| Do children need a father?
Posted: 1/31/2006 9:02:19 PM | | i think it dosent matter if the father is the biolagicol father because father is some one who loves the child and makes sure they are safe and cared for weather its a boy friend of the mothers or a stepdad but i think its very important to have a mother and father in a childs life or they grow up feeling like somethings missing or wondering what it would of been like to have one around i have two kids and it didnt work bettwen me and thier father but i would never not let them be with thier father being that hes a great father and would do anything to protect them and care for them so even thought it didnt work for me and him it should not not work for my children so in coclusion i think both parents are a big part of childrens life | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 1/31/2006 9:11:39 PM | I grew up without my father so maybe someone can give me an example of all the things I supposedly missed out on???
In whatever form it is.....a family is a family!
Your life is what it is! What if's won't change anything.
Children should be taught not to concern themselves with what they don't have but to be thankful for what they do have.
Which parent hasn't heard their child complain "it isn't fair".
Do we let our children grow up living behind rose coloured glasses only to go out into the world and be completely unprepared for reality or do we teach them to accept that things won't always go their way?
Children need to know that there isn't an 'ideal' life. Success is determined by making the most of the hand you were dealt. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 1/31/2006 10:26:55 PM | [Children should be taught not to concern themselves with what they don't have but to be thankful for what they do have.]
I could not agree more!!!!!!!!!!!! (with that statement)
However I'm not sure I agree with the way you used reality and the world.
Reality for my son is that his mother and i did not make it as a couple.
Reality for my son is that he spends 3 or 4 nights a week with me and 3 or 4 nights w/ mommy.
Reality for my son... and almost all children is that...
Life is hard a lot of the time!!!
So all the love that is available to him should be allowed to flow easily into his life.
So what did you miss out on? I don't know? possibly a very abusive situation....and possibly not.
If my son did not have me in his life he would miss out on.....
playing trains,watching cartoons,going to the zoo,going to the aquarium, walking the dogs, finger painting, playing with playdo, playing cars, picking out a crayfish for the aquarium at daddy's house, making jello, naming our two cats gary and gary, playing supertent, learning how to hold a hockey stick and pass the puck, puppet shows during bath time, tickle attacks, story time, glow in the dark stars on his ceiling, going out on the lake, playing in the sandbox i built for him, playing the thomas the train video game, going to kangaroo bob's on mondays(moonwalks and things), going down the slide with daddy, getting daddy to push him in the swing, learning to kick a soccer ball, etc............................................................
and he would miss out on what i never had.... a dad.
Unfortunately we do inherit our enviroments in a sense but I feel that with some planning and hard work we can make our own individual worlds and realities very "rose colored" even if the enviroment we inherit isn't. So although my situation isn't ideal as you mentioned (single parent), I am working towards a new ideal and my son has me and his mom VERY involved in his life.
Coming from a single parent train wreck of a family....... I know it's better when both parents step up and do their part.....together or not. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 2/1/2006 4:17:55 AM | They need a father as much as they need a mother. They need loveing and nurturing PARENTS, gender is regardless.
I can't wait for the single dads to get wind of this forum. So many sexist comments basically saying the sperm donors serve no purpose. Thanks for making every male on the planet feel like dirt, I'm sure your your own dads, grandfathers and brothers and uncles would appreciate your viewpoints.
And from what I've seen stepparents have a harder time of it than the bilogical parents do, as older kids don't tend to recognize the person's authority over them, or respect them at all. At least a biological parent gets that recognition that your their blood kin. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 2/1/2006 10:44:00 PM | | Congrat coda you have it right.Society is in ruin with our lack of family or family values nowadays. In the oldern days people believed in there marriage vows for better or worse. To many rules on what men or woman should be or how we should act also designs a world where we must me be married to the perfedt man or woman ,I say get over it it does not excist. I know of men and woman who get married on here after only weeks some last some don,t.Then there are others who have know each other years .then got married.Some last again and then some end afteronly days weeks or months. Marragie and children are a comitment. But when it all goes to boot its one or the other partners fault. Guess what it takes two to make a marrage two to end it,Then when it is eneded hes all the ***holes in the world and she is all the bit**s . I have heard some terrible things said on here by both sides. Its so sad. I have been married twice i had children and they live with thier dad,(now watch all the mums get thier backs up..lol) Todays way thinks and believes i did the wrong thing think again.As a single mum i see woman struggling. my ex is remarried .So am i and they have 4 parents helping out insead of one single mum. And i do beleive that kids need both parents .Not one NO matter what the other single parents says ( no matter how hurt or disappionted you are). As far as that is concerned you have an unbaised opinion. It should be up to your kids to decide .If they want to know thier other parent not you.For better or worse. I find you can not protect your kids from everythingg. Even hurt or disappiontment. You can only show them love and the right way. Its up to them as adults to decide which way to go. We can blame our parents for all our pass woes, But as adults its up to us to choice our future and much of the past to let into it.Good luck to you all out there. I hope you make the right decsion.its all part of being a good parent. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 2/1/2006 11:55:04 PM | I think the overall consensus here is that children need good parents.
It's quality parenting that counts not gender or quantity.
Dosperos the situation you describe is the reality I refer to yet society tells your child that his family is 'broken' or 'dysfunctional'. It's not! He's blessed to have both parents actively participating in his life.
Schools refuse to acknowledge any other version of the family. They continue to have them draw numerous pictures of mommy and daddy holding hands? I've never witnessed this in my reality. It was confusing to be making crafts on Father's day for someone who wasn't in my life? These things just made me feel like crap when normally it never came to mind.
Noone should tell their children that the other parent is not important and likewise noone should tell them that they are missing out if that parent is not present for whatever reason.
My God what do we tell a child if one parent dies? "Oh don't worry about it...you didn't need him anyway!" How do they feel when they have to make crafts for their dead parent?
Every child has the right to both their parents. No child should be subjected to derogatory remarks about their parents. They will learn for themselves if that parent is not ideal.
It's my opinion that children can benefit in some way from any parent. When they are unfortunate to have one who is not so good at it.....they can learn to forgive. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 2/2/2006 2:40:58 AM | I think every child deserve's to be around their dad/father, there are some thing's a mother can not do/give her son. And their are some things a father can not do/give his daughter but every child has the "right" to know about their, father N mother even if their realtionship didn't work out.
No child should have to live a life without a father around or without a father being, apart of his or her life.
Boys raised without a father in their life are
63 percent more likely to run away
37 percent more likely to abuse drugs
Twice as likely to drop out of high school
Twice as likely to be arrested
Four times as likely to need help for psychological and behavioral problems | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 2/2/2006 6:52:18 AM | There we go with those stats again. Wherever did they do that survey? In the ghettos?
Here are the stats from my 8 brothers who grew up without a father:
0 percent ran away from home
0 percent abuse drugs
3 out of 8 did not finish high school
(although these are the three oldest so they at least had their father for some part of their childhood)
2 out of 8 have been arrested
(both as juveniles, both for petty crime, one served time in reform school)
Sorry I don't have stats on whether any of them 'need psychological help'.
When viewing the stats given by broken soul one needs to consider that many children are from broken marriages so their problems may have began when they were in that environment.
I repeat that it's poor parenting skills that produce problematic children.
Children need a GOOD father but will thrive without a bad one. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 2/2/2006 8:03:58 AM | Sorry Deborah, but statistics don't lie nor show ideology or feelings, only the hard facts.
And the hard fact is that the absence of a father affects a child negatively. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 2/2/2006 9:02:19 AM | I too am a product of a single parent home where my father pretty much disappeared when I was young, so yes I do believe it has an emotional effect on children, but I believe the amount it effects them all depends on the curcumstances. For me I felt abanded but I didn't have the best childhood in other areas either so the loss of someone who was suppose to care for me leaving was a big thing.
I am also now a single mother to a little girl...she has never met her father because he chose from the beginning to not be involved in her life...she believes that she doesn't have a father, but she is now starting to realize that other kids have fathers and now she wants one, so yes it is starting to effect her now, not to have a father but i believe it's mild to what she will feel someday when she's older and learns that the one person who it suppose to love her chose not to.
So yes I do believe having a childs biological father in their life is important ,as a single parent i believe that it may be easier for her now if i married a man who would treat her like his own(but I'm not looking for that) Then she may not feel like she's missing something that everyone else seems to have. but as she's older she will still find out that her biological father isn't in her life and yes i strongly believe that will hurt her but I also believe that it will not effect her as much as it did me as a child and my father walking away.
Every child will have some lasting emotional problems after they grow up from childhood because no one can be a perfect parent and we don't live in a perfect world, The only thing we can do is take each problem at a time face it, learn from it and grow. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 2/2/2006 9:21:56 AM |
The only thing we can do is take each problem at a time face it, learn from it and grow.
It wouldn't hurt that people started to choose better who to go to bed with. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 2/2/2006 10:51:15 AM | Listen as a single Mom.
But I as single mom, feel that it is very important for my daughter to have her father in her life, yet he doesn't come around for some reason. I call and call time after time, but never calls back. I always have to run and see what he is up to. I believe that it is very important for the father to be involved even if the mom or dad is not together.
As a child growing up I never knew my father and still till this day do not. I wish that I did, but I have let it go. I will never get to walk down the alley with my dad when I get married, because he is not in my life. I will never have my dad see his grandchildren later in the future. He just doesn't come see or hear from him. I don't get cards from dad, like most people do. Yes, I blieve it is important for both mom and dad which everyone has the kid to get to spend time with the other. NOt having a dad though has made me a stronger person I believe. Because simply fact I am trying to be better parent and try to get my daughters dad inolved with her life, but he just doesn't want to come around, isn't fare to her. I wouldn't be going to school, trying to better my daughters life and mine. Working hard 40+ more weeek, and trying to rasie my daughter on my own. There are defently times when I need a break, so it would be nice to have the fahter involved. I simply 24/7 have to do everything by myself.
Yes, some children deal with it harder then others when they only see one parent and not the other. So I believe it is important for mom and dad to be involved, just like when they graduate from high school, college, get married, have children. Fathers and mothers are suppose to bet here and support their children. So yes it does play a lot in a child life.
SIncerely;
Chasity. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 2/2/2006 12:16:09 PM | that sucks.
I'm glad my daddy was part of our lives.
Who would have taught me how to throw like a boy and defend myself against pervs?
:) And protect me when I got scared at night.
No we need our Daddys. If your kid's daddy is no good, don't hang all the men because of your one bad experience. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 2/3/2006 5:38:29 AM | An excellent book that I recommend for this topic is "Father and Child Reunion" by Warren Farrell. After reading it you will understand why it is so important for fathers to be involved in their child's life. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 2/3/2006 5:56:29 AM | | this has got to be the stupidest question ive heard since i signed up.ofcourse children do better with a dad its common sense that a child devlope stepment is created for better or worse through thier mom and dad and i mean biological mom and dad.step parent just dont cut it. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 2/3/2006 6:01:39 AM | | most mothers who have custody are very selfish they either think they can be mom and dad or thier new hubbys or boyfriends can take on the role when in actuallity these men are clueless im know im drawing a broad generalization but from my experiences these guys are losers. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 2/3/2006 6:24:55 AM | your almost right. Actually step-parents don't get to do a darn thing.
The step-kid has no respect for you and your spouse won't allow you to say or do anything to their innocent little angel.
"...these guys are losers. "
why? Because they married a woman with a kid? Maybe I read that wrong.
I have a stepchild and my own great son. Am i supposed to only be a dad to one of them? I don't understand. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 2/3/2006 7:14:38 AM | Isnt it up to the child to see who they feel is a real father is whether it is the Bio dad or a stepdad?... the step dad could be more of a father then the bio one... but if the bio dad is in the childs life... then im sure the stepdad wont be raining on his parade.... as a stepdad would respect the father for being there for his kid/s.
My other half has a go at me coz my son has worn lipstick and at the moment into my sparkily slides shoes... my other half told me to teach him how to be a man... i said im doing the best i can to teach him how to be a man... but im sure i would be doing something wrong (son's 3.5years old)... i said his father hasnt seen him in almost 14months.. he cant and isnt teaching him how to be a man.... what do you want to step up to that plate and show him how a father son bond should be and you teach him how to be that man he should be?.... and he said.. yep... i will...
to me that is more of a father then what my sons bio father could ever be although my other half knows my son has a father and im not expecting him to be that father to my son, he is still willing to step up to that role.
there are some people out there that have the most wonderful step parents... as if it wasnt for them helping guide them and step up to a position that one of the kids parents isnt willing to do then stepparents are more amazing for doing it then the bio parent that is staying around....coz they are taking on the responsibilty of someone elses child/ren.
but sorry to say it... but if a child wishes to call a step parent mum or dad it is the childs choice to do so as that is what they feel they are to them
a child can get inspirtation from a bio parent.... a step parent.. a class mate.. a friend.. a friends parent... coach...or even a teacher to help us mould our kids into what they are going to be... | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 2/3/2006 7:24:13 AM | Well I guess he could have his ex-con drug runner father in his life, but I think I'm safer. lol
I'm not claiming to be that kid's dad.
In his case he made it clear he didn't have any interest in a relationship with me, but overall I agree, its up to the inidividual person, adult/kid, how and who they get along with. You can't speak for everyone.
I don't see myself as aloser for marrying a woman I loved who happened to already have a 9 year-old. My biological son sure thinks the world of me and we're pretty cool buddies. I'm still not sure how a step-parent is a loser in the context you put it in.
I'm just doin the best I can, which is all anyone can do. The stepkid made it clear he wants nothing to do with me. I can't make him like me and after awhile its perfectly human to throw your hands up and say "Hey I tried". He's 18 now, living across the nation, and I could care less about him now. He's very abusive and disrespectful.
I just concentrate on my wife and real son now. Not sure how that makes me a loser, though. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 2/3/2006 10:08:46 AM | | you make a good argument i think you are the exception to the rule though.you sound like you probably are a good dad. | |
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icalla
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Joined: 7/20/2005
Msg: 297 | |
| Do children need a father?
Posted: 2/3/2006 11:42:37 PM |
Sorry Deborah, but statistics don't lie nor show ideology or feelings, only the hard facts. And the hard fact is that the absence of a father affects a child negatively.
I admit I haven't read this whole thread, but I had to just jump in here and stir up the pot.
The stats may be wrong... There's a book out by psych Peggy Drexler "Raising Boys Without Men" (she is a mom in a traditional nuclear family, BTW) which finds that the stats, once socio-economic factors have been taken into account, show no deficiency whatsoever in boys raised by mothers alone.
from her site: "Rebutting confidently spouted opinions to the contrary, Dr. Drexler's research shows that boys raised without fathers are socially savvy, generous, caring communicators, while still remaining extremely “boyish” -- passionate about sports and adept at rough-housing with friends."
fro her book: "Beyond the specifics of how women are successfully raising sons, I came to see that good, loving, growth-encouraging parenting is what sons need. Parenting, moreover, is not anchored to gender. Parenting is either good or deficient, not male or female. A good female parent will change diapers and coach soccer. A good female parent will help a boy to develop his full potential as long as she values his manliness and encourages his growth, independence, and sense of adventure."
Just so you know, if you haven't read other posts, I went out of my way to make sure my son and his Dad could have a relationship. I do think if the parents are around, it's best for the kids to know them. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 2/4/2006 3:45:56 AM | just to be fair here:
Has anyone bothered to read the stats on kids raised by Single Fathers? Hear alot about good single moms, what about those good single dads. This is the 21st century, folks, drop the discriminating. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 2/4/2006 4:43:40 AM | young_55
finnaly SOMEBODY spoke up, lol you are right this is the "21st century".
there are alot of mother's out there today that, only cares about
crack/weed/ALL drugs.
and there are alot of father's who ACTURLY love their kid's, and it's
a shame that they are not able to be apart of their kid's life.
some mother's out there today are NOT all bad but, we have some
who don't care about anything but themselve's/drugs/boose.
But i guess THATS what makes her a "GOOD" mom, according to
some of the court's...
I think it's pathetic how father's get, treated just because
they are "men" and what gives some of us women the right
to run/stomp over the "the father" just because we/they
feel like it.? | |
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