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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 1/3/2008 4:25:02 PM | From my experience - and reading much news reports, many violent criminals
come from single parent home's. I know that despite how much love a mom can offer,
it's no substitue for a loving dad. How many single moms have their
children in counselling???
http://www.divorcereform.org/crime.html
The internet is filled with evidence supporting the NEED for a father.
yes i also have been reading a lot on the internet and must agree with the facts ,,the jails are full of children being raised without fathers..the stats are just as bad in canada as well | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 1/3/2008 5:05:19 PM | | Wouldn't it be an interesting concept to actually be able to charge the biological parent that chooses not to actively parent their child/children with child abuse? IMO, once you have a child together you have lost the right to CHOOSE whether or not you parent....it's your mission in life - for life. You don't have the right to just walk away and put the full responsibility of raising responsible children on one parent. It's pretty sad that we live in a world were it's socially acceptable for parents to be left alone to raise a child....it "takes a village" people. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 1/4/2008 8:02:05 AM |
It's pretty sad that we live in a world were it's socially acceptable for parents to be left alone to raise a child....
women decide they want sole custody and fathers loose there children every day just because one parent decides they want out ..sole custody shouldnt be a given automaticly to anyone ,its child abuse ,it should only be a last resort and children should have both parents in there lives with equal custody being the standard agreement ..greed and control prevents this from happening in most brake ups ...mothers have to stop abusing there children this way..let them keep there father and they will stay out of jail.. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 1/4/2008 1:15:09 PM | I think children do,
As a few posts above, there is paper upon paper of evidence that children especailly adolescent boys, need to have a father.
Whether this is their biological father or step-dad, or even strong male role models.
Luckily my little girls father decided he didnt want to no from the day i found out i was pregnant, so i have a chance to provide a decent role model when hopefully i find myself in a loving relationship.
But i dread the day when she asks about him, and i have to tell her that he doesnt want to no her.
How can a person deny their own flesh & blood purely because they dont like their ex partner? | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 1/4/2008 1:48:55 PM | seems there might be some people listening very soon here in canada.
http://fatherscan.blogspot.com/ | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 1/4/2008 6:43:46 PM | | Children deserve two parents....in an ideal situation....beyond all the sick and/or sad stories of abuse and abandonment....children deserve two parents. This doesn't even mean they have to be biologicals....but I honestly and truly believe that we were not meant to be single parents.... if we were.... maybe it wouldn't be so hard. So.....yeah, in a perfect world; each child would have a mom and a dad who love them....teach them....guide them.....support them....the whole gamut. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 1/4/2008 6:50:01 PM | I just shake my head and think what a shame,,How anyone could even ponder if a father is needed in a childs life? What the HELL??? are most of you thinking? Im sorry if you had to grow up that way, or raising a child that way. But that fact of the matter is that a FATHER has every single ounce of nuturing and tender love a woman is capable of giving when it comes to his children. Just like in nature, some animals are good mothers/fathers and some arent so good. Some women havent the slightest enclination of what a real mother/parent should be, and before you go bashing me yes men are the same as well at times and actualy even more statisticaly speaking.
A father and a mother each have diffrent prospectiveinsights on matters that shape,mold,build/teardown, and create a person that will as long as GODs willing,will be here when we are dead and gone. All they have then is what we have represented to them in our actions,stern lessons,tender moments, and values that made them and will devulge a large part of how they raise YOUR GRANDCHILDREN....
No one is a perfect parent or person,but for you women out there just think of this.
When you got older and went on dates, who was waiting for you when you got home?
Who tried to tell you in junior high & highschool that boys are only after one thing?
Who made sure you always had extra money to get home or make a phone call?
Who tried to make you independant and strong enough to handle yourself in certain situations?
Who did you call,or called you your first time alone in your own place,and checked on you to make sure everything was ok?
Fathers are needed, real men are needed. Todays society calls for equal rights and working moms.Ok fine and dandy more power to ya, but when it comes to fathers rights we are in the F$%^&ing 70's in some instances. I was lucky,i had family to help me when i had to spend everydime i had and will have for a few years in court just because they didnt pop out of me. I would be willing to bet a few of you forgot it takes two to make a child. So share the blame, but always do whats in the childs best entrest at all costs.........Yes that even means no matter what they did, DONT BAD MOUTH OTHER PARENT ,infront,around, or to anyone whom will repeat it infront of the child. You have to let the child form their own opinion's when they are older.
You shall reap what you sew when they mature.Yeah pretty damn scary huh,,,lol All the hell raising and horring i did untill 4/16/05 at 245pm and 247 pm now haunts my sleep. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 1/4/2008 7:52:15 PM | | One of my good friends had ovarian cancer at the age of 20. She was/is not able to have kids and hadn't married at the age of 32. She wanted children very badly. She adopted 2 girls from the Ukraine. She is still single and there is no father. Both are teenagers now. Very well adjusted, intelligent, caring, well spoken, polite etc. Would their lives be better if a man was involved? Who is to say. Each and every sitiuation is different. I don't think we are able to make that judgement without looking at every single situation. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 1/4/2008 9:04:38 PM | I grew up without my Father being in the picture, and although my Mom is my greatest hero, and role model she too is human, and obviously NOT a man. Mom's can't be Dad's and Dad's can't be Mom's. Sure they can do their best which is all you can ask when you don't have the alternative. Children NEED both parents to be actively in their lives though. No matter how great Grandparents are, in a loving role. I still wondered why "Dad didn't want to be around". With my divorce and custody strife I had with my ex, I did though come to understand how men 'could' figuratively throw up their hands and walk away. I though refused to let her or the court discourage me from being everything my Father wasn't...starting with BEING THERE. Dad's can love and be nurturing, just as Mom's can play catch, but men can't be women and women can't be men in their natural roles as parents. j.m.o.
I'Chop | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 1/5/2008 12:46:52 PM | When has being loved too much or by too many ever been a problem?
Of course a dad would be great to have but we all grow up how ever we can and make the most of what we have. The simple answer is YES, children need a father.
YES, children need a mother.
YES, children need love.
But if a child is not fortunate enough to have it all, they will seek and get it all later in life. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 3/15/2008 6:26:58 PM | I feel it is important for any party in a child's life give commitments to support with their maximum capacity. It is vital a father to be involved in a child's life when the love is strong and sure. But if the father only subjects his role of parenting in obtaining unobtainable positions in the family as power seeking dominance... it can be hurtful and manipulative.
Whether the father is or isn't present in a child's life... it is vital to educate the self worth of the child, help him or her in achieving acceptance of the missing pieces in the puzzle.
I tell those kids of mine," no matter what other people may judge of us, you know we are only doing our best, and it's not always our blame that we have a broken jigsaw puzzle. It may feel like you are missing something in your life and it can make you sad, but it is only missing when you focus on the lost rather than what is really going on in our lives. We have love, and each other, to the end of our days... what can be more precious? No one can take that worth away unless you allow the malice to corrupt you!"
We have some families that both parents are appearing together but the affection is scarce, the quality is decreased... by the unspoken discontent, or even deceits & silent affairs... which ultimately will poison the child's view about his or her world, even it is seeming normality.
There is amazing capacity within our nature, we will adapt to survive, either purely to live or strengthen our spirits... we find ways to make life work for us.
The very fact there is a missing lead role in my family, molding me into a stronger person with slightly masculine independent out look in life, the male within my psyche woken to protect& balance the needs of my family. That provided me more integrity and clarity in my parenting skills or as a person in all respects. I have to be soft yet strong... I have to be emotional yet assertive... I have to be tender yet authoritative. and there are many more things we have to adjust in order to create the balance within our family without a Father at presence.
To finalize what I was trying to say... No, I don't think a child needs a father to build wholesome character as well as in reverse situations, such as a mother's presence in a child's life. As long as the child learn to love his or her self and accept the circumstance without feeling responsible of the circumstance. They are as able to be worthwhile individuals, if not more so.
But ideally, we find the a family with consistency of loving, caring, supporting, reassuring, consoling and accompanying Mother and father both act as superior elements in building a home to return with joy, a shelter to contain our tired steps, a banquet in laughter of togetherness.
Lets look at the symbolic Meaning of Yin& Yang
There is a circle of light within the dark represents the female
There is a circle of dark within the light represents the male
And together we have a picture of perfect circle
The ideal balance of our universe in portrait
The map of our psyche as one and all
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 3/15/2008 8:59:39 PM | Well I'll say this. Children DO need thier father in thier lives. As hard as a single mother trys they cannot be a man. therefore they cannot act, think or go potty like a man. There is only so much a woman can teach. A son misses out on learning first hand how to be a good, decent man and how to be a good decent father. A daughter misses out on learning what a good decent man acts like and how they really treat women.
Growing up without 2 parents places alot of stress on the active parent and therefore, and without intent, places stress on the child. the child is also full of questions that the mother may not have answer to. Even if they do have answers, the ones they have aren't good enough.
As for emotional effects when they become an adult it really varies from one extreme to another. A daughter can grow up not trusting men or may throw herself at them starving for attention. A son can grow up and decide he doesnt' have any and responsibilities to raise a family (just like his dad didn't raise him) or he can grow up determined to be nothing like his own father. I've seen both extremes in people I grew up with. That's all dependant on upbringing each childs understanding of thier situation.
I actually do think society plays a role in the absence of fathers sticking around. You see it everywhere. Even in disney movies. Single (usually) moms raising kids on thier own. There are systems in place to tracks the "deadbeats." When my parents were growing up, if a boy got a girl pregnant there was a hasty wedding or the girl was shipped to a halfway home where she was forced to give up here baby after it was born. Divorce was a social stigma and frowned upon so much that people stayed together even when they didn't want to be.
All that being said. Sometimes it is better off the father stay away. Abusive, alocholics, drug abusers etc.. However it can and should be argued that the women, in most cases, and the man chose to copulate. Now they are responsible for the outcome. They should stick together and raise the child correctly.
We don't value this as we used to so it's not happening anymore. Of course it should. But it's going to take a heck of alot more then a few pissed of people spouting off on the internet forums how society needs to change thier outlook.
You want to blame someone, blame the parent who walked away, not the one raising the child. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 3/15/2008 9:21:17 PM | | Most definitely children need both parents in the home I believe under one rule, God's rule. If anyone does not understand that statement then read the Bible. I am very willing and have accepted that God will put the right person in my life and my children's lives on His time and I cannot rush him. One day my children will have a complete family. Until then I will continue to raise my children under God's will. This is really all a single parent can do as a single parent. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 5/23/2008 4:20:54 AM | Sorry I've been following this thread all night and started yesturday evening, and now the sun is comming up. I was trying to catch up, and add things I wish I could of added before even joining or having to wait to be allowed to post, so not knowing how long a post can be I well probably have to make a few since I wasn't able to before and eventually you'll see why this thread became so interesting to me as well.
Sadly I only got to the post that I'm going to mention here Post # 160, don't really know why but all of a sudden I felt I had to post this as the starter even though since I see no way to try and fix this thread.  I well also work with the multi topics.
Maybe I am too late to respond, but the topic even though started awhile back was on top of my list when I did a searchand is still active. Okay I'll take this in a few steps and sections. First of all I wanna thank Mathew27 for the great Thread, even though the added topics seem on 1 hand and improvement and yet on the other only making this a longer thread. Also God (high power/combined power/destiny or what ever, I hope I've covered enough to show I don't want to debate that) for allowing me to be here at this moment.
~Deborah~ - Post #160 " they haven't taken into account the events that may have occurred before they became children of single parent families. " WTF the thread is about a Father as a parent not a single parent. " if they are not more representative of the affects of the combined factors rather than a simple reflection of being raised in a single parent home. " I know in a way this is sorta part of the possible topic, and is threw out the thread, but clearly Post #1 Title/thread is " Do children need a father? " which is the first question and below yes he mentions he was raised by a single parent, but there seems to me to be 2 clear question. #3 " Do you feel that not having the birth father involved will definitely have long lasting affects on the child's development, and ultimately have emotional effects when the child becomes an adult? " Then theres question #2 " Do many single mothers still feel . . . " Is a question to them not about them. question #4 " And do many people feel . . . " is an other question directed to everyone who could possibly have an opinion weather or not a parent.
This has clearnly been taken too personel by many, who thought of what they thought it ment in my opinion :modhammer: | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 5/23/2008 4:26:19 AM | Opps I just noticed that the date isn't current and that I can't edit the last post about it being current seen the day but didn't notice the different month. Ah well this is my edit I guess...  LOL Well who ever is still interested as mentioned before I feel this thread has helped me in different ways, and that I just want to add to it. Ya either gonna follow or not upto you  | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 5/23/2008 8:43:07 AM | | as a single father, YES kids need a dad. My dad made me the man I am, and I'm doing the same for my son. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 5/23/2008 10:52:02 AM | I think a child could use a father in their lives, but do the *need* a father.... I am not sure I think they do.
I had a child almost 18 years ago and her father abandoned her before she was born, showed up for a few months when she was 3, but then was gone in a snap when commitment meant showing up when he said he would.
I actually was watching the tv show In Treatment last night and the young girl in the therapy session was talking about her dad abandoning her to go to another state to live with another woman who would not allow her to come and live with them. So I asked my daughter how she felt about not having her biological father around. Her answer was, I never really knew him, the fact that he is not in my life makes no difference to me.
Throughout her life, I've done my best to be the best parent role model I can be and sure I've made lots of mistakes, but I've also done a good job in taking responsibility for the mistakes and for myself and our lives, she in turn has a job, bought her own car when she got her license (of course with my help credit wise), pays her car payments and her insurance payments and is pretty responsible for a 17 y.o. The one thing I realised very early on was I could not always play the role of a male, so when I needed help, I asked for it and/or directed her to male teachers and other males that would *fit* the situation and I was clear with her that she needed to experience it from/with a male perspective. She seems pretty balanced in my eyes.
I think the question should be "do children need both a male and female role model(s) in their lives" My answer to that would be a resounding YES. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 5/23/2008 12:52:50 PM | ^^^ I also think children need good role models of both men and women, the role models dont have to be thair parents. My daughter has a father whom I wouldnt call a good role model, so to counter his bad influence I make sure she spends alot of time with great male role models. Men who will be a part of her life no matter what. Her dad can go in and out all he wants, I'll make sure she knows that he's only one man not all men. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 5/23/2008 2:51:56 PM | As a single mum to 2 children, i believe everything should be done in the interest of the child concerned. My oldest daughter (8)does not see her father, but has been brought up by my ex partner who i have a 5 year old daughter with.
I pray that my daughter is never affected by the way her father has not bothered, she does ask questions because i have always told her who her father is, it is so hard to try to answer the questions of a 8 year old child. When she asks why does he not love me or want to read me a story, what do you say without painting a bad picture of this so called man.
If anyone has any advice as how to speak to a child who asks these questions i would be grateful thank you | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 5/30/2008 7:52:56 PM | | Cheekimizz, i TRY to answer these questions by being honest and kind at the same time. "He doesn't love you, because he can't even love himself all that well. We can only love others if we can love ourselves, and sometimes even mommies and daddies still need to learn so much." Some hugs and cuddles for reassurance during those times are really good , too. Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT, on you Tube) is very useful too, esp. if done regularly. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 5/31/2008 2:51:07 AM | Perhaps you actually know the answers to those questions for your situation Wilmo but usually the most honest answer is, "I don't know." And most kids will accept that by 8. Follow with the hugs and reassurance of course. But you certainly don't want to make up fairy tales about the Psychology of the missing parent. The child may discover the truth on their own someday and you may be quite wrong. Perhaps it's more important they know how little the reason actually matters. By admitting you don't know with acceptance and at the same time bringing them comfort they'll come to understand that "why" is not always a particularly important question. They're asking because they want something** and they see the answers to that as a possible source. An 8 year old isn't having big existential questions. Have you asked her why she wants to know when she brings it up Cheekimizz?
The OP is about "A FATHER" not "THE BIOLOGICAL FATHER". Cheekimizz, it seems your 8yr old does have a father in the father of your other child. You might be well advised to read some books on how to talk to adopted children and adapt those strategies to your own life.
**Speculation from experience... Maybe there's something between the children where the 5yr. old throws the presence of her bio father in the 8yr. old's face. That's pretty common for kids to fight kinda dirty. Talking about the missing Dad's Psychology is not the solution. In fact, if the step father is a decent fellow he can put a sharp end to this that is much more beneficial by assuring the 8yr. old of his love and instructing the 5yr. old to stop. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 6/9/2008 5:34:55 AM | Well ladies you've sold me at last. I never am going to see my son or waste any of my hard earned money try to fight for that priveledge.
I can't wait to get someoe else pregnant and just pay for that one too.
If I still have enought money I think I am just gonna get myself a golf membership. Phew what a load off my mind this has been bothering me for quite some time now. Man do I feel better knowing he'll be just fine without me.
Oh and all those silly statistics, phooey who believes any of that crap?
You fools know that someone throws darts at a wall to get that info. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 9/5/2008 2:48:55 AM | as a single father of a daughter, whos mum isnt around and doesnt want to know her, i would say the most important thing in a childs life is a stable and loving family support, whether its a single mother or father, every child needs both a mother and a father figure in there lifes, but i have to say that where im from a majority of the single mums i come across are more concerned about drink, drugs and getting laid, recently we have all been hearing stories about a rise in the neglect of children from there parents, who as one example, have left there child locked in the kitchen of there homes and left to fend for themselves for the weekend so these people can go out and get drunk with there new boyfriends. Now i dont mean to be disrespectfull to all those good hard working single parents, but it is growing and these people are all from backgrounds where there is no support for the parent either from the goverment or from there own families and people like the social work department wont do anything till these children are hurt or even worse, so most of these children grow up in this cycle but the cycle is getting bigger and bigger and no one seems to really want to do anything about it. Sorry if this sounds like a rant but it got me going.
The main Point is children dont necesarilly need a father figure in there lifes so much as a male figure as wether it be there own fathers, an uncle or a close family friend but like i said they also need stability and togetherness from everyone who is envolved in there lives.
I am a hardworking single parent who doesnt have any support from family, and am trying my best not to let my daughter become another stastistic, like many of you out there i am trying to bring my daughter up the right way and i say well done to anyone out there who is bringing up a child on there own because it is the toughest and most demanding job you will evr find!!!
Good Luck and best wishes to you all. | |
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| Do children need a father?
Posted: 9/5/2008 2:55:04 AM | kids need a father as much as they need a mom. My best friend's dad wasn't around much due to his job, and she was affected by this in many different ways. Fathers are very important, they teach boys what kinda men to be, and they teach their little girls what kinda guys to date AND how they should be treated by men...
dads are important, and I'm glad mine was always there. | |
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