| Do children need a father?
Posted: 10/23/2005 4:33:19 PM |
she chose her situation - as did he. We all do. I had my fair share of sex as a teen but never fathered any children because I made damn sure every precaution was taken. Yes, sometimes accidents happen, but there are many options available (ex. morning after pill, abortion), so yes, she did choose her situation.
Thats a redundent thing too say. who are you to assume anything about how a person ended up being a parent? My ex was on the pill for 2 years when the stork dropped off a surprise. Nothing is 100% so taking all the prcuations in the world cannot guarantee no kids.
Many people take precuations however do not consider abortion to be one (Its illegal in Ireland BTW) for various reasons.
Also, how long has the man been able to force a woman to have an abortion? You didnt guarantee you wouldnt be a father, you took some and trusted the woman. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 10/23/2005 4:35:26 PM | | Forgot to answer the actual question. 2 is better than 1 usually but 1 good parent is better than 2 bad parents so depends which road you take. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 10/24/2005 10:32:32 AM | Great post Cupid! 
Unfortunately common sense and reasoning can be ignored, as seems to be the case. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 10/24/2005 2:03:15 PM | Thats a redundent thing too say. who are you to assume anything about how a person ended up being a parent? My ex was on the pill for 2 years when the stork dropped off a surprise. Nothing is 100% so taking all the prcuations in the world cannot guarantee no kids.
How so??? If one did not want children in this day and age, they would not have them...it is that simple! The stork can be shot down so that's just an excuse. Your ex got pregnant and you decided to keep the child. There is nothing wrong with that and I salute you for bringing a child into this world. Again, when I said that I took every precaution that was available, that meant that I also wore protection...did you?
Many people take precuations however do not consider abortion to be one (Its illegal in Ireland BTW) for various reasons.
I understand that you are Irish and Catholic which makes having an abortion that much more unlikely...but these are things which should have motivated you to take even more precautions. Also, if you were of the mindset to get an abortion, you could have made the trip over to the UK.
edit: had i managed to impregnate a woman and she decided to keep it, I would honour my role as a father in every way. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 10/24/2005 2:11:01 PM | YEEEAAAHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Quality...NOT...quantity.
Brilliant post Mel,I think u have just ended this thread. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 10/24/2005 5:27:20 PM | okay, I have to admit.. I didn't read every single post..
cause honestly I just want to rant..
Having a father figure is important I think but if that father isn't a good role model, it can do just as much damage as being without.
Right now my 12 year old son hates his dad.. not sure why, not sure if its my fault or his dad's.. but he does.. and consequently has no "strong male role model" in his life.
that term is the most important.. not the "father" word. in my opinon.
So I seek a strong male role model for my son.. not a FATHER.. LOL
actually, I am really doing that.. thinking of big brothers or something.. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 10/24/2005 8:06:57 PM | greeneyed... you don't have to look far for male role models if you have your father, a brother or two, local sports teams he can sign up for, his friends fathers and of course big brothers is an awesome idea. it's always nice if you encourage them to go to men they already know... someone they already trust and feel comfortable with... never can be too careful these days. ;)
you're right about the "f" word... any man has the ability to be a "father" but it takes a real man to be a REAL father to their children. fathers that don't stack up really do cause more harm than good.
i know this is a wee bit off topic but have you asked your son why he "hates" his father? you probably already know the answer to that question actually... you just have to give it some thought. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 10/24/2005 8:17:14 PM | greeneyed... you don't have to look far for male role models
Actually, I would seek an answer where this HATE for his father materialized. Kids
are very sensitive and can pick up negative vibes. As the previous poster
mentioned - give it some thought.
It's NOT enough to have a male role model - what kids need is a strong bond
that only a father can offer. There is no subsitute for a father or mom. Where
do you find this role model anyway? Who has this enormous time to commit...especially
to a child that's not even theirs? | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 10/24/2005 8:24:31 PM | | lazyboyz... i always knew my son would grow up without his father so from day one i made sure he spent time with my brothers and my father so he had male role models to look up to and go to if he ever needed to... it's not that easy for some, i just got real lucky. ;) | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 10/24/2005 8:34:47 PM |  It's awesome that he's surrounded with brothers and guy's.
i always knew my son would grow up without his father
Care to elaborate though on that one? You don't have to, just curious. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 10/24/2005 8:35:48 PM | | i don't mind but i should probably email you instead so we don't get in trouble for chatting or something nifty like that... | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 10/24/2005 9:39:23 PM | well lets taken minute to answer a very simple question . do children need a father ? Does a fish need water ? Today's society has placed the importance of family on the bottom shelf . most mothers don't stay home to mother their children they must work to help support the family financially due to the fact most middle class or the majority of the population cannot afford to live on a single income . This takes the mother away from the home and away from the children . This is a almost guaranteed way to ensure that your children will not be raised to understand the how important the family unit is. The family unit is the essence and is detrimental in order to build strength and love and trust to a child . If we look at one of our best tools for learning anything with a proven reliability it would be history and statistics they are a very good indicator as to success and failure of methods used in the past that have produced a long term mental stability and future successful relationships . In essence what we're looking at is the want of our children to be successful in their lives financially, scholasticly and most important to understand and acquire a strong sense of family . the most success in overall happiness in any child is for the child to be loved and involved in a strong sense of family morals which provide the essential needs of a child . History and statistics show us that people who are raised in an environment where both the maternal parents are present throughout the child's youth are more likely to have acquired the skills necessary to accomplish the same skills required to endeavor the difficult task of maintaining a relationship . In the past life was quite a bit simpler than it is today and this daunting task has become ever more difficult . there is are ever increasing amounts of responsibility put on the father to be successful and the levels of stress that come with these responsibilities can cause disfunctionality mental disorders and the lack of self esteem all of which are fatal to the family unit . Although there are plenty of successful people raising successful children the majority of them would be in the upper class population . We could attribute this to better schooling and financial assurance . But yet we find a significant percentage of these upper class families producing problem children regardless of the presence of both parents . Actually the breakdown appears when the parents are not present the children do not learn the importance of family and only of material needs and wants . We are all familiar with the scenario and probably grew up knowing they came down the street that had everything and respected nothing . I believe the key is to try your best to maintenance your relationships with understanding, forgiveness and compassion always willing to carry each others load when the other cannot . We don't live for ourselves and we are not the owners of our children we are their caretakers they were not given to us as property they were brought to us as students and are totally dependent upon us to teach them how to love each other and the family way of life which has been so successful in the past at providing the means never feeling empty in the heart . If we were not meant to have both parents then we would have been born with the ability to reproduce individually so if it was the planning of god or the Theory of Darwin that made us while we are obviously we need each other to be successful .  | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 10/24/2005 9:46:54 PM | | well lets taken minute to answer a very simple question . do children need a father ? Does a fish need water ? Today's society has placed the importance of family on the bottom shelf . most mothers don't stay home to mother their children they must work to help support the family financially due to the fact most middle class or the majority of the population cannot afford to live on a single income . This takes the mother away from the home and away from the children . This is a almost guaranteed way to ensure that your children will not be raised to understand the how important the family unit is. The family unit is the essence and is detrimental in order to build strength and love and trust to a child . If we look at one of our best tools for learning anything with a proven reliability it would be history and statistics they are a very good indicator as to success and failure of methods used in the past that have produced a long term mental stability and future successful relationships . In essence what we're looking at is the want of our children to be successful in their lives financially, scholasticly and most important to understand and acquire a strong sense of family . the most success in overall happiness in any child is for the child to be loved and involved in a strong sense of family morals which provide the essential needs of a child . History and statistics show us that people who are raised in an environment where both the maternal parents are present throughout the child's youth are more likely to have acquired the skills necessary to accomplish the same skills required to endeavor the difficult task of maintaining a relationship . In the past life was quite a bit simpler than it is today and this daunting task has become ever more difficult . there is are ever increasing amounts of responsibility put on the father to be successful and the levels of stress that come with these responsibilities can cause disfunctionality mental disorders and the lack of self esteem all of which are fatal to the family unit . Although there are plenty of successful people raising successful children the majority of them would be in the upper class population . We could attribute this to better schooling and financial assurance . But yet we find a significant percentage of these upper class families producing problem children regardless of the presence of both parents . Actually the breakdown appears when the parents are not present the children do not learn the importance of family and only of material needs and wants . We are all familiar with the scenario and probably grew up knowing the kid down the street that had everything and respected nothing . I believe the key is to try your best to maintenance your relationships with understanding, forgiveness and compassion always willing to carry each others load when the other cannot . We don't live for ourselves and we are not the owners of our children we are their caretakers they were not given to us as property they were brought to us as students and are totally dependent upon us to teach them how to love each other and the family way of life which has been so successful in the past at providing the means never feeling empty in the heart . If we were not meant to have both parents then we would have been born with the ability to reproduce individually so if it was the planning of god or the Theory of Darwin that made us what we are obviously we need each other to be successful . | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 10/24/2005 10:22:51 PM | of course I know why he hates his dad.. I just choose to try and not encourage that line of thinking.
My ex was abusive and still is .. he treats the kids as if they are an inconvenience to him most days and if they don't meet his emotional and mental needs, then they are a disappointment.
I left him because my kids hated him when we were married. Its pretty pathetic when you have to bribe your kids to go to the hardware store with their dad.
Or bribe your ex to get off the computer while looking at porn to play ball with his kid.
As for negative vibes, I don't need to send them out... He sends them out loud and clear all the way from his house.
Makes me very sad but I can't control his behavior any more. and I can't change how he treats the kids. I can give them tools for dealing with their dad and allow them certain choices. but I cannot block his access since he isn't physically abusing them.
Telling them they have no social graces, manners and will probably end up slobs like their mother is enough to make them not very happy. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 10/24/2005 10:31:49 PM | All I can say - and it does address the thread, but if I change my mind and decide to have
children, my gf will make a suitable mother for my kids. I know her. She could
never become this horrible horrible person that you all married...it's just not possible.
To imagine that she will start mentally abusing my kids is inconceivable. If I had
the slightest inclination that she's capable of it - she ain't gonna have my children
I can tell you that much with certainty. No child deserves the monsters that
you guy's have been describing. No WAY!! | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 10/25/2005 8:31:43 PM | Lazy: As much as we'd all have liked to think that, it remains an idealistic view. I knew my ex husband 8 years before we got married. Was married to him for 8. And have been divorced from him for 7. But, it wasn't until the last 2 years that he's began treating the boys like they were dirt under his feet. Never in a million years did I think him so low until he proved he was. I honestly hope you have a better view of your g/f than some of us did with our ex's. Because you're right. NO child deserves it.
Dee | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 10/26/2005 4:28:11 AM | | In my opinion children need both parents need children but it dont happen that way all the time I am now a single dad of a 2 yr old going through a divorce. but like most parents eventually we face the question of why we seperated when the child asks why are you and mom not together anymore i will eventually have to explain | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 10/26/2005 8:17:11 AM | im in the situation where my sons father wants nothing to do with him and has been that way for the past 4 yrs .. now all of the sudden hes taking me to court for custody.. he wont get not just for the fact hes a drug user but he hasnt been there .... my son knows who his father is ... he wants to see him.. i dont mind that but not custody!!!
i do strongly believe a child should a father .... if not a father in their life then a male role model (someone to basically take the role of the father ... just not the financial part) thats all i ever wanted for my son (didnt have to be a bf or watever ... could be an uncle a grandfather ) just someone to show him the ways of a "man" i guess i would say ... to through a baseball back and forth or wat have you ...
my daughters father is also wanting custody cuz his mother is making him to do it ... he dont want her around ....but he hasnt cut the ambilical cord to her ... thats wat you get when you dont have a dad around !!!!!!!!!!!!!! a mommas boy ... when i see my daughter go with her father for visitation she blows her mind so in this case no i dont want him around cuz she dont like him .... she of course does also need the male role model thing ... but hes obviously not doing a good job if she dont like him ... theres nothing i can do bout it cuz its a court order ...
BUT all in all i do believe every child should have a male role model ... not exactly a daddy or a father ... they will learn when they get older wat was best for them .... and why ....
i do not believe that if the birth father isnt around that there will be long lasting affects on their emotional well being ... my children will know their fathers but will ultimately know when they are older why they couldnt see "daddy" .. sometimes on the mothers part ... in my case its the father (when it comes to my son) | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 10/26/2005 7:26:04 PM | | pearlystar... it might be true in your case that not having the natural father around will have lasting affects on your children's emotional well being... but give it some time. i'm living proof that not having my biological father around has caused permanent damage. where on the other hand... my son has very little emotional baggage over the same sort of situation. everyone responds differently in situations like this so don't be suprised if at some point your children do suffer a bit of emotional distress. actually... you're already experiencing some of this with your daughter. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 10/26/2005 11:28:03 PM | i am a single father with joint everything(50/50), i agree with some posts on here although some people should look at things subjectively, possibly from the other sex's perspective.
i grew up with only seeing my father during summers and rare holidays. from this i derive the opinion that the father (biological) is equally as necessary in the sociological/emotional development of our "future". there is no bond as strong as a childs and their bio-parents, although there is something to be said for a better fitted person to "fill-in" if there is some reason(like aforementioned). this all being said, i fought like hell to be able to help my son to be able to grow into the man he will become, and i cannot imagine someone better suited for the job. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 10/26/2005 11:51:45 PM | | ^ personally, i believe that boys are affected the most by not having a father around to model appropriate behaviours in day-to-day life and in relationships...but it would help to have a stable relationship around for you to model these behaviours for him | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 1/28/2006 1:40:26 AM | Posters are very bias. I'm mad at mommy, or daddy, so my kid doesnt need them??
Are some kids better off with one of their parents gone? Sure, in the case that the parent is abusive to the child in some form or another. But that has nothing to do with the question. Just because your partner flew the coop, doesn’t mean your child doesn’t need that person. It’s about role models. Women and men tend to have different qualities about them. Watch the parenting styles of people with kids. If the child falls down and gets hurt, you will usually see totally two different reactions from the parents. Mom will over react and while dad will under react.
My point being, it’s called balance. Look around you, anything that is healthy and sustainable is balanced. Balance is a natural rule. Are there kids that grow up perfectly fine in a one parent situation, sure. But to believe a kid has just as good of a chance with just one parent, I can’t say I do. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 1/28/2006 6:07:13 AM | | Matt, I am a single fulltime Dad and damn proud of it. It makes me sick when I hear that a parent shucks their responsibilities to their kid. I think that kids need both parents but can get by with one. That one parent is going to have more work than 2 but it well worth it. Now I have been hearing a lot more lately about the women taking off and leaving kids with Dad so I think that society was casting men aside a little but things are swinging back again and realizing that men have a very important role as well. | |
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