers
Posted: 7/2/2008 5:45:10 AM | Hi Ruth,
I'm in the same boat as you, single mum with 2 children, a girl 13 and a boy 11. I don't have a lot of money but they get everything (even if they have to wait a while) they need. I don't have any family so it's just me and them.
I'm gonna blow my own trumpet now (lol), I treat them with respect, I love them, I have time for them, I don't hit or beat them, they respect me, we are great friends and have loads of fun together.
I've seen single dads treat their kids worse than a dog and single mums too. BUT I've also seen brilliant parents too. Money doesn't come into it, my kids have friends that get everything (except love) and they are always around here because we have a happy home.
As for single mums not wanting or not knowing what they want, I'm a full-time university student, I'm looking for work also, I do ALL my own decorating, gardening, car maintenace, blah blah blah....and my kids are healthy, well adjusted, kind and caring people...
How many 'couples' can say that?
By the way, you sound like a brilliant parent and stuff anyone who suggests differently! | |
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| Men dating single mothers
Posted: 7/2/2008 9:37:45 AM | Ok, althogh I haven't read the ENTIRE thread, I have read most of it. I have to say something to johnne.... I am a woman who married a single father. I live in Canada, and when I married him I became responsible for his financial obligations to his daughter. This is true, and if his ex had wanted to be a she-devil, she could've insisted on a lot more. We were lucky that she didn't come after him for more.
When I left him I had a baby with me. I let him go for a year and a half before going for child support so that he could get his sh1t together, I also continued to get his daughter(from before) on "OUR" visitation weekends, so that our children could continue to see each other. About a year ago, he fell into hard times.. that happens. I understand that. I allowed him to stop making payments because he needed to. When he showed up on my doorstep with bags in hand, I let him sleep on my couch. I supported HIM! Why shouldn't I expect the same from him?He's since re-affirmed the reason we split up in the first place, and i had to get him out... he also hasn't seen or spoken to his children since...
That doesn't mean that I'm looking for someone to support me. I have a very good job. One that I went to college to get, and am thankful that I continued on that track. Living in Canada means I COULD hold him responsible for half of my Student loans too.., but I'm not doing that. You shouldn't generalize single moms who live in canada either, they take a chance too..
Jenn
BTW< I am still paying his child support for the other child, not that I mind since I know it goes to her and not him, and it's not her fault he's a deadbeat | |
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| Men dating single mothers
Posted: 7/2/2008 10:54:21 AM | | yeah I want to reply to this because I got with a guy that had a little boy the age of 2 I feel in love with that little kid and took him under my wing as if he was my own....I never thought I would get with a guy with children but to come to find out he had two more...by the same woman also......but didn't live with him.....um I ended up getting pregnant by him and then he changed in a completely different person...into a jackass man.....treating me the crap and pratically cheating on me helping some other girl with laundry and hopping in the car talking off with her and her staying over till like 3 one day....well he started to prove what kind of person and dad he was because it got to the point there was no food in the house and he would not do anything...like wash his kids clothes until he would run completely out of things to wear and had to wear nothing....but we would have to go to the laundry mat and I had no job cause my car didn't work...but he wasn't even trying to find a job, when he could get rides...with people that lived next to us that had jobs he can do with them....but he would leave me in the house with his kids and stay gone for hours.......I hated it....but anyways I got out of there and said I can't deal with all the stress, having nothing to eat and being treated like crap...it got to the point he wouldn't even look or talk to me...I knew because of the other girl.....but right time I get pregnant he wants to act like he doesn't care about anything and just sorry man...so I decided to go back to my mothers until I can get help with a place to stay on my own for me and my baby and decided I was going to do this without him because IT'S what's BEST for me and my baby!!! | |
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