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| Men dating single mothers
Posted: 9/27/2005 5:45:11 AM | Good insight t1hybrid! Common goals and lifestyles do make it easier to plan events and even futures. Good luck in your search!  | |
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| Men dating single mothers
Posted: 9/27/2005 6:14:31 AM | | My philoshophy has always been such that I believe that I will fall for who I fall for, and whether they have children or not won't impact that because 'it isn't a decision...it just happens'. Currently, I'm seeing a wonderful woman who has two children. The fact that she has children never entered the equation. I met her...I liked her. To put that kind of a prerequisite on a relationship just because of children suggests to me that the individual is thinking with their head and not their heart...not the kind of person I would like to team up with. | |
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| Men dating single mothers
Posted: 10/4/2005 7:17:49 AM | i think the times are changing now where along time ago people where more used to staying together with a child.it was more of a unheard of thing a woman bringing a child up by them selfs unless widowed.
but as i said before now their are more single parents than their where then. i think it's more of the fact that people are less lighty to put up with things and want the best for themselfs and their child. it's more common and exeptable now days.
i'm sorry but by not wanting to find another man cos you have a child i think is mostly down to your trust in men. i can see where you are coming from but it comes down to finding the best man for you and your child. my mum was a single mum but then she met someone and i was brought up by my step dad. what i'm getting at is having a step dad i learnd things that my mother couldn't teach me, and i talked to him about things that you can't talk about to your mother. so locking yourself away from men might not be the best thing. i agree with not letting men come and go out your childs life. you just have to find the right man and we do exist.
me myself it doesn't matter if they have a child or not, if they are who i'm looking for then thats cool. my sister has just been through a break up and has 3 children. she asked me the same question, who would want me with three children, i said to her the same as i'm saying to you... if he is a person willing to take on children to be with you then he's worth being with, but if he's not willing to take on children then he's not worth being with. he can't love you as much as you want him to. i'll leave you with that thought... carl | |
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| Men dating single mothers
Posted: 10/4/2005 3:44:06 PM | I think T1HYBRID, RIGHT IN SAY WE HAS PARENTS HAVE ALOT MORE IN COMMON SO MAYBE SEEKING OUT THE SAME WOULD BE A GOOD THING... i'm not looking for anyone to help me put my son to colleger or university, got that all worked out but looking for a guy who knows how to treat a women ....... and is willing to have a great kid as a friend and to love him .... we all know how hard it is to love other people kids but i think once you are willing to forget about what society says about us single parent an dtake the chance and get to know us then you'll see that it's not all that hard to love us and ourkids....
Those who date single parents can learn alot... thats what i've been told by people who have been open to take the chance.... I have guys tell me i'm very caring individual... guess it's because i'm a single mom..... I love my son and believe that since habing him i look at things alot different....... treat people different and i'm not afraid to show how i feel for the right guy ........
kodos to all you single parents...... hope we all find the dream mate of our dreams weither he or she be a single parent or single person who is open to give us single parents a chance at showing and introducing them to something wonderful..........  | |
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| Men dating single mothers
Posted: 10/4/2005 6:36:31 PM | To all those single moms out there: Pull up your socks, set your priorities, realize your goals, get on with living. Just because we have children, does NOT mean we have to devot our lives to them. We can still be great moms, and have time to date, work, study, and maybe a dance class or two. Where there's a will there's a way
AMEN!!! I am a single mom, but I still have time for all the things you mentioned. It's called the children having a good father in their lives. Lots of these mothers that are spoken of here have the weight on their shoulders to do all the raising of the children because of an absentee father. I work full time, keep a home, go out on weekends and still sleep in on my days off. And I'm a kick a** mom. You men act as if we are looking for a father figure for our children. Maybe some are. But alot are'nt either. I don't need a man in my life to be a father for my children.If that was the case, I would've stayed married miserably so. If he wants to be a good rolemodel than great. But don't think just because we are single mothers we are looking for a man to support us. I have'nt found many men that have it together as well as I. And honestly, my children are my driving force. I thank God everyday for them. | |
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| Men dating single mothers
Posted: 10/5/2005 12:22:08 AM | I am completely with you. I brought my daughter into this world knowing that her father would more than likely not be around but, my daughter has never gone without a single thing. Her father is a deadbeat who just wants to play games... now someone try to tell me that is a healthy environment for a child to grow up in seriously. I may be on this website but, it is for nothing other than to find love for my daughter and myself. I work too hard to give my daughter what she needs and anything she could want to just play games. I may only be 18 but, I have found out the hard way what the real world is and as far as I am concerned anyone who has anything against single mothers isn't worth the time of day especially when I could be spending valuable time with my baby. There is nothing wrong with dating single mothers and if you are willing to treat that child as your own then you are a real man and until then you are just a scared ass little boy. | |
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| Men dating single mothers
Posted: 10/5/2005 2:29:56 AM | This site is new to me and this is the first forum i have read. WOW what a lot of ignorant people there are out there!
whitemaleman...i am stunned at your ignorance and stupidity. Anyone with a decent amount of education is intelligent enough not to generalise the way you have. I guess to you all single mothers are the same. Stupid, ignorant, uneducated and basically just after your money to support their kids. You couldnt be more wrong. I dont know the statistics in Canada, but in the UK only 5% of all the single mothers are in the category that you relate to. The rest of us are in this situation through circumstances. I had my first child at a young age but I was married at the time. I have 2 children now and yes I am on my own, but that is because my husband died 3 years ago at the age of 38. Did I choose this lifestyle in your opinion??
While a lot of other single mothers might not have been widowed, there are many reasons why they may be in the situation they are in. As an 'educated person' I can think of many. You on the other hand, being the narrow minded person that you are, may need them pointed out for you.
A lot of marriages break down leaving the mother (or even sometimes the father) as a single parent, that doesnt mean in every case that the children only have one responsible parent. In other cases there might only be one responsible parent left for the children as the father (or the mother) may not want to know. That isnt the fault of the remaining parent. I could go on but hopefully you get the idea.
To address the point of contraception: we all know there is a great choice out there but none of them are 100% effective including the backup methods you talk about. Sometimes women (and men) are left to deal with the results in the most responsible way they can. That is to raise their children in a happy loving environment which can comprise of 1(or 2) parents. Yes in an ideal world it is best for children to have a mum AND a dad, but lets face it are you really naive enough to believe this is an ideal world. How would you suggest I raise my kids WITH their dad??
You say to focus on career first. Obviously you are the type who can only focus on one thing at a time. Some of us however, are able to do more than one thing. That is, have a career AND raise happy, contented children. If you plan to give up your career when you have kids (god help them) you had better start saving now as they cost a hell of a lot of money to support.
Not all us single mothers actually want someone else to support our kids, we are quite happy doing that for ourselves. Actually its very satisfying and rewarding.
My final point, after reading your profile and seeing what an interesting and articulate man you are , is to suggest some extra education for yourself.
but a cool dash of possible thinking
I am assuming (as I am intelligent) that you meant 'positive' thinking? | |
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| Men dating single mothers
Posted: 10/6/2005 3:23:59 PM | I’m sorry, but why are you jumping on "whitemaleman"? You didn't listen to what he had to say, but spent your rant dissecting his words to create a responds.
Unfortunately I agree with most of what he has said.
Listen. And I will be "Assertive" I will talk about my experiences and not generalize.
Do single mothers what a man to support there kids? Absolutely Yes!! Oh...none of them will say it. Never, it will be sugar coated with words like "Independent" or my favorite, " I don't need a man to raise my kids" ( and again......I'm not generalizing...I'm talking from my experience.
Case in point. I make in the middle 6 figures per year. I live in a house that’s paid for and also own a few apt’s in town and drive a 3 year old car.
I met a lady last summer at Fortino’s in Hamilton......man she was gorgeous, and after chatting together in the parking lot for awhile we exchanged numbers and eventually met. She has 2 children from two different guys.....{that should have been my first clue to walk away.......} but did I? Noooooooo
Listen...she never asked me for a cent, but I paid big time. She never had any money, and there was never much food in her house, I would buy grocery’s for her and the children millions of times. I would pay for drugs at the pharmacy, She never asked me too, but what am I to do? I go to her house and there is nothing in the fridge....what am I to do?
I've made a long depressing story extremely short here, just giving one example. But I can tell you, before I date another lady with children, first off I’m going to make sure she is on the same social ladder as I am....yea...sounds mean and selfish doesn't it. But believe me...it's not mean or selfish at all.
Maybe you single moms out there should stop jumping on the guys the moment they talk about something that they have experienced, and try to put yourselves in there positions.
They are the ones walking into you and your love ones life’s.
Again...for me it's a social thing. Here in Hamilton I have dated 3 ladies in the past 9 years who have children. One of them made the same amount of cash as I did, and guess what? The relationship didn't last, but it was night and day compared to the others whom I dated who didn't work or had absolutely the minimal income and lower education.
What are you thinking? If I stayed with that lady I met at Fortino's, married her...wouldn't it be me supporting her and her children? It's me paying for the house, the cars...(and supporting the children) Like I said in my profile...."when I here a lady say she likes the finer things in life, but only makes 30g's a year....I laugh to myself.
I expect to get flamed big time for this post....but I just had to get it out. Its the way it is.....at the end of the day it's all about dollars and cents, and for those of you that don't believe it.......well your lucky | |
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| Men dating single mothers
Posted: 10/6/2005 4:09:03 PM | ****In my mind if you have a baby with someone it should be with someone you have known VERY VERY well and PLANNED so that you WILL be happy and together with the baby
Why have a baby with someone who turns out to run away and not pay and sometimes even not talk to the baby??? how can you date a bandit? that is a bandit***
I had to read this twice to actually beleive that someone would write such a thing.
Lets talk about the real world.
In the real world, we have the ability to misjudge our partners. Someone that we think is the love of our life turns out to be a horrible partner once responsibilities arise.
In the real world spouse die.
In the real world, relaationships fail becasue people grow apart.
In the real world, condoms break and birth control methods fail.
If you can predict that you will be happy forever with someone, the person is assured of longevity, (at least to the extent that the children are grown), and that every method of birth control youuse will be 100% reliable, you've got one over on me.
Let me explain something. Single mothers don't want to be with you if you don't like their children. We don't care if you go and find your well-educated 30 year old and take vacations at any time. Many of us probably make more money than you do and don't care about all of your material possessions. You are not what we are looking for so it is no great loss to us when you look elsewhere.
I found your post to be unfounded, inflamatory and insulting. | |
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| Men dating single mothers
Posted: 10/6/2005 4:14:24 PM | *pats Chrysler on the head* Shhhh, hun. Remember, pick your battles wisely. Some don't deserve an intelligent response, woman.
*hugs*
Dee | |
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| Men dating single mothers
Posted: 10/6/2005 4:21:22 PM | Handsome darkmale, if you care about someone you don't care that you make more money than they do. You obviously did not care about the woman from Fortinos that much or her financial situation would not have bothered you.
Obviously we like men that are successful. We don't want someone mooching off of us either. Been there, done that. Don't think that men are the only ones thaat ever end up supporting their spouses or partners. Success and a good career is a symbol of responsibility. You say you have learned from your past relationships? Well so have I and I prefer to be with a man who works hard and has accomplished a few things, not a deadbeat. There is nothing wrong with that either.
You want someone from your social class? Well, you have not cornered the market on that, so do we. Be my guest, rule out single mothers. I would certainly hate for someone that is closed-minded and arrogant to be around my children as a role model.
Best of luck finding your social equal. | |
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| Men dating single mothers
Posted: 10/6/2005 7:40:28 PM | Do single mothers what a man to support there kids? Absolutely Yes!! Oh...none of them will say it. Never, it will be sugar coated with words like "Independent" or my favorite, " I don't need a man to raise my kids" ( and again......I'm not generalizing...I'm talking from my experience.
you should lay off the crack pipe. | |
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| Men dating single mothers
Posted: 10/7/2005 2:25:16 AM | I did listen to what Whitemaleman had to say, as far as I could see he wasnt actually speaking from personal experience. Yes he was generalising. Handsomedarkmale - you might have had experience of dating single mothers, you mention 3? Of course you're not generalising are you. Lets do the maths...3 out of...hmmmm.....millions. You have obviously dated a good percentage of them to be able to make an unbiased, rational argument!
Do single mothers want a man to support their kids??? Yes, absolutely, I do, but unfortunately the man I wanted to support my kids is dead. As for the rest of you, NO. I am quite capable of doing that for myself thanks anyway.
I have obviously decided that I am ready to start dating again as I am on this site, but a mans salary is irrelevant. I'm just looking for someone to have a laugh with, not a father for my kids. Their father cannot be replaced. If the relationship developed it would be because we both wanted it to and we had the same principles and values. That would obviously rule you out.
Everyone is entitled to their opinion, my last post was just mine. It wasnt done just to provoke responses, otherwise we could say that about whitemaleman and darkhandsomemale. I'm sure they are just stating their opinion. As i said everyone is entitled to state their opinion, even those who are narrow minded. | |
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| Men dating single mothers
Posted: 10/7/2005 2:38:02 AM | | One more thing we seem to be forgetting. At this age when we date someone its more than likely that the guy has children from a previous relationship too. Even if they dont live with him, i would expect that he was helping to support them. Put it this way, if he wasnt then i wouldnt be dating him as i would be questioning his principles. So considering all this if we did actually end up making a go of it, then considering I'm working too (quite a good job actually) we would both be helping to support each others kids. | |
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| Men dating single mothers
Posted: 10/7/2005 4:54:17 AM | *****"As i said everyone is entitled to state their opinion, even those who are narrow minded."****** angelpants
I love that angelpants! It reminds me of what my Dad always says. "Everyone has the right to be wrong!" | |
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| Men dating single mothers
Posted: 10/7/2005 5:04:10 AM | Angelpants-I am in the same situation as you. I was married for 20 wonderful years to the father of my 4 awesome kids. I didn't want my life to be this way, and never thought it would. Being a single parent SUCKS. But for the men out there who seem to generalize all single moms:
My kids will not see a parade of men through their lives.
If you have children, they better be #1 in your life or you can just keep walking.
I make a 6 figure salary too, you'd be surprised at the number of men that want me to support THEM.
My kids do not need a "father" they had the best there ever was. What I would like them to have is a man with good moral principles and someone who would love their mother and them unconditionally. (hah!! good luck, huh?)
Now granted, many single moms out there do not have it the way I do. But I am sure very few of them expected or wanted to be single moms. For the men reading this, you should look at the way they treat their kids: are they a priority in their life? If so, IF you are the right person for them you will be a priority as well. In my opinion, it comes down to how egocentric and selfish some women (and men for that matter) are when you look at a person as a future mate. Singleparents who can give of themselves (time, money, love, attention) to their children can also give the same to their mate....if that person is the right one!!!! Parenthood was never meant to be a 1 person game....hence the need for two to make a baby. It's easier with two, and better for everyone involved. BUT only if both people are committed and have their priorities straight. | |
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| Men dating single mothers
Posted: 10/7/2005 8:08:15 AM | You don't get it chryslergirl, you just don't get it. And because of your eloquent command of the English language, you have a lot of "hanger ons"
What in the world is wrong with wanting to meet my equal? "Most" of the single mothers I meet are basically living on or below the poverty line. And your right, I'm in my 40's, homes and toys, and I'm going to bring someone into my life at this stage with young children and no education? Some guys will do it, but I bet you most successful guys with a lot of money won't. And as ugly as it sounds.....most of those guys are thinking about years down the line when and if the relationship breaks up.....what’s it going to cost him? Don't 50% of relationships/marriages break up anyway? Look at the ladies in this thread...look at you.
I bet you like men who are successful, but we "successful" men like ladies who are successful too. Whats wrong with that? I know, I know..Sucess is relative. That’s not to say that a single mom with children isn't or can't be successful. They can and are. And the financial situation is important. Can she afford to take trips a few times a year, can she afford to buy the occasional dinner etc......yes, despite what you believe, or have regressed...in a situation with single moms ( and successful men )....it's a very important factor.
Michael | |
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| Men dating single mothers
Posted: 10/7/2005 10:13:28 AM | Funny.. I can't seem to find a *decent* guy who bothers to make the money I do.
I'm thinking Michael is the REASON his relationships broke up, but hey, that's JMHO. | |
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| Men dating single mothers
Posted: 10/7/2005 10:18:10 AM | HILARIOUS!
Michael's profile says it is fine if a woman has children!
LMFAO | |
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| Men dating single mothers
Posted: 10/7/2005 10:20:23 AM | Yep, but I don't see the point in wasting much of my intelligence here. This one doesn't have kids either, so it's childless input.
Enough said. | |
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| Men dating single mothers
Posted: 10/7/2005 10:42:09 AM | What does money have to do with meeting and dating a man. So you have a wonderful job so i guess that makes you better than us....Be thankful not arrogant...
In regards to dating Single moms. Us guys have to be patent and understand that this takes alot of her time and energy. And she may not have alot of time depending on how many children and there ages. So if you find a single mom be understanding and not to pushy because time is of essence and they may not have alot of it to share. Just a thought | |
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| Men dating single mothers
Posted: 10/7/2005 10:46:36 AM | michael - you are right, 'success is relative'. The difference between you and me, however, is that I don't measure a persons success solely on their bank balance.
I'm curious too, as to wether your opinion is the same in a reverse situation. That is, if its a successful (in your monetary terms) woman with no kids becoming involved with a single, less successful dad? | |
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| Men dating single mothers
Posted: 10/7/2005 11:03:53 AM | JOEJOE, you are a doll! I know a few guys that could take lessons from you!
BIG SMOOCH from Chrysler! | |
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| Men dating single mothers
Posted: 10/7/2005 11:26:04 AM | well, if guys choose to do shit like buy the single mom this and that and they say that they aren't asking why are you complaining about. you said that she didn't ask to do that but it seems you felt sorry for her and did it.......
so tell me with women who aren't in that situation who have a nice house, good job and can buy things for there kids. who are just looking for someone to love them be a ther best friend and more...
why are we shit upon cause in your life of dating you come across a person who needs your help that is true but what you choose to do about it be happy you can do what you can and don't assume that that's what all single moms are looking for..? by the way it's not only single moms who are needy there are alot of single girls who are that way aswell but not much is said about that..... i think every situation is different and i hate being told my kids need a provider........ only thing my kid need is a friend and to see that the person is willing to except him into there lives cause we are a package deal..... so please enough with puting single parent down . if you had a bad experience with one then get over it we all have our bad relationships. we all have people who get depended on us because we are kind hearted....... if you don't want it to happen to you again then realize the signs......
get to know the single mom first and you will see that alot of us are looking for someone to love us for whom we are.......
i've been reading alot of this threads and i see alot of beautiful single women and men who seem to have there act together and who are looking for real love someone who won't run away when shit gets to bad..and whom seem to have alot of love to give to the right person if they are brave enough to stop and smell the roses and see that single parents are people too and need love ....... so if you see a profile that interest you and weither or not they have kids don't pass them by thinking that they are only looking for one thing and that's someone to help raise there kids financial........ you can be a good influence on a kid and money doesn't have to be a factor in the situation..
it's your choice and if you don't want to date single parents then don't but don't put people down when you don't know the situation and think that we all are like that you just might be pushing a good thing away....... | |
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| Men dating single mothers
Posted: 10/7/2005 4:02:34 PM | JoeJoe007...wake up. Money has a lot to do with it. Let me spell it out for you. If your making a couple of hundred a year, your not living your life like you were making 25. And I'm willing to bet, the people you are hanging with, the places where you go to eat and drink are people in your own economic level. What are your chances of meeting a single mother barley making ends meet at the Russian Tea House? It would never happen, and you know why. Will they pay 55 bucks for a bagel and a coffee? Well the guy making a couple of hundred a year will, without a thought.
Just because you choose to date a single lady with children and I won't, under certain conditions, doesn't make me arrogant.
That’s right, I say certain conditions. I want a professional in my life, not some lady who is just getting by. What’s wrong with that? You think half of these ladies here would say "no" to a wonderful man just because he had cash? Let me tell you, take two good men, one poor, one rich and line them up with a single lady with children who is just getting by week after week. Who are MOST of them going to choose. The guy in the same boat as them, or the guy who can take them to another level of living.
Why call us arrogant because we choose to plan our futures to the best of our knowledge. Didn't most of the single mothers here right now on this thread thought they were doing the right thing when they first got pregnant?
2 years ago everyone laughed at me when I bought MSO for under a dollar, they are not laughing today.
Economics plays a big part in our society, its just the way it is and will always will be.
Some people can jump on a plane and take off to the islands for a few weeks, do you think a single mom can do that? Not many. so like the other dude said, why date a single lady with children when you can date a single lady without? If that’s arrogance to you........
Michael | |
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