| Do children need a father?
Posted: 1/28/2006 8:42:06 AM | Children need to have positive, loving relationships with adults of both genders. I don't think that it matters whether those adults are biologically related to them.
Men are not unnecessary or expendable in my opinion, but society...sadly, that seems to be the way it is portrayed. I think that single dads and men who are active in their childrens' lives are not publicly portrayed. Hopefully, in time this gender bias will be removed. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 1/28/2006 6:07:02 PM | | Yes, I truly believe that children need both parents, a mother and a father (call me old fashioned). I am in a situation where my oldest three children live with their father during the week and then with me on weekends. I also have twin daughters who live with me fulltime, and have no contact with their sperm-donor. I use the term sperm-donor, because that's exactly what he is...he has three older sons in Nova Scotia, which he has no contact with either, and last time I heard, he had another son after the twins were born. My ex-husband on the other hand is an excellent father. We are still friends and co-parent our children ( however I know that is not the case in most situations - and I know that I am very fortunate). In the case of my twins, they see their older brothers and sister with their dad, and their friends with their dads, and are starting to ask about their own father. I would love for them to be able to get to know him, but he has never even attempted to make contact with them, eventhough he lived in the same town (two blocks over) for 6 months this past year. I prefer it that way, but children do need a dad, there are just certain things a mom can't do that a daddy can, and I am a very independant woman. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 1/29/2006 3:27:42 PM | wow.. i think you opened a whole can of worms with that one matthew27..
I personally don't feel that there's a need to have both parents around.. but i also know that my son who is almost 4 disagrees with me there. It doesn't matter when you look there's always that perfect little family with both parents brothers and sisters.. and somtimes it just makes you sooooo mad.. but i know that i'm not the one that is missing out on his life and the great kid that he is. I'd like to have a good man to HELP me with it.. but it's not necessairy.. he's 4.. and pretty normal considering it's just me  | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 1/30/2006 2:26:44 AM | | no , children dont need a father, my mum brought both me and my brother up without no father, its just the same , i dont know any diffrent , you carn't not miss what isn't there | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 1/30/2006 2:41:43 AM | That's just wrong EVERY child "needs" their father at some point and time, in their lives.
I have a friend right now who is pregnant and she said when the baby is born, she's
not going to let the father be around the baby and i think that is just flat out wrong/hateful.
I have been around the "couple" and have known him/her longer than anybody else, and i know how bad it will hurt him for him to find out that she is NOT going to let him have anything to do with their child, he does not even know about this.
There are some MEN/GUYS out there who have tooken wrong paths during their life and who has, made some awful mistake's but that's no REASON to not let them be around their only child.
January
30th. 06
4:41AM
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winxs
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Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 256 | |
| Do children need a father?
Posted: 1/30/2006 5:00:12 AM | First and Foremost, a child needs love and acceptance. Broken Soul, I understand what You are saying but hon, lifes not a rose garden. I was 16 when I had my son, and by the time i was 19 i was a mother of 3. The oldest 2 being boys. Their father is not in their live, his choice not mine. Its a struggle but ive raised respectful, polite, ambitious boys. The one downfall, I pity their father if the oldest one runs into him. He has a few words for him. So yes, I think a women can raise her kids alone and on thr flip side my brother is raising his son alone and doing an amazing job.
Through in a twist here, my parents have been married for 35 yrs , love each other half to death, yet their children have broken relationships? | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 1/30/2006 3:58:41 PM | Children need at least one good parent of either gender!
Do you feel that not having the birth father involved will definitely have long lasting affects on the child's development, and ultimately have emotional effects when the child becomes an adult? Absolutely not! And that goes for either parent. The absence of a parent in itself is by no means the root of lasting effects.
And do many people feel that society in general plays a role in making men feel unnecessary or expendable when it comes to raising our children? I agree that in some ways society tries to downplay the importance of a man's role in parenthood but at the same time, there is a growing trend in recognizing that gender doesn't determine parenting skills. More men are being granted custody of their children and single dads are becoming as common as single moms. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 1/31/2006 3:41:54 AM | I run the risk of answering this thread because I want to get very emotional, but my son sure seems to need me and I know I need him. He's my everything. I couldn't function without him. He's like a little me.
I'm sorry for those you that have been burned, but don't lump all men into the category of useless unloving scum.
There's a few women out there that aren't very good moms, as well. The track runs both ways, ladies. This dad loves his son and I know my son loves me.
And maybe if society and media didn't disregard Dads in their advertising campaigns, etc, then Dads would feel more appreciated, as well. "Hey Moms" "Ask your Moms" "Kid tested mother approved", all activities during the day are geared towards females, go to the playground with your kids and none of the moms want to talk to you because your a man, so in effect your child gets left out of socializing too. And domestic dads are seen as bums and layabouts, which is not fair or true. I'll stop now. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 1/31/2006 4:33:49 AM | i think and from what my kids tell me is that if a child has 1 loving parent then thats all need
its better to have 1 person that loves then noone dont u think | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 1/31/2006 9:37:02 AM | ^^^I don't know your children's situation, but assuming a child (not yours) has never known one of the parents, then its easy for them to say that.
Also they haven't experienced enough in their lives yet to know where that missing parent would have been very handy just then to talk to or lean on. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 1/31/2006 9:42:41 AM | | being a father, i say they do! or at least a very strong male figure to look up to. I know some men who have kids that don't do anything with them and yea. I don't know how they do it! | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 1/31/2006 1:22:00 PM | | I think it depends on if the Father is good influence in the child's life. I know in my situation the father of my child is not a good influence for my son. I think it could have long affects on the child either way. It just depends on the situation. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 1/31/2006 3:48:10 PM | | No that's for sure life is NOT/NEVER has/will be a "rose garden" it has it's upsNdowns and it's bumpy, road's but i think you have to LOVE/BELIVE in one another and in GOD.(no im not church going.) | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 1/31/2006 4:19:00 PM | I come from a long line of single mothers, and never wanted to be one myself, but I am. The poor relationship I had with my father has given me some issues with men. I also have no realisic relationship model. My expectations have been, in the past, just off the wall (I'm learning, but for pete's sake I'm almost 30!)
I can say my emotional life would probably have been easier if I had a consistent and moral father. However, my actual father was not those things so would it have been better if my parents had stayed together? No. I think it would have been far far worse for me to live with the bullshit every day.
I feel that my child's father is important. I don't sabotage or mess w/that relationship at all (and never, ever will). Sadly, I see bits of my own father in him (not to the same degree, but still, I see things) and I am afraid that my child will suffer w/relationships later in life too. Is it better if the child has no contact at all with the other parent? I don't know. I lean toward no father being better than a bad father.
It has always been my opinion that children thrive with more people around who love them and want them to be well. A father who is decent is one more person. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 1/31/2006 4:26:59 PM | I grew up with a single mother, and she was great and I was the center of her world, but monther's cannot teach you how to be a man. They are over protective a lot of the time, and don't push you hard enough. I think it definitely had me a bit screwed up when I was a teen, and I ended up not making the transition from boy to man until I was about 24, whereas I think a lot of males make the transition around 17 - 20.
Eventually you are going to figure it out, because when you are a boy, the boy's that just became men sense that you are still a bottom dog and they are now a top dog and they push you around until you figure out how to stand up for yourself and be a man. If you have a father, I believe you figure it out a lot sooner.
I think the reverse is true too. I had a gf a few years ago that grew up with a single father, and I think she came out of it screwed up too because he had no idea how to teach her how to be a woman. Of course, she figured it out eventually, but it made life in her early 20's hard.
I think by the time you are 25, most people will have overcome the developmental issues caused by a lack of a parent of one gender, or the lack of siblings. I think the human brain is designed to have these influences around when it is developing, but society makes up for anything lacking eventually.
So in response to the OP, my answer is "no, but you learn life's lesson's faster if you do" | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 1/31/2006 4:31:27 PM |
Also they haven't experienced enough in their lives yet to know where that missing parent would have been very handy just then to talk to or lean on. Only on the assumption that all parents are handy to talk to or lean on.....which they are not! I stand by my conviction that one good parent of either gender is better than two bad ones.
As much as we would like our children to live a fairy tale life, striving for perfection will stress out any parent in the long run and a stressed parent can't be the best parent they can be. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 1/31/2006 5:18:57 PM | everyone can be stressed at times, but they can still give it their best shot at being a patient and caring parent.
Both of them. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 1/31/2006 5:26:28 PM | | I don't think kids need a father. My daughters dad isn;t around and it's better for both of us that was. However i do think they need the male role model. I know my daughter has three really good male role models that are a constant in her life and that will never change and thats her grandpa, her uncle and her great-uncle. Just as long as they get some form of constant in thier life of both sexes it shouldnt matter if it is the mom or the dad. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 1/31/2006 5:29:21 PM | | can we reword that to "your kids don't need their father". not ALL kids. Because thats over generalizing. I for one need my dad. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 1/31/2006 5:53:24 PM | Yes they do. It's been proven in study after study. I am involved as much as possible in my childrens lived and they appreciate it.
As for feeling expendable, I do agree, but I believe it's the courts that have set this in motion and keep the wheel turning.
I think that if a couple seperate and divorce, they should automatically have joint shared custosy, Eliminating the long drawn out fued that comes in drawing up the seperation agreement. This should be unless there is a history of abuse on ether family memeber. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 1/31/2006 6:00:07 PM | Yes, they do without a doubt.
and there are times, being a single mom, that I want him here too.
Lucky for me, there is talk of him moving here in a year or so....and lucky for his daughters as well.
Makes me a better mom when I have him around to help out.
Makes my kids happier kids when their dad is around.
Sadly, though, some moms and dads CHOOSE to have nothing to do with their kids....can't force parenthood on someone who wants nothing to do with it...so very sad.
IMO. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 1/31/2006 6:30:31 PM | What would you say about a girl who is 24 and pregnant and say's when the baby's born she's NOT letting the father have ANYTHING to do with their kid, or even come around his son/daughter?. Not to mention this will be his FIRST child and he has no idea that she has said she doesn't wan't him around his kid or even haveing anything, to do with the baby.?
And it's NOT like he's an unfit father or that he can not provide for his child he work's mon-sunday 9am-3pm and, every penny he make's goes to "the mother"(well use to before she, moved out and left him.).
Now supposely she "lost" the baby and she doesn't wan't the father knowing, that she lost the baby because she say's it's his fault. She moved back into her parent's trailer the NIGHT after SHE called the cop's and had, him locked up and now he's out of jail and she still is NOT around him. She's not as "innocent" as she trys make everybody believe she is this is like her 4th time "supposely" being pregnant, and we have yet to see a child and now she say's she "lost" the baby. | |
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parma
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Joined: 1/31/2006
Msg: 273 | |
| Do children need a father?
Posted: 1/31/2006 8:35:51 PM | I think as long as a child has a strong role model- male or female- they have a better chance at beating the odds and statistics than some children in a 2 parent home. Too many people buy into that crap and I think sometimes it's an excuse for a lazy parent who hasn't instilled values or self esteem in their kids. Yes there are possible abandonement issues, yes there is the chance that the child will carry all of that garbage into adulthood- but it's the parents job, knowing these risks, to educate themselves and learn to talk to their children about why the other parent isn't around. Let them know that they are loved and any problems the adults have are exactly that- the adults problem. Teach them no matter what happens there is always someone they can count on.
It's also our responsibility as parent/s to provide solid role models- of both genders- for children to look to for guidance. Who out there is living the life we read about in fairy tales anyway? Mom and dad with 2 kids a white picket fence and a dog named fluffy-Please...kids, like any other tremendous opportunity in our lives, are a product of our committment, passion and love. If a kid hears all his/her life from media, churches or even their own single parent that they "need" a father or mother figure, of COURSE they're going to grow up feeling like they missed out on something. They'll internalize it and before you know it, they are acting out all the fears YOU have placed in their psyche...Take responsibility folks and stop blaming your poor parenting skills on the fact that you may be going it alone right now. We are all accountable. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 1/31/2006 8:46:50 PM | I don't like it when people answer a question with a question so.....
I guess my answer makes me a hypocrite.....
Do children need a mother? | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 1/31/2006 8:53:06 PM | | Of course children should have Fathers in their lives....GOOD FATHERS....bad ones who will do nothing but no good, well then no. Fathers can bring such joy, a feeling of security, a deep love, their guidance and insight can be invaluable. | |
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